Poll: My Experience with Bullying

[pittsburghgirl]

I was bullied by a group of older high school students, and much of it happened on the school bus when I was a sophomore. While it was painful at the time, what I took away from it was how the most popular girl in school, a senior, stood up for me and made the bullies stop. Then, two years later, I was able to do the same thing for another sophomore. I told her to "pay it forward." The whole thing was an important life lesson that I've never forgotten.

I wasn't a bully, but I would also say that many kids were invisible to me. While that sort of teenage arrogance isn't bullying, I think kids are also scarred by being out of the "in" group.

 

[pittsburghgirl]

I was bullied as a child...braces on the teeth, thick glasses, and dorky clothes. My daughter was sexually assaulted at school. The admins were doing nothing, some of teachers witnessed the incidents but the boy was only suspended for a few days. We had to take her out of school and put her in alternative classroom off campus. She also had to go to counseling, moved past it and is now in the Army Reserve, spent a year in Iraq, made it home and taking college classes. She's smart and beautiful. What angers me is that school admin and teachers did nothing to protect her, and I'm sure that boy is out there assaulting women today as I write this. He was never punished enough in my mind, a 3 day suspension where he was home playing video games doesn't cut it.

Something similar happened to a friend's daughter--bullies threatened to kill her, actually called the house to tell her they would kill her when she got off the bus. (She had already been sexually assaulted at a party.) I was there at the time and she handed the phone to me and the bully repeated the threat to me. The shocking part was what the principal said at the conference my friend had at the school (I went as a witness): "It's one person's word against another's." That is--the word of a 16-year old bully vs. that of an adult with a 20 years of teaching experience. My friend took the girl out of the school and paid for private education. It was worth every penny. What a travesty that the bullies are supported instead of the victims.

 

[Ada Wong]

Throughout my years in school, I was consistently bullied. It wasn't just other students doing the bullying either, because I was often openly and loudly insulted by various members of school faculty as well. Despite the fact that I was consistently an excellent student, various teachers had a habit of calling me stupid and making a major issue of any failings I showed.

To this day, I am uncertain of what it was they actually expected of me. I won multiple school spelling bees, a regional mathematics competition, and had some of my poetry published. I was also invited to take the SAT when I was eleven years old. Again, I am not sure what they expected of me.

I was by no means a troublemaker, and I kept largely to myself, but bullying caught up with me anyway. During my school years, I was somewhat overweight, extremely tall compared to my classmates, and was a certified geek because of my intelligence and interests. As I grew older, the majority of the taunts turned to the issues people had with my state of dress, my apparently boyish appearance, and rumors about my sexual orientation. I was even physically beat up on a handful of occasions.

I eventually left school, and I still remain quite distrustful of other people and authority figures; however, I survived. A former classmate and friend of mine was not so lucky. He endured bullying similar to my own experiences, but he committed suicide shortly after his eighteenth birthday. I will never forget him, nor will I forget the fact that I just as easily could have been in his shoes.

 

[Herding Cats]

I was bullied as a child, but at that time, they just called it "teasing."

I clearly remember one incident in 7th grade. I had a bad crush on an "older" boy - 9th grade, and he came and "asked me out". I was to meet him at lunch, and we'd sit together. He'd even buy me juice. I agreed - I was on cloud 9.

Lunch time came, and I went to the agreed table. There was a pile of dog poo, and a bottle of something else - labled juice - although I don't know what it was. The tables next to me were full of 8th and 9th grade girls; they then got up, one holding my arms behind me, and smeared the dog poo on my shirt. Told me I was dog poo, and that this should match my outfit. They took my glasses off my face, stepped on them (they didn't break), and then poored the nasty liquid on them, and put them back on my face.

Then they let me go.

The lunch monitor saw this. Did nothing.

I went to PE, changed into my PE clothes, washed off as best I could, threw away my glasses and my clothes, and left school. I came home, told my brother (who was in a different school) the truth but lied to my parents about my glasses and clothes, and was punished for loosing my glasses.

The next day, I said something to the school officer. His response? "Are you doing something which makes the girls hate you? You should think about it, and change your behavior."

I stopped eating lunch - too dangerous, in my mind - and started spending time in the library at lunch and on breaks.

Throughout the rest of school, I was tormented by these girls, and sometimes boys. There was a huge fight in my junior year in high school, and it was bad. They ganged up on me, were beating me pretty badly, and then they slugged a teacher who was coming to help me, or break it up. They got suspended, and I was not. Which, of course, left me vulnerable when they came back. It was horrible. And it continued until they "graduated" and were not at school any more. But until then, I'd hide out and avoid them; they would take it out on my bike, though. I don't know how many flat tires and destroyed seats I got, and one time they did something to the brakes.

I survived. I learned from that experience, and what has happened in the intervening years is I'm very quick to spot injustice around me, and stand up to people trying to bully me in the workplace.

But those experiences, those difficult years, those threats and physical beatings, changed something in me.

It was not teasing. It was physical assault, and continued for years. And it is wrong on every level. I may have survived it, but I should not have ever been in the situation in the first place.

School is not a safe place.

Best-
HC

 

[songline]

Joel Burns - "it gets better" he was bullied.
MUST SEE - UNBELIVABLE.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax96cghOnY4&feature=player_embedded[/ame]

 

[MandyLeigh]

I too was bullued by an adult. I was only in 3rd grade. It was a teacher who I didn't have classes with but she dealt with kids in lunch and recess. She was forever yelling at me for bizarre things. Like when my little sister started school I held her hand and helped her on the playground. I was yelled at for it and ordered to ignore her. She threw a ball at my head and I ended up getting slammed into a wall. Everything went dark for a while, I had gotten knocked out. She claimed it was an accident.

The last straw was in lunch one day. She knew I was allergic to milk as I had a note to excuse me from picking it up at the window. She demanded I take one and when I couldn't get it down she grabbed me by the face and forced me to drink all of it. I got so sick in front of everyone and was so embarrassed. I got yelled at for that too.

I had kept it all to myself until the milk incident when I could no longer handle it on my own. My mother was single and working 2 jobs at the time soI didn't want to bring her anymore stress. When I finally told her she hit the roof. She went down to my school and was heard from the principal's office down the hall into the parking lot. :woohoo: I never saw the woman again.

I do remember being teased by the "rich girls" though. I was told to "learn how to dress" since my clothes didn't come from the mall. We didn't have a lot of money so basic poor girl things. Nothing was ever as bad as that adult teacher though. I had another teacher who you could tell hated her job but she was mean to most.

Every other teacher I had was wonderful and truly made a good impact on me. I adored them all.

 

[gxm]

I was both victim and bully. Although in my day it was called teasing. There was one girl in sixth grade who was teacher's pet and I was jealous and teased her terribly. I recall being teased (called names, verbal bullying) in elementary school too, but nothing compared to spending eighth grade being sexually assaulted almost daily.

There was one boy who started off patting my behind and as the year went on he got bolder until he was eventually reaching his hand up my dress and, literally, grabbing my private parts. I complained to the principal and was told not to wear short skirts (this was Brady Bunch era and I dressed like Marsha Brady, pretty tame by today's standards). It got to the point where I was hiding in the girls bathroom to try to get away from him. But he would follow me and wait right outside the door to grab me as I came out, after the bell when I thought it was safe.

It was horrible. And the weird thing is that it never once crossed my mind to tell my parents. That's only one experience of many in which I was bullied and physically assaulted in middle school and high school. I saved myself by becoming the girlfriend of a guy the other kids knew not to mess with. He was my bodyguard and no one bothered me the entire time I dated him.

 

[wallflower67]

I had a gym teacher who bullied me, and once yelled at me so loudly during an assembly that the whole gymnasium full of kids (probably k through 2nd) came to a dead silence. I was in kindergarten.

I hated gym forever after that, and it is probably what set me up to be bullied throughout my grade school and middle school years.

My life could have been so different if it hadn't been for that one teacher. I was abused at home, but maybe, if she hadn't targeted me, I wouldn't have been abised at school too.

Like gxm, there was a boy who sexually assaulted me throughout that year. Started with my breasts. Then my butt, then my privates.

the summer between my 8th and 9th grade years, my best friend died. when I stared high school that fall, I pretty much didn't give a crap about what people thought of me. I didn't speak to anyone, and they didn't speak to me. I must have been giving off some "don't $% with me" vibes. Later that year, I met two girls who introduced me to their friends, and we are all still friends to this day.

So high school was a success for me socially. Otherwise I would have killed myself...slept with a razor blade in my bedside drawer for years when I was a child.

 

[PMLsmom]

the summer between my 8th and 9th grade years, my best friend died. when I stared high school that fall, I pretty much didn't give a crap about what people thought of me. I didn't speak to anyone, and they didn't speak to me. I must have been giving off some "don't $% with me" vibes. Later that year, I met two girls who introduced me to their friends, and we are all still friends to this day.

I am SO glad you are here wallflower! My best friend was bullied, and her dad killed himself (my dad found him). After that, she was bullied unmercifully.

Again, I will tell all of you(r) kids...Look for us, the strong SILENT (outcast) ones. I will fight forever for you all. I will forever take on those who will forever wish I never knew them. I KNOW them, I KNOW their names, I KNOW their games, I SEARCH for them. Not all bullys will repent, they just get more evil...But I AM STRONGER, and I will get STRONGER. LOOK for us, we are there for you.

 

[tlcya]

I was bullied, the usual, I was bullied by mean girls who tagged me a and a because apparently their boyfriends discussed my er growing attributes, a source of discomfort and emarrasment for me. I was bullied because I wore handme downs and goodwill specials.

In elementary school, I stood back and did not intervene when another girl with serious health issues was bullied. My best friend and I distanced ourselves from this girl who wanted nothing more than a friend or two. When that girl died (around 4th or 5th grade IIR) I was so guilt ridden for not having extended myself and my friendship to this girl, that it changed me to this day. Since that time, even tho in later grades, I was being bullied myself for the above listed things, I never backed down if I saw another being bullied.

 

[Snarky247]

I was bullied for most of my elementary & junior high school career. Not only was I overweight, poor & socially awkward, but I had those Tina Fey glasses that are way cool now but were the kiss of death in the 70s.

In high school, when I lost weight & got contacts, I became the target of mean girl bullying. Some of it may have been deserved but 30 years later, I still remember who accused me of having sex w/every guy they could name. It went so far that someone spray painted something about me to that effect in the street in front of my house where my parents & younger siblings could see it.

One of my greatest moments as a mother came a few yrs ago when my daughter got in trouble in school. She pinned a boy to the wall (she was in 4th grade & a normal sized kid) and threatened him. Why? Because he was sexually abusing another girl verbally & touching her inappropriately, knowing she would never tell on him due to her culture & language barrier (she was Hmong). This boy was a lot bigger than Alexa but from what her teacher said, he was fighting tears when she intervened. She wasn't hurting him physically but I guess she was verbally tearing him a new one.

I'd like to say I'm a good mother & punished Alexa for physically assaulting the kid, but nope. I told her that she made a mistake putting her hands on him, even to separate him from the other girl but that I was proud of her for not letting someone bully her friend. She made me cry when she told me that hearing about how I was bullied as a girl made her decide that she would never be a bully or stand by when someone else was.

 

[ScorpRising]

Found this thread this morning, on purpose. I was bullied for being too skinny, too white, too whatever. My bullies were the ones that pretended to be friends with me and because I had such low self-esteem, I took it. My nickname was trash... I'm sure I joined in on bullying others along with my "friends" but what others got, I got 10x worse. And in those times, I learned I'd never be good enough... for anything.


There's currently an anti-bullying repost status on a social networking site and I've been avoiding it. bf decided to make his own relating to being the one bullied in hs and how most people reposting this were his bullies. How nice they've forgotten while the damage was done long, long ago.

 

[coopzoo]

As you can tell by my signature, this subject hits a nerve with me.

I was bullied/tormented in junior high and high school. We didn't have much money growing up, so I was constantly picked on for wearing hand-me-downs and "uncool" non-brand name clothes. I was called awful names, basically told I was trash/dirty, etc. I also lived an emotionally abusive life at home at the hands of my stepfather, who always told me I was "worthless." In high school, I was bullied by a male teacher - daily - in front of the whole class. The principal and school board members were well aware, but did nothing. We filed a formal complaint against him, but because he hadn't physically harmed me, it was "placed in his file."

To this day, I sometimes have self-esteem issues stemming from those experiences.

Thankfully, we didn't have Facebook and Myspace, cell phones/texting, etc, or I wouuld never have been able to get away from that h3ll. I am heartbroken for the kids who are victims of bullying today because it is nonstop, relentless, and even more public (via the Internet).

 

[cami]

To give a more complete image of how the users/readers/creators of the threads in this forum have experienced bullying, I thought a poll might be useful.

Please vote, and feel free to share your experiences in a post - but remember that this forum is in the public area of WS.

(Mods, please feel free to move this thread if you wish.)

I was never bullied as a child but I have been bullied so bad in my workplace,due to a medical condition I have, by adults that I now am off work with PTSD. I'm not being paid by my employers either.

I've tried to file harrassment charges against them but no go. since it's government, it's hard to find a lawyer to take your case.

 

[LinasK]

Bullying and other types of chronic social stress affect gene activity in the brain, suggests a new study in mice. The changes may lead to persistent social anxiety.
"Just as alcohol affects your liver, stress affects your brain," said lead researcher Yoav Litvin of Rockefeller University in New York. The anxiety that can result from being teased and otherwise treated poorly is organically based, Litvin said, meaning it arises from physical changes in the brain.
more at link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110316/sc_livescience/bulliesbruisebrainsnotjustegos

 

[cami]

Bullying and other types of chronic social stress affect gene activity in the brain, suggests a new study in mice. The changes may lead to persistent social anxiety.
"Just as alcohol affects your liver, stress affects your brain," said lead researcher Yoav Litvin of Rockefeller University in New York. The anxiety that can result from being teased and otherwise treated poorly is organically based, Litvin said, meaning it arises from physical changes in the brain.
more at link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110316/sc_livescience/bulliesbruisebrainsnotjustegos

Yeah I've been diagnosed with a stress disorder basically from the bullying by coworkers and harrassment by management.

For anyone who knows what it's like. Once they want you out of your job, they'll do anything, even lie to get you out. I'm in a strong union so they can't touch me.

 

[stillwatersc]

weird how so many recall/report being bullied, while so few view(ed) themselves as the bully

actually... i should have read this whole thread before i said that. i'm sure it's been analyzed already.


ON EDIT: Okay, I just ran through the thread and saw that 1) the observation I made above has not actually been discussed; 2) the bullied far more outweigh the bullies than I even thought at first (it was harder to tell in the poll because there was only one category for bullying, really); and 3) nearly all those who said they bullied at all described it as "bullying bullies," or at most admitted to bullying one kid or in one situation.

This puzzles me.... Where did all those chronic bullies come from??? Is there no one among us who, say, laid into other kids on a regular and relentless basis? No one like the kids who bullied Phoebe Prince?

I'm for sure not saying anyone is lying or even withholding but it is strange. I can't imagine that only the bullied want to weigh in.... Weird.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Being bullied made us who we are, sympathetic to the victims. IMO many of the bullies grew up to be the criminals and they are not interested in sleuthing.

 

[FLmom777]

My daughter was bullied briefly in kindergarten. There was one boy that she had in PE every week. The first time, he tripped her as she ran past. She told the teachers but was told they didn't see it.
Around this same time, I was called for a conference. The teacher and principal said they were concerned that my daughter was not playing with any black children. I knew there was no issue, because her best friends on our street were biracial. I asked how many white children was she playing with and was told just one. My daughter was always reserved and did not join in until she had decided who she wanted to play with. I told them that unless she was saying or doing anything that could be seen as racially motivated that I could not see a problem, she is simply selective about her friends and it had nothing to do with race.

A week after this boy tripped her, he did the same thing again, except he pushed her as she tripped. Once more she told the teachers, with the same response. When it happened again the next week, he also grabbed her arm and threw her to the ground. Once more, the three teachers never saw it. My husband told her that the next time he touched her, she was to punch him in the nose as hard as she could. I volunteered at the school once a week. My day was the next day so I went to the office asking to speak with her. She put me off all day, which was actually in my favor because now I knew who the boy was and could do a bit of research while working in the library. I was able to learn that he was a known problem. He was like a gang leader, surrounding himself with other boys. I observed him at lunch trying to intimidate another boy. He got in his facing, backing him to a wall. When a teacher came around, he backed away, leaving several of his friends surrounding the boy. I stepped in and told him to leave the other boy alone. A teacher saw this and told me that I couldn't do that. My response was that maybe she should be doing her job and stopping the behavior.

By the time I got my meeting, I was well armed. I told them about the boy tripping her, and that it was escalating. I told them that the teachers had not stopped this. I then told them what she had been instructed to do by her father. This got attention and I was told she would be suspended if she did this. My response was that they better see her do it, because they sure weren't seeing what he was doing. I then outlined that a school employee told me he was a known problem, so at least one of the 3 teachers should be watching him. I also told them of my experience in the cafeteria when I stopped him from bullying another child. The principal said I had no right to step in. By now, I was livid. I told her that she better take charge of this bully before it got worse, and that if it happened to my daughter again that I would take care of him, that I would follow the school bus to see where he lived and would make sure his parent handled it. They were a bit flustered, but that child stopped his behavior. This boy happened to be black, and I feel they were using his race as an excuse to not get involved, maybe a fear of being called racist if they stopped him. I only came to that idea because of the silly meeting they called with me.

As a parent, do not allow the bullies to continue. Step in and demand action. I think I scared them when I said I would follow his bus. It was easier for them to ignore his actions than to take action themselves.

My daughter is now a teacher in a school that is in an economically depressed area. The majority of her students are black. The principal loves her. She does not allow any child to bully another, and she follows through with action when they try. Her students are learning in her class and they come back to see her after leaving. She is a strict teacher that they know cares about them.

 

[JBounds]

When I was 15 I went out with this girl named Theresa and not long after her brother, who was 17 began bullying me. He bullied me at school too and the principle did nothing about it. Long story short, I have an older brother who was 20 at the time and when Theresa's brother turned 18 he beat me up at a drive-inn theater. My brother went and dragged him out of his own house and beat the snot out of him. He never bothered me again from the day forward.

Last thoughts. I found it odd that he would bully for going out with his sister. I could understand if I was mean to her or something, but I wasn't. And I don't even know the reason why he did because he never gave an answer on why he bullied me.

 

[B00kw0rm]

I was bullied fairly badly in 8th grade, I was teased a bit in 6th and 9th grades, but nothing like 8th grade. It was really mostly sexual harrassment, but many girls were involved too. They acted like it should be impossible not to like the "attention" from the main boy involved and said that I must be a lesbian if I didn't like him (I'm not). The girls would tease me a bit and encourage the boys. I couldn't get away from them, the main boy involved was in four out of my six classes and in all but one of those classes there were very often times where the teacher would leave the room for at least ten minutes. That never went well.

The things that were done and said to me were very public and not one time did anyone ever intervine for me. They either joined in, encouraged them, laughed or just sat back and watched. I know that over 100 people had to see the things that happened, likely closer to 200. It wasn't that everyone was mean to me - though plunty were - it was just that the only people on my side were too scared to say anything in my defense, even to scared to come with me to tell the assistant principal when I was told I had to have two witnesses for anything to be done and teachers didn't count.

I have looked up the main boy online, he seems to be a alcoholic and a drug addict at the ripe old age of nineteen. He's appoplgised and I've forgiven him though.

My siblings seem to be doing better luckily, my brother was bullied once but his teacher stopped it very quickly. My sister, who's in a different school (middle school, luckily a different one then I went to) says she's been teased a bit for - of all things - having brown hair.

My brothers' elementary school is a problem though. They're very good with child bullies, but it's to the point that it's overkill. The have to walk with their hands behind their backs in single file lines in the hallway, they can't even move their hands to get water from the water fountain. They aren't allowed to play with with anyone outside their own class at recess, to the point that my brothers have gotten in trouble for trying to play together. Brothers.

The school is apparently winning awards for how little bullying goes on, but the principal is insane. I'm just waiting to see something about him finally going to far on the news. He's shoved kids into walls, screamed in their faces, picked them up by their shirt collars and slapped them in the face. And that's just what my siblings have seen. He's gone into a rage before in front of the kids to the point that he was screaming and knocking furnature over and one of the teachers had to tell him to go outside and calm down.