It’s hurtful to us because of how we feel about Doe, but we have to remember that we aren’t her family— we have no clear or objective picture of the interpersonal relationships or connections Doe had in her life, for better or worse. We don’t know what the relatives of Doe, once or twice removed, had to endure in their lifetimes. We don’t know what her and her immediate family had to do to survive. We can only speculate about who she was based on what little evidence we are privy to.
Personally, I think the resistance to complying genetic geneology and related means of collecting and searching DNA might be indicative of ongoing abuse, whether it’s sexual, physical, emotional, etc., within Doe’s immediate and/or extended family. That’s pure speculation on my part, though.