As to the issue of Ronald allowing others to be the primary parental influence, I respectfully say that this is unlikely, regardless of whom we are talking about. The kids have lived with one or the other parent. Their primary bonds, from infancy, are with the parent--even when the parent is absent physically for a time (as in military deployment or traveling for work) or is less than functional due to addiction, illness, etc. As a stepparent, I can tell you than I have never for one moment imagined that I had more influence than the bio mother, even though she abandoned ship, so to speak, and left my husband to raise his son. She is still his mother and an enormous, though not always positive, influence in his life. The fact that Misty was operating in the "step-parent" position doesn't mean that she was the primary parental influence in the kids' lives. Or that Crystal, for that matter, is any less of a parental influence even though she struggles with addiction and lost physical custody. (And note that I am not arguing that Misty was, in any way, ready to be a stepparent or that Ron used good judgment in choosing her.)
The country is full of households where grandmothers and aunts and uncles have full custody of kids, situations in which both parents have opted out or are unavailable in some way. God bless them all for stepping up. There are also other situation in which single parents have needed their own parents to help--as babysitters when the parent is at work or as full live-in members of an extended family. Kids are always better off with as many committed, loving adults as they can have. The families in this case are (famously) imperfect. But it is quite clear that, despite his imperfections, Ron cared enough to fight for custody, provide a home for Haleigh and Junior, and work full time to support them. His mother and grandmother were available to help. There is not a shred of evidence that Ron is not an adequate parent or that he is not a "primary parental influence." And in fact, his efforts to gain custody can also be seen as an attempt to help Crystal see the consequences of her addiction issues and allow Crystal to be her best self with the kids.
For what it's worth, I also read "shacking up" as a reference to a sexual relationship, as I have never seen that term used in another way. I am glad that the poster has clarified that there was no intent to suggest an inappropriate relationship between Ron and his mother. But that term is a loaded one, suggesting casual live-in sex without commitment, which doesn't describe the situation with Ron and Misty, since Ron was supporting her and subsequently married her.
There are a few things you've said that I would like to comment on.
1. You stated, "As a stepparent, I can tell you..."
I think that statement which I've taken out of context post could very well explain why some of the posters feel the way that they do. Every single poster attempts to use the facts and information available to them to try and theorize what happened to Haleigh. Each uses their own personal experience to make sense of it, to filter that information through.
While this is purely my opinion, I would love to see what kind of answers we would get if we posted a poll asking what sort or parenting situation you are in (Stepparent, domestic partnership, biological parent, and so forth) and what you think happened to Haleigh. My guess would be that there would be interesting numbers of stepparents who think that CS and company were responsible. Like I said, MOO.
2. You stated, "And in fact, his efforts to gain custody can also be seen as an attempt to help Crystal see the consequences of her addiction issues and allow Crystal to be her best self with the kids. "
While that could well be the case (see my opinoin above) there are those who see men fighting for custody of their children for NO OTHER REASON than to get out of paying child support. I'm not saying that is what went on here, or that fighting for custody for that reason is even logical...but it does happen. Every day.
3. "I have never seen that term [shacking-up]used in another way"
Please see the Free Online Dictionary for definitions.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/shack+up
shack (shk)
n.
A small, crudely built cabin; a shanty.
intr.v. shacked, shack·ing, shacks
To live or dwell: farm hands shacking in bunkhouses.
Idiom:
shack up Slang
1. To sleep together or live in sexual intimacy without being married.
2. To live, room, or stay at a place: I'm shacking up with my cousin till I find a place of my own.
At least I wasnt' making it up, right?
Thanks for a great post! I want to compliment you on how even tempered your post was. Everyone is so passionate in their opinions about Haleigh and company. It can be very difficult at times to keep that passion from bleeding through and sounding like a personal attack.
I'm sure I've probably done it more than once.
, if I were a betting woman (and sometimes I am :crazy
