I'm certainly not taking a superior attitude. But I'm gobsmacked when I hear the claim that Jodi, as a woman (and here representative of social attitudes toward women), has somehow gotten away with sexual behaviours that men would never get away with. She hasn't gotten a pass on that, or anything for that matter; but forgive me for failing to apply the brakes on my sarcasm at the very idea that she has. She's been completely vilified, not even primarily for being a murderer, but for being a lying, s-word murderess, and all that feminization of the word implies. And everywhere one looks--it can't be missed--the hatred for her has been graphically sexualized.
I keep hearing, on the one hand, that men just cannot resist when sex is dangled in front of their noses and that we can't hold that against them. Then I'm hearing that only men are held accountable for their questionable sexual behaviour, while women get a free pass because they're women, and they, the women, are enjoying this special privilege, this double standard, at the expense of oppressed men--who, by the way, can't help themselves.
When did this happen that, all else being equal, women are escaping judgement while men are being condemned? I see no evidence of this great inequality with men as the underdogs. So I asked: when was Jodi, just because she's a woman, given a free pass?
Well, you're changing my argument, for one. My comment about the free pass was about going back to her abuser. People say Travis could not have been stalked or abused by Jodi because he still called her and had sex with her and remains friends with her. It had nothing to do with Travis having sex with Jodi because it was there and Jodi being a




. When Jodi goes back to her abuser it's because she's scared and fragile and crazy in love. When Travis does it, it's because he was lying and must not actually have been as tormented as he actually was.
You'll also never hear me call anyone a




. Grown ups are free to do what they want with their sex lives. I really don't care what Jodi did or didn't do with her body and who she bedded.
But again, that's not the argument people are making here. This is not about Jodi being a




and




shaming her. This is about Jodi using sex as a tool and then flipping it around on Travis, making him a deviant who demanded sex from her. From the texts I have seen, Travis never propositions her for sex. And that's just from what I've seen. He's shared fantasies with her and sent her naughty texts so yes, this implies that he's sexually attracted to her and enjoys the sex. But Jodi more than once offered herself to him. We never see him ask her to dress like a school girl or ejaculate on her face. She offers it and asks for it with gusto.
Giving Jodi a pass for her willing and eager participation in the sex with Travis is setting women back. She chose to have sex with him and she admits it was always consentual. Now she says that it was all Travis and she was manipulated and coerced to participate with him. That is a dangerous thing. And Travis is not here to defend himself. It does seem very much like she used sex as a weapon and a tool with men. Her texts to him are overtly sexual. In their phone conversation, she constantly steers the conversation toward sex. Other men and people that knew her have said similar things about her. She used her body to get what she wanted.
Also, the reason people are saying that Travis couldn't resist sex with Jodi is because of a culmination of things. He never drove out of his way to her. He told people that while he liked Jodi, he needed to separate from her and was trying geto out because he didn't like what he was doing with her. In their sexual encounters, she goes to him. There is a story about Travis going to Jodi's apartment, but he took a friend there to meet her. There was no sex that day. It's always at his house, except for the car sex and baptism sex. It would just seem that Jodi knew what his vice was and instead of respecting his wishes to stop having sex with her and stay so they both are not tempted anymore, she would come around with sex and he could not resist. That's not really that much of a stretch. He was very attracted to her. When she left he said he was glad because they could finally move on from each other and stop succumbing to each other. This is not to say that Travis wasn't fully willing and enjoyed the sex. I'm just looking at the factors at play. Travis really did seem to be making efforts to move on and extricate himself from this particular relationship. Jodi did not seem to be making such efforts. She can act like she was now, but she wasn't. She went back again and again and again. If she was trying exctricate herself from the sex, she would avoid going to his house and finding herself alone with him. Travis seemed to be trying to take measures to avoid that temptation. He didn't ever seem to go to her house alone. He brought friends along with their Havasupai trip because he didn't want to be alone with her.
Travis was a hypocrite. I won't lie. He had issues and his religion was hindering him. Perhaps he could have handled the situation with Jodi better. But they used each other. Jodi said as much before her story changed. They were using each other. I am not going to give Travis a pass for his sexual participation with Jodi. But at least he didn't pretend the relationship was something more than it was. He made it clear to her that he woulnd't marry her and just wanted to be friends. Jodi chose to go along with this and continue having sex with him and told him she was fine when really she was desperate to marry him. That is just more manipulation. Now when he realized that he meant more to her than she did to him and that she had an unhealthy attraction to him, he definitely should have stopped sleeping with her. She was like a drug to him. He was finding it hard. It doesn't excuse him to say that. It's just the truth. He was a drug to her too. I have more ideas on why he continued to see her and be with her after the stalking started and escalated. But this post is already long enough and that's another argument.
Lastly, when you encounter a post that you disagree with and wish to respond to, it's better to not use sarcasm. You'll get an easier time having a discussion with someone that way and getting people to understand your side. People aren't going to take what you have to say if you respond in a negative matter. I have learned a lot and have been given A LOT to think about from reading this thread from well thought and level headed posts. In hindsight, you have a point. But I think you have to look at each situation on a case by case basis. Here, it's not as simple as




shaming and the man gets a pass for being a man and the woman gets




shamed. There is so much at work here. And I probably didn't describe it well enough but I tried.