Ted Haggard now "completely heterosexual"

[samhoney]

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but it seems the ones who repeatedly holler loudest about the evils of homosexuality are the ones who are gay themselves.

Like Fred Phelps, the leader of the "God Hates " movement. This man's soul is uglier than homemade sin. And chances are, he's probably got more sugar in his drawers than Richard Simmons.

 

[southcitymom]

My ex husband, unbeknownst to me at the time of our marriage, was ending a 23 year long sexual relationship with a man. When I learned of it he denied that he was a homosexual, he said it was just a bad habit, like alcoholism. He also said that he fought the urge to be with a man every single day. Church "cured" him of wanting men, he said. He hated me and treated me like dirt. I feel that he resented me for being a woman and he resented living the lie that I represented. He has now remarried and treats his new wife the same way.

Oh, Mabel. What a sad story. I am glad you got out of that relationship.

I feel very sorry for people so conflicted within themselves that they have to deny their sexual orientation. I may get flamed for saying this, but I even have sympathy for pedophiles in that regard. It is well-documented that pedophelia is a sexual orientation (paraphilia) that is damn near impossible to shift.

Please note that I think it is always wrong (indeed, criminal) for adults to have sexual contact with children. Please also note that I am in no way, shape or form comparing pedophelia to homosexuality.

That is all.

 

[Melisinde]

You know, Scientology purports to "cure" homosexuality from what I have heard. (Tom Cruise and John Travolta?) Anyway, on the issue of churches curing people... I have a friend that I run a forum with. He's 17 and is gay. However, he feels that being gay is "just the cross he was given to bear in life" and that it is wicked to act on his impulses. He actually played Jesus in a Christmas play and was beaten before hand by some of the other kids at the school because they didn't want Jesus played by a f**. He sees his sexual attraction to men as the devil tempting him and I feel so sad for him. It tears him up and I wish I could make it okay for him to express himself. He's told me time and time again that he is miserable and can't understand why God would make him this way...

Secondly- can I say that this thread contains some of my most favorite people on WS? I love you all :blow kisses:

 

[southcitymom]

You know, Scientology purports to "cure" homosexuality from what I have heard. (Tom Cruise and John Travolta?) Anyway, on the issue of churches curing people... I have a friend that I run a forum with. He's 17 and is gay. However, he feels that being gay is "just the cross he was given to bear in life" and that it is wicked to act on his impulses. He actually played Jesus in a Christmas play and was beaten before hand by some of the other kids at the school because they didn't want Jesus played by a f**. He sees his sexual attraction to men as the devil tempting him and I feel so sad for him. It tears him up and I wish I could make it okay for him to express himself. He's told me time and time again that he is miserable and can't understand why God would make him this way...

Secondly- can I say that this thread contains some of my most favorite people on WS? I love you all :blow kisses:

Stories like this break my heart. There is an excellent little book called "What The Bible Really Says About Homosexuality" that spends some real time talking about how disenfranchised Christian homosexuals have become from some churches based on their stance on this matter. Truly amazing book!

 

[curious1]

You know, Scientology purports to "cure" homosexuality from what I have heard. (Tom Cruise and John Travolta?) Anyway, on the issue of churches curing people... I have a friend that I run a forum with. He's 17 and is gay. However, he feels that being gay is "just the cross he was given to bear in life" and that it is wicked to act on his impulses. He actually played Jesus in a Christmas play and was beaten before hand by some of the other kids at the school because they didn't want Jesus played by a f**. He sees his sexual attraction to men as the devil tempting him and I feel so sad for him. It tears him up and I wish I could make it okay for him to express himself. He's told me time and time again that he is miserable and can't understand why God would make him this way...

Secondly- can I say that this thread contains some of my most favorite people on WS? I love you all :blow kisses:

That is sad. Right now that is what my Sister's 'church' is telling her about my neice. That my niece has to protect herself from the devils temptations. In the words of my niece....What Ever.

 

[curious1]

I agree. For instance I consider myself to be pretty heterosexual, as I have never met a woman that made me think of her in a sexual manner and am happily married, until the moment Angelina sees that she really wants to make-out with me....

Oh no you don't. :hand: Keep your hands off Angelina!!! She's mine.

Seriously, what is it about that woman?

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I had a friend who's parents put him into counseling in the early 80's.
Obviously it didn't work. He had his first sexual experience with someone he met in a bar and got AIDS. When he found out he was sick he was afraid to tell his parents so the disease progressed pretty rapidly and he died.
I still miss him and his parents have never forgiven themselves.

This is just one of the problems that can arise when parents voice their negative opinions about homosexuality to their children. We hear parents say they don't agree with homosexuality, but they would accept their own children if they were gay or lesbian, but the children never seem to hear that part and, of course, why should they believe it when all they've heard is negative comments about others?

 

[kawika]

Let me first say, that I do not consider homosexuality a disease. However, if it is behavior that you want to change, much like drug or alcohol use, why couldn't therapy help you change that behavior? A recovered drug addict may still want the drug, but realizes that it is unhealthy and chooses not to do it. Do you all not believe that there could be such a thing as a "recovered homosexual"?

I am not defending him, but do believe that he can control his actions "IF" this is what he chooses to do. Just putting it out there for opinions.......

Except (and I do see what you're saying, this is not meant to be an attack in any way) for a couple of things...in the articles I've seen the quotes refer to him as now being "100% heterosexual", which would seem to indicate a change in basic desires rather than merely a pledge to abstain from a behavior. (And, unlike, to use your example, alcoholism, I haven't met alcoholics/addicts who describe themselves as "ex-alcoholics" or "recovered alcoholics" [as opposed to recovering ]... I think that's part of their whole point, you can change your behavior but you're still alcoholic---very different than how the "ex-gay" movement portrays their *transformation*.)

But the other thing that ends up striking me as being [hmmm...harsh language alert] fraudulent about this is three weeks of counseling???. Even if it is possible/desirable to achieve '100% heterosexuality', shouldn't it take a bit longer than that? We're not exactly talking about fingernail-biting here. I'd imagine most people who have had successful counseling experiences will tell you that real, lasting, meaningful change in one's life takes months/years of hard work, not three weeks when you're under enormous pressure to give the answer your spouse/congregation/pastoral overseers are hoping to hear.

All that said, I've no idea what goes on in another man's heart and head and I wish him peace. Also wanted to compliment everyone who's posted in this thread. Lots of really thoughtful, insightful comments.

 

[Nova]

My ex husband, unbeknownst to me at the time of our marriage, was ending a 23 year long sexual relationship with a man. When I learned of it he denied that he was a homosexual, he said it was just a bad habit, like alcoholism. He also said that he fought the urge to be with a man every single day. Church "cured" him of wanting men, he said. He hated me and treated me like dirt. I feel that he resented me for being a woman and he resented living the lie that I represented. He has now remarried and treats his new wife the same way.

I don't know him, of course, but lots of us tend to project our self-hatred onto our partners. It probably had little to do with you, except you, of course, bore the brunt. I, too, am glad that relationship is behind you.

 

[eve]

I agree with this, Nova and have that own experience in my life. One of my dear friends was married twice to men, then was in a 10-year relationship with another woman (who had been lesbian-oriented most of her life) and now she is in a relationship with a man.

I've always found labels of gay, straight, lesbian, etc....to be limiting at best. People fall for people. Where it goes from there is determined in part by sexual comfort and proclivities. I do know people who appear to be 100% straight or 100% gay, but they are the minority.

I've never bought the argument that all gays are born that way and that's why we have to accept them. All people are people and all humans are also sexual beings - I don't care who you are kissing on or why - but I believe in respecting people's paths (as long as those paths don't harm others) - whether chosen or inherited!

ETA: I also agree that it's easier for women to "jump the fence" so to speak and certainly a component of that is that women's "gayness" is somehow more accepted, less threatening (heck - sometimes downright desired!) by the general population at large.

I am facinated by people who "switch." I think what you're saying has a lot of merit. However, I know my former BIL and my dear friend and former hairdresser (and his partner) swear they knew they were gay at 10. OTOH, speaking of kissing, a guy I knew in high, with whom I often played kissy-face :blushing: was the best kisser ever. Later when we were in college, he moved to Hollywood (not famous, but behind the scenes) and came out. We talked about it once and he said he knew when he was younger but he joked that with me around, he didn't want to "cross over" yet! LOL! What a charmer.

Eve

 

[curious1]

Hey eve, you always hear the stories about a girl dating a guy in college and they break up and she finds out later he's gay and the girl thinks 'did I turn him gay', in this case you 'kept him straight'. I'd take that as a compliment.

 

[kittykat1]

"A fellow minister says the Reverend Ted Haggard has come out of intense counseling, convinced he's "completely heterosexual."

Yep, and after intense counseling, I am convinced I am the tooth fairy

 

[IrishMist]

My ex husband, unbeknownst to me at the time of our marriage, was ending a 23 year long sexual relationship with a man. When I learned of it he denied that he was a homosexual, he said it was just a bad habit, like alcoholism. He also said that he fought the urge to be with a man every single day. Church "cured" him of wanting men, he said. He hated me and treated me like dirt. I feel that he resented me for being a woman and he resented living the lie that I represented. He has now remarried and treats his new wife the same way.

Mabel, this is how my ex was. He is engaged to another woman now- and I was his third wife. (Though I thought I was the second... I didn't find out about the first one for a couple of years)

There is a self-hatred in him that poisons everything he touches. I know I joke about it on here, but I really do feel sorry for him. If he was free to just be who he is, he wouldn't be who he is now.

I'm glad the both of us are done with that happy horse poo-poo. No matter how bad things get for me now, it's always better than the way it was with him.

To us, Mabel!

 

[curious1]

Yep, and after intense counseling, I am convinced I am the tooth fairy

Nice to meet you, I found out through counseling that I was able to repress my urges to go around a hide easter eggs every year so I am afraid there will be no more easter bunny. I've been cured.

 

[kittykat1]

Nice to meet you, I found out through counseling that I was able to repress my urges to go around a hide easter eggs every year so I am afraid there will be no more easter bunny. I've been cured.

You're the Easter Bunny?!? I thought you looked familiar. . .

 

[curious1]

You're the Easter Bunny?!? I thought you looked familiar. . .

Not anymore, I got counseling and I am repressing those urges. Thank you very much.

 

[eve]

Hey eve, you always hear the stories about a girl dating a guy in college and they break up and she finds out later he's gay and the girl thinks 'did I turn him gay', in this case you 'kept him straight'. I'd take that as a compliment.

I did! I always knew how lucky his future partners were, too! LOL.

Eve

 

[Taximom]

http://www.wbir.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=41985

"A fellow minister says the Reverend Ted Haggard has come out of intense counseling, convinced he's "completely heterosexual."

more at link

Pfft, once a liar always a liar. IMO

You don't change your life/lifestyle in three weeks after living that way for decades. If this is what fellow Christians close to him are saying, they should be ashamed of themselves! :furious:

I feel so sorry for his wife and children at this point. I can't even imagine what it must be like for them.

Mabel, I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through. Hopefully you are a stronger person because of it.

 

[southcitymom]

I am facinated by people who "switch." I think what you're saying has a lot of merit. However, I know my former BIL and my dear friend and former hairdresser (and his partner) swear they knew they were gay at 10. OTOH, speaking of kissing, a guy I knew in high, with whom I often played kissy-face :blushing: was the best kisser ever. Later when we were in college, he moved to Hollywood (not famous, but behind the scenes) and came out. We talked about it once and he said he knew when he was younger but he joked that with me around, he didn't want to "cross over" yet! LOL! What a charmer.

Eve

Oh, I definitely think there is plenty of truth to the fact that many people "know" where they lean and lean heavily one way or the other at a young age. As Nova wisely pointed out, this tends to be the case with gay men more than gay women. There seems to be more fluidity with women in this arena.

I'm sure my own history tempers my opinions on the subject. When I was 14, I "fell in love" for the first time (and ironically, at the same time!) with two different people - one was male and one was female. Both relationships were very special to me and had a lasting effect on me.

Now, I'm predominantly hetero (let's say, 85% if we're going to give these things numbers!) and always have had that leaning. But I have a bit of personal experience with "the switch." LOL!

 

[southcitymom]

......
You don't change your life/lifestyle in three weeks after living that way for decades. If this is what fellow Christians close to him are saying, they should be ashamed of themselves! ....

It's so true that genuine change of any magnitude doesn't happen in a flash...therefore, his conversion feels phony and - as you point out - insulting to his loved ones. I agree that those who claim to have his best spiritual interests in mind are doing him no favors by participating in this type of deception.