Hi, gcharlie :seeya:
(Is this format better for you? hope so. I spaced it for you, so it's easier to read.)
Rare Medical Condition
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper!"
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The Wife from Hell
A cop pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Well officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the cop writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the cop makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The cop frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the cop is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The cop looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's had too much to drink."
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Monk Copying
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .
So,the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEBRATE!
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A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. 'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'.
'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: 'So,Murphy, how was your day?'
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'
'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' says Murphy.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' Asks the doctor
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!''
'Tunderin' lard Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes!
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Having some fun while driving others nuts...
1.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera or any musical production.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children/Grandchildren Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And, keep in mind... *If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray
and a breast exam and; if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy,,,won't cost you a penny!
But thank you!
can't find the things anywhere else either
