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My heart goes out to her. This is so sad reading this....she tried to get him help. I don't believe she would have left her children with him if she had any idea he had planned to kill them.
GUILTY NC - Twins Samantha & Tessara Crespi, 5, stabbed to death, Charlotte, 20 Jan 2006
- Thread starter spclk
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Hi..had my Bunco women over last night...alot of them have kids who go to school with the Crespi children like myself.....All of them agreed that the theory that he was going to kill all of them is true....I wonder what stopped him and I wish with all my heart that what ever it was would have stopped him before he killed the twins...My one friend and I want to make a bumper sticker for all these overly destructive depressed people that says,,"Kill yourself first" So many of them claim to be sad and depressed and say ...i had to kill my children to save them and i was going to kill myself tooo...I say to them ..kill yourself first......to save the children for Gods sake......
No one from his family except his brother from California has been to see him...as far as I know the Mother, who was very strong during the funerals, one here in Charlotte and the other where they were buried in California, has now really fallen apart...she has not nor have any of the other kids gone to see him...they have to appoint a public defender if the accused does not aquire one...so ,..i would imagine she is not offering any help ..she said it will take a long time to understand and forgive this dark demon that entered her home.///
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She said she remembers only one time when he hinted at darker thoughts about his children.
"He (once) said, when he got depressed, he said, `I am sad that this world is so dark sometimes, and they would be a part of it.' And I said, `You wouldn't ever do anything, would you?' And he said, `No, no.' "
Kim Crespi said her husband was taking medications for depression. She said David Crespi's lawyer advised the family not to name the drugs.
She said her husband has battled depression the entire time they've been married, more than 10 years. Kim Crespi said he took a months-long leave last year from Wachovia, where he worked as a senior vice president.
She said her husband would be fine for long stretches -- "very up, very happy, very connected, funny, brilliant, connected, loving."
But then something would trigger his depression. She said she could never figure out what.
She said the family had a hard time finding mental-health services, both in California and after they moved to Charlotte. - http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/news/columnists/tommy_tomlinson/13723333.htm
It sounds as if Kim Crespi acknowledges the seriousness of her husband's mental illness while at the same time denying that it was so serious. When stopped by police she thought he'd taken his own life--not something that would occur to a spouse unless there was some mental history.
I think families often don't come to grips with how serious or dark the depression is until after tragedy strikes. No one wants to think that the person they love is mentally ill enough to harm themself, and certainly not their children. The denial around mental illness and depression seems wide-spread, and probably a natural reaction by family members--and I don't mean just in this case.
People with serious mental problems like Crespi was suffering should not be left in a situation where they are responsible for the care of children. Relatives, though, tend to think "it'll be ok" even though the warnings are there. Everyone plays down the dangers, and hopes for the best, until the unthinkable (denied) happens.
"He (once) said, when he got depressed, he said, `I am sad that this world is so dark sometimes, and they would be a part of it.' And I said, `You wouldn't ever do anything, would you?' And he said, `No, no.' "
Kim Crespi said her husband was taking medications for depression. She said David Crespi's lawyer advised the family not to name the drugs.
She said her husband has battled depression the entire time they've been married, more than 10 years. Kim Crespi said he took a months-long leave last year from Wachovia, where he worked as a senior vice president.
She said her husband would be fine for long stretches -- "very up, very happy, very connected, funny, brilliant, connected, loving."
But then something would trigger his depression. She said she could never figure out what.
She said the family had a hard time finding mental-health services, both in California and after they moved to Charlotte. - http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/news/columnists/tommy_tomlinson/13723333.htm
It sounds as if Kim Crespi acknowledges the seriousness of her husband's mental illness while at the same time denying that it was so serious. When stopped by police she thought he'd taken his own life--not something that would occur to a spouse unless there was some mental history.
I think families often don't come to grips with how serious or dark the depression is until after tragedy strikes. No one wants to think that the person they love is mentally ill enough to harm themself, and certainly not their children. The denial around mental illness and depression seems wide-spread, and probably a natural reaction by family members--and I don't mean just in this case.
People with serious mental problems like Crespi was suffering should not be left in a situation where they are responsible for the care of children. Relatives, though, tend to think "it'll be ok" even though the warnings are there. Everyone plays down the dangers, and hopes for the best, until the unthinkable (denied) happens.
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Excellent post, LP. Your thoughts are very succinct and exactly correct.
You know you can live with a person with depression for years and eventually, their behavior and thoughts become the norm. You of all people know your partner best...you think. It really takes a professional to see the "truth", someone outside your circle of acquaintances.
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He is on suicide watch? They should change that to... 'Watch him commit suicide' Why does he get to be protected? The 2 innocent little ones had no protection.
amore1025 said:
i tivoed Oprah from yesterday. She interviewed Crespi and his wife and I have to say that those 2 absolutley disgusted me. He knew he had a serious mental problem and didn't seek help out of fear of losing his job. they were so concerned with keeping their lifestyle that it lead to the death of their 2 children. That was the impression I got when they kept talking about how scared he was of losing his job.
I saw the Oprah show yesterday about this case. Oprah had the wife on and interviewed Crespi from prison. She asked him many questions in what I thought was an attempt to get him to honestly step up to what he's done, which he really doesn't seem to do, imo. He repeats the canned lines he has re: his mental illness which was said to be depression, and is very evasive about things like "Why didn't you get help when you kept having thoughts about killing your family?" At first he said "Because it wasn't real, I didn't think I would actually do it," but Oprah stuck with it and he finally (sort of) admitted that it was partially because he knew if he revealed those thoughts people would think he was "crazy" or "take his kids away." This shows he knew right from wrong, in my book, and made choices.
The wife was forgiving, still visits him, still says they have a "great marriage, though different now that he's imprisoned," and defers to his mental illness whenever explaining the killings. The expert on the show mentioned that the father had already "disconnected" with the girls when he killed them and in some ways I think the wife has now done that too. She got teary eyed when remembering them in various spots in the house (like their room and where they were stabbed, etc.) but other than that she talked very little about them or what they must have gone through. It was all about this "dark" place the depression had driven her husband to, and how she has chosen to stick with him now. Considering that they were well-educated and had many resources, I find the case just tragic. How could he have thoughts of killing his kids and not tell his therapist and wife, if he was really serious about getting better and cared about them? Also, how often does depression lead to homicide? To me, the things he said were so lame. He said when the girls asked him to play hide and seek that day he thought it was a sign that he should kill them. This is depression? It sounds more like a psychosis of some sort. Anybody else see it?
Eve
The wife was forgiving, still visits him, still says they have a "great marriage, though different now that he's imprisoned," and defers to his mental illness whenever explaining the killings. The expert on the show mentioned that the father had already "disconnected" with the girls when he killed them and in some ways I think the wife has now done that too. She got teary eyed when remembering them in various spots in the house (like their room and where they were stabbed, etc.) but other than that she talked very little about them or what they must have gone through. It was all about this "dark" place the depression had driven her husband to, and how she has chosen to stick with him now. Considering that they were well-educated and had many resources, I find the case just tragic. How could he have thoughts of killing his kids and not tell his therapist and wife, if he was really serious about getting better and cared about them? Also, how often does depression lead to homicide? To me, the things he said were so lame. He said when the girls asked him to play hide and seek that day he thought it was a sign that he should kill them. This is depression? It sounds more like a psychosis of some sort. Anybody else see it?
Eve
nanandjim
Former Member
I saw part of the Oprah show and found the wife's reaction to be strange. She seemed more concerned about her husband than the murders of her daughters. She didn't appear, at least to me, to be that upset about her daughters' death. Maybe, she is still in denial.
She also said that she loved being David's wife and still loves being his wife. Geez...I would be heartbroken and a nervous wreck. I don't know if I would say that I still love my murderous husband. I guess that she is blaming the mental illness and not the husband. I guess that she thinks that he wouldn't have committed the murders if he weren't mentally ill.
I wonder if she is saying this in the hopes that it will help him during his trial and sentencing.
She also said that she loved being David's wife and still loves being his wife. Geez...I would be heartbroken and a nervous wreck. I don't know if I would say that I still love my murderous husband. I guess that she is blaming the mental illness and not the husband. I guess that she thinks that he wouldn't have committed the murders if he weren't mentally ill.
I wonder if she is saying this in the hopes that it will help him during his trial and sentencing.
I watched Oprah yesterday and still can't wrap my brain around the whole thing. I also thought that the wife was more concerned with her husband in jail than her two murdered daughters. Of course, I am not in her position, so far be it from me to judge her. Maybe she's medicated or something???
Better or worse, in sickness (mental) and health, I could not forgive someone that took the lives of my children. I'm pretty confident in that and I don't even have children. Just my opinion.
Better or worse, in sickness (mental) and health, I could not forgive someone that took the lives of my children. I'm pretty confident in that and I don't even have children. Just my opinion.
this may sound like a horrible thing to say- but besides not being able to "stand by my man" ( as they say over at pt ) I think I can honeslty say it would be difficult for me to take care of HIS 3 children from a previous marriage that she adopted--I realize they have nothing to do with it, but it would tear me apart, that he took "my" children--and i was left to raise his--does that make sense?KrisNine said:
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