OK OK - Peggy McGuire, 28, Eufaula, 16 Nov 2015

[Eileen730]

I was in an abusive relationship and it took me 8 years to get out. Although, while in it I felt trapped...with no money...no esteem...no car...and the list goes on (mind you I had all of that going into it). Anyway, looking back I see clearly the red flags I totally dismissed to satisfy my own need. Had I paid attention I would have seen he was no good for me. But, I didn't and I lived a horrible life. I accept responsibility for that. Now I can't believe I ever allowed it. It doesn't make what he did right...but I should have listened to my inner self. Anyway...I know it's off topic, but I had to respond.


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((((((HUGS))))) Many of us have been in similar situations!

 

[Treelights]

Here is the thing!
sometimes the person u date turns into someone u don't know at all.
It is not all that easy for a married woman to just leave!
Has nothing at all to do with rights!

You are very wrong in your perspective I'm sorry!

All JMO

Everybody's perspective is different. Nobody is wrong in their perspective, in my humble opinion.

Although everyone's lives ARE different and have different circumstances, I can say, for myself, that I NEVER stayed around when there was ANY abuse. That first sign of abuse and I LEFT as soon as I could.

I was not willing to compromise myself.

It might not be that easy for a married woman to leave, but a married woman can get resources to help her, in my opinion.

I did NOT stay in one of my marriages.

Everybody has a different story to tell.

I am proof that I did not have to stay in an abusive relationship and I made plans to leave, and I executed those plans and I left!

IMOO.

 

[Treelights]

I was in an abusive relationship and it took me 8 years to get out. Although, while in it I felt trapped...with no money...no esteem...no car...and the list goes on (mind you I had all of that going into it). Anyway, looking back I see clearly the red flags I totally dismissed to satisfy my own need. Had I paid attention I would have seen he was no good for me. But, I didn't and I lived a horrible life. I accept responsibility for that. Now I can't believe I ever allowed it. It doesn't make what he did right...but I should have listened to my inner self. Anyway...I know it's off topic, but I had to respond.


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Sorry to hear you were trapped in an abusive relationship.

I did not have a car, and I got a job as soon as I could and I made plans to leave.

Like I mentioned in my previous post everyone's situations are different and I am saddened that you felt trapped and stayed in your relationship for that long.

I saw the red flags and I left. Thank God.

I am glad you did get out of that relationship.

IMOO.

 

[Treelights]

Unfortunately, it's not always that simple. There is a lot of psychological manipulation involved with abuse. Most women in those situations have an extremely difficult time seeing the situation the way you or I might. My friend is one of the strongest women I know. But during that time, she had become meek and beaten down physically and mentally. Please don't judge these women.

Also, the abuser often makes serious threats when the victim attempts to leave. As I stated before, this is serious and requires outside help. Please do not victim blame.

Google the cycle of abuse

I don't look at it as "judging" these women for staying in an abusive relationship.

I look at it as I would not stay in this type of relationship.

I valued myself more than that, despite having obstacles.

My comprehension is different. I just don't understand staying.

That is not victim blaming one bit, for not understanding why a person would stay in an abusive relationship.

In My Humble Opinion.

 

[Treelights]

In America, you can always say no. I don't fully understand why she stuck around all this time. This should be a lesson for other females in similar situations. Don't be afraid to leave an abusive relationship.

Good Post!

In my relationship, I took the fortitude and left.

I KNEW I had to leave.

I wasn't afraid to leave the relationship and the sooner the better. It wasn't easy to put plans in place, but I thought it out, and the plans worked.

I had to IMPLEMENT plans to do so, and I did it.

I know everyone's situation is different.

Thank God I left when I did.

IMOO.

 

[DatelineFan]

Good Post!

In my relationship, I took the fortitude and left.

I KNEW I had to leave.

I wasn't afraid to leave the relationship and the sooner the better. It wasn't easy to put plans in place, but I thought it out, and the plans worked.

I had to IMPLEMENT plans to do so, and I did it.

I know everyone's situation is different.

Thank God I left when I did.

IMOO.

I'm really glad that worked for you! I hope you're safe now.

 

[Treelights]

I'm really glad that worked for you! I hope you're safe now.

Yes! Thank You!

It has been decades!!

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

Here is the thing!
sometimes the person u date turns into someone u don't know at all.
It is not all that easy for a married woman to just leave!
Has nothing at all to do with rights!

You are very wrong in your perspective I'm sorry!

All JMO

My perspective is not 'very wrong'. It's just different than yours. It has everything to do with rights. Women have a right to divorce and protection. That is what makes America so great. We have divorce law in this country for a reason. Women need to know that there are ways out. They just need to use them.

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

I was in an abusive relationship and it took me 8 years to get out. Although, while in it I felt trapped...with no money...no esteem...no car...and the list goes on (mind you I had all of that going into it). Anyway, looking back I see clearly the red flags I totally dismissed to satisfy my own need. Had I paid attention I would have seen he was no good for me. But, I didn't and I lived a horrible life. I accept responsibility for that. Now I can't believe I ever allowed it. It doesn't make what he did right...but I should have listened to my inner self. Anyway...I know it's off topic, but I had to respond.


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Thank you for sharing your story. I am disappointed to hear that you were very independent beforehand, but became totally dependent once in a relationship. I feel like many women become used to a standard of living based on their relationship with a man and as a result, they won't leave in fear of losing that standard.

Anyways, I hope our youth can learn from these lessons.

 

[Eileen730]

My perspective is not 'very wrong'. It's just different than yours. It has everything to do with rights. Women have a right to divorce and protection. That is what makes America so great. We have divorce law in this country for a reason. Women need to know that there are ways out. They just need to use them.

I'm sorry U made some statements here that I really don't agree with and I don't think this thread is the place to argue it.
Restraining orders can be a death sentence.


You cant get away from a man that wont let u go....even if u leave! He is always there.
Cops don't do anything....they have to catch him doing something and they are too smart for that.

If it was so easy to leave we would not be posting on these millions of threads here in WS about missing wives and mothers!

sorry !

AJMVOO

 

[menmo]

In America, you can always say no. I don't fully understand why she stuck around all this time. This should be a lesson for other females in similar situations. Don't be afraid to leave an abusive relationship.

You're right, you can always say no but then all hell breaks loose with some of those you are saying no toward.

If the abuser makes threats, victims should seek LE immediately. You can file domestic abuse charges and restraining orders. There are methods you can take to ensure safety. This is America. It's not Afghanistan. Women have rights and protection channels. They just need to use them.

Another point to make is that women have a choice with who they date. They don't have to date aggressive jerks, but many do and complain about abuse later. Most women know what they are signing up for.

I'm not saying these apply to your friend and I am by no means justifying what abusers do, but we should learn from these lessons and educate our young on potential abusive traps that can happen.

These above comments are of my opinion only.

Leaving and filing restraining orders are sometimes a death sentence. These people didn't obey boundaries before, now they're ticked off and sometimes make the other person pay for bringing it to the attention of LE.
I dated my ex husband for some time before we got married. I say I never saw the signs before I married him but looking back I should have paid attention to how he treated his mom. He, in my opinion, is a woman hater. Two weeks after we got married was my first hit. I should have left right then but didn't. Eventually the abuser mentally beats the other person down. You don't even know it's really happening. One example was I was 5'4 and 114 lbs. I was told often how fat I was. Then how ugly I was. Then how stupid I was. I hid the abuse from my family because I wanted to protect him from being hated by people. Crazy of me but it's how it was! It's not always easy to leave but when I did I waited until he was at work and my friend borrowed her boyfriends truck and had mine and my kids things out within 2 hours. It's been many years and he and his family are still on a smear campaign about how horrible I was.
Glad to be out of that family!

ETA: Before anyone thinks that I took that abuse because I liked it or was raised that way by my parents you're wrong. I hated it and came to hate him. Then it turned into feeling sorry for him that he was too stupid to see his own faults and better himself. Then to the point I am now where it is what it is. Lesson learned.
I was raised completely opposite of him. My parents didn't hit me, spank me, or abuse me in any way. I knew I was loved. The way my family loves and the way his says they love are completely different.

I keep coming here hoping to see ARREST. I have my thoughts about who did this to her, as I'm sure you all do, too.

Personally, I think Peggy's son should not be living with his father at this time and wish the court system would take custody of him for now and I rarely ever think that. I just can't imagine what he is hearing from people around him and hope he's not being told that she abandoned him because I do not think she willingly left.

JMO!

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

You're right, you can always say no but then all hell breaks loose with some of those you are saying no toward.

Leaving and filing restraining orders are sometimes a death sentence. These people didn't obey boundaries before, now they're ticked off and sometimes make the other person pay for bringing it to the attention of LE.

If they violate their boundaries, an arrest can be warranted. Restraining orders are meant to protect. They should not be considered a death sentence. If you don't feel like LE is doing their job, call the sheriff. He (or she) is an elected official meant to represent the people. If you don't think he (or she) is doing a sufficient job, elect another one.

I keep coming here hoping to see ARREST. I have my thoughts about who did this to her, as I'm sure you all do, too.

I have a feeling an arrest will come, but it will take a while... maybe years. A no-body murder case takes a long time to build... especially in Oklahoma.

Personally, I think Peggy's son should not be living with his father at this time and wish the court system would take custody of him for now and I rarely ever think that. I just can't imagine what he is hearing from people around him and hope he's not being told that she abandoned him because I do not think she willingly left.

I agree with you hear. Due to his violent past, he should not be taking care of the son. Unfortunately, if the mother is unable to take care of the child, the default guardian goes to the father. Peggy's mom should consider engaging social services or a lawyer.

 

[DatelineFan]

If they violate their boundaries, an arrest can be warranted. Restraining orders are meant to protect. They should not be considered a death sentence. If you don't feel like LE is doing their job, call the sheriff. He (or she) is an elected official meant to represent the people. If you don't think he (or she) is doing a sufficient job, elect another one.



I have a feeling an arrest will come, but it will take a while... maybe years. A no-body murder case takes a long time to build... especially in Oklahoma.



I agree with you hear. Due to his violent past, he should not be taking care of the son. Unfortunately, if the mother is unable to take care of the child, the default guardian goes to the father. Peggy's mom should consider engaging social services or a lawyer.

Did you miss the part where Peggy's abuser only spent ONE night in jail? This happens all the time! And it usually gets worse when the abuser is released. Ugh.

 

[menmo]

If they violate their boundaries, an arrest can be warranted. Restraining orders are meant to protect. They should not be considered a death sentence. If you don't feel like LE is doing their job, call the sheriff. He (or she) is an elected official meant to represent the people. If you don't think he (or she) is doing a sufficient job, elect another one.



I have a feeling an arrest will come, but it will take a while... maybe years. A no-body murder case takes a long time to build... especially in Oklahoma.



I agree with you hear. Due to his violent past, he should not be taking care of the son. Unfortunately, if the mother is unable to take care of the child, the default guardian goes to the father. Peggy's mom should consider engaging social services or a lawyer.

Sometimes a person doesn't get a chance to call for help with restraining orders. Sometimes it isn't all about having bad LE but knowing they can't be everywhere quick enough to help you in time to save your life. Sometimes people call and these abusers are so sneaky they get away before they get there. It takes time to re-elect someone if that were the problem. I was fortunate. The neighbors called so many times that a deputy did see what was happening to me, did tell him how it was, did talk to me and let me know what could happen not just to me but my kids and I listened to him. He later became our sheriff and I still appreciate all he did way back when.
I'll just agree to disagree on this part.

I am not faulting Peggy for any of this. None of this is her fault. She can't make someone treat her that way, it's all on him. If she had left he could have still came after her. They share a child. That is the tie that really does bind, unfortunately.

JMO

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

Did you miss the part where Peggy's abuser only spent ONE night in jail? This happens all the time! And it usually gets worse when the abuser is released. Ugh.

No, I read that pretty clearly and it upsets me greatly. It is unfortunate that he only spent one night in jail. Not a lot of details are really given on that charge other than that document. Why did he spend so little time in jail? Were the charges dismissed? Strangulation is a huge red flag for violence. The act happened in Indiana. In Shawnee, OK, Troy D Loveland was sent to jail for 23 years due to a domestic violence strangulation charge. He was later given a life sentence due to a separate murder via strangulation. I would think that Peggy should have filed some sort of restraining order with her local law enforcement in Eufaula. Maybe I am a bit naive, but I would like to think our LE system would provide meaningful help to her.

Regardless, all of this happened and she STILL lived with him afterwards. This is something that I am struggling to understand. Why stick around? The situation is a time bomb just waiting to explode. There was a previous fb post that suggested that he provided her with a strong standard of living. He paid for the housing arrangement, he bought her that nice truck, and he helped finance her education. IF that were true, she may have stuck around in order to provide a better standard of living for herself and her son or perhaps there was some sort of emotional attachment.

Maybe I am just naive little boy..... but it's hard for me to sympathize with the missing in this case given the information presented thus far. Bottom line: If there is abuse, you gotta get out. Don't risk it.

Sorry to anyone I offend, but I hold my right to have my own opinion, even if it goes against the grain.

 

[DatelineFan]

So much victim blaming. Sad.

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

Sometimes a person doesn't get a chance to call for help with restraining orders. Sometimes it isn't all about having bad LE but knowing they can't be everywhere quick enough to help you in time to save your life. Sometimes people call and these abusers are so sneaky they get away before they get there. It takes time to re-elect someone if that were the problem. I was fortunate. The neighbors called so many times that a deputy did see what was happening to me, did tell him how it was, did talk to me and let me know what could happen not just to me but my kids and I listened to him. He later became our sheriff and I still appreciate all he did way back when.
I'll just agree to disagree on this part.

I am not faulting Peggy for any of this. None of this is her fault. She can't make someone treat her that way, it's all on him. If she had left he could have still came after her. They share a child. That is the tie that really does bind, unfortunately.

JMO

Let's agree to disagree on this one. I respect your opinion.

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

So much victim blaming. Sad.

Again, I apologize if I offend anyone. It is just my opinion. My intention is to give a different perspective. Not to blame. Many of you here have experience with abuse so your opinions may differ. I am giving you an unbiased perspective. Take it or leave it.

Technically, she isn't a 'victim' yet, but given the evidence presented thus far, I believe she will be considered one in the near future.

 

[DatelineFan]

Again, I apologize if I offend anyone. It is just my opinion. My intention is to give a different perspective. Not to blame.

Technically, she isn't a 'victim' yet, but given the evidence presented thus far, I believe she will be considered one in the near future.

She's absolutely a victim of abuse, per the records posted.

 

[PokeyMeansBusiness]

She's absolutely a victim of abuse, per the records posted.

Touché DatelineFan, Touché.

I was referring to a victim in terms of the missing case.