NJ - Sean Goldman: Abducted and living in Brazil UPDATE: Coming Home

[ohiogirl]

It's a shame that Sean and David can't be left alone for a while to get reacquainted. He is not fighting visitation from the Brazilian family.

 

[SleuthyMama]

The mother's family in Brazil makes me want to scream!!! The mother took Sean away from David and they act like they are the ones suffering this huge injustice. It just burns my azz to no end.

And now after all that David has gone through to get his son home, this selfish disgusting grandmother won't leave well enough alone.

It always amazes me how these people play it off like they want to do what's best for the child but all they really want is to make themselves happy. She disgusts me. Absolutely positively disgusts me.

Sorry for the rant but Bruna really needs to drop it. Like yesterday.

 

[gitana1]

Oh boy, these people really seem to be trying their damnedest to totally alienate David Goldman, until he finally has enough and tells them to go fly a kite! (And, to forget about any future visitation!) I think they are just plain toxic!

Goldman Only Cares About the Money, Says Lawyer for Sean's Brazilian Family

http://brazzilmag.com/lamvt/news/79...y-says-lawyer-for-seans-brazilian-family.html

I'm not going to post any of the article, because I think it's a bunch of *BS*. I bet it's safe to say that the lawyer representing the Brazilian families probably only cares about money! I bet he's made a bundle on "Sean", too!

Their allegation doesn't make any sense. David Goldman became almost peniless in his five and a half year fight to regain his son. They are rich Brazilians and were fighting on their own soil. Thus, they didn't lose much in the litigation down there. If all David cared about was money, he could have saved himself the expense of lost wages, repeated trips to Brazil, hiring attorneys to fly down there to fight for him, etc, and just left his kid there.
He's simply trying to reclaim what those people stole from him with their criminal antics in illegally keeping his son from him for all that time. They were in the wrong, and went against interntational law. He ultimately prevailed but it cost him an arm and a leg. Now, they should pay so that Sean is not further vicitmized by the loss of his father's resources.

 

[gitana1]

I realize that gitana, however his number one responsibility right now is to his child, not the media, not curious onlookers, not speculators.

Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, Shawn Hornbeck were all stranger abductions, two completely different scenarios imo. Comparing this to Tiger Woods isn't even in the same hemisphere... two very very different scenarios.

Viera's question was a dumb one imo. David keeping internationally parental abducted children in the spotlight is one thing, very different than scrutinizing under a microscope. Sean deserves better, and I hope David focuses on helping his child adjust and heal first. There is nothing wrong with David stating he doesn't wish to answer certain media questions, particularly the one Viera asked about whether or not Sean has called him dad. How do you think Sean would feel about reading his dad answering that question or seeing it airing in the media? A little on the spot perhaps? IMO, David needs to first think about how his actions and responses may affect his child. After all it is the childs healing and adjustment which are top priority.

jmo of course

Most people who have followed this case for years know that David Goldman's number one priority has always been the welfare of his child. I don't think spectators and curious on-lookers are the targets. Instead, its concerned citizens, the people and government of Brazil, and our own government who David's message is intended to reach.

The cases I cited are extraordinarily similar to Sean's in one aspect, the one that makes his father's media involvment senisble - and that is they are all extremely high profile cases. It doesn't matter that they involve different subjects. Again, the way to keep the media from relentlessly hounding David and Sean is by giving them a bone, in a controlled manner, which David has.

I think, with all due respect, that you are making too big a deal about David's honest answer to a reasonable question. The context of both answer and question was sensible. I highly doubt that if Sean one day sees that exchange, it will traumatize him. David is giving an honest account, without any salacious detail, about the reunification process and I think it is very important for the public to see, both in terms of how Sean is veiwed, how his case is handled in the states and in Brazil and in terms of how other such cases are viewed. This is very true in light of the fact that various psychologists have been aired speaking about how traumatized Sean is going to be by this reunification, despite research that shows that children who are returned to left behind parents, fare pretty well and adjust fairly quickly. David's comments show that the adjustment is not instant but that adjustment is occurring.

Further, I highly doubt that David is giving Sean access to the internet and t.v. about his case. He is not exposing Sean to anything that will upset him. So, I would not worry about Sean being "on the spot".

David Goldman has a team of psych professionals advising him. He has been waiting for this day for years and carefully planning for it. I think he's doing a spectacular job in helping his son adjust and dealing with the incredible amount of media and public interest in a way that ultimately protects his son.
There was no big scene when Sean returned to the states and then later, to his home in N.J., as there was when Sean left Brazil, and that was by design. Mr. Goldman's doing a great job with this, IMO.

 

[KaylynnCouture]

I'm so glad Sean has been brought home.

 

[stilettos]

David was not airing his personal disappointment with Sean not calling him Dad. He was simply answering a question. Veira asked "has he called you dad yet?" and he replied, "No, not yet. He really hasn't called me anything yet." Sort of explaining that Sean was working through how to address him. When asked, David said, "Yeah, I call him son, buddy, Sean."

On a related topic, some have criticized David for working with NBC and airing any footage of Sean at this point. But, I think he has been VERY discreet with airing footage of his son and judicious with his comments.
I completely understand why he is involved with the media at all. There are several reasons. First, this is a common tactic for families who want privacy when faced with a case of national or even international fame and interest. Think Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, Shawn Hornbeck. They know the media will continue to invade their privacy and hound them. They know that without being given a bone, the public or their enemies will be free to frame events the way they want to. Thus, by giving one or two outlets exclusive access to the story, they can control how the sotry is framed and they can limit the intrusiveness of a media hungry for info.
Th opposite of this is Tiger Woods who remained silent. The media thus dug deep and boy did they find a lot! I know it is a different situation but just an example of what can happen when you don't play ball with the media in a high profile case.
Second, there remain 65 or so children illegally held in Brazil, not to mention thousands of children kidnapped to other countries. David Goldman fought tirelessly for five and a half years for his little boy. He prevailed but I have no doubt that he feels a sense of responsibility towards the remaining left behind families. Allowing public access to his painful journey is a way to keep such issues in the public's mind, it allows those left behind to feel hope and it allows foreign governments to see that all can be well when a kidnapped child is returned. He is being honest with the struggle and truthful with the success so far of his reunion with Sean. He is allwoing the world to see that the U.S. and Brazil made the right decision. He is a smart man working with intelligent advisors and I applaud him.

Finally, David has been very generous in his comments and actions surrounding Sean's Brazilian family. He hugged Bruna at the exchange and promised her he would not do to her what she did to him. He has been very lowkey in his comments, simply saying he felt upset by how they paraded Sean through the streets and that he will never understand their motivations. Believe me, he could have said much more. He was victorious and now has nothing to lose. Given that, his restraint is remarkable.

I think that only those who have been through an abduction of their child and had them returned would have any idea what this man and his child are going through. I have prayed for this man through the years and his child...the road ahead of them is not easy, but with love and professional help they will be able to travel out of this.

 

[athy]

i think sean's brazilian family better walk very lightly with this. brazil has no jurisdiction over this any more if i remember correctly and this was not a custody hearing to begin with. this was the mom kidnapping her son. they want to push too much couldn't NJ take things out of david's hands and say "look this child was kidnapped and you people held him from his father. that makes you assessories in aiding the mother." and then charge them.

 

[stilettos]

i think sean's brazilian family better walk very lightly with this. brazil has no jurisdiction over this any more if i remember correctly and this was not a custody hearing to begin with. this was the mom kidnapping her son. they want to push too much couldn't NJ take things out of david's hands and say "look this child was kidnapped and you people held him from his father. that makes you assessories in aiding the mother." and then charge them.

Let them come to America...we shall see.

 

[Openmind]

Oh boy, these people really seem to be trying their damnedest to totally alienate David Goldman, until he finally has enough and tells them to go fly a kite! (And, to forget about any future visitation!) I think they are just plain toxic!

Goldman Only Cares About the Money, Says Lawyer for Sean's Brazilian Family

http://brazzilmag.com/lamvt/news/79...y-says-lawyer-for-seans-brazilian-family.html

I'm not going to post any of the article, because I think it's a bunch of *BS*. I bet it's safe to say that the lawyer representing the Brazilian families probably only cares about money! I bet he's made a bundle on "Sean", too!

My response to David suing -- go for it. None of these legal expenses would have reached this level had the Brazilian family acted with decency and respect from the beginning.

This statement made by Brazil's Minister of the Special Secretariat for Human Rights, Paulo Vannuchi pretty much summarizes the situation to me.

Any child taken from the country in which he lives to another country, and who is retained without the consent of one of the parents, should be immediately taken back, so that all matters relating to custody and visitation can be decided in the country of habitual residence.

 

[Cubby]

Most people who have followed this case for years know that David Goldman's number one priority has always been the welfare of his child. I don't think spectators and curious on-lookers are the targets. Instead, its concerned citizens, the people and government of Brazil, and our own government who David's message is intended to reach.

The cases I cited are extraordinarily similar to Sean's in one aspect, the one that makes his father's media involvment senisble - and that is they are all extremely high profile cases. It doesn't matter that they involve different subjects. Again, the way to keep the media from relentlessly hounding David and Sean is by giving them a bone, in a controlled manner, which David has.

I think, with all due respect, that you are making too big a deal about David's honest answer to a reasonable question. The context of both answer and question was sensible. I highly doubt that if Sean one day sees that exchange, it will traumatize him. David is giving an honest account, without any salacious detail, about the reunification process and I think it is very important for the public to see, both in terms of how Sean is veiwed, how his case is handled in the states and in Brazil and in terms of how other such cases are viewed. This is very true in light of the fact that various psychologists have been aired speaking about how traumatized Sean is going to be by this reunification, despite research that shows that children who are returned to left behind parents, fare pretty well and adjust fairly quickly. David's comments show that the adjustment is not instant but that adjustment is occurring.

Further, I highly doubt that David is giving Sean access to the internet and t.v. about his case. He is not exposing Sean to anything that will upset him. So, I would not worry about Sean being "on the spot".

David Goldman has a team of psych professionals advising him. He has been waiting for this day for years and carefully planning for it. I think he's doing a spectacular job in helping his son adjust and dealing with the incredible amount of media and public interest in a way that ultimately protects his son.
There was no big scene when Sean returned to the states and then later, to his home in N.J., as there was when Sean left Brazil, and that was by design. Mr. Goldman's doing a great job with this, IMO.

You make good points. I'm a single mother myself, and have followed Davids story as well as others throughout the years at single parent forums long before I ever found WS. There is no way David can protect Sean from seeing this, reading this, or even hearing about it through peers. My point was only to be cautious.......

 

[Liz]

Posted by Brazzil on Twitter:

Grandma Silvana Urges Lula to Let Sean Talk and Calls Goldman's Move Unfortunate - http://bit.ly/6DUOis
about 2 hours ago from TweetDeck

Silvana Bianchi asks gift from Lula for "a Brazilian named Sean (Goldman): Uphold Constitution and give this child the right to be heard."
about 6 hours ago from TweetDeck

Aye, yay, yay! :crazy: Silvana (the 'Biachi') is absolutely relentless!
The woman needs to have her head examined. (She reminds me of Cindy Anthony.)
Definitely the (ex) mother-in-law from HELL!
Maybe President Lula will get sick of her bugging him and have her 'detained'.

 

[Openmind]

Aye, yay, yay! :crazy: Silvana (the 'Biachi') is absolutely relentless!
The woman needs to have her head examined. (She reminds me of Cindy Anthony.)
Definitely the (ex) mother-in-law from HELL!

I had not thought of Cindy Anthony but that is a very good comparison -- ultra controlling. I imagine she was as relentless to damage [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]her daughter's [/FONT]marriage and [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]did not stop [/FONT]until [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]she [/FONT]was back in Brazil living the life Mommy dearest could approve.

People like Silvana are so nar[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]cissitic[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]what they want is all that matters [/FONT]in their mind, and they will never stop until they get their way[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif],[/FONT] or create so much damage no one will forget how miserable they are. Silvana will feed and enflame every comment that Sean makes that implies he is unhappy. Of course he is homesick. Kids are homesick that go to camp for two weeks. Silvana will [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]never help[/FONT] Sean adjust. [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]She is a [/FONT]catalyst that will keep everyone miserable because she is not getting her way.

I pray with time and a normal routine Sean will learn to like and then love his new (really old) home. He lived here first, this was his home first, and it is w[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]h[/FONT]ere he belongs. He [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]would [/FONT]never have a normal life with Silvana -- she w[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]ould [/FONT]emotionally suffocate him.

 

[Roselvr]

I found this story today - Grandma Silvana Urges Lula to Let Sean Talk and Calls Goldman's Move Unfortunate

"I wanted to ask President Lula to give us a gift in 2010, to allow a Brazilian named Sean the right to express himself, the right to say what he wishes. He should upheld the Brazilian Constitution and give this child the right to be heard," she stated.

A spokesperson for the president informed that the president would not get involved in the dispute.

Bianchi told Jornal Nacional that since her grandson left Rio she only talked to him this Wednesday: "He said he was cold, he was by the fireplace and he was okay. He was missing us a lot and I told him I was dying of longing."

~Snipped -

The Brazilian family hopes Sean will say he'd rather live in Brazil.

I'm starting to really hate the grandmother. Calling Sean very mature for his age; yet refers to his "little brain".. then the comments about how she's dying of longing. Well if she can't keep the conversations positive; maybe she shouldn't speak to Sean. Sean's called her 3 times so far from what I've seen plus texting.

I saw a clip of Sean & David in his room where he was looking at his stuff & remembering. David looks like a very loving dad. David also appears to have family around; which will make things easier on Sean too. I'm sure playing with his cousins is the best thing for him right now.

.

 

[Openmind]

I found this story today - Grandma Silvana Urges Lula to Let Sean Talk and Calls Goldman's Move Unfortunate



I'm starting to really hate the grandmother. Calling Sean very mature for his age; yet refers to his "little brain".. then the comments about how she's dying of longing. Well if she can't keep the conversations positive; maybe she shouldn't speak to Sean. Sean's called her 3 times so far from what I've seen plus texting.

I saw a clip of Sean & David in his room where he was looking at his stuff & remembering. David looks like a very loving dad. David also appears to have family around; which will make things easier on Sean too. I'm sure playing with his cousins is the best thing for him right now.

.

Poor David is in an impossible position. If he lets Sean talk with Silvana, she will latch onto any and all comments that will keep him homesick and unsure. If he doesn't let Sean have contact his grandmother, she will loudly whine David is trying to control Sean and denying her her right's as his grandmother.

Any pity I felt for Silvan has long faded away with her willful nastiness.

One thing for sure, the Brazilian government must be as tired of her as everyone else. Serves them right for not doing the right thing from the beginning.

 

[Linda7NJ]

iMo There needs to be atleast a peroid of 60-90 without contact.

I also think a year from now the boy should be allowed to make his own decision

 

[southcitymom]

iMo There needs to be atleast a peroid of 60-90 without contact.

I also think a year from now the boy should be allowed to make his own decision

I absolutely agree with a 90 day no contact agreement. And I would be very interested in where the boy wanted to be in a year.

At what age do US Courts and/or Brazilian courts allow kids a say in what parent they go to? Here in GA, I believe it's 14. I was 12 when I made the decision to leave my Mom and sisters and go live with my Dad.

PS - I understand that this child has only one parent, but I am still curious about the age where we give children some say.

PSS - I wish that the families would use the 90 days to stay out of court and come up with a workable solution that works best for everyone....staying out of court would be key, of course. I wonder if they would be open to mediation?

PSSS - Does anyone know if the final Brazilian order included any direction about David allowing Sean visitation with his Brazilian family? I know David was/is open to that, just wondered if there was judicial direction.

 

[Roselvr]

iMo There needs to be atleast a peroid of 60-90 without contact.

I also think a year from now the boy should be allowed to make his own decision

David needs to turn his cell phone off.
If I was David, I would give his current cell phone to Sean just to use with the grandmother / Brazilian family. I would then get myself a new cell so that she didn't have my number.

If he has a house phone; I would change that number as well.
I would have my attorney inform them that Sean will call them in a week or when he felt he wanted to speak to them but that I would like my son all to myself so that we could bond without them interfering/poisoning him.

David doesn't appear to have a mean bone in his body but he needs to let them know he is calling the shots. The grandmother isn't his birth mother. Sean doesn't need to speak to her every day.

At what age do US Courts and/or Brazilian courts allow kids a say in what parent they go to? Here in GA, I believe it's 14. I was 12 when I made the decision to leave my Mom and sisters and go live with my Dad.

PS - I understand that this child has only one parent, but I am still curious about the age where we give children some say.

For one; I don't think it matters in this case right now. David is his only parent; Sean was kidnapped. Then who knows if Bruna left a will.

As to the general question; he's in NJ which usually frowns on letting a child "take the stand". I wanted my daughter to speak to the judge when she was 11 or 12; he wouldn't allow it.

If this case comes to a NJ court; the most they would probably do is to have Sean speak to counselors/psychiatrists; they would give their opinion.

PSS - I wish that the families would use the 90 days to stay out of court and come up with a workable solution that works best for everyone....staying out of court would be key, of course. I wonder if they would be open to mediation?

BBM
You wonder if who would be open to mediation? David or the grandmother?
I don't really see there is anything to mediate. David has said he'd consider visitation at a later date. The grandmother is blowing everything out of proportion.

PSSS - Does anyone know if the final Brazilian order included any direction about David allowing Sean visitation with his Brazilian family? I know David was/is open to that, just wondered if there was judicial direction.

From what I've read; they feel it is a NJ matter.

.

 

[gitana1]

I absolutely agree with a 90 day no contact agreement. And I would be very interested in where the boy wanted to be in a year.

At what age do US Courts and/or Brazilian courts allow kids a say in what parent they go to? Here in GA, I believe it's 14. I was 12 when I made the decision to leave my Mom and sisters and go live with my Dad.

PS - I understand that this child has only one parent, but I am still curious about the age where we give children some say.

PSS - I wish that the families would use the 90 days to stay out of court and come up with a workable solution that works best for everyone....staying out of court would be key, of course. I wonder if they would be open to mediation?

PSSS - Does anyone know if the final Brazilian order included any direction about David allowing Sean visitation with his Brazilian family? I know David was/is open to that, just wondered if there was judicial direction.

I suggested a two week period because that is the time period in which it takes most humans to adjust to any situation.
Most states do not have a set age at which a child can decide where he or she wants to live. Many people make that mistaken assumption (although I can't say I know New Jersey law but there is nothing in the federal laws regarding this).
Most American courts look only at the child's best interest when deciding custody. In most jurisdictions, a child's personal wishes are not considered until he or she is at a maturity level at which he or she is deemed able to play some sort of role in the decision. That age is usually not set. In California, it can be at 5 or it can be at 13. It depends on the maturity of the child and that is usually determiend through voir dire with a judge.
But, even if a child is deemed old enough to voice his or her opinion, the court does not make a decision based on what the kid wants. No child in American courts (unless emancipated) can make custody determinations. Instead, the court can, at a certain age, merely consider the child's wishes.
The reason for this approach is two-fold - one, because courts are reluctant to put children on the spot and two, because children are often not the best judges of their own best interests, as many parents know. For example, unfortunately, I have met several abused children that wish to stay with the abuser, simply because it is the only family they know. They love their family, they just want the abuse to stop. A court's decision cannot turn on what these kids desire.

ETA:
If Silvana's conversations with Sean continue to be negative, such as making him feel bad about his little sister, or speaking about how sad Silvana is, they should be cut off until she can learn how to speak in a positive way. This type of contact, in my experience, can be very detrimental to a child trying to adjust and can really harm him psychologically. if not cut off, such conversations should at the least be monitored by someone who speaks Portuguese, with each call ended and the moment she goes into territory that should not be gone into. IMHO.

Sorry, edited again to add: There is nothing in the Brazilian decision regarding custody or contact/visitation. David is free to do what he wants so the Barizilian family should really be cautious in how they treat Sean and this case if they want lots of contact.
David has a team of people advising him as to how best to handle the situation. Watching him all these years, I trust he will act maturely and in Sean's best interest, as he always has. In the end, no matter what anyone says, I think he will know what is best to do.

 

[gitana1]

Looks like New Jersey is very similar to California. There is not set age and the child's preferences do not determine custody orders:

"What New Jersey Family Law Judges look for in determining child custody.
In making custody determinations, Courts attempt to protect children's "best interests." This standard ensures a child's safety, happiness, physical, mental & moral welfare. Parental wishes will be rejected if inconsistent with the standard.
A number of factors bear upon a determination of what is in a child's best interest:
1. Parents' ability to agree, communicate & cooperate in child-related matters;
2. Parents' willingness to accept custody & any history of unwillingness to allow visitation not based on substantiated abuse;
3. Interactions & relationship of the child with its parents & siblings;
4. History of domestic violence, if any;
5. Safety of child & safety of either parent from physical abuse by other parent;
6. Preference of child, when of sufficient age & capacity to reason, so as to form an intelligent decision;
7. Needs of child;
8. Stability of home environment offered by each parent;
9. Quality and continuity of child's education;
10. Fitness of parents
11. Geographic proximity of parents' homes;
12. Extent & quality of time spent with a child prior to & subsequent to separation;
13. Parents' employment responsibilities; and
14. Number & ages of children."

http://www.divorcenewjersey.com/custody.html

 

[gitana1]

Oh, by the way, grandparents or step parents historically have very little rights to custody and/or visitation in the U.S.