FL - Henry Sengaroun for rape of 8yo girl, St Petersburg, 2006

[Toby]

Wow, aren't you a little judgemental?

This woman will for the rest of her life beat herself up for a very innocent choice she made. It was a choice any of us could have had to made, and might have chosen the exact same thing. 8 and 7 are hardly babies. And a half a block is hardly desertion.

Any time our children get hurt, and I mean anytime, there is always something as a parent we could have done to stop it from happening. Example, your kid is playing soccer and breaks his arm, well if ya hadn't let him play, that would have never happened. If your little girl falls down on the bar at ballet, cracks her skin open and needs stitches, well, if you hadn't let her take ballet, it never would have happened. I could go on but you get the point.

Life is full of choices in general, no one ever makes the right choice ALL the time. Yes, her choice has cause her children years of pain and years of healing to come, but the mother will hurt right along with them. She could quite possible hurt more. I am sure she is blaming herself, just as you are. She is wrong and so are you.

The little girl may be the direct victim, but everyone else in this family is a victim as well. And they are not a victim of the mother's choice, they are a victim of the scum who attacked that little girl.

We do not know if her choice was an innocent one. It could very easily have been a not-so-innocent one.

 

[southerngirl]

Of course the fault is 100% the pervert's. He's the one who raped this little girl.

I am real surprised that anyone could find fault with the mother in this situation. She made a decision that is by no means clearly negligent. Many parents, myself included, may have made this same decision. It's just not black and white.

I am sure she is reeling from the decision at this stage in the game, but I for one cannot judge her harshly. There but for the grace of God and all that...

Excellent post. You expressed my thoughts on this eloquently.

Tonight, I went to my daughter's friend's home to drop off an overnight bag for my daughter who is 9. I found them both 3 doors down alone petting a neighbor's dog. I had no concerns. Could one or both have been abducted? Of course, that is a remote possibility. The friend's parents were not watching them. If they were at my home they would probably have been three doors down, too, maybe riding their bikes or visiting a neighbor. My 9 year old rides her bike around our neighborhood with a walkie-talkie in hand. Do I worry? A little, but not enough to restrict her. I would not allow my 6 year old, of course, the same privileges. She can't leave the yard without an adult. My almost 13 year old stays alone (in the house) some and at times babysits the younger two. He is mature, and I trust his judgement. He also runs track and has been running around our neighborhood for several years alone. But he is large and looks like a teen. Again, I am not paranoid about their safety. I feel I use prudent and common sense judgement. Then, too, I live in a very safe neighborhood (the infamous Mountain Brook) with a very low crime rate. Yet, I know criminals travel and we are not immune.

I think the mother of this poor child is not to blame for this tragedy, only the sick monster who committed the act. Children must be allowed some freedom as they grow, to learn and explore. They need to be taught how to protect themselves and what to do if someone accosts them. They need to be empowered as well as protected. As they grow, I feel we as parents should begin to give them freedom under watchful eyes.

 

[southcitymom]

I agree with you 100%. It is the parents responsibility to look our for their childrens best interest. Leaving them alone is NOT in their best interest. The woman is responsbile for her children and she acted irresponsbily.

In this particular situation, leaving them alone for a short period of time turned out NOT to be in their best interest. My opinion, however, remains that hers was not a blatantly irresponsible act.

If you asked 50 mothers on the street if her decision was irresponsible, I'll bet half would say yes and half would say no. I personally would say no. It comes down to parenting styles and temperments. I am not a scary person. Unless I saw impending danger, I would leave my 7 and 8 year-old children in a public park close to my home for a brief period of time and 9,999,999 out 10,000,000 times my kids would be just fine upon my return.

Just because something random and tragic happened does not mean this mother shares culpability. Of course we are under an obligation to look after and care for our children. That obligation is followed by thousands of little and big decisions that must be made on a minute-by-minute basis. There's no indication that this woman was anything but a good loving mother who made a reasonable decision that turned out to result in a terrible collision with evil.

My heart aches for this woman and her family. I can't imagine judging her so harshly. Perhaps it makes people less fearful to place some blame on her - so they can say to themselves "That horrible thing would never happen to my childen because I keep them by my side under lock and chain every moment of the day." But collisions with evil can happen to anyone at anytime.

This woman deserves our greatest sympathies. Like I said before - there, but for the grace of God, goes any one of us.

 

[SewingDeb]

So you are saying that her leaving those kisd there ALONE, had nothing to do with him raping her daughter? She was too far away to do anything and obviously couldn't see the kids from where she was. I do find her at some degree of fault here. He probably wouldn't have raped her if she hadn't been there unsupervised.

Exactly. I would think most parents would know that predators are drawn to parks hoping to find a child not being watched. That's why so many cities have laws keeping them from living near parks, etc.

Bad enough that they were left alone at all, but even worse that it was in a park.

 

[southcitymom]

Excellent post. You expressed my thoughts on this eloquently.

Tonight, I went to my daughter's friend's home to drop off an overnight bag for my daughter who is 9. I found them both 3 doors down alone petting a neighbor's dog. I had no concerns. Could one or both have been abducted? Of course, that is a remote possibility. The friend's parents were not watching them. If they were at my home they would probably have been three doors down, too, maybe riding their bikes or visiting a neighbor. My 9 year old rides her bike around our neighborhood with a walkie-talkie in hand. Do I worry? A little, but not enough to restrict her. I would not allow my 6 year old, of course, the same privileges. She can't leave the yard without an adult. My almost 13 year old stays alone (in the house) some and at times babysits the younger two. He is mature, and I trust his judgement. He also runs track and has been running around our neighborhood for several years alone. But he is large and looks like a teen. Again, I am not paranoid about their safety. I feel I use prudent and common sense judgement. Then, too, I live in a very safe neighborhood (the infamous Mountain Brook) with a very low crime rate. Yet, I know criminals travel and we are not immune.

I think the mother of this poor child is not to blame for this tragedy, only the sick monster who committed the act. Children must be allowed some freedom as they grow, to learn and explore. They need to be taught how to protect themselves and what to do if someone accosts them. They need to be empowered as well as protected. As they grow, I feel we as parents should begin to give them freedom under watchful eyes.

Southerngirl,

We are very much on the same page...perhaps because we are both Southern girls!

 

[southerngirl]

In this particular situation, leaving them alone for a short period of time turned out NOT to be in their best interest. My opinion, however, remains that hers was not a blatantly irresponsible act.

If you asked 50 mothers on the street if her decision was irresponsible, I'll bet half would say yes and half would say no. I personally would say no. It comes down to parenting styles and temperments. I am not a scary person. Unless I saw impending danger, I would leave my 7 and 8 year-old children in a public park close to my home for a brief period of time and 9,999,999 out 10,000,000 times my kids would be just fine upon my return.

Just because something random and tragic happened does not mean this mother shares culpability. Of course we are under an obligation to look after and care for our children. That obligation is followed by thousands of little and big decisions that must be made on a minute-by-minute basis. There's no indication that this woman was anything but a good loving mother who made a reasonable decision that turned out to result in a terrible collision with evil.

My heart aches for this woman and her family. I can't imagine judging her so harshly. Perhaps it makes people less fearful to place some blame on her - so they can say to themselves "That horrible thing would never happen to my childen because I keep them by my side under lock and chain every moment of the day." But collisions with evil can happen to anyone at anytime.

This woman deserves our greatest sympathies. Like I said before - there, but for the grace of God, goes any one of us.

Another wonderful post. You are very insightful and articulate! :clap:

 

[kahskye]

Well yes I am being judgemental thank you very much, bc however you want to say it, the kid got raped by ther pervert most likely bc she was left alone. ALONE, in a park out of her mom's sight. And yes at 7 and 8 children are still babies. I would not have chosen to leave my kids unattended to go turn off the stove. A fall in ballet or soccer is an accident. her leaving those kids int he aprk was not an accident, she did it intentionally.

:clap: I agree!

Leaving your child to attend ballet or soccer where there is supervision is not the same as leaving them alone to fend for themselves. Yes, accidents do and will happen, but the phychological damage of one needing stitches verses a grown man shoving himself into an 8 yr old hardly compares. A child w/ stitches will endure some physical pain and need reassurance to try again and probably will. A child that's been raped not only edures the physical pain, but also the mental pain of feeling dirty and damaged, maybe even ruined to ever experience sexual pleasure as an adult. Yes, I do feel for the mother, but I still don't agree that she should have left the children. What would have been so hard about taking them w/ her? She could have made a game of "I Spy" w/ them if they were reluctant to go. I won't even leave my dd in the front yard 50 ft from my house, much less leaving her 1/2 a block away. Yes, too many wrong decisions are made as parents, and it's time we come to realize that our children have lost the freedom many of us had. Population has grown and so have the sexual molesters. They're out there more than ever, many just waiting for that opportune moment, and that scares me.

 

[SewingDeb]

Question for all. At what age do you think children are safe to be left on their own in public?

 

[southcitymom]

Question for all. At what age do you think children are safe to be left on their own in public?

I think it depends on the age of the child, the personality of the child and the comfort level of the parents. My boys are only 4 and 6, so obviously they are too young, but I would think at 10-12 they could be left alone in certain public places.

 

[kahskye]

Children must be allowed some freedom as they grow, to learn and explore. They need to be taught how to protect themselves and what to do if someone accosts them.

Well this isn't the freedom to learn and explore I want to allow my daughter. I guess this precious little 8 yr old failed on how to protect herself, didn't she? I can think of better ways to teach my daughter life's hard lessons.

 

[southcitymom]

Well this isn't the freedom to learn and explore I want to allow my daughter.
I guess this precious little 8 yr old failed on how to protect herself, didn't she? I can think of better ways to teach my daughter life's hard lessons.

A bit dramatic, don't you think? I hardly believe this poster was advocating that this sweet little girl be sacrificed to a monster. I think she was pointing out that an increase in freedom is important in the growth arena. A fair point regardless, of the terrible outcome of this case.

 

[bakerprune64]

I think it depends on the age of the child, the personality of the child and the comfort level of the parents. My boys are only 4 and 6, so obviously they are too young, but I would think at 10-12 they could be left alone in certain public places.

Well I have a 10 & 12 YO who are well behaved mature young ladies. There is no way in hell I would ever entertain leaving them alone in any public place.

 

[Perry]

My prayers are with this child.

If the mother made a horrible mistake than I can't sit in judgement. I have made many in my life.

 

[SewingDeb]

I think it depends on the age of the child, the personality of the child and the comfort level of the parents. My boys are only 4 and 6, so obviously they are too young, but I would think at 10-12 they could be left alone in certain public places.

These two children were only 7 and 8...why do you think it is ok to leave them in a public place? Just wondering.

 

[kidzndogznme]

Wow, aren't you a little judgemental?

This woman will for the rest of her life beat herself up for a very innocent choice she made. It was a choice any of us could have had to made, and might have chosen the exact same thing. 8 and 7 are hardly babies. And a half a block is hardly desertion.

I disagree about it being a choice "any of us" could have made. I would never ever have made that choice. OK so she was worried the stove could catch fire and harm innocents in the process. So first and foremost, she should have protected her kids which would mean taking them with her to shut off the stove. I have read that she left them at the park because "it would only take a minute" to take care of the stove. Well then by taking the kids with her, they would have only missed a minute of playtime. That seems pretty minute compared with the YEARS this little girl now has to deal with the physical, mental and emotional pain of being raped, and esp. at being raped so young. I don't agree that the mother could not have known this would happen. Unless one just crawled out from under a rock, it is impossible not to know how many sickos there are prowling around looking for some young kid to abuse. In a utopia, we would have a legal system that worked to protect our kids from these evil beings so we didn't have to be so overprotective. The system fails more than it works so we, as parents, have to take matters into our own hands and do whatever it takes....whatever it takes to protect the people closest to our hearts. If she had done the right thing, she would not have to suffer or beat herself up for the rest of her life.

Any time our children get hurt, and I mean anytime, there is always something as a parent we could have done to stop it from happening. Example, your kid is playing soccer and breaks his arm, well if ya hadn't let him play, that would have never happened. If your little girl falls down on the bar at ballet, cracks her skin open and needs stitches, well, if you hadn't let her take ballet, it never would have happened. I could go on but you get the point.
OK I let my kids play some sports and I let them take dance lessons. These activities are fun, good exercise for them and are part of being a kid. These are things I pay for so that my kids can have an enriched childhood. Would I take them to a soccer game and leave them there alone for some wacko to come take them? No. Would I just trust that they would be fine at dance? Again no. Bottom line: Parks are good. All good exercise, enriching childhood blah blah blah. But not at the expense of safety. Not ever.





Life is full of choices in general, no one ever makes the right choice ALL the time. Yes, her choice has cause her children years of pain and years of healing to come, but the mother will hurt right along with them. She could quite possible hurt more. I am sure she is blaming herself, just as you are. She is wrong and so are you.
I am myself the victim of sexual assault as a child and I can tell you without hesitation that the mother will not ever come even close to suffering what her daughter is going to suffer. Not even close. I don't even want to elaborate on that.




The little girl may be the direct victim, but everyone else in this family is a victim as well. And they are not a victim of the mother's choice, they are a victim of the scum who attacked that little girl.

They are definitely a victim of the who raped the little girl but they are an indirect victim of poor parenting decision.

 

[southerngirl]

Well I have a 10 & 12 YO who are well behaved mature young ladies. There is no way in hell I would ever entertain leaving them alone in any public place.

Well, my son is 12, and as I said, he babysits his sisters, has been running around our neighborhood for several years, and I sometimes drop him off at the movies or a restaurant to socialize with friends. He has a cell phone if he needs me. I worried about him some when he was smaller and younger, but at his age I definitely feel comfortable leaving him alone or with friends in certain (but not all) social and public situations.

 

[kidzndogznme]

My oldest child is 12 and she is very mature for her age. There is no way I would allow her to be alone in public.My kids are allowed to play in our fenced backyard with a parent out there with them or with me watching from the window with our guard dog out there with them. They are never allowed in the front yard unless my husband or I are right there with them. They are not allowed to walk past our property ever. They are not allowed to walk over to the neighbor's house or ride their bikes down the street. They are not allowed to cross the street to go jump on the neighbor's trampoline. My kids do not stay home alone. If they are sick, I take off work to be with them. If I am going to the store and they balk about going, guess what? Too darn bad, they come anyway. I don't know when I will feel OK letting them out alone. Like when will I feel OK letting my daughter walk off with a friend to go shopping in the mall while I shop in other stores as well? I don't see that time in the near future. A kid cannot defend themselves against an adult. I know that. I have been there. And I still resent the people who should have protected me and did not. I still live with it every damn day of my life. Again, if the mom didn't see it coming, she darn well should have.

 

[julianne]

I'm afraid I'm going to get thrown to the wolves on this one, but I'm going to ask anyway....Why is everyone so judgemental and why is there so much hostility towards this poor Mother? Geez, she made a terrible mistake.....we are all human, are we not? Granted, the results of her mistake are horrible for sure, but it seems like there's more hostility towards the Mom instead of where it should be, with the perp.

Instead of self-praising and glorifying our own parenting skills while putting down the Mom's, we should be feeling empathetic towards her, and not putting ourselves up on some imaginary pedestal, touting our self-proclaimed superior parenting skills.

 

[SewingDeb]

They are definitely a victim of the who raped the little girl but they are an indirect victim of poor parenting decision.

I agree. I am sure the mother will feel guilt over this for the rest of her life, but it was her job to protect her children. I wonder what the father thinks of all of this.

I hope they find this perv before he strikes again and I hope parents in that area are extra careful because of this incident.

Things can happen so fast. My daughter was almost grabbed off a beach when she was a toddler. She was lagging behind us and stopping to pick up shells every so often. I had to run to get her when a man came over the dunes and was headed right for her. When I started running, he did too. We both got to her at the same time and I snatched her up. The creep ran away just as quickly as he had come, but for a moment we stood there eyeball to eyeball.

My husband (carrying my youngest daughter) was running up right as the guy turned to leave. We couldn't catch him, but we learned a valuable lesson about keeping our children with us at all times.

 

[kidzndogznme]

My anger comes from thinking that this could have been prevented if only this mother had used her head. She did not. Or else she is extremely naive. It was preventable. Pure and simple. A mistake is forgetting to grab the baby's binky on the way out the door to the store. A mistake is forgetting to put a stamp on the letter before you mail it. "Wow, that really su--s! The end" This is not a mistake. This, though not intentional, was poor parenting. Poor mother? How bout poor little girl who is now damaged on the inside and ripped to shreds from an adult male smashing into her? To me, this is the equivalent of a mother not holding her kids' hand to cross the street. If a kid and his mom were standing on a curb waiting for a safe time to cross and the mom was not holding his hand. If he darted off the curb and into traffic and got hit by a bus, would we be here defending the mom and saying she had no way to know that could happen? No we would be saying why the heck was she not holding her kids hand and this could have been prevented. Same idea.

I'm afraid I'm going to get thrown to the wolves on this one, but I'm going to ask anyway....Why is everyone so judgemental and why is there so much hostility towards this poor Mother? Geez, she made a terrible mistake.....we are all human, are we not? Granted, the results of her mistake are horrible for sure, but it seems like there's more hostility towards the Mom instead of where it should be, with the perp.

Instead of self-praising and glorifying our own parenting skills while putting down the Mom's, we should be feeling empathetic towards her, and not putting ourselves up on some imaginary pedestal, touting our self-proclaimed better parenting skills.