Found Deceased LA - Michael Gelfand 33, left NJ for business, didn't return home, New Orleans, 6 Jan 2022 *Reward*

Is he wearing a black cap of some kind in the pic they're using?
IMO, it’s a yarmulke. In my experience/opinion only (hopefully this is allowed, I am new!), the style of head covering that someone wears often gives some indication of where they fall on the very broad spectrum of observant religious Judaism. For example, men in very “observant” (strict/traditional) communities (Hasidim, etc.) often wear hats (sometimes with a yarmulke underneath), while some “Modern Orthodox” men might only wear a yarmulke when they go to synagogue or when they’re going about their personal lives, but not necessarily in other contexts (e.g., work). Then there are groups in between these two ends of the spectrum* - i.e., not quite as traditional in their customs as Hasidim, but also not as modern as Modern Orthodox; IMO, his appearance seems closer to one of these in-between groups - traditional enough that he’s wearing a hat on the left (possibly at a wedding or bar mitzvah or something) but modern enough that he’s wearing just a yarmulke (albeit a very prominent one) and what looks like fairly “regular” clothes on the right. Assuming this is the case, the clothes he’s described as wearing when last seen don’t strike me as a clear red flag (as someone else was asking earlier in the thread), especially if he was going to be traveling, but practices vary a LOT, even among different families in the same community, so it could be that it would be highly unusual for HIM to be wearing that outfit.

To me, the statement from the spokesperson comes off as though this disappearance was not the first indication of an issue. It just seems strange to jump to all the stuff about how he does want to be a part of the community even if he’s having issues he doesn’t understand right now unless there’s some previous relevant context.

* This obviously doesn’t even take into account Reform or Conservative Judaism, which have their own customs and practices, it just seems clear from all the references to him being frum that he’s somewhere in the Orthodox category.
 
The "community" sound like they don't want him out of their clutches.....so I don't blame him for needing a break.

We all need to keep in mind the cultural facets of this as well. At least here in NJ, the orthodox community is very tight, and you just don't leave. You're not allowed.
......
The fact that they're sending a search party out there is actually alarming.

Couldn't agree more. I hope Michael is very much safe and well. I also hope the Police find him first before the search party group. I'd hope the Police would ask Michael, an adult who I'm assuming has capacity, whether he is missing and if he needs any help - either returning home, or advice on integrating into a new community, or in need of no help at all.

No bad feeling towards any community or religion, just positivity towards adults having their own free will.

Edited to add - I understand why the community is concerned, from their point of view Michael is missing because he hasn't returned or been in touch. It's understandable they want to know he's okay and want to help him to get back home. I just find it alarming that their concern isn't that something might have happened to him, but rather they are searching for him to take him back to their community because they know what is best for him. Sounds like they will take him back whether he likes it or not, possibly against his will.

All MOO
 
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I don’t like that guy saying “Michael wants to found, Michael needs to be found and Michael wants to be a part of this community”…umm you are not Michael sir so please don’t act like you know everything going on in his life and in his head.

They should surely be able to see at this point if/where his debit/credit cards have been used and check with those places as there is a group down there looking for him. I am all about finding missing people but disagree with that if someone doesn’t want to be found. While it’s pretty terrible to put your own freedom first while leaving your wife, children and community he has every right to do so. We are all human and humans make crappy decisions sometimes so while I don’t agree with his choice (if that is what he did) to leave everyone freaking out that thinking that something bad happened to him if he just wanted a break or another lifestyle but I also believe we don’t know what anyone is ever going through and their reasons for things so I just have to respect that if that is the case.

I strongly dislike that guys statements too. Really rubs me the wrong way. That being said, I’m not surprised at all that his community is insisting Michael wants to be home with them.

eta- the fact that 36 people flew to New Orleans to search and set up a command center is intense. Imo
 
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I strongly dislike that guys statements too. Really rubs me the wrong way. That being said, I’m not surprised at all that his community is insisting Michael wants to be home with them.

eta- the fact that 36 people flew to New Orleans to search and set up a command center is intense. Imo
Those statements rubbed me the wrong way also.

on a side note- the fact that 36 people are there searching does NOT seem too intense.

In Suzanna Morphew's case--her brother Andy brought a lot of her hometown, the locals in CO and some swat team friends to search for his sister, so that part doesn't bother me too much.

What does concern me most-- the post by @bykerladi saying that NOBODY is ALLOWED to leave. YIKES

I hope Michael is safe and just trying to find himself and his way in life.
He might just be searching for more...seeing what more is out there.

He can contact LE and tell them, he is OK, safe and on his own.
 
Those statements rubbed me the wrong way also.

on a side note- the fact that 36 people are there searching does NOT seem too intense.

In Suzanna Morphew's case--her brother Andy brought a lot of her hometown, the locals in CO and some swat team friends to search for his sister, so that part doesn't bother me too much.

What does concern me most-- the post by @bykerladi saying that NOBODY is ALLOWED to leave. YIKES

I hope Michael is safe and just trying to find himself and his way in life.
He might just be searching for more...seeing what more is out there.

He can contact LE and tell them, he is OK, safe and on his own.

Idk, I guess it struck me as odd that 36 people can get on a plane and fly to new orleans in a few days. the command center people aren’t locals, they are from the NJ area who all flew in to NO.

I don’t remember reading about his phone. I assume it’s not turned on, or his community probably would have been able to track him by now.
 
Re: him not being “allowed” to leave, to me the word “allowed” sounds very ominous, like, “this is a cult and we will bring him back by force if necessary,” but (again IMO only), I think the reality is typically more in the realm of social pressure/consequences - i.e, “if you want to go ‘off the derech [path],’” as this concept is often phrased, “fine, but we’re going to drive you crazy trying to talk you out of it, we will not welcome you at community social events, we will help your wife fight for primary custody if you get divorced, etc.” Basically, “you can either live our lifestyle or you can go live somewhere else, but you can’t stay here and set a bad example.” Of course there are MANY exceptions to this in terms of how people actually handle friends or family who become less observant, and I also don’t mean to minimize the mental/emotional impact of social ostracism, I just feel like “not allowed to leave” may have a more sinister connotation than is warranted.

Re: a bunch of people being able to drop everything to go search for him, I agree with the other commenter that this does sometimes happen in other cases, but I also think there are a lot of (again, non-sinister) cultural factors in his (apparent) community that contribute to there being people available, able, and willing to go do a search like this - this part doesn’t strike me as odd at all. One thing that I do find unusual is that if his plan was to disappear voluntarily, why claim your business trip is only one night rather than giving yourself a few days to either enjoy yourself or to slip off undetected to another city? Instead, it sounds like his wife started worrying almost immediately.
 
Thank you for roping me in.

<modsnip>

I am an Orthodox Jew. We are very pluralistic and most of us cannot be described as "insular" in any way (I am even part of the "ultraorthodox" spectrum, wear a wig and very modest clothing but have a regular job and yes, here I am online as an amateur sleuth).

What unites us is keeping shabbat and kosher and certain standards of modesty.
What I can see from the picture is definitely not a yarmulke/kippa. Its the upturned shield of a baseball cap. That is not unusual at all, many observant Jews (frum just means observant, not "insular") wear baseball caps over the kippa for everyday work and leisure because theyre comfy and easy and have a casual look.
He is absolutely not Hasidic from the picture.

Even Hasidim come in thousands of flavors by the way - there are very worldly streams such as Chabad and Breslev using the internet and social media and the ladies being very fashionable. And there are more "traditional" streams like the big ones Satmar, Belz etc. that some may call insular but not all of the people really are. Just very immersed in family, tradition and community. And then there are a few fringe groups that always get the biggest media attention but theyre very small and are considered absolutely on the fringe by most of Orthodox Jewry.

But he likely was not even Hasidic. No indication anywhere. He had a good job and was out there in the world. If he wanted to leave the community, he would be free to do so and while some may be concerned about his wellbeing, he would still be loved and accepted as a Jew.
I absolutely doubt he wanted to leave. Totally positive about that.
Most of us are very happy, just living our lives.

Either he had a tragic accident, fell victim to a crime, had his own demons or... hopefully he is alive and well.

You see how much we care about each other - many private individuals went allover to search for him. Ive witnessed that many times in my own community... we had a few incidents where kids or elderly dementia relatives went missing... immediately half of the community went out to look for them, long before LE took any action. Here they all were found safe within a few hours by the effort of the community.

I hope that sets a few statements made before straight.
 
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What I can see from the picture is definitely not a yarmulke/kippa. Its the upturned shield of a baseball cap. That is not unusual at all, many observant Jews (frum just means observant, not "insular") wear baseball caps over the kippa for everyday work and leisure because theyre comfy and easy and have a casual look.

To me, the picture on the right looks more like the style of kippah that the guy in the middle of the picture at the top of this article is wearing, but I definitely agree that it could be a baseball cap that he’s wearing far back on his head, especially given the rest of his outfit in that pic.
 
To me, the picture on the right looks more like the style of kippah that the guy in the middle of the picture at the top of this article is wearing, but I definitely agree that it could be a baseball cap that he’s wearing far back on his head, especially given the rest of his outfit in that pic.

The "tent" style is a very uncommon type of kippah, some rabbis wear them and some Middle Eastern Jews (and in the "infamous" colorful satin version theyre also worn at times by some non orthodox Jews for synagogue or events). But generally, they are not very common. The kippa that follows the shape of your head is way more common. I dont think the tent is what he is wearing in the pic.

And it doesnt really matter what type of headcovering he is wearing, anyway.
 
The "tent" style is a very uncommon type of kippah, some rabbis wear them and some Middle Eastern Jews (and in the "infamous" colorful satin version theyre also worn at times by some non orthodox Jews for synagogue or events). But generally, they are not very common. The kippa that follows the shape of your head is way more common. I dont think the tent is what he is wearing in the pic.

And it doesnt really matter what type of headcovering he is wearing, anyway.

Very fair, I was probably predisposed to think it was that type because he coincidentally reminds me of a friend of mine from college who always wore (a smaller version of) that kind for some reason. He was from the five towns and definitely Orthodox, so I’m not sure what the background was there, but I definitely agree that it’s irrelevant either way!
 
The "tent" style is a very uncommon type of kippah, some rabbis wear them and some Middle Eastern Jews (and in the "infamous" colorful satin version theyre also worn at times by some non orthodox Jews for synagogue or events). But generally, they are not very common. The kippa that follows the shape of your head is way more common. I dont think the tent is what he is wearing in the pic.

And it doesnt really matter what type of headcovering he is wearing, anyway.

The reason I asked, is because I can't tell from the pics if that's his hair, or a hat. If that's his hair, and it's a very current picture, that's REALLY unusual hair. Something to be able to easily identify if you saw him. If it's a hat that can be removed, then that's different.
 
Thank you for roping me in.

So many assumptions and false information on this thread.

I am an Orthodox Jew. We are very pluralistic and most of us cannot be described as "insular" in any way (I am even part of the "ultraorthodox" spectrum, wear a wig and very modest clothing but have a regular job and yes, here I am online as an amateur sleuth).

What unites us is keeping shabbat and kosher and certain standards of modesty.
What I can see from the picture is definitely not a yarmulke/kippa. Its the upturned shield of a baseball cap. That is not unusual at all, many observant Jews (frum just means observant, not "insular") wear baseball caps over the kippa for everyday work and leisure because theyre comfy and easy and have a casual look.
He is absolutely not Hasidic from the picture.

Even Hasidim come in thousands of flavors by the way - there are very worldly streams such as Chabad and Breslev using the internet and social media and the ladies being very fashionable. And there are more "traditional" streams like the big ones Satmar, Belz etc. that some may call insular but not all of the people really are. Just very immersed in family, tradition and community. And then there are a few fringe groups that always get the biggest media attention but theyre very small and are considered absolutely on the fringe by most of Orthodox Jewry.

But he likely was not even Hasidic. No indication anywhere. He had a good job and was out there in the world. If he wanted to leave the community, he would be free to do so and while some may be concerned about his wellbeing, he would still be loved and accepted as a Jew.
I absolutely doubt he wanted to leave. Totally positive about that.
Most of us are very happy, just living our lives.

Either he had a tragic accident, fell victim to a crime, had his own demons or... hopefully he is alive and well.

You see how much we care about each other - many private individuals went allover to search for him. Ive witnessed that many times in my own community... we had a few incidents where kids or elderly dementia relatives went missing... immediately half of the community went out to look for them, long before LE took any action. Here they all were found safe within a few hours by the effort of the community.

I hope that sets a few statements made before straight.

BBM.... can you go into further detail about being totally positive that Michael didn't want to leave? I am not sure if you know him/his family or if you are just assuming no member of the Orthodox community would ever want to leave. I haven't been able to find much information other than the same articles that get republished with slightly different wording, so it seems as though his community may think he is going through a struggle that they don't understand and that he may not understand. If they don't know what his struggle is, I don't see how they can say that he wants to be found and to be a part of the community. jmo
 
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know why he would purposely go missing if he texted his wife he’d be home that night. But the community seems to think he might be dealing with something.

My husband is from Toms River and the Lakewood Jewish community has grown to outside of Lakewood. It doesn’t surprise me at all how many people went to look for him.
 
Is it possible that could be having a mental health crisis like bi-polar or schizophrenia which his community knows about? Perhaps that is why it was recommended that he not be approached. I would think they would want to bring him back to where he would have the support and perhaps medical care he would need. I can also understand why something like this would not be made public knowledge. MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO
 
Is it possible that could be having a mental health crisis like bi-polar or schizophrenia which his community knows about? Perhaps that is why it was recommended that he not be approached. I would think they would want to bring him back to where he would have the support and perhaps medical care he would need. I can also understand why something like this would not be made public knowledge. MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO

At this point, without knowing his background, anything could be possible.
 
I thought his "About Me" was interesting for sure. It may be nothing but seems like a its a little all over the place. I wonder how long ago he wrote that as well. And then I also found the comment he liked to be a little telling. It seems to me as if he was questioning things in life and general and felt somewhat lost possibly.
From the other content, comments, etc. there at LI, the content you shared seems to be from January 2019. It doesn't seem all that odd for someone with skills in in marketing, tech, and social media. MOO
 

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