YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2013
- Messages
- 34,377
- Reaction score
- 69,017
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!! ALL ARE WELCOME!
Evening classes for men. Starting this month!
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents,
each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.
Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
Topic 2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? Round-table
discussion.
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and
explanatory graphics.
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly
into the kitchen sink/dishwasher?
Examples on video.
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other.
Helpline and support groups.
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right
place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audiotape.
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving
simulation.
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role-playing.
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays,
anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be
late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You're Getting Older When.....
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't
wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating
cereal.
4. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
5. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
6. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
7. When happy hour is a nap.
8. When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money
does.
9. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
10. When you step off a curb & look down one more time to make sure the
street is still there.
11. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
12. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
13. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
14. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
15. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
16. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your
bifocals.
17. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
18. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
19. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on you head the
whole time.
20. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care
anymore.
21. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
22. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember
being on top of it.
23. Your back goes out but you stay home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Race
There was a man named Cletus that lived in a small town with only one traffic
light.
Cletus had saved up his money and bought a mo-ped.
One day Cletus was at the traffic light waiting for it to turn green when a
shiny new Corvette convertible pulled up next to him.
The Corvette had its top down so cletus leansover the side of the car and
starts checking out its interior.
This annoys the driver of the Vette, so when the light turns green he steps
on the gas, laying down rubber as he leaves the intersection. He gets up to
60 mph when cletus flies by him on his mo-ped.
The driver of the Vette says "This clown wants to race".
Shifting into 4th gear he steps on the gas again. He leaves Cletus in dust as
he gets up to 100 mph.
Then out of nowhere he sees Cletus coming up behind him in his rear vision
mirror.
He can't believe it as Cletus flies past him again on his mo-ped.
The driver of the Vette shifts into 6th gear and floors it. He passes Cletus and
gets up to 150 mph!
Once again Cletus passes him like he's standing still.
Shocked, the driver pulls up on the side of the road. He hears gravel flying
and breaks squealling as Cletus pulls up next to him.
The driver of the Vette congratulates him on winning the race and asks him
what kind of engine he has in his mo-ped.
Puzzled, Cletus replied "Race. I was just trying to get my suspenders off your
side-view mirror."
Evening classes for men. Starting this month!
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents,
each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.
Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
Topic 2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? Round-table
discussion.
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and
explanatory graphics.
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly
into the kitchen sink/dishwasher?
Examples on video.
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other.
Helpline and support groups.
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right
place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audiotape.
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving
simulation.
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role-playing.
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays,
anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be
late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You're Getting Older When.....
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't
wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating
cereal.
4. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
5. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
6. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
7. When happy hour is a nap.
8. When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money
does.
9. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
10. When you step off a curb & look down one more time to make sure the
street is still there.
11. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
12. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
13. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
14. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
15. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
16. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your
bifocals.
17. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
18. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
19. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on you head the
whole time.
20. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care
anymore.
21. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
22. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember
being on top of it.
23. Your back goes out but you stay home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Race
There was a man named Cletus that lived in a small town with only one traffic
light.
Cletus had saved up his money and bought a mo-ped.
One day Cletus was at the traffic light waiting for it to turn green when a
shiny new Corvette convertible pulled up next to him.
The Corvette had its top down so cletus leansover the side of the car and
starts checking out its interior.
This annoys the driver of the Vette, so when the light turns green he steps
on the gas, laying down rubber as he leaves the intersection. He gets up to
60 mph when cletus flies by him on his mo-ped.
The driver of the Vette says "This clown wants to race".
Shifting into 4th gear he steps on the gas again. He leaves Cletus in dust as
he gets up to 100 mph.
Then out of nowhere he sees Cletus coming up behind him in his rear vision
mirror.
He can't believe it as Cletus flies past him again on his mo-ped.
The driver of the Vette shifts into 6th gear and floors it. He passes Cletus and
gets up to 150 mph!
Once again Cletus passes him like he's standing still.
Shocked, the driver pulls up on the side of the road. He hears gravel flying
and breaks squealling as Cletus pulls up next to him.
The driver of the Vette congratulates him on winning the race and asks him
what kind of engine he has in his mo-ped.
Puzzled, Cletus replied "Race. I was just trying to get my suspenders off your
side-view mirror."
No- not for me. :snooty: I enjoy being here too much. The only reason I don't come sometimes is because of my internet "usage" :banghead: or I'd be here more often. I like the people here.
lease
.
