Peterson's Ex-Mistress Frey to Wed

[narlacat]

<<it is better to put energy into kids not into dating>>

There's no energy left after you've put it into the kids, or kid in my case
I don't have much time or inclination to date.

 

[Old Broad]

Interesting discussions here.
I hope for Ambers sake and for everyone else involved, her kids, his kids and now apparently their kid, that this will be a good stable relationship.
Amber is certainly not the only woman out there to have children with different men and I'm sure she won't be the last. She does strike me as someone who has worked hard to support her children and that's more than many do. Yes she's made some choices that were not the best, but I've made some myself and hopefully she's learned from her mistakes. Some women seem to need a man in their life more than others and IMO Amber is one, I can't say that's wrong or right, I guess it's right for her, it would be wrong for me that's all I know.
A woman I work with has 3 children by 3 different fathers, never been married and the last man she was with who she thought was a "real prize" it turned out was mollesting them. She is the type who feels she "has to have a man" and stayed with him with hopes he would marry her even though he was an ass to her and her kids, very controlling but all she could see was a possibility that just maybe a man would marry her. She tried her best to not believe the mollesting was going on until it was proven by his confession that it was going on! Now her kids are in therapy, he has a court date coming up and she's doing her best to be on the prowl for the next man! If and when she ever does find someone who will marry her I believe she'll find out that getting a ring on her finger will not be the "happy ever after" story she thought it would be, some women just seem to think they have to have a man to feel complete, I don't know if it's this way for Amber or not, I just think it might because of what I read.

Old Broad

 

[PrayersForMaura]

Narla,

Those who do not understand the time difference, much less your relationship with your child have no business commenting.
Those who do know you a little better, however, know exactly what you are doing while missing meeting times on messenger and WS.

Hey, if anyone is getting neglected by you - it's ME!!!!!

It's a forum, anyone can post. And I wasn't even responding to Narlacat about spending time with their kids... she chose to respond to a post I made to someone else and she chose to get defensive and take it personally.
I was merely asking a question about whaty constitutes neglecting a child.


Best to check the facts before jumping on someone's case.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

Interesting discussions here.
I hope for Ambers sake and for everyone else involved, her kids, his kids and now apparently their kid, that this will be a good stable relationship.
Amber is certainly not the only woman out there to have children with different men and I'm sure she won't be the last. She does strike me as someone who has worked hard to support her children and that's more than many do. Yes she's made some choices that were not the best, but I've made some myself and hopefully she's learned from her mistakes. Some women seem to need a man in their life more than others and IMO Amber is one, I can't say that's wrong or right, I guess it's right for her, it would be wrong for me that's all I know.
A woman I work with has 3 children by 3 different fathers, never been married and the last man she was with who she thought was a "real prize" it turned out was mollesting them. She is the type who feels she "has to have a man" and stayed with him with hopes he would marry her even though he was an ass to her and her kids, very controlling but all she could see was a possibility that just maybe a man would marry her. She tried her best to not believe the mollesting was going on until it was proven by his confession that it was going on! Now her kids are in therapy, he has a court date coming up and she's doing her best to be on the prowl for the next man! If and when she ever does find someone who will marry her I believe she'll find out that getting a ring on her finger will not be the "happy ever after" story she thought it would be, some women just seem to think they have to have a man to feel complete, I don't know if it's this way for Amber or not, I just think it might because of what I read.

Old Broad

Hard to compare Amber -- someone you don't even know -- to someone at your work.
No one is molesting Amber's kids....
Apples to oranges.


Sometimes women with three kids and one father have more issues than Amber does.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

I personally don't think single parents of either sex should bring others into the mix for a good long time. I can't put a number on it, but it is just another risk of loss and turmoil for the kids. They get attached, there is a break up, and it's a lot for kids to digest. I wouldn't advise bringing a dating partner into the picture until you are sure they are potentially a true keeper.IMO it takes a long time to figure that out. Always exceptions, but where kids are concerned, why not be extra cautious?Male or female, rules apply the same.
There is no one recipe that works, but IMO and as a general guideline it is better to put energy into kids not into dating. Usually, they are already dealing with a loss of some kind and usually could use the extra time and attention.

some children raised by a single parent whose mother dated a lot of guys turn out better than kids with two "perfect parents". My mother dated a lot after divorcing my dad.
I earned scholarships to college, a great job and am a pretty nice person. I genuinely care about people. I'm living proof of what many people here are suggesting can't happen. And, I love my step father more than my real dad. He's been more of a father to me than my own father has.

Look at the Porco family. Their son is on trial for murdering them. Look at Scott Peterson. Etc. You can have two parents and turn out way different than someone with one main parent.


Just because the shoe fits you doesn't mean everyone likes the style and has to wear it.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

I know, I mean come on! Her kids probably will ask her..which one is my daddy..mommy! :angel:

Well I doubt her kids will ask that.

Amber was to marry the 2nd father. For whatever it's worth, it didn't happen.
Now she's getting married again and it's not really confirmed that she's pregnant. It's he said, she said.

I think the one she marries will love her children all the same. As will she.
It doesn't apear that the first father even wants to be part of their lives.
So what difference does it all make?

There a lot of adopted kids who don't know who their natural parents are, but they wind up being loved all the more by their current parents.
It's all good.
I haven't seen a study yet that shows women who had a different father from the one who raised them turn out to be any worse than anyone else.


This discussion is all about people's own morals and trying to compare Amber against their beliefs. Everyone believes differently and in the end, the energy one exhausts being so angry about Amber is not healthy.

 

[JBean]

some children raised by a single parent whose mother dated a lot of guys turn out better than kids with two "perfect parents". My mother dated a lot after divorcing my dad.
I earned scholarships to college, a great job and am a pretty nice person. I genuinely care about people. I'm living proof of what many people here are suggesting can't happen. And, I love my step father more than my real dad. He's been more of a father to me than my own father has.

Look at the Porco family. Their son is on trial for murdering them. Look at Scott Peterson. Etc. You can have two parents and turn out way different than someone with one main parent.


Just because the shoe fits you doesn't mean everyone likes the style and has to wear it.

I am not talking in extremes PFM.My post was written in general terms. .
Sometmes this is true sometimes it is not.
based on your posts and my posts I can tell we were raised very differently. Neither right, neither wrong, just different.
That is part of what this conversation is about. Just comparing social attitudes. I don't think anyone should wear my style. I am only giving my thoughts on the subject, not looking for validation. I am way too old for that

 

[JBean]

.


This discussion is all about people's own morals and trying to compare Amber against their beliefs.

exactly! That's what makes it a thought provoking discussion.

Everyone believes differently and in the end, the energy one exhausts being so angry about Amber is not healthy.

One exhausts equal energy expressing the opposing view. That's what makes the conversation fun! I don't think anyone is really trying to influence anyone elses life choices.

 

[txsvicki]

Amber may be the free independent woman but she has really put herself into some situations that are too hard on her emotionally. Having children alone and many disappointing relationships take a toll on a person and that can't be good for the long term. Hope she makes it with this guy and if not, I hope that she will not bring any more men around her kids for a long long time. According to Amber in her own book, she was so lonely not having a home with a dad for her first child. It was so sad to read her words. I can imagine how she will feel if this one doesn't turn out and there has been the little boy of the chiropractor in between.

 

[Lauren]

I think the Scott experience would have been enough. But I guess not. Sounds like she is insecure and will take any male will have her. Pretty pathetic and showing her kids to take whatever man shows you the least bit of attention. From the sources we have heard from, 6 months preggers? She broke up with Marckovich in Nov? She gets over things quickly. If I was her and had dated SP I seriously would give up on men and move away!

 

[TaylorJ4]

It's a forum, anyone can post. And I wasn't even responding to Narlacat about spending time with their kids... she chose to respond to a post I made to someone else and she chose to get defensive and take it personally.
I was merely asking a question about whaty constitutes neglecting a child.


Best to check the facts before jumping on someone's case.

She was actually responding to me-and I did not feel she was attacking me. She obviously does not have kids so can't understand where I am coming from.

Do I think Amber neglects her children? I don't know enough about her to say that. My main problem with her is that she let someone she barely knew pick up her toddler from daycare unsupervised-and that man was Scott Peterson. If she wants to sleep with a different guy every night it's her business, although she needs to be careful about who she dates...

Shannon

 

[Lauren]

I agree, Amber should be triple choosy. Now she sounds desperate. She can be the best mom in the world, with 3 kids by 3 dads. I can't figure how she is going to make that work with all the other parents, grandparents and holidays. But that's why I didn't make her choices. We are all allowed an opinion. That's all they are.

 

[Old Broad]

Hard to compare Amber -- someone you don't even know -- to someone at your work.
No one is molesting Amber's kids....
Apples to oranges.


Sometimes women with three kids and one father have more issues than Amber does.

PFM I wasn't trying to say that Amber and my co-worker were the same as far as what happened with their children, just that IMO I see a bit of that same "neediness of a man" in their life. A woman can be that way without ever having children, or have several with just 1 man. I do mean what I said about hoping this will be a good stable relationship for all involved.

OB

 

[Seeker]

Amber and Robert live(d) across the street from each other, so of course they and their kids were going to see each other, even say "hi" and wave like we tend to do to our neighbors here.

Dave and Amber were still together as of last Christmas in fact they were living together. I had heard that Amber and Dave "might" get married over a year ago. He decided he wanted to wait. Yes they went to court, but ONLY to hammer out the legal details re:Justin's care and support in case they split from each other.
Now Amber is about 6 months pregnant with her new husbands child. Do the math.

Yes Amber loves her kids, really dotes on them and they are happy and healthy. That's what matters.

As for Amber not waiting to have unprotected sex...it's not like she has not been advised by people who know and care about her and the kids to have the guy checked out first. It's not like she wasn't taught this in high school either. Amber simply does not think about it and she does not take time to get to know the guy before she has sex with him.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

exactly! That's what makes it a thought provoking discussion.
One exhausts equal energy expressing the opposing view. That's what makes the conversation fun! I don't think anyone is really trying to influence anyone elses life choices.

nope... i'm not expressing anger in my posts. Quite different for some people on the other side of the fence. You can very much interpret anger in some posts.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

I think the Scott experience would have been enough. But I guess not. Sounds like she is insecure and will take any male will have her. Pretty pathetic and showing her kids to take whatever man shows you the least bit of attention. From the sources we have heard from, 6 months preggers? She broke up with Marckovich in Nov? She gets over things quickly. If I was her and had dated SP I seriously would give up on men and move away!

I don't think she is pathetic. She didn't have her mom around a lot, as you could tell during the trial... you'd see her dad more often. Maybe she just didn't have a mother figure to help her make decisions that some deem would have been "better".
she's working, she's providing for her children and she's surviving. She wants to be loved. She doesn't want to be lonely. I see nothing pathetic about that.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

She was actually responding to me-and I did not feel she was attacking me. She obviously does not have kids so can't understand where I am coming from.

Do I think Amber neglects her children? I don't know enough about her to say that. My main problem with her is that she let someone she barely knew pick up her toddler from daycare unsupervised-and that man was Scott Peterson. If she wants to sleep with a different guy every night it's her business, although she needs to be careful about who she dates...

Shannon

thanks for posting about this, shannon! That's my best friend's name by the way ... great name!
Yes, I was responding to your post, and I didn't mean anything personal by it. Glad you didn't take it that way

I totally understand why many people including yourself find it problematic that she let Scott pick up her child from daycare, unsupervised. Many people are cautious and not trustworthy like that. That's a good thing. However, people like Amber and even people like me with no kids sometimes trust people easily. Is that wrong? Maybe. I have a pretty good gut instinct, and maybe she did, too. Scott is a complete jerk. I definitely think that. But she didn't feel she was in any danger or her child and that is why she trusted him.
In hindsight, yeah... we see the monster he is now. Clearly.
However, some relationships just move more quickly than others do. Some people get serious faster than others. Doesn't mean that she has to shelter her children from the world. They are still so young that many things might not affect them the way they would adult children.
I can't remember much about my own childhood, but I know in my teenage years, I was jealous of my mom's time with my stepdad, whom she was dating at the time. I was a very angry teenager at times, too, and had some behavior issues. However, I turned out a lot better than expected.
Amber's kids are still young. Let's look ahead on it in 15 to 20 years and see if amber's decisions ruined her children's safety or their lives.

I'm not posting this just to you, but to many people who believe that she's endangered her children.

Some of the best mothers who don't behave in ways Amber has can turn their heads for two minutes, and their kids drown in a pond.
Does that make the parent a bad parent? No. Things happen.

I think Amber and her children are going to be fine, if they aren't already.
they have love, food, shelter and all the necessities to survive.
And perhaps Amber's fiance will be a great father and give them more than enough love and attention and this will all be a mute point.

 

[luvbeaches]

Amber's kids are still young. Let's look ahead on it in 15 to 20 years and see if amber's decisions ruined her children's safety or their lives.

I'm not posting this just to you, but to many people who believe that she's endangered her children.

I do understand what you are saying, but why even take the chance? Like I said...Amber can sleep with whoever she wants, and as many guys as she wants...that doesn't matter to me, just do it to where the kids aren't involved. I mean, come on, having Scott pick the daughter up at school. Right. That was a real smart move.

And she's taking risks with those kids. Sure, she can wait and see how they turn out, but why would you even put a child in that situation, if you didn't have to?

I love my kids too much to ever expose them to something like that. I put my needs behind the needs of my children. Period. And having sex (and getting pregnant) with multiple guys is doing nothing but satisfying HER needs.

It's about the children. And and as much as she says she loves her kids (and I have no doubt she does), she needs to think of their welfare and safety first...long before her need to have sex. It's the adult thing to do.

My point has nothing to do with judging what she does. She can do as she pleases...I don't think one way or the other of that. Just keep the kids out of it. Leave them with a sitter. Don't have the guys over for a "sleepover." Things like that. Then if she does find someone that she's serious about, then introduce them to the kids. This revolving door thing isn't good for kids, I don't think anyway.

 

[luvbeaches]

Now Amber is about 6 months pregnant with her new husbands child. Do the math.

So she got pregnant with this new baby while she was still with the other guy at Christmas?

 

[Lauren]

My kids come before everything and everyone else. Although they are teens and really want their independence I am still waiting up and making sure they are ok!

As for Amber, she has not changed her patterns at all. She needs to figure out why she does all this? I believe it's a deep insecurity. No man will ever fill that hole. She doesn't even give herself breathing space.

I have no doubt that she loves her kids, but jeez, Amber is on her way to more kids? That takes time,energy,resources and a lot of support. I hope she has all of the above. She is going to need it. I hope the man that married Amber truly loves her and just doesn't feel sorry for her. Pity is a poor subsitute for love and wears off quickly.