This is why kcksum:
Your hegemonic existence as a "happy heterosexual" does not result in being treated negatively by others, being discriminated against, in imposed shame, in prejudgment by others etc. etc.
Beware: throwing in another angle here...
First, I just want to say what a refreshing change this thread is from many of the posts I read in the Imos thread, some on the VT threads and especially on the "white privilege" thread. I abandoned it early out of frustration and see its still growing so I have no idea what's been happening there the last few days. (Nova, your posts were some of the best exceptions - thank you!).
I am a straight disabled woman, my sister is a gay non-disabled woman. My whole life my sister has been my defender and protector in the often hostile environment I encountered as a disabled child in the 60's & 70's and still do (albeit to a lesser extent) as an adult. When she came out as a lesbian at 17, I was the only person she confided and it was many years before she was comfortable enough to be open about her orientation with others. We both put up with a lot of crap - though very different types of crap.
Eventually we both embraced our identity "differences" and we understand they are what make us who we are. I am what I because I am what I am (if that makes sense). We have had many discussions over the years about the similarities and differences in our life experiences as "others" and as a result we share a precious bond that none of my other siblings share.
When I first read Peggy McIntosh's seminal "White Privilege", while studying Community Work in the late 80's, I could relate to it completely as it went a long way to explaining my experiences as a wheelchair user in a walker's world. I imagine it speaks to the gay experience as well.
P.S. and O/T - Cyprus and Nova, as a mature post-graduate Disability Studies student, I would consider myself very lucky indeed to have either of you for a professor. We could have some great discussions about the parallels between Disability Studies, Queer theory and History! I recently attended a fascinating seminar on representations and evidence of disability in Medieval times.
Great post, Utopia.
Do you know the work of Victoria Lewis? She's a Disability Studies scholar and a professor at the University of Redlands. She also founded "Other Voices," a theater devoted to work by and about the disabled at L.A.'s Mark Taper Forum.
Here is her bio:
http://www.redlands.edu/victoria_lewis.xml
Vickie was a teaching assistant for a couple of my courses at UCLA, but I had known her earlier when we were both members of a playwright's workshop at the Mark Taper.
Hearing Vickie speak about her own work in the workshop, I discovered precisely the similarities of which you speak. In fact, I felt I learned a lot about queer studies (which was supposed to be my field!) from her.
(I'm sorry. I realize this is like you saying you have a "gay friend." I mention Vickie not because I expect you to know her, but because I respect her and think you might be interested in her work.)