Wolf Dreamer
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- Nov 10, 2012
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Been reading back through the last thread and I guess it's time I said something. I was a mistress for years. Didn't know his wife. I was single. But I was an easy mark for someone who was charming and caring and he did that so well. I went from being physically assaulted to the most precious thing in someone's life. He called me two or three times a day whereever he was in the world, and would drive two hours just for a five minute hug. He promised me that he would leave, but only once the kids were out of school and I was so dumb I believed him. I thought I was doing the right thing in waiting - and believe me, I felt no guilt. His friends accepted us and often told me how much happier he was with me. Of course after a while that started to slip, and he became very self centred. He wasn't interested in my day and would subtly undermine my achievements. He was prone to black moods and rash actions. I got up the courage to end the relationship and he played a blinder; sad texts, crying phone calls, being so *understanding* of how patient I'd been and all the rest of it for months until I gave in. I did still love him, or thought I did, and again he became incredibly loving. It was only after he slipped back to type and I happened to read an article about psychopaths that I realised what was happening. And that I didn't love him - I was scared of him, scared of what he could do, and angry at myself too. And somehow it all got mixed up until I didn't really understand my feelings at all.
So I have some understanding of ES' position, and some sympathies. And I know exactly what she means by: "And if able to finish my answer, I would have told them that regrettably I used those words 'I love you' to find the truth in so many lies." It's all you have to hold onto, it's what makes things make sense. I don't know if GR loved ES, he may have thought he did, but people like him use it as a weapon and a means to possession. I understand ES still being scared, as JS has said on J4J she is, because when you realise someone has managed to get such a hold over you without you knowing it - more than once in her case and mine - it is terrifying.
I also understand the self-righteous "some friend she was" approach and have indulged in it myself. But ES is a victim of GR too. Not to the same level, but reading how they "always" had sex, how he talked to other women about threesomes, how he changed her mailing address, she was a victim too. Perhaps she was more easily "controlled" than Jenn was/had become. Parading her like he did in front of the Renz family - he was making sure that ES never had anywhere to go except him.
As for my ex, he's still with his wife. I don't know if she knows, but I know he's had multiple other affairs. If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. If it hadn't been ES, it would have been someone else. GR is the demon here, never lose sight of that.
Solus, I think you're amazing and I respect you more than I could ever convey adequately in words. Thank you.
So I have some understanding of ES' position, and some sympathies. And I know exactly what she means by: "And if able to finish my answer, I would have told them that regrettably I used those words 'I love you' to find the truth in so many lies." It's all you have to hold onto, it's what makes things make sense. I don't know if GR loved ES, he may have thought he did, but people like him use it as a weapon and a means to possession. I understand ES still being scared, as JS has said on J4J she is, because when you realise someone has managed to get such a hold over you without you knowing it - more than once in her case and mine - it is terrifying.
I also understand the self-righteous "some friend she was" approach and have indulged in it myself. But ES is a victim of GR too. Not to the same level, but reading how they "always" had sex, how he talked to other women about threesomes, how he changed her mailing address, she was a victim too. Perhaps she was more easily "controlled" than Jenn was/had become. Parading her like he did in front of the Renz family - he was making sure that ES never had anywhere to go except him.
As for my ex, he's still with his wife. I don't know if she knows, but I know he's had multiple other affairs. If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. If it hadn't been ES, it would have been someone else. GR is the demon here, never lose sight of that.
Solus, I think you're amazing and I respect you more than I could ever convey adequately in words. Thank you.
