A specialist is someone who knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.
A General Practitioner is someone who knows less and less about more and more until he knows nothing about everything.
A pathologist is someone who knows more and more about everything until he knows everything about everything. But, too late
----------------------------------------------------------------
After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient: Congratulations, Sir, you are cured. The patient says: Some cure. Before I was Alexander the Great. Now Im nobody.
------------------------------
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
---------------------
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wifes car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!
He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes", he replied reluctantly.
She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"
--------------------------
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
-------------------------------
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him.
-------------------------
A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them.
After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancee to his library for a drink.
So what are your plans? The father asks the young man.
I am a Torah scholar.
He says. A Torah scholar, Hmmm, the father says. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?
I will study, the young man said, and God will provide for us.
And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves? asks the father.
I will concentrate on my studies, the young man replies, God will provide for us.
And children? asks the father. How will you support children?
Dont worry, sir, God will provide, replies the fiancee.
The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, How did it go, Honey?
The father answers, He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks Im God.
------------------------------
A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.
Then why are you so sad? her mother asked.
Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesnt believe theres hell!
Her mother replied, Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, well show him how wrong he is.
--------------------------
A man solves the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.
----------------------------
A family was having dinner and the little boy said,"Dad I don't like the holes in the cheese!"
Well son, eat the cheese and leave the holes on the side of the plate.
-------------------------------
This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for any one under seventeen years of age.
He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted.
Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven. His father said.
------------------------------
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?
"Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.
Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully
shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks.
Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
---------------------
oo, not to mention just plain old lies. The REAL Jodi Arias? Show the crime scene photos and her police interrogation tapes. Some victim!
