Mother: Son Suspended Because She Wouldn't Spank Him

[mysteriew]

Well, I guess somebody needs to call CPS because I believe in spanking. :behindbar

Golfmom, I agree with you. I have two kids. One could be told not to do something, and very seldom did it again. She responded very well to other forms of discipline. Now the other was a different story. He would commit the same offenses over and over. He forgot. Alternate forms of discipline sometimes worked, but not always. So by the time he was in school we had begun a progressive form of discipline. Ending in a spanking after several chances. I am not talking a beating- an attention getting couple of swats on the behind. I can now talk to him and he knows when I say that he better cool it cause I have had it, I am serious. He actually makes an effort to mind me now (or at least doesn't let me catch him). And he minds me better, because he knows the option is there. However, when I sign school statements I always add that I want to be called before any corporal punishment occurs.

 

[Kymistry35]

I have 6 kids all under the age of 9, and I do not have to spank them. I think spanking leads to power struggles with your kids. I have been consistent in my discipline, whether it be taking away toys or priveledges or making them sit in their room, and I never back down when I say no. So they know what mommy says goes and that there will be consequences if they do not listen. When my kids grow older, I want them to remember all the love I gave them, not all the times I hit them. I don't think that parents who spank are bad parents, but I do think that there are many alternatives that DO work.

 

[golfmom]

Golfmom, I agree with you. I have two kids. One could be told not to do something, and very seldom did it again. She responded very well to other forms of discipline. Now the other was a different story. He would commit the same offenses over and over. He forgot. Alternate forms of discipline sometimes worked, but not always. So by the time he was in school we had begun a progressive form of discipline. Ending in a spanking after several chances. I am not talking a beating- an attention getting couple of swats on the behind. I can now talk to him and he knows when I say that he better cool it cause I have had it, I am serious. He actually makes an effort to mind me now (or at least doesn't let me catch him). And he minds me better, because he knows the option is there. However, when I sign school statements I always add that I want to be called before any corporal punishment occurs.

Yep, yep ... that's how it works! I never had to spank my oldest either, one little scolding was all it took for her.
BTW, I actually opted to not allow the school to corporal punish my two youngest. They both have ADHD and I was worried that the school wouldn't give them the extra warnings that they needed. Of course I never told the kids that so ... they conducted themselves as if the paddle was possible.

 

[golfmom]

I have 6 kids all under the age of 9, and I do not have to spank them. I think spanking leads to power struggles with your kids. I have been consistent in my discipline, whether it be taking away toys or priveledges or making them sit in their room, and I never back down when I say no. So they know what mommy says goes and that there will be consequences if they do not listen. When my kids grow older, I want them to remember all the love I gave them, not all the times I hit them. I don't think that parents who spank are bad parents, but I do think that there are many alternatives that DO work.

Wow! great post! I think that the *power struggles* are not based on spanking though ... but you nailed the consistency issue.

no consistency = no respect​

and of course, my mantra ... "choose your battles wisely"

 

[Casshew]

Well, I guess somebody needs to call CPS because I believe in spanking. :behindbar

We can share a cell golfmom

Seriously though, I don't go for the over the knee repeated hit thing... but I single swat when needed is effective.

I have not had to do that in years.. can't even remember the last time... but I do recall a swat on the bum for deliberately doing something they were told not to do.

Actions and consequences IMO

 

[csds703]

We can share a cell golfmom

Seriously though, I don't go for the over the knee repeated hit thing... but I single swat when needed is effective.

I have not had to do that in years.. can't even remember the last time... but I do recall a swat on the bum for deliberately doing something they were told not to do.

Actions and consequences IMO

A swat on the butt is much different than corporal punishment. The school wanted parental enforced "corporal punishment"

 

[golfmom]

A swat on the butt is much different than corporal punishment. The school wanted parental enforced "corporal punishment"

That's what corporal punishment is, but with a *paddle*.
They don't beat the kids black and blue with it, it's a swat with the paddle.
If they do anymore than that, well that's just WRONG.

 

[csds703]

That's what corporal punishment is, but with a *paddle*.
They don't beat the kids black and blue with it, it's a swat with the paddle.
If they do anymore than that, well that's just WRONG.

It's humiliating and degrading. We just don't agree on this one, but i'm sure we both have a kid's best interests at heart. Peace

 

[golfmom]

It's humiliating and degrading. We just don't agree on this one, but i'm sure we both have a kid's best interests at heart. Peace

Humiliating and degrading was when they forced my son to wear girl's jeans (complete with little butterflys) throughout the day. :razz:
He would have much perfered the paddle that day.

 

[csds703]

Humiliating and degrading was when they forced my son to wear girl's jeans (complete with little butterflys) throughout the day. :razz:
He would have much perfered the paddle that day.

That's horrible!

 

[golfmom]

That's horrible!

Yep ... I came thisclosetoa lawsuit. He was 10 yo (ADHD) and his knees on his jeans were getting threadbare and he just started picking ...next thing you know he had huge holes. Rather than calling me (SAHM) they decide to let him wear a pair of jeans they had in the office. When he protested they were girl's pants he was told "if you don't tell anyone, they won't know" ... of course everyone knew immediately, it was obvious they were girl's pants. He came off the bus in just a puddle of tears. The kids just ate him alive.
:furious:

 

[csds703]

Yep ... I came thisclosetoa lawsuit. He was 10 yo (ADHD) and his knees on his jeans were getting threadbare and he just started picking ...next thing you know he had huge holes. Rather than calling me (SAHM) they decide to let him wear a pair of jeans they had in the office. When he protested they were girl's pants he was told "if you don't tell anyone, they won't know" ... of course everyone knew immediately, it was obvious they were girl's pants. He came off the bus in just a puddle of tears. The kids just ate him alive.
:furious:

I got angry just reading that and it didn't happen to my child. A simple phonecall to you could have solved that problem easily. I'm sorry your son has ADHD. How old is he, and how is he doing? I have a family member with PDD ( high functioning autism). It's an uphill battle. Heavy Sigh.

 

[golfmom]

I got angry just reading that and it didn't happen to my child. A simple phonecall to you could have solved that problem easily. I'm sorry your son has ADHD. How old is he, and how is he doing? I have a family member with PDD ( high functioning autism). It's an uphill battle. Heavy Sigh.

He's 12 now. He also has central auditory processing disorder (can't understand what people say), various learning disorders, and is blind as a tiny bat and color blind. But, he's also a sweet, easy-going little guy.
We made a substantial move this past year and quite frankly he's having a real tough time adjusting. The school he attends now only has two classes of 5th graders. With such a small class he stands out as a giant target.
I hate bullies.

 

[Casshew]

Okay I guess I am against spanking then (sorry golfmom) if spanking is not a swat on the butt.

I have done that a few times over the years even with neices and nephews when they misbehaved - sometimes talking doesn't work.

I was at a baby shower once and there was this obnxious 4 year old running around... he just would not respect his mother who had this whiny voice "Now, honey.. Mommy thinks you should put down that vase, it doesn't belong to you sweetie" The boy glare and his mom and screamed "NO!"

I happened to be witnessing this - I grabbed a hold of the vase with one hand (he is holding it with two hands about his head) and I swat him on the butt with my free hand.

The look he gave me I told him to "Go sit down....NOW"

Never heard a thing from this kid the whole rest of the shower, I took him a drink and a cookie and he was so polite LOL

Mother said to me "we don't hit in our house" :snooty:

Oh well...

 

[Gabby]

Okay I guess I am against spanking then (sorry golfmom) if spanking is not a swat on the butt.

I have done that a few times over the years even with neices and nephews when they misbehaved - sometimes talking doesn't work.

I was at a baby shower once and there was this obnxious 4 year old running around... he just would not respect his mother who had this whiny voice "Now, honey.. Mommy thinks you should put down that vase, it doesn't belong to you sweetie" The boy glare and his mom and screamed "NO!"

I happened to be witnessing this - I grabbed a hold of the vase with one hand (he is holding it with two hands about his head) and I swat him on the butt with my free hand.

The look he gave me I told him to "Go sit down....NOW"

Never heard a thing from this kid the whole rest of the shower, I took him a drink and a cookie and he was so polite LOL

Mother said to me "we don't hit in our house" :snooty:

Oh well...

To which I would have replied, "this in NOT YOUR house" or "Well then teach him to behave" or maybe :"Perhaps you should leave him at your house"

 

[csds703]

He's 12 now. He also has central auditory processing disorder (can't understand what people say), various learning disorders, and is blind as a tiny bat and color blind. But, he's also a sweet, easy-going little guy.
We made a substantial move this past year and quite frankly he's having a real tough time adjusting. The school he attends now only has two classes of 5th graders. With such a small class he stands out as a giant target.
I hate bullies.

My boy is 13, he has also had a very difficult year. Seems boys this age like to pick on kids who obviously aren't as with it as they are. You have to be your son's advocate, and don't put up with any nonsense. The law is on his side. I will pray for your little guy. He has alot of obstacles to overcome, but he has your love so he will make it.

 

[Timex]

I spent the first 9 years of my sons academic life living at the schools. For the most part, I found they did little or nothing to help when it came to bullying, in fact, many of the teachers encouraged it in an underlying way IMO. When a teacher, by their actions, bring constant attention to these kids, the others kids pick up on that. I got 87 phone calls that year. Oh, he was such a problem. They would call because he left a book on his desk at recess time...a violation of the rules. I asked..."did you ask him to put the book away? or simply remind him it needed to be done?" Their answer..."That's NOT my job" Sorry...but leaving a book on a desk when you are 8 years old is NOT, IMO a discipline problem. A simple reminder, he would have put the book away, and there would have been no problem.

There were days when 2 kids would have my son held against a fence while others threw soccer balls at him. They urinates on his coat. They called him Forrest Gump because of the way he ran. He put up with it all...never once responded to their antics. I complained on a daily basis, nothing was ever done. Then one day they started picking on his best friend...I guess he felt picking on him was ok, but picking on his friend wasnt, because thats the day he decided enough was enough. He fought the bullies. Of course, he was suspended. Now dont get me wrong, we do teach him fighting is wrong. But ya know...no one is a mountain. They pushed him everyday of his life, he finally had enough.

If you have not watched the movie "Bang Bang You're Dead", I would suggest you do so. IMO it should be required viewing for all student grade 7 and up, as well as their parents and teachers.

 

[csds703]

Timex
Out of curiousity, did anything ever happen to bullies. My school has the attitude and I quote " you have to expect a certain amount of bullying at this age". What ever happened to the zero tolerance bullying policy. I had a similar experience to you. When my boy fought back he was given ISS. So basically you can torment someone all you want, but don't fight back. I'm disgusted.

 

[Timex]

Timex
Out of curiousity, did anything ever happen to bullies. My school has the attitude and I quote " you have to expect a certain amount of bullying at this age". What ever happened to the zero tolerance bullying policy. I had a similar experience to you. When my boy fought back he was given ISS. So basically you can torment someone all you want, but don't fight back. I'm disgusted.

Nothing happened to the bullies...they were just being boys after all

 

[golfmom]

Nothing happened to the bullies...they were just being boys after all

Timex, the double standard just kills me. Hero of the basket ball team beats up some kid in the hall and what happens ... NOTHING. My kiddo defends himself and whoa stop the presses. The bullying up here is a thousand times worse and my poor little guy doesn't have one friend at school. I don't think his teacher encourages the student's behavior, but just isn't proactive in discouraging it either. It would almost be better for my son to be one of those *in your face* ADHD kids. But, he's just sweet, goes along and doesn't get *it*.
I haven't seen the movie you recommended, but bullying is a very serious issue. There is nothing natural about it and the consequences have proved deadly, time and time again.