Found Deceased Ks - Lucas Hernandez, 5, Wichita, 17 Feb 2018 #31

[FindLucasAllen]

If I’m wrong, FLA correct me but JO had visitation with Lucas at JH’s discretion. Tho they have the same legal rights, he had residential custody and since Emily was acting on his behalf, that is why she was able to pick Lucas up. I too am a stepmother and we raised my stepdaughter with her mom and stepdad.

This is correct.

 

[Philigumbo]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

I cannot hit the like button on this post, FLA. You would have taken him to the ER if Emily had not shown back up and taken him so quickly; and if JH had listened to the so many people who loved Lucas, this thread wouldn’t exist. There are so many “what if’s.” You cannot “own” these, FLA. It will drive you insane. You did not fail Lucas. You did what you could, and should have, and those who should have listened would not. And what a d*** shame. We are all heartbroken with you and your family. Y’all and Lucas will be forever in our hearts. We worry about y’all, we think of y’all everyday, we pray for y’all. Tears for y’all deep in the heart of Texas.

 

[FindLucasAllen]

Thank you. I guess where I live is wildly different. Why did JO only have visitation at JHs discretion, if I am allowed to ask? I kind of remember this being a discussion months ago but not sure of the outcome. IMO and IME its really sticky for the non custodial parent to only be able to see their kids at the discretion of the custodial parent. Maybe there wasn’t an official court order? I guess I’m just shocked a judge would agree to let one parent dictate when the other gets to see their child, unless it was an extreme circumstance. If my husbands ex dictated when he was allowed to see his kids, and her boyfriend was able to take the kids back at any time on her behalf - yikes. But again, I live on the east coast so it’s probably just different here.

I don't have the link, but Jamie did a podcast awhile back and I believe they asked her about this. She said she was in a bad place and didn't show up to court so Jonathan was able to arrange the parenting plan like that.

 

[AgeofAquaruis]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

You were a beacon of light in his life. You did all you could help.
Think of all the good you brought into his life.

 

[bears10]

I don't have the link, but Jamie did a podcast awhile back and I believe they asked her about this. She said she was in a bad place and didn't show up to court so Jonathan was able to arrange the parenting plan like that.

I understand. Thank you for responding. Again, you have been amazing here. Consider taking some time for just you, to practice self care. Whether it’s yoga, a massage, reading a book, running, etc... please make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

 

[bears10]

If I recall correctly, from JO's interview, JO called JH to mention the bruises and EG went right back and picked him up.

I am amazed the police let Lucas’s fathers girlfriend take him away, especially considering the bruises. Sad.

 

[Beth11311]

FWIW I do not remember anyone saying Lucas put the tattoos on himself. I have always gotten the impression that it was Emily who put them on him to attempt to conceal them. I want to say this was one of the times Emily dropped Lucas off with JO.

Also, I have a 6 year old....the chances of her successfully applying a temporary tattoo on a specific part of her body successfully are MAYBE 50/50. Slim to none would be the odds of her applying more than one by herself.

I too have a six year old daughter and agree that it would be an arduous process at best. In my response above I noted that I remembered it because of how surprised I was. Now again, I may be wrong. Or JO was incorrect. I’ll find the transcript so at least I can provide what I heard. I’m not making a case either way, just agreeing with a few others that I, too, heard that...and it stuck with me.

 

[Steelslady]

I took some time to think about this question because I've never really stopped to think about it.

.

Lots of love and respect to you. I'm worried about you myself- you seem to be the glue that holds people together. Please please take good care of yourself, husband, and son. If you can, take a beach day together or investigate an old fort, picnic lunch, go on a hike, etc.

Just get out for awhile, just the three of you, ok? You all need some peace, even if it's just for an afternoon. If possible, drive away about 2 hours to some fun place where you three can just chill and have fun. You all deserve this. You cannot be strong for Jamie if you don't take care of yourself first, to which a "mental health" day will do you the world of good. Just go, and have a good time with one another. When you get back, reality will still be there, but that little break will do you all the world of good.

We're always here if you need anything. Lean on us.

 

[WildcatRunner]

I took some time to think about this question because I've never really stopped to think about it.

I've typed this out a few times and then deleted it because I don't really like talking about myself... But here it goes. Mods, this is clearly a "me" post so it won't hurt my feelings if you delete this.

It's been 20 days since Lucas was found, but every one of those days has blended together into one long day (I had to get out the calendar and count how many days it had been because it only feels like maybe a week or so). Actually the entire last four (?) months have blended together, too.

Our lives have been almost nothing but Lucas for so long. I prepared my mind for a very long haul... for him to be found, then a trial, etc. Now that Emily is dead, the end of the tunnel is coming much faster than I had prepared for. So I'm dealing with those emotions. I'm not prepared to heal yet. Keeping these emotions raw keeps Lucas at the front of my heart and mind.

I haven't showered in several days. The house is a mess. I'm starting to hit the end of my rope with people elsewhere and I've been a bit... sassy.

But I'll be ok. I'll heal. I'll find my path to help Lucas change the world.

My son and I are both in therapy. We don't talk about Lucas yet, but we know we can when we're ready.

After writing all of that, I really need to say that I worry far more about Jamie and the rest of the family. They're not ok and I want so badly to take away this pain for them.

ETA: My husband is telling me I showered yesterday.

My heart hurts for you and everyone else who truly cared for Lucas and saw what was happening. Grief is a crazy thing because there is no right way to cope with it, or a set time that things improve. When things feel too hard, talk to others...your husband, therapist, heck, call 911 if you need to. Just focus on making to the next hour, the next minute if that's what it takes.
And showers are overrated.

 

[Amonet]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

I hate that you have these feelings, because none of it is your fault!

I am curious if you know whether Jonathan was home that day when Lucas was going to the relative's funeral, if he called Jamie if she told you he was at work and would send EG to pick up Lucas or if Jonathan came with EG to pick up Lucas?

I wish that Jonathan had listened that day and not shrugged it off and got angry at Jamie instead of at EG.

 

[Steelslady]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

How could you have failed him when many many others did try to do what you feel that you should have done, only to be turned away? Give yourself a break, hun. If Lucas could talk to you, he would tell you you don't deserve to torture yourself like this!

I hate to say it, but even if you did report it and brought him to the ER yourself, it sounds like DCF would have done the same damn thing- they would have said there was no findings of abuse and closed the case. This is an issue that is going on in many cities, and it is so unfair to the children and the people who truly love them and want them safe. What could you have done differently, honestly, that wasn't already done? You gave everything you had from your heart to him- your love, your warmth, your kindness. While he was at your home, he had a safe environment where he could relax and be a kid without fear. Treasure those precious moments that you gave him, and the love you had for him.

You're breaking my heart right now........

 

[FindLucasAllen]

Lots of love and respect to you. I'm worried about you myself- you seem to be the glue that holds people together. Please please take good care of yourself, husband, and son. If you can, take a beach day together or investigate an old fort, picnic lunch, go on a hike, etc.

Just get out for awhile, just the three of you, ok? You all need some peace, even if it's just for an afternoon. If possible, drive away about 2 hours to some fun place where you three can just chill and have fun. You all deserve this. You cannot be strong for Jamie if you don't take care of yourself first, to which a "mental health" day will do you the world of good. Just go, and have a good time with one another. When you get back, reality will still be there, but that little break will do you all the world of good.

We're always here if you need anything. Lean on us.

Thank you... I think we're going to have to do that.

I do want to say that I'm definitely not the glue. That would be my mother in law. She's amazing.

We had it planned out that when Lucas was found she would come get my husband and me and we would be the ones to tell Jamie (that didn't happen.. Jamie found out through the media). When she called to tell me he had been found, she was the one who had to tell me "just breathe... just breathe". She's our rock.

 

[Amonet]

I am amazed the police let Lucas’s fathers girlfriend take him away, especially considering the bruises. Sad.

I am 'disappointed' to put it mildly that LE didn't do more that day.

 

[Beth11311]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

Bethany, my heart just aches for you. I know how it feels to blame yourself for the death of a loved one when, in fact, no one else would blame you (nor would you I think blame them if they were in your shoes - we are our own worst crirics)....You did everything you could to protect Lucas. You LOVED him. You CARED about him. Please do not beat yourself up or hold yourself accountable as a means of self-punishment because it’s what you think you deserve. I know that sometimes holding onto the pain and running through your head again and again the “what if’s” and the “why didn’t I’s” feels like it’s the right thing to do, and it can be part of the grief process, but please believe me when I say you came nowhere close to failing Lucas. Your dedication, honesty, and levelheaded posts are inspiring, and we can see your love for him. I wish I could hug you.

 

[WildcatRunner]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

You did all you could within the boundaries of the law. You cannot blame yourself, ever. There is one person to blame here. I hope you can find some strength in knowing that Lucas won't have died in vain. Change can be driven to save more children. I know that's hard to take solace in right now when you just want your baby back.

Your wonderful stories of Lucas while he was missing make me know he was a sweet boy with a big heart, so I bet he's pretty proud of himself for this big job he has now, saving other kids.

 

[AlwaysHopeToHelp]

The police were called and they refused to look at him. Jonathan caught wind that he was covered in bruises and Emily was being blamed so he sent Emily to pick him up before he could be taken to the ER.

I will personally live the rest of my life regretting not doing more. And I deserve to live with this guilt. Because I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. So, yes, "hindsight" I guess.

I won’t tell you how to feel, Bethany, but I will say that you did everything I personally would have. You are a law abiding citizen who did what you could within legal bounds, and the system failed that. YOU didn’t fail, those who took the information you gave and refused to act upon it, are the ones the blame sits with. Honestly, if you had decided to break the law in this, you would have made yourself unavailable to help him further and left your sweet boy with a mother potentially unavailable as well (jail). Your baby needs you too, and I hope you find a way to be kind to yourself.
I appreciate all you have done here at WS, though I know it can’t have been easy. You are changing the hearts and world of many by not only sharing Lucas with us, but inspiring change in his memory! You and your entire family remain in my nightly prayers always <3
#lucasstrong #bebatman #endchildabuse

 

[FindLucasAllen]

I hate that you have these feelings, because none of it is your fault!

I am curious if you know whether Jonathan was home that day when Lucas was going to the relative's funeral, if he called Jamie if she told you he was at work and would send EG to pick up Lucas or if Jonathan came with EG to pick up Lucas?

I wish that Jonathan had listened that day and not shrugged it off and got angry at Jamie instead of at EG.

He was at work in TX or NM. I wasn't with them when the police were called or when Emily showed up so I'm not sure about the details.

 

[bears10]

I am 'disappointed' to put it mildly that LE didn't do more that day.

Yeah I’m trying to tread lightly.

 

[janewall]

I haven't posted in any of Lucas' threads because I have not been able to keep up with the of messages, and I really don't feel I have anything to offer in this case other than concern for Lucas and then love and support for the family members who loved and really did try to help him. But after reading FLA's post, I feel I must thank her for everything she has done to keep the WS community oriented regarding the facts of the case, and more importantly for all she is doing to take care of the needs of her own family, including JO, during these months of unrelenting tragedy. FLA you are a very strong and focused person - a rock. I am sorry that you, Lucas, your own children and all the other innocents in this case have been buffeted by such unimaginable and protracted hurt. I wish you healing and support as you come to grips with the depraved cruelty you witnessed toward Lucas in his life, and then the grotesque lies, excuses, and judgments you have endured from his killer, her hangers-on, and some in the public. Be well, and take care of yourself as well as those you love.

 

[Steelslady]

Thank you... I think we're going to have to do that.

I do want to say that I'm definitely not the glue. That would be my mother in law. She's amazing.

We had it planned out that when Lucas was found she would come get my husband and me and we would be the ones to tell Jamie (that didn't happen.. Jamie found out through the media). When she called to tell me he had been found, she was the one who had to tell me "just breathe... just breathe". She's our rock.

Don't think about it- just do it. Allow yourselves time to relax and have some fun. Whatever your family enjoys doing, even a silly movie, museums, etc- enjoy yourselves for a few hours. Grab some pizza and ice cream. Just chill and relax.

You need to understand= only two people are to blame here- Emily and Jonathan. They were the ones who were raising Lucas. She abused him, and for all we know, he might have too- we just don't know yet and may never know. Jonathan is at least guilty of looking the other way. He had violent episodes with her in the past. She didn't have custody of her own sons, and he had to know that she had to go to court to try and get visitation with them. The fault lies with the system, EG, and JH. Not the rest of Lucas' family who loved and adored that precious boy.

I want to hear that the three of you are going some place fun and relaxing by the end of this week. Do this for yourselves. You need it, your husband needs it (how my heart hurts for him, too), and your son needs it.