Evening all :seeya:
Just popping in to post a couple of funnies.
Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Mine was nice and quiet.
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Child's Perspective on Retirement
A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child
wrote the following:
"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used
to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to
Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.
"They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They
ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know
who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but
they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.
They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their
hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He
watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they
go cruising in their golf carts.
My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every
night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse
to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center
and call it potluck.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I
should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my
retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out
so they can visit their grandchildren."
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The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a
nursing home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a
daywhen he was 60. Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks ,especially when they are
taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so
that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm
doing..
I joined a health club last year, spent about
400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country
skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few
years,..just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because
there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Every time I start thinking too much about how I
look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them
(If you don't forward
this to 1 of your friends within
the next 5 minutes your belly
button will unscrew and your
butt will fall off.
Really... It's true)