school tells girl to get a breast reduction after being bullied at school

[LinasK]

I was walking home from school when some old man in a car drove very slowly past me and offered to pay me fifty if I got into his car and did--- something, I don't know what, I didn't stay to find out.

I like to think that it was because there was something wrong with HIM, because he was a creepy sexual harasser, not because there was anything wrong with me or the way I or my chest looked.

You are absolutely right, and thank goodness you didn't get into the car with him, or you might not be here to tell about it. But... being sexually harassed by a pervert is not in the same category as being bullied/teased by peers/school officials about your looks and getting told to fix it/do something about it, and especially not as drastic as surgery. The first is a direct, physical threat to safety. The second is verbal, emotional abuse. The only commonality is that they were prompted by the same physical feature.
(I was also in a similar situation walking home from school and I've been bullied, and I am large-chested).

 

[Donjeta]

My comment was in response to the story about the sexual harassment of a 13-year-old by a pervert. They are in the same category imo. The size of the girl's chest is irrelevant.

Sexual harassment is caused by a criminal intention from the part of the creepy dude doing it, not by the girl's body.

I have had my own experiences with bullying as well. I don't think it's healthy for the bullied child to think that his or her physical imperfections caused the bullying.

Emotional abuse is a decision that the emotional abuser makes, just as sexual harassment. No one is forced to bully anyone because the other child has big breasts or small breasts or big ears or no ears etc. They decide to do it because of something in their own mind. JMO.

 

[gitana1]

I think everyone is on the same side here so can everyone shut up about whether or not developing early and obviously is bad? LOL!!!

In any event, Donjeta and milkymama are right: The bully is the one with the problem, not the person being bullied, no matter the reason.

BTW, I was harassed for things that didn't have anything to do with my looks and I also had my friend's dad leer at me and make suggestive comments about me and my body, in front of everyone, when I was 13 and I didn't have big . Like Donjeta and milkymama said, harassment and bullying has to do with the mindset of the person doing it, not the person being harassed or bullied.

 

[Karmady]

I am by no means against breast reductions if large breasts cause discomfort and practical problems but plastic surgery is seldom the primary way to deal with children's social problems in the peer group. If the kids are intolerant of personal differences the surgery is an expensive option to make one child more average-looking but it does nothing to correct the real problem.

Well, the kids and the bullying are one thing, and the statement of the employee about breast reduction might be another thing entirely. She may have had one herself for all we know and just mentioned it as part of sympathizing with the problem rather than as a proposed solution to the bullying problem. Like, "I'm really sorry your daughter was bullied. We're dealing with the bullying issue. By the way, I had a similar issue when I was a kid and it was really difficult. I ended up having a breast reduction and am so happy that I did. Have you ever considered that for your daughter?" Maybe a little too personal, but nothing like the way it was presented in the media. Maybe it happened exactly the way the Mom said, maybe it didn't. We just don't know for sure afaik. But I'm one to take almost nothing said in the msm as fact.

 

[jjenny]

Well, the kids and the bullying are one thing, and the statement of the employee about breast reduction might be another thing entirely. She may have had one herself for all we know and just mentioned it as part of sympathizing with the problem rather than as a proposed solution to the bullying problem. Like, "I'm really sorry your daughter was bullied. We're dealing with the bullying issue. By the way, I had a similar issue when I was a kid and it was really difficult. I ended up having a breast reduction and am so happy that I did. Have you ever considered that for your daughter?" Maybe a little too personal, but nothing like the way it was presented in the media. Maybe it happened exactly the way the Mom said, maybe it didn't. We just don't know for sure afaik. But I'm one to take almost nothing said in the msm as fact.

Regarding the hypothetical situation you described...
Why would it be appropriate to ask a mother whether she considered a breast reduction for her daughter? Considering her daughter is a minor. Again, that suggest the solution is fixing the child rather than addressing bullying problems.

 

[Karmady]

Regarding the hypothetical situation you described...
Why would it be appropriate to ask a mother whether she considered a breast reduction for her daughter? Considering her daughter is a minor. Again, that suggest the solution is fixing the child rather than addressing bullying problems.

What I said was that that also would probably have been "too personal" but the motivation would have been completely different. In my hypothetical the person doesn't offer the comment to address the bullying, but to potentially help the mother and child with the other issue she's dealing with, apparently -- unusually large breasts for a middle-schooler. As I mentioned above, imo, it's an issue aside from any bullying.

Since I've considered breast reduction for my own dd for many reasons, I probably wouldn't have batted an eye if the same thing had been said to me in the context I gave. If the person's statements were not mean-spirited, I just couldn't bother to be personally offended.

 

[jjenny]

What I said was that that also would probably have been "too personal" but the motivation would have been completely different. In my hypothetical the person doesn't offer the comment to address the bullying, but to potentially help the mother and child with the other issue she's dealing with, apparently -- unusually large breasts for a middle-schooler. As I mentioned above, imo, it's an issue aside from any bullying.

Since I've considered breast reduction for my own dd for many reasons, I probably wouldn't have batted an eye if the same thing had been said to me in the context I gave. If the person's statements were not mean-spirited, I just couldn't bother to be personally offended.

It's perfectly fine if an adult woman considers breast reduction or breast implants. We are talking about a 13 year old here. School shouldn't be suggesting that at all.

 

[Karmady]

It's perfectly fine if an adult woman considers breast reduction or breast implants. We are talking about a 13 year old here. School shouldn't be suggesting that at all.

My dd is 13 and I've considered it for her myself. And we don't know for sure that the employee suggested it in the "right now." She may have just been sharing her own experience. Or not. I'm just not willing to accept what the media is reporting at face value unless I hear both sides and, at least to me, my hypothetical circumstance and the one described by the msm are quite a ways apart in terms of inappropriateness.

 

[mysteriew]

There are lot of physical characteristics somebody can be bullied about. For instance, I was very tall as a child because I grew up faster compared to my peers.
How would one correct that?
And should one correct that?
No.
School and parents should be concentrating on educating children that other children might be different, not on how to correct some physical attribute.

And I was very short and skinny. Was flat chested. And wore glasses. Had a lot of names for me.

 

[mysteriew]

Regarding the hypothetical situation you described...
Why would it be appropriate to ask a mother whether she considered a breast reduction for her daughter? Considering her daughter is a minor. Again, that suggest the solution is fixing the child rather than addressing bullying problems.

Not to mention that it is sexual discrimination. Would they have proposed the same thing to a heavyset boy who had enlarged breasts that he was being teased about?