I was thinking more about how this got started. It is all very well to look at the end product of an incident but to understand it you have to look at everything.
Assuming or presenting an argument that we should (without evidence) look at Phoebe as a girl who was "using sex as a tool" while these Mean Girls were "more conservative about sex" and merely felt "emotionally threatened" does worse than nothing to further our understanding of the problem we are dealing with, IMO.
Kids break up and make up and fool around every day. The problem with this group went far beyond merely romantically wanting to remove her from competition by letting others know she was sexually active.
The problem is that this group is simply a lot of spoiled, malicious kids who took their jealousy and cruelty to an extreme to destroy another kid. (The evidence for that is
everywhere, demonstrated by them before and after her death.)
I would also submit that one thing that gives kids these days the gall to act so barbarically is all the enabling by people who teach them to rationalize their behavior rather than holding themselves accountable to any standard of decency or fairness.
Of course Phoebe was 15 while the other girls were a few years older, and at that age a few years is an order of magnitude increase in sophistication in those sorts of issues. I think it may be a fight she started, perhaps due to her inexperience in relationship dynamics, but one where she was no match for the girls she was in conflict with. It is possible that the indicted kids were doing it for a sadistic thrill but I think it more likely the core girls were emotionally threatened at the start and then once things got going lacked the maturity to know when to stop. That is characteristic of teenagers in general.
I think it is more likely that they are spoiled, vicious harpies who lack moral fiber and a sense of fairness and humanity. And with all due respect, I also think it's an insult to teenagers in general to be painted as having the same characteristics as these kids. Mine don't. Nor do their friends.
Pack mentality once their friends banded together to support them didnt help either, because instead of one person having to decide to stop the whole group had to, which is much harder. This experience may well have damaged these girls for life, it is something they may look back on with regret for the rest of their lives.
I don't think social power had anything to do with it, she just got inbetween other strong girls and their men and I think that most teenage girls somewhat older than her would understand what that means. There is a saying "All is fair in love and war", and I think she found that out the hard way.
Saying this as politely as I can, and it's JMO, but it's important... IMO, the language of your post fits the very definition of blaming the victim, and it sends the very message that propagates bullies and abuses like Phoebe suffered.
Phoebe did not bring this on herself by "using sex as a tool," nor by failing to understand a rule about love and war.
First, I don't think this was about love, but about pride, malice, and hubris.
Second, even if it were about love, all is *not* actually fair in love and war.
What these girls and guys did to Phoebe was way off the charts, and attempting to rationalize their sick behavior by figuring out what Phoebe did wrong only perpetuates the "stinkin thinkin" that drove them to drive her to hang herself.
Again, just my :twocents: fwiw. I'm sure you mean well, and maybe meant things differently than they came out, but since I keep seeing similar thoughts "out there" I felt it important to answer directly.
Best,
Muffet