Just a quick article on understanding why abuse victims stay , return...
Why She Stays
Many people who have not been abused by an intimate partner often say that if their partner ever abused them they certainly would leave. Remaining in or returning to an abusive relationship may be a rational survival mechanism. Domestic violence victims are not always passive. They may attempt to protect themselves through a variety of mechanisms short of leaving. Below are some of the reason victims choose to stay or return to an abusive relationship.
Commitment to the relationship. There are serious factors which weigh on a victims decision to leave. The abuser is the person the victim loves. This makes leaving the abuser especially difficult where violent episodes are followed by periods of affection and positive attention. The abuser may be the father/mother of the victims children. The victim may want to end the violence, but also preserve the family relationship.
Lack of self-confidence. Ending an intimate relationship is almost always difficult, but even more so when the victims self-confidence has been destroyed by abuse.
Believes the myths about domestic violence. Victims of domestic violence may assume that violence in an unavoidable part of life. Victims may also blame themselves for the violence.
No place to go. There are more animal shelters in the U.S. than shelters for battered women and children. Domestic violence is the cause of half of the homelessness in Americas women and children.
Hope of change. Many abusers are remorseful after abusing the victim. This contrite behavior may include promising never to hit again, agreeing to seek counseling if the victim promises not to leave, reminding the victim of how hard the perpetrator works, pointing out the incredible stresses under which s/he is operating, acknowledging the wrongfulness of his/her violence to the children and asking their help in stopping it, and demonstrating his/her love for the victim in meaningful ways. Since victims have often built their lives around the relationship, they hope for change. When the abuser acknowledges the error of his/her ways, when s/he breaks down and cries and concedes the need for dramatic change, hope is often born anew for the victim.
Isolation. Many victims of domestic violence do not have a support system. The abuser has isolated them. For example, the abuser may prohibit the victim from using the phone, may humiliate him/her at family gatherings, may insist on transporting him/her to and from work, or may censor his/her mail. Abusers are often highly possessive and excessively jealous. They believe that they own the victim and are entitled to his/her exclusive attention and absolute obedience. The abuser knows that if the truth is known about his/her conduct, support persons will encourage the victim to leave the abuser. Therefore, abusers isolate victims in order to sustain the power of violence.
Much more at the link:
http://www.law.indiana.edu/pop/domestic_violence/stays.shtml
