We know from all of Jodi's ramblings on the stand that she does not like being told what to do. Not by the school, teachers, parents, jobs or her own attorney- you know, the one desperately fighting underhandedly TO SAVE HER LIFE. She also does not like to feel embarrassed (I'll come to this later).
Remember on the interrogation tape with detective Flores where she was worrying about the effect on her reputation!
WTH?
I would have been shaking and balling my eyes out as I confessed to every last thing I did, how I did it, when I did it, and why I did it. I would have been begging for mercy and forgiveness and explaining every last trauma inflicted upon me under the sun, throughout my entire life, to put some context to it.
Not Jodi- see the normal things that would embarrass me like sex tapes and going from boyfriend to boyfriend with no real life accomplishments don't even phase Jodi- she is used to being sexy and intriguing to strangers and beautiful, quiet and shy to those who know her.
The truth is nobody really knows her- not even her closest boyfriends because there is nothing to know. She is a parrot of human beings, human doings, and human emotions.
She is a psychopath/sociopath, I think most of us agree on this. She hates herself. She watches other people, with their real emotions, real feelings and can never understand why she doesn't. It pisses her off, but it also gives her a strange leg-up on us fallible humans. But she craves what we naturally have and that drives her BONKERS. Her internal stirrings are visceral- like when she describes how her nerves get tingly and she feels frayed. That is as close to an emotion as she gets. Can you imagine? She has cellular ideas of believing she is superior and feelings of anger and sometimes rage, when she can no longer control it, but for the most part her 'feelings', as long as she is getting her way, go un-phased. I think that is what Travis mistook for behaving like a 'Polyanna' and what TV talking heads mistake for being delusional.
I wish more than anything just once, maybe after she is convicted, she would just come clean. Explain it all to the world... how she has never felt what others feel and how she has always wondered why. How what bothers others has never bothered her and how that really is a conundrum to her. How Travis would still be alive had he only towed the line- her line. Whatever it is I wish she would, even if just for shock value- tell the whole darn truth. That the only real feelings she has are anger and rage.
I think she will be like the Craigslist killer if she is convicted and will commit suicide in jail soon after her sentence. She will finally follow through.
If only she had done it sooner....
Glad it made it home. jmo
