SIDEBAR #59 - Travis Alexander forum

[daisymae]

Niner ... here's the link: http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showthread.php?299431-The-Holocaust-Share-your-thoughts-amp-stories

It's in the Parking Lot.

 

[Hatfield]

View attachment 88087

This is beautiful statement and is how I feel about being able to come here to SB to be with everyone here.

 

[Hatfield]

Oh, YoN, thank you so much! I would never have been able to write it in the excellent way you did.
ZURI, ZURI, ZURI - YOU are loved, too. Please don't worry, the pain, too (as well as our happy moments) is just a sign of how much alive we are and of the amount of experiences we have gone through. As YoN said, it's part of you, of me, of all of us.
We accept so easily the happy moments...and we all have a hard time to go through the sad ones. Me too, I have a kind of reflex to fight against them...until I realize that I can't win. I must accept them as being a part of me. Even if it sounds banal: Take the time it needs to accept them as being part of you.
We love you no matter wether you are happy and funny or sad and doubtful!

There was a great documentary special just last night that I watched about how people that just lost loved ones were coping with it.

It was a real life documentary and it was very good. I cannot remember the title of it or even what channel it was on. Have Directv.

It was really good and of course sad though. A couple had lost their young child after choking on apple. They let doctors take her organs.

A few other stories.

They talked a lot about what you are saying in that crying is important and its never good to hold it back during grieving process. Acceptance of the humans body coping mechanisms. We acknowledge them and let them happen and our body helps us over time.

It does take a lot of time and everyone time is different. For the people in the documentary they said it never goes completely away but the good thing is they all said it gets easier on them over time.

 

[Susza]

OMG....... is Susza REALLY coming to the States? :happydance:

I hope I read your post right, Zuri. I am so excited! Now if the bus goes by Michigan, I will hop on. Otherwise .... I sure hope her trip is all she wants and more. wonderful news! You all will have a great time !

Yessssss, Spellbound, you read it right. Today I received my e-ticket. Unbelievable, isn't it? I think I'll realize it only once I'm on the plane...
I'm still quite bad in US geography - where is Michigan?
Zuri, is that on our way???
How big is our bus???
Hmmm, I see it coming: I'll need a medical certificate that obliges me to extend my stay. But then, what could I be diagnosed of, an overload of Zuri???? :happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
It was actually Zuri's fantastic idea and I'm unutterably grateful to her.
:loveyou:

 

[Susza]

OMG.....

That will be so much FUN.

My best vacation ever was in West Palm Beach. A nice fairly quiet atmostphere and BEAUTIFUL water on the beach.

The water is actually BLUE down there....LOL

Up in New York area when I lived there, the water is kind of a murky brownish color which is sad. Plus the shells in New York's Jones Beach area were all broken shells that would cut my feet. LOL

I was in heaven when I went to Florida!

It was everything I expected and much much more.

We went to the Miami Sea Acquarium in Miami Beach area when we were there. You should take her there. It is great. Tropic birds flying around the park and Dolphin show and just an all around fun time.

The air boat everglade tour is great idea too. We wanted to do that but ran out of time. If you do that, I think they have 1 specifically that will show you alligators. Take that 1. LOL

Thank you very much, Hatfield, for your very interesting suggestions.
I'll actually try to invent a special whistle that puts the college kids to flight - normal for a teacher on holidays - and attract the dolphins to come and swim just in front of Zuri and me while we are relaxing on a remote beach sipping a ....Margarita or a Mojito or both

 

[Hatfield]

:therethere:

You cannot get rid yourself of emotional pain completely- instead you should invite it up into your awareness and accept it in your life, IMO.

You need to care enough about yourself to spend time with yourself, looking within, and truly being with yourself. Take the "hurt/pain" and examine it fully. Accept what you’re going through- all your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations- then accept your emotional pain as if you have chosen it.Then when you acknowledge your pain, hurt, anger, etc put it away (in a "box" in your mind to "look" at it when you need to- usually when another "pain" comes) and live your life.

Your "pain" is part of who you are and will always be part of you - even if you "hide" it from the world or from yourself, for that matter; it will be always there in your mind. You can run away from the pains of your life (like your band aids), but there are times when pain demands your presence, your focus and attention. There are times when pain demands to be felt. So take the time to know your emotional pain- to nourish it, to understand it. Don’t curse your pain- love your pain and it will go away.

It's OK to feel what you are feeling.

We are here for you, my dear :heartbeat:- so "talk" to us all you want because we have all been there ourselves in some way.

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.”
~Dalai Lama

This is exactly what the documentary people that lost loved ones were saying last night on the special I watched.

Some of them were a couple years past their loss and they had wisdom about it that I was listening to. They said basically the same type of thing you are saying.

Such great wisdom here in the SB.

The people on the show pointed out that its not a thing that you go through and can expect a clean ending. They said its important to realize that things do get easier with lots of time passing but there is not a clean ending to it. So they were saying to just realize that things will get easier as you are able to accept your "new state".

In their case, their state was their daughter was gone and will remain gone. But they still visited her grave often and still talked to her in their prayers and things got slowly easier for them to be able to function. Everyone is different. Even the husband and wife had differences with their emotions.

It was an amazing show as I think it will help me with future losses. None are easy nor should they be. I think what helped me the most was realizing that I need to accept what is happening to me and allow certain things to occur. AWARENESS of our amazing human body and letting things take its course naturally the way our emotions are supposed to happen.

Its NORMAL to get very upset. Perfectly normal. Some get much more upset than others and some take much more time than others before being able to function somewhat. Again perfectly NORMAL. AWARENESS. Knowing what is happening is Gods way for us to cope with unimaginable loss. Which is why us humans are different than most animals. We rationalize and reason and have very deep thoughts. We are amazing creatures God gave to the earth.

 

[GigiG]

Thank you very much, Hatfield, for your very interesting suggestions.
I'll actually try to invent a special whistle that puts the college kids to flight - normal for a teacher on holidays - and attract the dolphins to come and swim just in front of Zuri and me while we are relaxing on a remote beach sipping a ....Margarita or a Mojito or both

Dolphins, manatees, loggerhead turtles, alligators, pelicans --- there are so many interesting creatures you'll only find (together) in Southern Florida. I do hope you'll be able to take the time to see them in their natural habitats.

ETA:

I have (in my living room :facepalm an "antique" stuffed giant turtle. I'm not a fan of taxidermy whatsoever, but it was just one of those things:

My BF was helping an elderly woman divest herself of her many household belongings as she was being transferred to an Assisted Living facility. She didn't know what to do with this giant turtle (it's appx 5'x4').

He chatted with her about its history and found out that it had been in her family for over 100 years. Since turtles like that can live to be 100, well, you can do the math.

He brought it home to me and I was THRILLED!!!! I mean, just imagining the amazing life this giant turtle had lived really left me awestruck, and that I was now his custodian -- well, years later, I'm still honored to have him in my home...

I remember having my kids call me at work one afternoon telling me that someone had broken into our house. So many things go through your head in that situation. My mind rapidly ran through all the things the thieves could have taken...

What came out of my mouth!?: "Is the turtle still there!?" LOL

 

[coffeejunkie]

Zuri & Susza ~ You two will have a blast! I'm so happy for you both :hug:

 

[coffeejunkie]

Dolphins, manatees, loggerhead turtles, alligators, pelicans --- there are so many interesting creatures you'll only find (together) in Southern Florida. I do hope you'll be able to take the time to see them in their natural habitats.

ETA:

I have (in my living room :facepalm an "antique" stuffed giant turtle. I'm not a fan of taxidermy whatsoever, but it was just one of those things:

My BF was helping an elderly woman divest herself of her many household belongings as she was being transferred to an Assisted Living facility. She didn't know what to do with this giant turtle (it's appx 5'x4').

He chatted with her about its history and found out that it had been in her family for over 100 years. Since turtles like that can live to be 100, well, you can do the math.

He brought it home to me and I was THRILLED!!!! I mean, just imagining the amazing life this giant turtle had lived really left me awestruck, and that I was now his custodian -- well, years later, I'm still honored to have him in my home...

I remember having my kids call me at work one afternoon telling me that someone had broken into our house. So many things go through your head in that situation. My mind rapidly ran through all the things the thieves could have taken...

What came out of my mouth!?: "Is the turtle still there!?" LOL

Do you have a pic you would care to post? Would love seeing Mr. Turtle

 

[Niner]

Hey all!

Went to the library and picked up some more Scottoline series, but on the way to the shelves I saw a display of "Memories of Heaven" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer/Dee Garnes; great book! :read:

Off to the dentist to get my "new" teeth!! :happydance:

than grocery shopping, but it now started raining... :gaah: Thought I could beat the rain, as they said it would start tonight!!!

also - need some "help" on this:

for all you good and great cooks out there - when the recipe says "stir occasionally" - what does that mean?? every 5 minutes? every 6-7 minutes? every 10 minutes?

Sounds like you are getting excited Susza for your trip here to the States! I'm allll the way across the country in California! The Sunshine State! :sunshine:

TIA! See you all later!!

nline:

 

[GigiG]

Hey all!

Went to the library and picked up some more Scottoline series, but on the way to the shelves I saw a display of "Memories of Heaven" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer/Dee Garnes; great book! :read:

Off to the dentist to get my "new" teeth!! :happydance:

than grocery shopping, but it now started raining... :gaah: Thought I could beat the rain, as they said it would start tonight!!!

also - need some "help" on this:

for all you good and great cooks out there - when the recipe says "stir occasionally" - what does that mean?? every 5 minutes? every 6-7 minutes? every 10 minutes?

Sounds like you are getting excited Susza for your trip here to the States! I'm allll the way across the country in California! The Sunshine State! :sunshine:

TIA! See you all later!!

nline:

BBM1: Congrats on your new teeth! I know what a difference it can make!

BBM2: You just can't win -- First, no rain for months; now it seems like you have nothing BUT rain!

BBM3: It depends on whether or not your have a gas stove or an electric stove. But when I see "stir occasionally," that means to me that your temperature setting should be pretty low.

If it's a big pot of something, go ahead and walk away for a bit (ten minutes or so). If it's a smaller pot, stay close by. But it never hurts to give it some extra time and attention -- that just adds to the flavor...

 

[GigiG]

Do you have a pic you would care to post? Would love seeing Mr. Turtle

Oh, CJ. You touched on my achilles heel! I will try to take a pic and upload it here, but please bear with me as that is outside my current skill-set (comfort zone).

However, I sincerely hope I can do it, because this turtle has been with me for the past 20 years, and I absolutely adore him. He's a bit worse for the wear at this point (quite brittle), but --- aren't we all! Maybe tomorrow I can post my handsome guy for you to see...

ETA:

Although I work as a senior graphic designer, I'm still really just a Luddite at heart.

 

[Spellbound]

Yessssss, Spellbound, you read it right. Today I received my e-ticket. Unbelievable, isn't it? I think I'll realize it only once I'm on the plane...
I'm still quite bad in US geography - where is Michigan?
Zuri, is that on our way???
How big is our bus???
Hmmm, I see it coming: I'll need a medical certificate that obliges me to extend my stay. But then, what could I be diagnosed of, an overload of Zuri???? :happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
It was actually Zuri's fantastic idea and I'm unutterably grateful to her.
:loveyou:

Michigan is straight north of Florida...... it would be just a bit out of your way this trip. This will be so good for both of you. I always love meeting new online friends in person. I have managed to meet a few.

 

[coffeejunkie]

Hey Susza...I'm in Indiana (bottom of the state by Kentucky border).

 

[coffeejunkie]

BBM1: Congrats on your new teeth! I know what a difference it can make!

BBM2: You just can't win -- First, no rain for months; now it seems like you have nothing BUT rain!

BBM3: It depends on whether or not your have a gas stove or an electric stove. But when I see "stir occasionally," that means to me that your temperature setting should be pretty low.

If it's a big pot of something, go ahead and walk away for a bit (ten minutes or so). If it's a smaller pot, stay close by. But it never hurts to give it some extra time and attention -- that just adds to the flavor...

You got that right about teeth! I had one of my top front teeth pulled and opted for a partial. It was awful!! It never fit right, could not eat with it in, gagged on it all the time and ended up not wearing it at home. Used all kinds of goop keep it in place when I wore it out in public and felt like I had bricks in my mouth. Hated the dang thing! I finally ($7,000 later) had a bridge made and was so glad I did!!

 

[GigiG]

Susza has agreed to be my baby sitter in Florida in late March! She is coming to the US! over her spring break! We will be in the West Palm Beach area, staying with my son, so if anyone is going to be in Florida, please let me know! My bus can pick you up!

Susza is a hiker, Trekker, fit, lovely athletic person and has agreed to take it way down to my level and sit by the pool, go to the beach, and go to the Winter Equestrian Festival. Wait till she gets a load of me lol. Total antithesis.

I am hoping we can drive down to Key West so she could see where the Atlantic meets the Gulf of Mexico and get a taste of Margaritaville.

I have thought about taking her on one of those Everglades tours too, on one of those air pontoon boats. If you all have any suggestions, please let us know. Disney World? 3 day Bahamas cruise? Daytona Beach lol?

I just realized that thousands of college kids are probably off too and will be in Florida, so it should be interesting. Susza's English is really good and I bet she and I will learn some new words.. Hopefully, they don't hang out in Boca... I am getting old.

This is great! I'm sure Suzsa's youth and vitality will be contagious!

Key West is a bit of a drive from WPB, especially during Spring Break, as are some of the other attractions you mentioned; but well-worth the effort, if you're both up for it. Also on the table should be Sanibel & Captiva islands, which are glorious in terms of their natural beauty. (And since you have to pay a toll to get to them, you're assured of some measure of privacy.)

Personally, I don't know why anyone would want to be subjected to the crass commercialism of Disney World or, God forbid, SeaWorld, (now that we know how terribly they mistreat those beautiful animals). But... that's just my opinion.

I do hope that -- since I am a total foodie -- you will seek out some of the really good restaurants there that feature local cuisine.* And please, find your way to some of the parks/sanctuaries where you can see first-hand the wonderful creatures, flora and fauna that abound there.

Ah, I am so jealous of you guys!

* My DIL-to-be grew up in Miami, and she has told me about some great restaurants, none of which have made the database. I'll talk with her soon and get you some recommendations.

ETA:

I went to Ormond Beach (just north of Daytona) for Easter vacation every year during my childhood. My mother had an elderly aunt and uncle who lived there, and we rented the same ocean-front villa every year. It was magical to me! I hope you and Suzsa come back with equally wonderful memories!

 

[Niner]

My answers in Red

BBM1: Congrats on your new teeth! I know what a difference it can make!
Oh yes!! They feel great! They wanted to charge me for extracting a tooth ($127!!!!) - and I told them - the dentist didn't extract my tooth - it fell out when I took my bridge out! They didn't charge me - thank you very much!!

BBM2: You just can't win -- First, no rain for months; now it seems like you have nothing BUT rain!
Yeah, I know! But I did catch the time when it wasn't raining! :happydance: So no problem!

BBM3: It depends on whether or not your have a gas stove or an electric stove. But when I see "stir occasionally," that means to me that your temperature setting should be pretty low.

If it's a big pot of something, go ahead and walk away for a bit (ten minutes or so). If it's a smaller pot, stay close by. But it never hurts to give it some extra time and attention -- that just adds to the flavor...
It's a gas stove - the Huz would have no other! Okay - thanks for the times!

You got that right about teeth! I had one of my top front teeth pulled and opted for a partial. It was awful!! It never fit right, could not eat with it in, gagged on it all the time and ended up not wearing it at home. Used all kinds of goop keep it in place when I wore it out in public and felt like I had bricks in my mouth. Hated the dang thing! I finally ($7,000 later) had a bridge made and was so glad I did!!

Yikes! :scared: $7000!!!! My bottom teeth feel pretty good! Chicken salad tonight!! I've been eating applesauce and ramen noodles for the past 3 nights... UGH! Finished with those for a while!

Later - have to go marinate the meat for tomorrow Shish-Ka-Bab!!

:seeya:

 

[GigiG]

Niner:

Magic words: Gas Stove!!!

Your husband is a man after my own heart.

My daughter recently bought a house with an electric stove and she just can't figure it out! She keeps burning things. :/

For certain recipes, she'll still come to my house to cook on my gas stove...

I know I couldn't deal with an electric stove for even a day, so I'm okay with that...

 

[coffeejunkie]

Niner ~ That $7,000 included the partial and the bridge. Thankfully, my hubby's group dental insurance picked up most of the tab. Now that he is retired we lost our dental and vision insurance through his company's work plan. We still have the medical. Don't know what I will do if I needed extensive dental work now! Payment plan, I guess.

 

[coffeejunkie]

Good Morning!! SMILE ~ Every SMILE makes you a day younger. —Chinese Proverb So, let's all SMILE...