SIDEBAR #14- Arias/Alexander forum

[katiecoolady]

Then you only have to worry about the aliens taking you.

:abduction:

:great:

 

[AuburnSchnauzer]

:abduction:

:great:

:rockon::rockon::rockon:

 

[katiecoolady]

Totally swinging off all topics but I just want to say this. People who write all this stuff like on Facebook about "good karma" and "good things to come to those with a positive attitude--look at me I'm a shining example!" who've never been REALLY tested in life and had things easy (do I sound bitter? lol) , just, I dunno, what I want to say. There is something about that that really really bugs me.

There is something about that that is a slap in the face to people who've been really seriously tested in life and haven't necessarily had an easy time of it and are still struggling...like is their attitude not positive enough?

I just had to deposit these thoughts somewhere!

 

[m1279]

Thanks everyone for your replies on my dating debacle. I'm just going to let it go and see what happens. The ball is in his court now.

KCL...what the heck? A body found exposed?

 

[legalmania]

Why should that be important to me or others?

I was only reporting Kim had her baby, the Kardashings had one of the top reality tv shows for a while. It may not be important to you but millions of people watch the show. I hope the baby and Kim are o.k. that's all.

 

[katydid23]

Totally swinging off all topics but I just want to say this. People who write all this stuff like on Facebook about "good karma" and "good things to come to those with a positive attitude--look at me I'm a shining example!" who've never been REALLY tested in life and had things easy (do I sound bitter? lol) , just, I dunno, what I want to say. There is something about that that really really bugs me.

There is something about that that is a slap in the face to people who've been really seriously tested in life and haven't necessarily had an easy time of it and are still struggling...like is their attitude not positive enough?

I just had to deposit these thoughts somewhere!

Exactly. I know what you are saying. Just for your own knowledge, know that EVERY soul has tests over the duration of their many lives. Sometimes you might have an 'easy' semester and cruise through unscathed. But every soul is going to have lives where they deal with insurmountable challenges and painful experiences. So there is no reason to feel it means one is less 'evolved.' It just means one chose to do AP courses and cram a lot of evolution into one lifetime. JMO

 

[katiecoolady]

Thanks everyone for your replies on my dating debacle. I'm just going to let it go and see what happens. The ball is in his court now.

KCL...what the heck? A body found exposed?

This is probably absolutely the wrong thing to say but I just had this conversation this morning with someone else about someone else who was seeking advice and what I said is "the minute I felt like I wondered what was really going on on his phone was the minute after it was already over".

I truly believe, in a relationship that's worth it, that kind of obsession or concern just won't happen. A relationship that's worth investing in is the NEST, the SAFE HAVEN and if not that, then what?

There is enough uncertainty and lack of safety out in the world. If I'm feeling like the relationship I'm in is part of what's creating that then it's already over.

But that's just me and as you can imagine, trust is not been an easy road for me in the relationship dept.

I'll just say this..the last guy I even considered an option for a relationship, I was with and I knew something was wrong...seriously wrong. He went to take a shower and I said to myself "if you pick up that phone to look, you have to know that when he comes out of that bathroom, you are ending it". Meaning just the fact I wanted to look at that phone was enough that I needed to know it was over.

And of course all I got was validation for the decision I'd already made...all kinds of women talk going on on that phone, right in front of me. And I ended it straight to his face about 10 minutes later. And never told him I'd looked on the phone as it wasn't the point.

It's all about trusting...I know when I've felt safe and when I haven't. And a relationship that doesn't engender safety is dead in the water, at least for me.

That's my sermon for tonite!

Yes there was a woman's dead body found near my house this morning I guess.

 

[katiecoolady]

Exactly. I know what you are saying. Just for your own knowledge, know that EVERY soul has tests over the duration of their many lives. Sometimes you might have an 'easy' semester and cruise through unscathed. But every soul is going to have lives where they deal with insurmountable challenges and painful experiences. So there is no reason to feel it means one is less 'evolved.' It just means one chose to do AP courses and cram a lot of evolution into one lifetime. JMO

katy...I know what you are saying..thank you. Sometimes I just find it so, kind of demeaning for lack of a better word when a particular (very good friend) and it's only out of naivete, not any other kind of negative personality trait, but puts these "good things come to people who have a good attitude, just look at my life!" things on Facebook. And I want to vomit. Like that's all it takes. I want to say sometimes "then why do you think bad things happen to good people?".

I'm feeling very philosophical and opinionated tonite for some reason! I need a glass of wine, clearly.

 

[legalmania]

I'm sayin....an identifying item was she had braces on her teeth. I don't know why that struck me as so sad but it did.

Do you have any idea about how old she was?

 

[Mrs G Norris]

I think women's instinct is pretty much spot on usually anyway, if something's tapping you on the shoulder it's usually for a reason - unless you have a history of paranoia or something - anyway, as I have always said, if you want to have a tryst with someone who you'd never commit to in a million years that can be a good thing too, I had a lot of affairs before I met a guy worth even dating openly, some lasted off and on for 10 years, nothing wrong with that either, it doesn't have to be true love or nothing

 

[katiecoolady]

You know what I think is still affecting me is this film I saw last night called The Reluctant Fundamentalist. This guy was just tested over and over and over again and maintained his resiliency and sense of his core self. It really touched me. Now THAT character has a true testimony that makes sense to me. The other fluffy stuff is just sometimes ...ugh! Where is my dang wine already???

this is the film:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2032557/

 

[katiecoolady]

Do you have any idea about how old she was?

No idea...they said she was hispanic or native american , was wearing silver and turquoise jewelry....they had a sketch as she's not identified. SAD

 

[katiecoolady]

I think women's instinct is pretty much spot on usually anyway, if something's tapping you on the shoulder it's usually for a reason - unless you have a history of paranoia or something - anyway, as I have always said, if you want to have a tryst with someone who you'd never commit to in a million years that can be a good thing too, I had a lot of affairs before I met a guy worth even dating openly, some lasted off and on for 10 years, nothing wrong with that either, it doesn't have to be true love or nothing

I suck at casual dating...absolutely suck at it. But I didn't in the 80s. I just can't seem to do it anymore. So I have friends and pauses while I'm still holding the flame for true love.

Believe me, I wish I was better at what you describe above, I'm just not. Ugh!

Yes that intuition "gift of fear" thing is just something to be respected in all areas!

 

[AuburnSchnauzer]

I just want justice for Travis and his family. I hate it that nurmi and wilmott and keifer continue with their chit. The family absolutely deserves a quick trial according to AZ law.

 

[m1279]

This is probably absolutely the wrong thing to say but I just had this conversation this morning with someone else about someone else who was seeking advice and what I said is "the minute I felt like I wondered what was really going on on his phone was the minute after it was already over".
I truly believe, in a relationship that's worth it, that kind of obsession or concern just won't happen. A relationship that's worth investing in is the NEST, the SAFE HAVEN and if not that, then what?

There is enough uncertainty and lack of safety out in the world. If I'm feeling like the relationship I'm in is part of what's creating that then it's already over.

But that's just me and as you can imagine, trust is not been an easy road for me in the relationship dept.

I'll just say this..the last guy I even considered an option for a relationship, I was with and I knew something was wrong...seriously wrong. He went to take a shower and I said to myself "if you pick up that phone to look, you have to know that when he comes out of that bathroom, you are ending it". Meaning just the fact I wanted to look at that phone was enough that I needed to know it was over.

And of course all I got was validation for the decision I'd already made...all kinds of women talk going on on that phone, right in front of me. And I ended it straight to his face about 10 minutes later. And never told him I'd looked on the phone as it wasn't the point.

It's all about trusting...I know when I've felt safe and when I haven't. And a relationship that doesn't engender safety is dead in the water, at least for me.

That's my sermon for tonite!

Yes there was a woman's dead body found near my house this morning I guess.

I agree 150%, thank you. I don't even know what else to say, other than you're totally right. It doesn't matter if he's done something wrong, but the fact that I'm feeling this way tells me that either I'm not ready to be in a relationship or he isn't the right person for me.

Again, thank you all for your replies. I really needed it tonight.

 

[katiecoolady]

I am totally talking to myself in here and I just found a bottle of wine in my frig that I didn't know I had so it could get much worse...much worse now.

 

[Mrs G Norris]

I suck at casual dating...absolutely suck at it. But I didn't in the 80s. I just can't seem to do it anymore. So I have friends and pauses while I'm still holding the flame for true love.

Believe me, I wish I was better at what you describe above, I'm just not. Ugh!

Yes that intuition "gift of fear" thing is just something to be respected in all areas!

I consciously trained myself to be able to do it in my early 20s .. as I got into my 30s I moved into a phase where I had one regular lover at a time, but those 'relationships' lasted for a long time .. I still had moments when I wanted to contact them, I just didn't allow it .. I left all the legwork up to them that is pretty much my main 'rule' for men.

ETA: So the guy I ended up with still opens car doors for me every single time and has been a living gem .. love guys who have that old fashioned respect thing going on .. it's just yummy

 

[katiecoolady]

I consciously trained myself to be able to do it in my early 20s .. as I got into my 30s I moved into a phase where I had one regular lover at a time, but those 'relationships' lasted for a long time .. I still had moments when I wanted to contact them, I just didn't allow it .. I left all the legwork up to them that is pretty much my main 'rule' for men.

I clearly need some sort of coach.

I'm on a hiatus right now but that's not gonna last forever. All I know is that "can I trust this person?" is something so far up there on the list and the really "true" relationships I've had I've known without doubt that this was the case. It wasn't something I had to work on or talk myself in to. It was such a deep feeling of knowing they were trustworthy. But it's been a really long time since I've felt that. I haven't given up though but I've wasted far too much time on people who didn't deserve it...my time I mean.


And to your ETA...yes I eat that stuff up too! That old school chivalry. There's a guy who wants to take me out, who I went on a date with 2 years ago and he got really kind of snotty the next day for some reason. Clearly it was bothering him as he contacted me to apologize and take me out again as another chance. And he was totally like that, the chivalry thing. He's been contacting me now for about 5 months but sadly, I'm really not interested so I've not taken the bait. Honestly haven't had a thought about him til I am writing here right now...with my little glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

 

[m1279]

My "thanks" button is a little wonky tonight, so I just want to thank all of you posting tonight for keeping me company. I don't know what I'd do without WS! (I really need to get a life, huh) Anyway, off to bed but I wanted to share one last song. I'm not a huge fan of Carrie Underwood but this song is pretty awesome.

Carrie Underwood - See You Again - YouTube

 

[legalmania]

I suck at casual dating...absolutely suck at it. But I didn't in the 80s. I just can't seem to do it anymore. So I have friends and pauses while I'm still holding the flame for true love.

Believe me, I wish I was better at what you describe above, I'm just not. Ugh!

Yes that intuition "gift of fear" thing is just something to be respected in all areas!

Maybe it's not you, maybe you just haven't meet the right person yet? They always say when your not looking is when the right one comes along.