Parents pay kids for good grades

[southcitymom]

Life might not always be fair, but mom and dad will ALWAYS be fair. If my kids work hard, they're going to be rewarded by me. If they do what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it with little to no bitching, I'm going to tend to go ahead and buy them the stuff they want - the fun stuff. If they start acting like spoiled brats, I can take things away just as easily as I give them. My husband and I worked hard to get where we are. I see no reason to say no to giving my kids the things they want just to teach them some sort of life lesson. Maybe the lesson is that their parents busted their asses and they get to enjoy the good life. How's that lesson? LOL There are very few things, within reason, that I will tell my kids "no" on. As long as they're good kids, I don't see why I should.

I read this book once which talked about how saying no more than yes to kid's wants is one of the most important things you can do for them. It helps them develop a tolerance for frustration and a sense of reality, two crucial life skills.

The author of this book, as an example, told parents to make a list of everything they wanted with cost being no object, letting imaginations run wild. After the list is finished, you are then supposed to go back and put checks next to those things you might reasonably expect to have or aquire by a ripe old age. Most people might acquire 10% of their "wants" in an average lifetime. Yet those same folks will say yes to their kid's wants 90% of the time.

He says this is why kids should hear "no" more than "yes" when it comes to things they want. I think about this point often because I am a big softy and I like to say yes to most of the fun stuff as well!

 

[southcitymom]

No. Tampons, horseback riding, gymnastics, etc. can stretch the hymen.

Not to mention vigorous masturbation...which might help keep some out of trouble in the tender years!

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I read this book once which talked about how saying no more than yes to kid's wants is one of the most important things you can do for them. It helps them develop a tolerance for frustration and a sense of reality, two crucial life skills.

The author of this book, as an example, told parents to make a list of everything they wanted with cost being no object, letting imaginations run wild. After the list is finished, you are then supposed to go back and put checks next to those things you might reasonably expect to have or aquire by a ripe old age. Most people might acquire 10% of their "wants" in an average lifetime. Yet those same folks will say yes to their kid's wants 90% of the time.

He says this is why kids should hear "no" more than "yes" when it comes to things they want. I think about this point often because I am a big softy and I like to say yes to most of the fun stuff as well!

Well, I don't say yes everytime, but if I can't think of a good reason to say no, then what the hell! LOL Saying no just because I can seems rather stupid.

My daughter just called me. She received a letter today inviting her to study in England and France for a few weeks this year. Last year, she was invited to Canada, but didn't want to go. My friends say that there's absolutely no way that they'll let her go until they catch the last of the "gatoraid" terrorists. LOL

 

[kidzndogznme]

I agree, Jeana. I pay my kids for "A"s too. They also get money for strong "B"s but not as much as an A. C and below and they owe me money. So say I give them $5 for an A but then they get a C on the same report card, part of that $5 is deducted. My parents did this for me when I was younger and it worked a lot more than just my own incentive. Knowing I would get a couple dollars more for studying harder made a huge difference.

I pay for "A"s on report cards. During the year $5.00 per A and on the final report card of the year, $10 per A. As I explain to my kids, this is their job and they should be paid for doing it well. They're going to get my money one way or the other. This way, they're getting good grades, so at least I'm getting something for my money~! LOL Who knows, may even get them some scholarship money for college and then my few bucks now may save me big bucks in the future. So far, they're both bringing in straight As.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I agree, Jeana. I pay my kids for "A"s too. They also get money for strong "B"s but not as much as an A. C and below and they owe me money. So say I give them $5 for an A but then they get a C on the same report card, part of that $5 is deducted. My parents did this for me when I was younger and it worked a lot more than just my own incentive. Knowing I would get a couple dollars more for studying harder made a huge difference.

Absolutely!!! We were so broke when I was a kid there's no way my parents could have done it. There were four of us, so times were pretty hard.

 

[Cypros]

I'm not sure what jobs you're referring to that the income is not enough to retire. My husband and I won't have any difficulties. We're prepared.

I guess you are out of the loop.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I guess you are out of the loop.

Thank God.

 

[kgeaux]

Has anyone ever received an "F"?

Only once. That's all it took.

 

[JBean]

Some kids are just "C" students no matter how you slice it. My "A" kids got "A"'s because they could and it was expected. I didn't pay any of them, it was just unwritten. The notion of paying is hard for me to wrap my head around.
But my "C" student got "C"'s because that was just the best he could do.He got "A"'s in the subjects he excelled at, but in most subjects he was a "C" student and as long as there was a capital E for effort , that was enough for me.
So, of you guys that pay for grades, don't any of you have"C" students? If so, how do you pay them for grades? If they are "C" students do they get paid for their hard earned "C"?

 

[julianne]

My 2 youngest boys have never gotten a 'C', but my oldest boy has. And, in his particular case, they were never "hard earned C's". They were C's because of his lack of effort and work. I was able to differentiate between the two because of progress reports showing some assignments not finished, and some assignments not being completed at all! He is definately more of the "social butterfly" and very often has a lacksadasical (sp?) attitude when it comes to studying. So, for those not-enough-effort C's, he got grounded and had the computer, TV and phone taken away. I say "got" because I am hoping that it's all past tense! We are 1 week into the new school year, so we shall see!!!

But, if those were truly hard-earned C's, with all work completed, and some serious effort put forth.....I would absolutely reward it.

 

[Glow]

welcome home jbean! :blowkiss:


I cant answer your question since I fall in the no pay group.

Lots of praise, report card on the fridg, but no cash.

Of my four two were like you mentioned. A's in their strong subjects C's in the ones they hated.

One was a solid B student in every subject in every grade (my little tortoise)

One the last one btw who got less attention and help than the others solid A's every subject every year.

I dont see how money would have impacted any of them very much one way or the other.

 

[JBean]

Gosh it occurs to me that you all may be talking about elementary school students too? I am only thinking about high school students. I'll have to reread this thread, to see if you guys pay the little ones too. At that age, they did everything i told them to:innocent: , so they always got good grades. But elementary school came easily to my kids because our school district is so bad.
It wasn't until high school did they really have to work hard for their grades.


Thanks Glow! Same with mine and money. They would have thought I had lost my mind lol!

Julianne, yes I meant "C"'s that were earned through hard work. but again, I am really referring to high school age students, because our elementary schools didn't provide much of a challenge for them. "A"'s were easy to come by.
I meant my "C" student tried as hard as he could in high school, but in the final analysis he was really just an average student.
So if paying parents don't pay for C, how does that make the kids feel that can only get a C? Penalized for doing their personal best?

 

[JBean]

You had a cool dad, JBean.

I'm catching up...thanks Cypros..yes he was. very progressive and forward thinking. Raised us to be extremely independent and with 4 boys and 4 girls, we were taught that girls could do anything boys could do
My dad's big thing was making us think and figure it out on our own. I guess with 8 kids they knew we wouldn't listen to them anyway.They would almost always let us fall flat on our faces, but rest assured we figured it out 10 times faster than the kids that had parents that thought for them.

 

[IdahoMom]

IMO

There are no easy answers to parenting. None of us are perfect. I think that all of us posting here are doing what we think is best, without benefit of hindsight.

I can think of worse things than rewarding your children with a little extra spending cash for a report card that makes you proud. I have two kids capable of straight As and one that would have difficulty getting there. I factor that in and he gets many kudos (and spiff, too) for his above and beyond effort.

Geesh...there are kids getting molested, beaten to death and starved in this country. Let's not scoff at (ya know, that tsk, tsk thing...)or cast stones at the parents that slip a little $$ in their kids' pockets for walking the straight and narrow.

*****Editted to remove quote because I was responding to no one in particular.

 

[Juliana]

Here's my 2 cents. My younger brother and I were raised in a home where education was not emphasized by any means. Neither my brother nor I went to college for any length of time. However, I did very well in my career because I'm a girl and got an administrative job in the real estate dept of a major retailer and I spoke up with my ideas on store locations, etc, and they let me actually progress to where I picked real estate sites, negotiated leases, etc. My brother on the other hand, without a degree, has toiled and worked his off, for one menial job after another. No one will give him a chance because he does not have a degree. He nows struggles to afford a home within a reasonable and safe school district so that HIS SON will not have the same worries and struggles he has. Sometimes it doesn't have to do with being wealthy, it has to do with being safe and just merely getting by. I believe parents are obligated to stress the importance of education and to provide the means for the child to get that education (college) so long as the child is responsible and appreciative. So if paying for good grades helps in that regard, more power to ya! In our family, the kids pick a prize they would like at the beginning of each grading cycle. If they get straight A's, they get the prize. If not, they don't. More times than not, they don't get the prize, but when they do, it's a party and they feel GOOD! Same as in real life, right?

imo

 

[JBean]

Yeah, those parents that try to help their kids really suck!

There are no easy answers to parenting. None of us are perfect. I think that all of us posting here are doing what we think is best, without benefit of hindsight.

I can think of worse things than rewarding your children with a little extra spending cash for a report card that makes you proud. I have two kids capable of straight As and one that would have difficulty getting there. I factor that in and he gets many kudos (and spiff, too) for his above and beyond effort.

Geesh...there are kids getting molested, beaten to death and starved in this country. Let's not scoff at (ya know, that tsk, tsk thing...)cast stones at the parents that slip a little $$ in their kids' pockets for walking the straight and narrow.

Gosh Idaho, just because some of us don't pay for grades doesn't mean that we think people that do pay "suck". It's just a different approach is all. Paying for grades doesn't work for me personally, but it doesn't bother or offend me that others do.
We all help our kids in our own ways.

 

[julianne]

IMO

There are no easy answers to parenting. None of us are perfect. I think that all of us posting here are doing what we think is best, without benefit of hindsight.

I can think of worse things than rewarding your children with a little extra spending cash for a report card that makes you proud. I have two kids capable of straight As and one that would have difficulty getting there. I factor that in and he gets many kudos (and spiff, too) for his above and beyond effort.

Geesh...there are kids getting molested, beaten to death and starved in this country. Let's not scoff at (ya know, that tsk, tsk thing...)or cast stones at the parents that slip a little $$ in their kids' pockets for walking the straight and narrow.

*****Editted to remove quote because I was responding to no one in particular.

Thanks, Idahomom! Great post!

 

[julianne]

Gosh Idaho, just because some of us don't pay for grades doesn't mean that we think people that do pay "suck". It's just a different approach is all. Paying for grades doesn't work for me personally, but it doesn't bother or offend me that others do.
We all help our kids in our own ways.

I'm sure Idahomom was being sarcastic...hence the smiley with the winking eye.

 

[OneLostGrl]

Raise your children well, and they will grow up to be whatever makes them happy. And you willl be proud of them, whatever they choose.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

 

[OneLostGrl]

If she's a tramp by 18, there also will be no need for the doctor visit and she will not get a truck. At this point - she's fine. I have no idea how to see into the future to see if she will remain my trustworthy little girl or turn into a tramp - but I have my pocketbook set on not buying her a car if she changes into the tramp.

It's not sexist. It just happens that she's a girl. The same deal would be made for a boy.

Oh, and she will only be 16 when she starts college. She's on that path. At 18, I am not any longer responsible for those kinds of decisions.

Because she *may* be sexually active before age 18- that would make her a tramp in your eyes?!?!?!