school tells girl to get a breast reduction after being bullied at school

[Donjeta]

Really?

I can give you a bazillion reasons why it is "unfortunate" to stand out from your peers because of a physical attribute. I lived it, and really cannot fathom such a callous response from another woman, of all things.

Unless I'm stroking out, and totally misunderstood your comment.

JMO, having large breasts is not unfortunate, unless maybe if it causes severe medical problems. We are what we are and I don't want to call normal physical variation unfortunate. I would like teenagers to have a positive attitude about their bodies.

The culture of bullying people because of physical variation is unfortunate, and sad, and outrageous.

 

[oh_gal]

JMO, having large breasts is not unfortunate, unless maybe if it causes severe medical problems. We are what we are and I don't want to call normal physical variation unfortunate. I would like teenagers to have a positive attitude about their bodies.

The culture of bullying people because of physical variation is unfortunate, and sad, and outrageous.

The response I was replying to insinuated (to me, anyway) that the poster didn't see what the "big deal" was, or how the situation could be deemed "unfortunate", because, after all, some women actually PAY to have big breasts. It was a totally callous, insensitive remark, either made by someone who has never suffered ridicule for having large breasts, or quite possibly, someone who has, and as a result, has become hardened to life and the feelings of others.

You're right, people shouldn't be made to feel inadequate or bad because of how they are "put together." Unfortunately, many out there do not share your sentiments. People are cruel.

 

[Donjeta]

Yeah, but it's not the breasts, it's the attitude. Another time the same kids may be picking on flat chested girls. Bullies are usually not that choosy... If they want to torment someone they will find a pretext to do so.

 

[oh_gal]

Yeah, but it's not the breasts, it's the attitude. Another time the same kids may be picking on flat chested girls. Bullies are usually not that choosy... If they want to torment someone they will find a pretext to do so.

Again, you are correct. The attitudes, those expressed to this young girl, as well as those expressed by the poster I was commenting on are horrid. No excuse for them. Breasts, this time, just happened to be what go them going.

 

[Karmady]

JMO, having large breasts is not unfortunate, unless maybe if it causes severe medical problems. We are what we are and I don't want to call normal physical variation unfortunate. I would like teenagers to have a positive attitude about their bodies.

The culture of bullying people because of physical variation is unfortunate, and sad, and outrageous.

I have a young daughter who has had extremely large breasts from a very young age. Imo, it IS unfortunate and not anything I'd ever dreamed of having to deal with as the parent of a middle-school aged child. It impacts every aspect of her life, from her dealings with her peers to her participation in her sport she's pursued since kindie. I have told her myself that the minute she feels like she wants a reduction I'm fully supportive of that decision and I'm glad that option is available to us.

 

[jjenny]

Really?

I can give you a bazillion reasons why it is "unfortunate" to stand out from your peers because of a physical attribute. I lived it, and really cannot fathom such a callous response from another woman, of all things.

Unless I'm stroking out, and totally misunderstood your comment.

Seriously? It's not a physical deformity. In fact a lot of people find it attractive. My point is clear-there is nothing wrong with this young girl's physical appearance.

 

[jjenny]

Again, you are correct. The attitudes, those expressed to this young girl, as well as those expressed by the poster I was commenting on are horrid. No excuse for them. Breasts, this time, just happened to be what go them going.

Are you trying to say I have a horrid attitude because I think there is nothing physically wrong with this young girl for school to be suggesting major surgery to her? Really?

 

[oh_gal]

Seriously? It's not a physical deformity. In fact a lot of people find it attractive. My point is clear-there is nothing wrong with this young girl's physical appearance.

I agree it's not a physical deformity. My issue (and I wasn't alone in this) with your reply was that you seemed to be saying, "What's the big deal? People pay to have large breasts."

Did you have above-average sized breasts as a young girl? And were you teased due to it, or otherwise made to feel badly about it?

If the answer to those questions is no, then you really can't assume to know what those of us who have suffered from this went through, and your "meh...what's the big deal?" comment was crass.

 

[oh_gal]

Are you trying to say I have a horrid attitude because I think there is nothing physically wrong with this young girl for school to be suggesting major surgery to her? Really?

No. That is not how you came across. You came across as, "Oh, what's the big deal? People pay for large breasts. Anyone who has large breasts naturally should feel fortunate that they didn't have to pay for them."

 

[jjenny]

I agree it's not a physical deformity. My issue (and I wasn't alone in this) with your reply was that you seemed to be saying, "What's the big deal? People pay to have large breasts."

Did you have above-average sized breasts as a young girl? And were you teased due to it, or otherwise made to feel badly about it?

If the answer to those questions is no, then you really can't assume to know what those of us who have suffered from this went through, and your "meh...what's the big deal?" comment was crass.

I objected to claiming it was "unfortunate," because, to me, that implies there is something physically wrong with this girl. When I think there is nothing wrong with her.

 

[oh_gal]

I objected to claiming it was "unfortunate," because, to me, that implies there is something physically wrong with this girl. When I think there is nothing wrong with her. If you think that's horrid, so be it.

Unless you have experienced this yourself, you are not in a position to determine whether it is unfortunate or not. You have no clue. Or do you? If you had a positive experience with having large breasts as an adolescent, then, by all means, accept my thanks for offering your personal experience to the mix.

 

[jjenny]

There are lot of physical characteristics somebody can be bullied about. For instance, I was very tall as a child because I grew up faster compared to my peers.
How would one correct that?
And should one correct that?
No.
School and parents should be concentrating on educating children that other children might be different, not on how to correct some physical attribute.

 

[Donjeta]

I have a young daughter who has had extremely large breasts from a very young age. Imo, it IS unfortunate and not anything I'd ever dreamed of having to deal with as the parent of a middle-school aged child. It impacts every aspect of her life, from her dealings with her peers to her participation in her sport she's pursued since kindie. I have told her myself that the minute she feels like she wants a reduction I'm fully supportive of that decision and I'm glad that option is available to us.

I am by no means against breast reductions if large breasts cause discomfort and practical problems but plastic surgery is seldom the primary way to deal with children's social problems in the peer group. If the kids are intolerant of personal differences the surgery is an expensive option to make one child more average-looking but it does nothing to correct the real problem.

 

[nursebeeme]

this isn't about breasts. This is about bullying and how one school tried to tell a mother that well hey, if your kid is being bullied maybe she should have a breast reduction.

That is insane.

 

[Donjeta]

Allegedly.

 

[milkymama]

I don't feel a school should even advise someone who DOES have a deformity or abnormal charactieristic to get it "fixed" to avoid being bullied. Even something like an overweight child...telling the child to fix themselves implies they deserve to be abused verbally or otherwise. They do NOT deserve abuse regardless of how overweight, skinny, large breasted, small breasted, big eared, small eared, etc etc etc they are. The bullies are the ones doing wrong and the bullies need to be stopped.

 

[BethInAK]

Regardless of whether the lady at the school had good intentions or not, the mother went to the school about her daughter's bullying problem, and was instead told that her daughter should have surgery to 'fix the problem'. I fail to see how this addressed the bullying issue at all. If anything, it makes it seem like the school is blaming the child for being tormented, and for her physical appearance at that! Something that this poor girl has absolutely no control over. Way to show the bullies that they've won.

I guess what we are saying is that WHILE THAT COMMENT WAS ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE it does not mean that the school did NOTHING about the bullying EXCEPT for saying "get a breast reduction". It may well mean they did a ton of intervention about the bullying in addition to an inappropriate comments.

 

[angelmom]

Considering of all the woman that actually pay good money to increase the size through plastic surgery, I am not sure why you think that is unfortunate.

JMO, having large breasts is not unfortunate, unless maybe if it causes severe medical problems. We are what we are and I don't want to call normal physical variation unfortunate. I would like teenagers to have a positive attitude about their bodies.

The culture of bullying people because of physical variation is unfortunate, and sad, and outrageous.

Seriously? It's not a physical deformity. In fact a lot of people find it attractive. My point is clear-there is nothing wrong with this young girl's physical appearance.

Spoken like someone who has never lived with this. When you can't find clothing that fits, when you have to buy a size 16 prom dress and have all of it but the chest taken in, when your participation in sports and other activities is hampered, then it is a problem. And I don't think there's a doctor alive who would do breast reduction surgery on a 13yo.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this girl. All of our bodies are different and amazing and beautiful. But a young girl with very large breasts is unfortunate for the same reason it is unfortunate for a child to be extremely tall, short, skinny, heavy, or whatever. At an age when kids are at their most vulnerable and when their self-image is being formed, having an attribute that makes them stand out isn't easy.

The mere suggestion of surgery is not only ignorant - because no ethical surgeon would do it - but also an extension of the bullying. There is no excuse for it even entering the conversation.

I'm 43 and I still think it's a huge PITA. Being unable to buy blouses with buttons down the front, discomfort when I'm sleeping or exercising, and so much more is not fun. And I even have had other adults comment on the size, especially when I was nursing my children and they got even bigger. Unfortunate is an understatement.

Respectfully signed,

The girl who was hit on by a 28 year old man when I was 13...after he told me I was "built like a brick ****house."

 

[Donjeta]

I was walking home from school when some old man in a car drove very slowly past me and offered to pay me fifty if I got into his car and did--- something, I don't know what, I didn't stay to find out.

I like to think that it was because there was something wrong with HIM, because he was a creepy sexual harasser, not because there was anything wrong with me or the way I or my chest looked.

 

[LinasK]

I don't feel a school should even advise someone who DOES have a deformity or abnormal charactieristic to get it "fixed" to avoid being bullied. Even something like an overweight child...telling the child to fix themselves implies they deserve to be abused verbally or otherwise. They do NOT deserve abuse regardless of how overweight, skinny, large breasted, small breasted, big eared, small eared, etc etc etc they are. The bullies are the ones doing wrong and the bullies need to be stopped.

Well-said!!!:rocker::rocker::rocker: Excellent post, you got the bottom-line point of all of this!