---------
Yeah!! you havent seen much of me either! My problem~ by the time I get back to the board,
cant remember what I read.:floorlaugh::floorlaugh::lol:
kay:
BBM
I'm catching up to you, gramma :floorlaugh:
(you're here more than some :rocker
Here's some
Saturday funnies:
--------------------------
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.
------------------------------------------
(this one is not funny-it's beautiful, IMO)
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright
freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get
their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger
paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" A girl in the
line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.
His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a
little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the
child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's
prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face,
and softly whispered, "Wrinkles." :blowkiss:
----------------------------------------------
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch
near Snowflake, Arizona. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and
asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and
dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box
again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.
"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told
me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him
twice. "What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
---------------------------------------------------------
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 80 success is having friends.
At age 90 success is not peeing in your pants.
-----------------------------------------
WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my son,
And make his life happy and filled with such fun,
I want to pay back all the joy he's provided,
Returning each deed. Oh, he'll be so excited
.....When I'm an old lady and live with my son.
I'll write on the wall with red, white, and blue;
And bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, will he shout!
.....When I'm an old lady and live with my son.
When he's on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, he'll snap his fingers and then shake his head,
And when he is done I'll hide under the bed.
.....When I'm an old lady and live with my son.
When my son's wife cooks dinner and calls me to meals,
I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed.
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when she gets angry, run fast as I'm able.
..... When I'm an old lady and live with my son.
I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick,
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud until the end of the day.
.....When I'm an old lady and live with my son.
And later, in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
And thank God in prayer and then close my eyes;
And my son will look down with a smile slowly creeping, :blowkiss:
.....When I'm an old lady and live with my son.
---------------------------------------
Coffee in bed
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a
cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to
hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.
The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as
she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys
in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green
army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV...'The best part of
waking up is soldiers in your cup
-------------------------------------
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed,
great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave,
presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip,
turns to her and says: "So tell me, do I come here often?"
-----------------------------
This 86 year old man goes for his regular cardiology visit. Two days later, the
cardiologist sees the old man walking on the street.....with a gorgeous, young
blond draped over his arm.
The cardiologist calls the old man aside. "Just what do you think you're doing?"
"Just taking your advice", the old man replies...."Get a 'Hot Mama', and be
cheerful!"
The cardiologist shakes his head..."No", he replies, "What I said was: You've
got a heart murmur, be careful!"
---------------------------------------------
A seventy-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, shaking and sobbing.
A young man walks by and asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-
old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every
morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home
and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the
afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and we make love again,
the best an old man could want. And then at supper time, and all night long,
we make love." The old man breaks down, sobbing, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like
you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"
The old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live".
---------------------------------------
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"
"274", was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times
three?" "Tuesday", replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great", says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".
--------------------------------------
Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed
something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've
got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.Now I think I know where
my hearing aid is."
-------------------------------
:seeya:
anic:
. I disagree with her. I thought he was fairly normal. He most certainly was not abusive nor was he a swinger. IMO
I feel sure Travis felt this way in his own heart as well, which is why he broke it off with her. But she knew his weakness, she wouldn't leave him alone, she wouldn't let him go. He never realized until it was too late, that in Jodi, he had found his own personal Demon.
