I've been following this thread since the beginning, making my first ever WB comment now.
As I follow this case, I keep thinking of the term
destructive entitlement. People carry an internal “ledger” of fairness. Most balance it constructively. They seek therapy, build healthy relationships, or even give back and prevent harm to others. But unfortunately, they can go the opposite way into destructive entitlement: trying to “balance” perceived unfairness by hurting others.
For adoptees, even in loving circumstances, separation from biological caregivers can create early attachment injuries. Estrangement or discord with adoptive families can compound this. If those wounds remain unaddressed, someone may feel entitled to a secure attachment and project that need onto anyone they have perceived as a close attachment figure at some point.
Unfortunately, destructive entitlement will persist until the person finds a constructive way to balance the ledger. Attempts to soothe it, by avoidance, other failed relationships, overachieving (MM certainly seems to be a high achiever) may provide temporary relief, but if the person does not find a constructive way to balance the ledger, harmful behavior will continue. Unfortunately, here, it seems to have ended the worst way possible, with the most entitled behavior possible: ending lives and forever changing many others.
That said, you're correct. It does not make sense at all. Destructive entitlement is the epitome of counter-productive. Romantic partners, present or former, do not owe us perfect or uninterrupted attachment; the ledger of fairness cannot be balanced by harming others. My heart breaks for the whole Tepe family and everyone who loves them.
MOO
Disclaimer: am a systemic therapist sharing a theoretical perspective. I have no direct knowledge of anyone involved, and this is not a diagnosis.