NV NV - Steven T. Koecher, 30, Henderson, 13 Dec 2009 - # 7

[laytonian]

He wasn't unable to get out of bed and he didn't quit doing things that gave him pleasure, like coaching a basketball team.

He coached a basketball team?

http://www.clippertoday.com/view/fu...e-tips?instance=secondary_stories_left_column

OK, I phrased THAT one wrong, didn't I? I meant "He was STILL coaching a basketball team?"

We know he was an Eagle Scout years ago.....and that he'd done some things in the past. But dovebar's telling us he was STILL coaching a basketball team at the time of his disappearance.

All we had previously heard about basketball and the St George ward was that he didn't attend the ward basketball games and was not going to attend the upcoming one, either. (Source: Seth Abboud, the ward clerk, on Facebook)

So...I guess my question to dovebar is: where are you getting all of this inside information about his current (St George) activities, and how should we put it on the timeline? Why hasn't that basketball team come forward and talked about their coach? Did he miss coaching a game the week he was doing all that driving around?

 

[laytonian]

Since I have been here on this website, I have learned many things that are valuable in my everyday life.

....if you want to become a criminal.

It looks as though many people were on aware of drug runners. The thing with this kind of operation, there are NO ties if the runnners are caught. Many of these people that set up the drug runners, use homes and apartments that are not theirs. My friend told me, that they PREY on the innocent. They know how to seek them out. They look for people who need money. Who are desperate for work. They make it sound good. great money, nice motels to stay in, good food. They may even have a legitimate business set up, and run this on the side.

It is something REALLY going on.

Like I said, I have learned many things here. This is just one more evil situation going on.

The more crime cases I read, the more I'm convinced that I'm not cut out to be a criminal. I'm lousy at hiding secrets, I'm clumsy and couldn't sneak in anywhere, and I'd not much enjoy a prison cell.

Maybe instead of telling teenagers what NOT to do, we should make them sit through classes and show them how easy it is to solve most crimes.

Except this one.

 

[dovebar]

He coached a basketball team?



There's actually two Utahs: the LDS Utah, and the Gentiles. One group knows all their LDS neighbors. The other group (individuals of all faiths and cultures) are more individualistic and aren't a cohesive group. The LDS in the neighborhood have a block party; we Gentiles have our own party at the same time, but the two parties will never intersect.

We didn't know the name of our LDS neighbor three doors up, so when he people started coming and going, we wondered why. Turns out he'd died. All the Mormons knew, sent flowers, did all the neighborly things.
(Our daughter and her husband now own that home.)

On the other hand, the nearest LDS couple in the neighborhood, didn't know our daughter had had a kidney transplant until my husband mentioned it ... years afterward, when the kids were moving into the house across the street from her. All the Gentiles knew, sent flowers, did all the neighborly things.



Brava!

I mention the "two Utahs" because I wonder if it's possible that Steven was living in BOTH. Living in the "expected and approved" LDS community, yet also hanging out with Gentiles?

This kind of goes back to some of our initial thoughts, but I think it would be entirely possible to do so because neither group interacts with each other.

Or....could he have been just reclusive with either group?

One of the news stories about him mentioned that he coached a kid's basketball team. I remembered that because you mentioned his checking out the Maravich book. Sadly, he was probably the kind of guy who would have made a good children's elementary school teacher. There isn't a lot of support in the LDS community for a man making that kind of career choice because, especially in Utah, it is very low paid.

I have the impression from what all his friends have said that he was friendly but somewhat more introverted with all people. I've even wondered if he had a sort of high-functioning Asperger's syndrome without realizing it. Maybe this has been discussed.

Yes, there are two Utahs, one of the sad and uncomfortable things about the state to me, having friends in both "states." My point was just that Westerners and Americans tend to be extroverted, by comparison with cultures like... Finland, that prize quiet, introspection, and ability to be alone through a long, cold winter.

 

[laytonian]

One of the news stories about him mentioned that he coached a kid's basketball team. I remembered that because you mentioned his checking out the Maravich book.

I think he may have done it in the past; his Dad seemed to bring out every event he'd ever participated in. Like the BB thing. If he'd been active, you'd think we'd have heard from the BB organization. Or the boy that he was mentoring, in one of those heartfelt stories. Or the basketball team would have mentioned him. I think he left all of those things in the past. They've certainly not been mentioned as activities he's missed.

The Maravich book fits with the Utah Jazz, and would have influenced (perhaps) his questioning his current beliefs...since Maravich went through several religions and cultural shifts before "landing" as an evangelical fundamentalist.

Sadly, he was probably the kind of guy who would have made a good children's elementary school teacher. There isn't a lot of support in the LDS community for a man making that kind of career choice because, especially in Utah, it is very low paid.

I have the impression from what all his friends have said that he was friendly but somewhat more introverted with all people. I've even wondered if he had a sort of high-functioning Asperger's syndrome without realizing it. Maybe this has been discussed.

Yes, there are two Utahs, one of the sad and uncomfortable things about the state to me, having friends in both "states." My point was just that Westerners and Americans tend to be extroverted, by comparison with cultures like... Finland, that prize quiet, introspection, and ability to be alone through a long, cold winter.

That's also part of New Age/Native American beliefs.

I think Steven could very well have suffered from a socialization disorder, as you mention.

 

[carbuff]

I didn't say he was depressed because he liked to read and play his guitar. I said he displayed some behaviors that seemed similar to the way I behave when I'm seriously depressed, such as cutting off old friends and spending a lot of time doing nothing in particular.

Not all depressions manifest as not being able to get out of bed.

 

[sbakker]

It was brought to my attention there may have been a party Dec. 12th that Steven may have been invited to. Now this could just be a mistaken date. I had heard it was at a bishop's home in the area. If anyone has any info on this, could you PLEASE let us know. I have tried contacting some of Steven's church friends that may have known about it, or maybe attended.

I realize, it may be hard to remember, but it would be helpful if we had any info if it is true or not.

 

[sbakker]

I didn't say he was depressed because he liked to read and play his guitar. I said he displayed some behaviors that seemed similar to the way I behave when I'm seriously depressed, such as cutting off old friends and spending a lot of time doing nothing in particular.

Not all depressions manifest as not being able to get out of bed.

I understand what you are saying. I have a close relative that is bi-polar, and several close relatives on medication for depression.

i remember talking to my doctor about it, and he said"you depressed? You are always so happy! Its easy to hide things when you need to. I would lay in bed, not talk to friends, not keep appointments, etc. I think many of us are familiar with depression, and hopefully understanding, and take clues serious if we see them in our loved ones.

 

[laytonian]

It was brought to my attention there may have been a party Dec. 12th that Steven may have been invited to. Now this could just be a mistaken date. I had heard it was at a bishop's home in the area. If anyone has any info on this, could you PLEASE let us know. I have tried contacting some of Steven's church friends that may have known about it, or maybe attended.

I realize, it may be hard to remember, but it would be helpful if we had any info if it is true or not.

Definitely. It would help fill in the missing hours on Dec 12th....or whatever date it occurred on.

PLEASE, someone. Anyone.

I have talked to sbakker on background, and the Bishop's name begins with a D.

 

[dovebar]

I didn't say he was depressed because he liked to read and play his guitar. I said he displayed some behaviors that seemed similar to the way I behave when I'm seriously depressed, such as cutting off old friends and spending a lot of time doing nothing in particular.

Not all depressions manifest as not being able to get out of bed.

I did not mean to misquote you, just to present another perspective, so sorry if it seemed that way. You are right about depression and its many modes.

I just don't think searching = depressed, or unemployed = suicidal, and just because people consider themselves old friends doesn't mean we need to keep up with them. As Bridget Jones pointed out, the newly married can be obnoxiously preoccupied with what's "wrong" with their single friends. Sometimes polite people - if Steven was one - prefer to simply withdraw rather than confront the self-absorbed friends, especially if they can see that the relationship will not continue because of distance or time.

Or the change in circumstances can simply point out that the friendship was based on being single together and not deep interests. People at this age do cycle through relationships as they find themselves. Also, if your family is driving you nuts, you'd tend to keep your distance! That can be a healthy response, not a depressive one.

Certainly, though, all the aloneness, coupled with the need for money, made him vulnerable.

 

[RubyRed]

Definitely. It would help fill in the missing hours on Dec 12th....or whatever date it occurred on.

PLEASE, someone. Anyone.

I have talked to sbakker on background, and the Bishop's name begins with a D.

This is like pulling teeth!

 

[laytonian]

This is like pulling teeth!

sbakker has been working hard on this. Maybe we should buy her some dental drills

(I know the Bishop's name...and who initially mentioned Steven having dinner at their house -- but getting the confirmation is the hard part!)

 

[RubyRed]

sbakker has been working hard on this. Maybe we should buy her some dental drills

(I know the Bishop's name...and who initially mentioned Steven having dinner at their house -- but getting the confirmation is the hard part!)

I don't get the secrecy. It is bizarre to me. Someone is missing . HELLO. jmo

 

[Fairy1]

Definitely. It would help fill in the missing hours on Dec 12th....or whatever date it occurred on.

PLEASE, someone. Anyone.

I have talked to sbakker on background, and the Bishop's name begins with a D.

Is this Bishop's name also a secret?

 

[laytonian]

Is this Bishop's name also a secret?

No, but since I don't know his first name, I'm just calling him Bishop D.

It wasn't Steven's bishop; it was another bishop whose ward meets in the same wardhouse, and whose daughter was at the dinner.

 

[Fairy1]

It was brought to my attention there may have been a party Dec. 12th that Steven may have been invited to. Now this could just be a mistaken date. I had heard it was at a bishop's home in the area. If anyone has any info on this, could you PLEASE let us know. I have tried contacting some of Steven's church friends that may have known about it, or maybe attended.

I realize, it may be hard to remember, but it would be helpful if we had any info if it is true or not.

Is this something that could be asked on the "Find Steven" Facebook
or does anyone even go there anymore? I don't - it's not helpful to me.

 

[laytonian]

I don't get the secrecy. It is bizarre to me. Someone is missing . HELLO. jmo

So far, it's third-hand information - so it's not that it's secret, it's just that there's no confirmation of the event EVEN from the person who originally told the story.

We're trying to get independent confirmation, and most importantly: an exact time and date. Dec 12th is an especially sensitive date in Steven's life, and don't you agree that we need to get it "just right"?

Otherwise, all we have is "Bishop D's daughter told somebody else's daughter that Steven was at their house for dinner MAYBE on Dec 12th but we don't know what time."

 

[carbuff]

I did not mean to misquote you, just to present another perspective, so sorry if it seemed that way. You are right about depression and its many modes.

I just don't think searching = depressed, or unemployed = suicidal, and just because people consider themselves old friends doesn't mean we need to keep up with them. As Bridget Jones pointed out, the newly married can be obnoxiously preoccupied with what's "wrong" with their single friends. Sometimes polite people - if Steven was one - prefer to simply withdraw rather than confront the self-absorbed friends, especially if they can see that the relationship will not continue because of distance or time.

Or the change in circumstances can simply point out that the friendship was based on being single together and not deep interests. People at this age do cycle through relationships as they find themselves. Also, if your family is driving you nuts, you'd tend to keep your distance! That can be a healthy response, not a depressive one.

Certainly, though, all the aloneness, coupled with the need for money, made him vulnerable.

No problem. I don't disagree with anything you've said, and I certainly wouldn't try to diagnose Steven from long distance based on a few anecdotes. But I don't think we can discount the possibility, either. If he were depressed, some of the things that seem suspicious could be just symptoms of the illness.

 

[laytonian]

Is this something that could be asked on the "Find Steven" Facebook
or does anyone even go there anymore? I don't - it's not helpful to me.

People go there, but not the ones with this info.
I was going to post it on the BH7th Singles Ward FB page, but since it took place in a different ward, that's not going to help, either.

 

[RubyRed]

So far, it's third-hand information - so it's not that it's secret, it's just that there's no confirmation of the event EVEN from the person who originally told the story.

We're trying to get ndent confirmation, and most importantly: an exact time and date. Dec 12th is an especially sensitive date in Steven's life, and don't you agree that we need to get it "just right"?

Otherwise, all we have is "Bishop D's daughter told somebody else's daughter that Steven was at their house for dinner MAYBE on Dec 12th but we don't know what time."

I agree we need it correct. If it turns out to be true, then I honestly do not understand why it wasn't mentioned. This is the night before he goes missing, and these people must know he is missing.

 

[laytonian]

I agree we need it correct. If it turns out to be true, then I honestly do not understand why it wasn't mentioned. This is the night before he goes missing, and these people must know he is missing.

I wonder why it wasn't mentioned earlier, too -- then I remember that we didn't find out about "ward temple night" until TWO MONTHS LATER.

This coming out now, would be right on schedule, and I'm starting to think that St George is in another time zone (or planet).