NC - Skyler Wilson Died of Hypoxic Brain Injury From “Swaddling” by Adoptive Parents Joseph & Jodi Wilson - Mount Airy

[UrsulaWrenn]

After the warnings earlier this thread, I wasn't ready to read through many of the links or follow up on this topic much. As an older sister, a teenage babysitter, a mother, and maybe a grandmother one day, I really don't fare well with child abuse stories.
But I know it's important to wade into the muck, even if only so you can help prevent the muddy waters from rising. So, I poured the coffee and started reading about Nancy Thomas.

Wow. Just...wow. I saw far too much to really comment on, but this one little blurb kinda sums up for me what I've seen so far:

AT Proponent — Nancy Thomas

www.childrenintherapy.org

In the beginning, your child should learn to ask for everything. They must ask to go to the bathroom, to get a drink of water, EVERYTHING. When it starts to feel like they must ask to breathe, you are on the right track. — When Love is Not Enough (1997), p. 52

I raised my kids exactly the opposite. As soon as they were able to do something on their own, I made them do it for themselves most of the time, without asking for permission or waiting to be told and without expecting rewards for doing what they needed to do.

I believe that's the ONE job all parents need to do: make sure their children are as independent and self-sufficient as possible at every stage of their lives.

I cannot imagine how they might've responded if I had told them to ask me to go to the bathroom...although I have a sneaking suspicion they would've rebelled early and hard. I think it would've ruined my relationship with them, and would've taken years to be repaired, if it ever could be.

I can only imagine how much worse a foster child would respond to such pointlessly unreasonable demands.

 

[iamshadow21]

After the warnings earlier this thread, I wasn't ready to read through many of the links or follow up on this topic much. As an older sister, a teenage babysitter, a mother, and maybe a grandmother one day, I really don't fare well with child abuse stories.
But I know it's important to wade into the muck, even if only so you can help prevent the muddy waters from rising. So, I poured the coffee and started reading about Nancy Thomas.

Wow. Just...wow. I saw far too much to really comment on, but this one little blurb kinda sums up for me what I've seen so far:

AT Proponent — Nancy Thomas

www.childrenintherapy.org

I raised my kids exactly the opposite. As soon as they were able to do something on their own, I made them do it for themselves most of the time, without asking for permission or waiting to be told and without expecting rewards for doing what they needed to do.

I believe that's the ONE job all parents need to do: make sure their children are as independent and self-sufficient as possible at every stage of their lives.

I cannot imagine how they might've responded if I had told them to ask me to go to the bathroom...although I have a sneaking suspicion they would've rebelled early and hard. I think it would've ruined my relationship with them, and would've taken years to be repaired, if it ever could be.

I can only imagine how much worse a foster child would respond to such pointlessly unreasonable demands.

It says everything about the parent's insecurity and obsession with control. The only dynamics I can think of that require that level of obedience are abusive households (child abuse, domestic violence in a partner situation), prisons, and the military.

EDIT: Oh, and cults.

 

[Erutan]

This Nancy Thomas is way out of line; imo.
Imagine being a foster child who has already endured trauma and grief, and then being placed with foster parents who rigidly follow these (abusive) instructions ?
How are their little, forming minds supposed to understand food deprivation or being put away in a room staring at a blank wall for 'quiet time' ?
That is not how a child is supposed to be treated, ever.

From the articles at the start of this thread, it sounded like Skyler couldn't drink the water they were making him swallow and then they tried to force him to drink ?

Warrants reveal Surry County 4-year-old died of hypoxic brain injury, wrist and ankle straps found in home

SURRY COUNTY, N.C. (WGHP) — Warrants are painting a clearer picture of the events that led up to the death of a toddler in Surry County. Four-year-old Skyler Wilson died at Brenner Children’s…

myfox8.com

“something had happened” with Skyler being swaddled and that something was wrong with his arms.
He told the doctor that they put Skyler to bed around 6:45 p.m. in a “wagon” that was Skyler’s bed. They said that a little while later they heard him “wiggling” around and attempted to move him. Skyler fell over and Joseph Wilson set Skyler on the couch, where he was “rigid and semi-responsive.”
Red bolding mine.

So why didn't they take him to the hospital ?

“Joseph and Jodi then attempted to pour the water in Skyler’s mouth,” the documents state.

"Pouring" water down a small boy's throat.
Smh.
With what, a pitcher ?

Did no one tell them that this can be dangerous to an adult, much less a child ?
M00.

 

[Erutan]

Tried to read a bit more re. N.T.'s "therapy treatments" but I was seeing red.
There are actions she promotes that if you did that to an animal it would be considered abuse.

There was an isolation study of baby monkeys many years ago that permanently damaged them.

Harlow’s Classic Studies Revealed the Importance of Maternal Contact

Harry Harlow’s empirical work revolutionized the scientific understanding of the influence of social relationships in early development.

www.psychologicalscience.org

Imagine condemning a child to solitary confinement without even a book to look at ?
Imo.

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

I actually had a nightmare -for the first time in I-don't-know-how-many years about this topic. I dreamed I was tangled up in a sheet while people were standing over me whispering. It creeped me out enough to wake me up.

It gave me a real, first-hand glimpse into what it must be -or have been like for kids treated to this brand of "care".

Hopefully I won't be dreaming of being drowned with a kitchen water glass next.

 

[iamshadow21]

I asked and received permission to post this article from The Stoke News. Not a lot about Skyler here, though it does clarify that he was adopted, not being fostered, at the time of his death, so the family was no longer being checked or receiving home visits. I doubt that would have helped - the focus of the article is four former social workers who are speaking out about the failures of the system. It's entirely possible that Skyler could have been a foster kid, being subjected to this abuse (and I suspect he was, before his adoption) and the workers assigned to his case would never have picked up on it because of the issues raised in the article.

Overworked, undertrained, not supported | The Stokes News

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

From your link:

“For the foster workers their state recommended case load is 15 and I can think of maybe two times that staff had 15 kids. You know right now, there is one foster care social worker and two supervisors for 120 kids in their care. So, you can do the math there. There is no one who ever has a case load of 15.”

That certainly goes a long way to explaining how these things happen. Honestly, I think 15 abused, neglected and traumatized kids is too many for a single social worker to handle. I think 10 should be the outer limit, unless they want to mix the files so some of the worst cases are offset by some of much easiest. Still...how to know when the easiest is going to become the worst if the person who is supposed to be watching isn't?

I was watching a YouTube video of Nancy Thomas talking about "Reactive Attachment Disorder" this afternoon. My DH was wearing headphones and working on something on the other side of the room, so I didn't think he was paying any attention at all. But he suddenly asked, "WHAT are you watching?" so I explained to him about this forum, little Skyler, etc.

He had a completely different insight. He thought of the Supermax prison that went into lockdown for 20 years. Essentially the inmates were confined to their cells for 23 hours a day, and only allowed out for one hour to exercise or
make phone calls. This near-constant, near total control is / was intended to prevent violent acts and reduce the contraband being smuggled in.

Marion Supermax

That rang true for me. I think some parents -natural, foster, or adoptive- seem to see their spirited and willful children as criminals in the making and react to every infraction of their rules as both a crime and a proof of criminal mentality.

I think that is where the "rebirthing" idea comes from. Aside from the obvious Christian connotations, I think the underlying idea is defiant and rebellious children are born to be criminals, and only being born again will make them into new people with new personalities.

Instead of physical traits like the big ears or long arms of Cesare Lombroso, the RAD cult counterpart of “ delinquens” is the child that survives bad -or even terrible- situations with their courage, determination, independence and stubbornness intact.

 

[iamshadow21]

From your link:


That certainly goes a long way to explaining how these things happen. Honestly, I think 15 abused, neglected and traumatized kids is too many for a single social worker to handle. I think 10 should be the outer limit, unless they want to mix the files so some of the worst cases are offset by some of much easiest. Still...how to know when the easiest is going to become the worst if the person who is supposed to be watching isn't?

I was watching a YouTube video of Nancy Thomas talking about "Reactive Attachment Disorder" this afternoon. My DH was wearing headphones and working on something on the other side of the room, so I didn't think he was paying any attention at all. But he suddenly asked, "WHAT are you watching?" so I explained to him about this forum, little Skyler, etc.

He had a completely different insight. He thought of the Supermax prison that went into lockdown for 20 years. Essentially the inmates were confined to their cells for 23 hours a day, and only allowed out for one hour to exercise or
make phone calls. This near-constant, near total control is / was intended to prevent violent acts and reduce the contraband being smuggled in.

Marion Supermax

That rang true for me. I think some parents -natural, foster, or adoptive- seem to see their spirited and willful children as criminals in the making and react to every infraction of their rules as both a crime and a proof of criminal mentality.

I think that is where the "rebirthing" idea comes from. Aside from the obvious Christian connotations, I think the underlying idea is defiant and rebellious children are born to be criminals, and only being born again will make them into new people with new personalities.

Instead of physical traits like the big ears or long arms of Cesare Lombroso, the RAD cult counterpart of “*advertiser censored* delinquens” is the child that survives bad -or even terrible- situations with their courage, determination, independence and stubbornness intact.

Yeah, there's a lot of junk out there about the Stanford prison experiment, what it proved, what it didn't prove, did it even prove anything, given the set-up and parameters. The vast majority of people agree that it was deeply unethical and unscientific and a bunch of rules were brought in WORLDWIDE to regulate human experimentation, directly as a result of how badly the experiment impacted the participants.

So much of this abusive practice seems to be like someone saw the experiment and went, "wow! that looks like a great way to treat kids, especially those who already have a lot of trauma".

MOO

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

So much of this abusive practice seems to be like someone saw the experiment and went, "wow! that looks like a great way to treat kids, especially those who already have a lot of trauma".

Yes; exactly.

A concept I never considered anyone would ever espouse...yet, here we are discussing victims of what sure seems to be just that.

 

[Erutan]

Yes; exactly.

A concept I never considered anyone would ever espouse...yet, here we are discussing victims of what sure seems to be just that.

Agreed.

Skyler's last moments must have been filled with terror.


The article I'd linked said the adoptive parents heard him "wiggling around" after he was put to bed :
myfox8.com/news/north-carolina/piedmont-triad/skyler-wilson-warrants/?ipid=promo-link-block1

Was he not allowed to turn over or move once being put into his 'wagon' ?
From the link : "They tried to move him ...."
From the wagon to a regular bed ?
Or was there a struggle, and the Wilson's snapped ?

It seems like there is a lot the adoptive parents are not telling us.

On another note : I'd like to see what this 'wagon' consisted of ?
Was it one of those kid's pull along wagons, the kind for kids to ride in when their little feet are tired, at zoo trips for instance ?
That's fine for sitting up and brief rides, but too small for sleeping in !
Maybe Skyler 'wiggled' because he was in torment due to not being able to fully stretch out and being uncomfortable.
And then they punished him.

The pouring of water into his mouth sounds to me like waterboarding.
Not the same way prisoners are tortured ... but to this little boy there was no difference.
I'm curious if the autopsy showed bruises around his mouth, as in being forcibly grabbed and made to open his mouth ?
Imo.

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

Agreed.

Skyler's last moments must have been filled with terror.


The article I'd linked said the adoptive parents heard him "wiggling around" after he was put to bed :
myfox8.com/news/north-carolina/piedmont-triad/skyler-wilson-warrants/?ipid=promo-link-block1

Was he not allowed to turn over or move once being put into his 'wagon' ?
From the link : "They tried to move him ...."
From the wagon to a regular bed ?
Or was there a struggle, and the Wilson's snapped ?

It seems like there is a lot the adoptive parents are not telling us.

On another note : I'd like to see what this 'wagon' consisted of ?
Was it one of those kid's pull along wagons, the kind for kids to ride in when their little feet are tired, at zoo trips for instance ?
That's fine for sitting up and brief rides, but too small for sleeping in !
Maybe Skyler 'wiggled' because he was in torment due to not being able to fully stretch out and being uncomfortable.
And then they punished him.

The pouring of water into his mouth sounds to me like waterboarding.
Not the same way prisoners are tortured ... but to this little boy there was no difference.
I'm curious if the autopsy showed bruises around his mouth, as in being forcibly grabbed and made to open his mouth ?
Imo.

Yeah; I've had those same questions lurking in the back of my mind, too.

Putting a small child to bed can be a battle of wills, but most parents can make it work with a strict routine, giving the kids choices (socks on or off? pj's or nightgown? this book or that one?), turning off the main lights but making sure a hall light or nightlight is on and working so they're not afraid, and letting them know if they call out for you at any time, you'll come back.

Asking them not to wiggle or turn over or even sit up if they're uncomfortable is just not necessary, shows a total lack of human empathy, and makes the bed that should be a haven of rest and sleep into another site of fights and misery.

As far as the wagon, I don't understand, either. I guess I imagine it one of those little novelty beds they make for kids his age. I've seen fire trucks, sports cars, and little castles so maybe there's a wagon version? If he was being put to sleep in the ol' Radio Flyer, that puts a whole new spin on it!

I know people panic and try to make kids -and even other adults- drink liquids when they're showing signs of distress, although I don't know why, and it's often the worst choice. Maybe our panic brains equate "water" with "living" and "drinking" with "fixing"? Maybe another board member knows?

But I would think foster care training should cover "what to do if you screw up and the kid is in need of emergency care" on the first day.

 

[iamshadow21]

Agreed.

Skyler's last moments must have been filled with terror.


The article I'd linked said the adoptive parents heard him "wiggling around" after he was put to bed :
myfox8.com/news/north-carolina/piedmont-triad/skyler-wilson-warrants/?ipid=promo-link-block1

Was he not allowed to turn over or move once being put into his 'wagon' ?
From the link : "They tried to move him ...."
From the wagon to a regular bed ?
Or was there a struggle, and the Wilson's snapped ?

It seems like there is a lot the adoptive parents are not telling us.

On another note : I'd like to see what this 'wagon' consisted of ?
Was it one of those kid's pull along wagons, the kind for kids to ride in when their little feet are tired, at zoo trips for instance ?
That's fine for sitting up and brief rides, but too small for sleeping in !
Maybe Skyler 'wiggled' because he was in torment due to not being able to fully stretch out and being uncomfortable.
And then they punished him.

The pouring of water into his mouth sounds to me like waterboarding.
Not the same way prisoners are tortured ... but to this little boy there was no difference.
I'm curious if the autopsy showed bruises around his mouth, as in being forcibly grabbed and made to open his mouth ?
Imo.

Given that he already had a brain injury - 'something wrong with his arms' - I strongly suspect the 'wiggling around' was grand mal seizure activity.

I dread learning what the 'wagon' actually was. As I said back in the thread, I suspect it was some kind of restraint device for him to sleep in.

I have no idea what the motivation was for pouring water in his mouth, but I strongly suspect it was CYA behaviour. It also makes me wonder if he was denied water for a prolonged period before the fatal injury, hence why they might try to revive him with it. But I suspect their actions were of the panic variety by then, and not rational.

 

[iamshadow21]

Yeah; I've had those same questions lurking in the back of my mind, too.

Putting a small child to bed can be a battle of wills, but most parents can make it work with a strict routine, giving the kids choices (socks on or off? pj's or nightgown? this book or that one?), turning off the main lights but making sure a hall light or nightlight is on and working so they're not afraid, and letting them know if they call out for you at any time, you'll come back.

Asking them not to wiggle or turn over or even sit up if they're uncomfortable is just not necessary, shows a total lack of human empathy, and makes the bed that should be a haven of rest and sleep into another site of fights and misery.

As far as the wagon, I don't understand, either. I guess I imagine it one of those little novelty beds they make for kids his age. I've seen fire trucks, sports cars, and little castles so maybe there's a wagon version? If he was being put to sleep in the ol' Radio Flyer, that puts a whole new spin on it!

I know people panic and try to make kids -and even other adults- drink liquids when they're showing signs of distress, although I don't know why, and it's often the worst choice. Maybe our panic brains equate "water" with "living" and "drinking" with "fixing"? Maybe another board member knows?

But I would think foster care training should cover "what to do if you screw up and the kid is in need of emergency care" on the first day.

Unfortunately, this form of abuse revolves completely around denying the child the most basic of choices, long beyond an age they start showing the will to choose and have preferences. Preverbal babies have preferences. Skyler was a four year old.

Forget foster care training, the Wilsons already had three children. They would have long known emergency 101, from their first baby. That's also why their treatment of Skyler and his brother is so unforgivable. They weren't new parents with no idea. They had three children. They knew what children needed, the necessities of life and the emotional nourishment. They made a deliberate choice every single day to deny those to Skyler and his brother and give them brutality instead.

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

Forget foster care training, the Wilsons already had three children. They would have long known emergency 101, from their first baby.

Well, generally I agree, but that's assuming they didn't treat those kids the same way.
It's possible the kids seemed to be healthy and normal in the presence of others but were abused and neglected behind closed doors.
The Wilsons might not have had any clue about taking care of kids, under any circumstances. In fact, their behavior makes a little bit more sense if you substitute "child" for "mean dog". So all their caregiving ...skills... may have been gained in a kennel somewhere. *
Also, I've known some pretty decent parents who fell apart in the face of emergencies and didn't know ANY first aid.

*As an animal lover, I wouldn't want these people to be caring for a termite colony, but that's me.

 

[Erutan]

Given that he already had a brain injury - 'something wrong with his arms' - I strongly suspect the 'wiggling around' was grand mal seizure activity.

I dread learning what the 'wagon' actually was. As I said back in the thread, I suspect it was some kind of restraint device for him to sleep in.

I have no idea what the motivation was for pouring water in his mouth, but I strongly suspect it was CYA behaviour. It also makes me wonder if he was denied water for a prolonged period before the fatal injury, hence why they might try to revive him with it. But I suspect their actions were of the panic variety by then, and not rational.

There are wagons with wooden slats on the sides, I think you mentioned the "Radio Flyer" type, with a more old-fashioned look than the "Playskool" brand wagons ?
Quite easy to attach restraints to the sides of the RF wagons.


I hope Skylar's brother is feeling safer and thriving.

My thoughts towards the Wilsons : If you could not treat these small children with a modicum of decency, and if you couldn't "handle" their behavior (& I seriously doubt anything the boys did merited such abuse !!) -- there were other options !

They'd been fostered before, so why not allow them to go into respite care, until a permanent arrangement could be made; and/or allow another family to adopt them ?
They had choices.
Choosing to abuse is not a choice.

And don't give me the argument that (hypothetical) "...You don't know what those boys were like when having a tantrum, etc.....".
All the Wilsons had to do was to contact a social worker and say that they (the Wilsons) were at their breaking point and could no longer care for them.
No social worker or DCFS worker is going to say something like , "Not our problem, do whatever you need to do."
Emergency placements are available.

Imagine -- if Skylar hadn't been murdered, he and his sibling would still be suffering !
Imo.

 

[iamshadow21]

Well, generally I agree, but that's assuming they didn't treat those kids the same way.
It's possible the kids seemed to be healthy and normal in the presence of others but were abused and neglected behind closed doors.
The Wilsons might not have had any clue about taking care of kids, under any circumstances. In fact, their behavior makes a little bit more sense if you substitute "child" for "mean dog". So all their caregiving ...skills... may have been gained in a kennel somewhere. *
Also, I've known some pretty decent parents who fell apart in the face of emergencies and didn't know ANY first aid.

*As an animal lover, I wouldn't want these people to be caring for a termite colony, but that's me.

Running an 'alternative health' business, would there have been OH&S requirements for them to know CPR? Just in case someone had a medical emergency while having a treatment?

Just by being in that home, seeing what was being done to their brothers, those children were being abused. The parents didn't have to lay a finger on them.

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

lol
I'm dating myself with Radio Flyer, huh? I still have the one my DH pulled the kids in 'round town when he took them to the park.

They'd been fostered before, so why not allow them to go into respite care, until a permanent arrangement could be made; and/or allow another family to adopt them ?

Ego? No one wants to admit they're in over their heads, and maybe Skyler was one child too many?

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

Running an 'alternative health' business, would there have been OH&S requirements for them to know CPR? Just in case someone had a medical emergency while having a treatment?

That would seem reasonable, wouldn't it? I honestly don't know.

Just by being in that home, seeing what was being done to their brothers, those children were being abused. The parents didn't have to lay a finger on them.

Agreed. They did as they were told and were right little angels because they knew if they spoke up or caused any problems at all they would take Skyler's place on the chopping block.

ETA: Also, who could the other kids call? CPS???? The very agency that put them there?

 

[Erutan]

lol
I'm dating myself with Radio Flyer, huh? I still have the one my DH pulled the kids in 'round town when he took them to the park.


Ego? No one wants to admit they're in over their heads, and maybe Skyler was one child too many?

I think they're still selling them ?
Cute wagons !

 

[UrsulaWrenn]

I think they're still selling them ?
Cute wagons !

Radio Flyer Town and Country Toy Wagon Wood Red - Ace Hardware

As versatile as it is fun, the Town & Country® Wagon features our largest wooden wagon body for maximum hauling capacity and removable wooden sides for ultimate flexibility. Use this all-wood wagon as a flatbed for hauling gear, remove the sides to help kids in and out or just take your kids for...

www.acehardware.com

This is what my parents had when I was a child. My Dad would put my sister and I in it, and walk 'round town pulling us behind. The grocery store where we would get a cookie, the drug store, the local coffee shop to gossip about all kinds of stuff.
Then we bought one for our kids, and it almost identical, although I wasn't sure it was tough enough to last...but it's still here. It's worn out from being left out in the yard in the weather, and if I get any grands I'll buy another -probably the same one.

But it worries me Skyler may have been restrained in it or even just considered it his bed. It's too small, and too uncomfortable to even sit in for long.

It makes me wonder if the family bankrupted themselves adopting, and then couldn't afford to take care of the kids when the fostering money stopped coming in?