Terri's Armchair Psych Profile

[eyes4crime]

snip
The survey continues: "If you won the lottery how would you spend your millions?" The answer: "On family first, save some and donate to the needy."

Finally, the survey asks "If you could have one super human power what would you choose?" The answer:"Read minds."
snip

http://www.kgw.com/home/Insights-to-Terri-Horman-98377499.html

BBM

I haven't been able to put Terri into the 'psychopathic' slot - for me, she doesn't fit the criteria. I know her answers were from over a year ago in 2009, but this answer hardly reflects the thinking of a psychopath. :waitasec: moo mho

"If you won the lottery how would you spend your millions?" The answer: "On family first, save some and donate to the needy."

 

[human]

snip
The survey continues: "If you won the lottery how would you spend your millions?" The answer: "On family first, save some and donate to the needy."

Finally, the survey asks "If you could have one super human power what would you choose?" The answer:"Read minds."
snip

http://www.kgw.com/home/Insights-to-Terri-Horman-98377499.html

BBM

I haven't been able to put Terri into the 'psychopathic' slot - for me, she doesn't fit the criteria. I know her answers were from over a year ago in 2009, but this answer hardly reflects the thinking of a psychopath. :waitasec: moo mho

"If you won the lottery how would you spend your millions?" The answer: "On family first, save some and donate to the needy."

Oh OH. My answers for what I would do with the lottery are the same!

 

[eyes4crime]

Oh OH. My answers for what I would do with the lottery are the same!

Uh oh - my answers would be just about the same too human. Murderous psychopaths don't think like that. Maybe she saw the answer somewhere and picked up on it. Or, maybe she simply is not a psychopath. moo mho

 

[eyes4crime]

Terri was 38yo when baby girl was born. Speculation: What if Terri decided to have her tubes tied to avoid future pregnancies. Maybe Kaine was in on that decision. Wonder how that would play out in a faltering marriage?

 

[Chewy]

These articles are ridiculous, especially the ones regarding Facebook surveys. You can't put your own information into most of these surveys they have limited options and often you chose one that is closest to what you feel. To use this as some sort of psyche profile just shows how idiotic our world has become.

 

[tiredblondy]

tired blondy-I can relate somewhat to your story as my sister adopted 2 children, but I don't believe they have RAD. One has FAE and the other diagnosed with borderline.

They are adults now. I took the younger FAE child at one point to give my sister a break.

They are wonderful in their own way. But the toll that it takes on a human being is not one that I could do as you have done.

There are things that happened to my nieces before they were adopted.

I always think how unfair as they never asked for those things to happen. I hope your children do get it one day. It sounds like they have an excellent foundation.

Truly, my love goes out to you for doing something that is just about impossible, I feel.

Thank you for those kind inspiring words.

 

[tiredblondy]

Dear tiredblondy,

I don't think your previous post was too long or that you got carried away. I think every word of your post was brilliant and so very heartfelt. I'm going to read it again and again and I hope others who have not seen it will find it and read it. (Post #78)

You did a great job of describing what so many of us may "know" logically, and yet struggle with over and over again emotionally.

I believe your post adds significantly to the knowledge base on WS that can help others to understand this complex issue.

God bless you.:blowkiss:

Thank you so much for your support and kind words. They mean a lot.

 

[Emma Peel]

Terri Horman reveals herself in profile surveys
KGW Updated yesterday at 3:00 PM

<snipped the media quote>

http://www.kgw.com/news/local/Insights-to-Terri-Horman-98377499.html

Just have to admit - in the interest of full dis-clothes-sure - that these days, any article that says "Terri Horman reveals herself..." will make even me read it. :angel:

these news sites are soooooo ... enjoying this. :snooty:

 

[wondering1]

snip
The survey continues: "If you won the lottery how would you spend your millions?" The answer: "On family first, save some and donate to the needy."

Finally, the survey asks "If you could have one super human power what would you choose?" The answer:"Read minds."
snip

http://www.kgw.com/home/Insights-to-Terri-Horman-98377499.html

BBM

I haven't been able to put Terri into the 'psychopathic' slot - for me, she doesn't fit the criteria. I know her answers were from over a year ago in 2009, but this answer hardly reflects the thinking of a psychopath. :waitasec: moo mho

"If you won the lottery how would you spend your millions?" The answer: "On family first, save some and donate to the needy."

fwiw, since my only *training* on the subject is personal experience, and not diagnosing TH, sociopaths can and do emulate perfectly normal behavior (accent on the perfectly, as they often seem to be model citizens, parents, etc. to outsiders), they just don't FEEL it. So a sociopath would recognize that that's the perfect answer to the lottery question, and give that answer because they want to appear perfect in their values (family first, fiscally responsible, altruistic). However, they wouldn't really feel that way, like you would, and can't even really understand why anyone would feel that way since it's not self-centered. They are completely lacking in empathy or sympathy.

You don't really get to know a sociopath until they pick you as a target and/or you become an obstacle to something they desire. Just for an apropos example, a spouse is a great prop for a perfect family, but can be an obstacle to an affair or other inappropriate behavior, like drug or alcohol abuse. Usually, it's only very close family members who present enough consistent obstacles to see the true nature of the individual. And of those family members, like parents, they often don't want to believe what they see. Often out of shame, guilt, etc. And actually, many people don't know the first thing about the disorder and aren't aware of exactly what they're dealing with until after something really awful happens. jmoo

 

[NewsMuse]

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make the previous post so long. Just got carried away.

No, not too long. I also read it twice since it almost mirrors my experience raising my step-sons and life as it is now. Hubs had sole custody of them since they were 3 and 4 (his choice and ex-wife agreed though she did contribute in her way because of pressure from her family; no physical abuse).

The oldest was dx ADHD in elem school (early 1990's) and I was against medication. We did all the therapy, counseling, everything we were supposed to. I finally caved and agreed to a small dose of Ritalin (drug of choice at the time). His teacher(s) actually wrote me thank you notes. I felt like a dog. Next, his therapist discharged him, less than a year. I was livid because I KNEW he had fooled all of them. And he was only 10 yo. He'll be 30 soon and has custody of his own daughter, our granddaughter. Nothing has changed and I still know his lies over the phone. (They live several states away, his job, and another story.)

Our younger son still lives nearby, successful, but also has some anger issues. However, after several turbulent years he's made it clear how he feels about me. I know that he feels guilty about not being able to have these feelings for his bio-mom and her (rather large) family, but intellectually he realizes his life turned out better; emotionally he just doesn't "get" his mom/step-dad and their lifestyle. (Not a bad lifestyle; they just basically live in the same house, more like roommates than husband and wife; probably a financial thing; IDK; but I do KNOW that his step-dad hates all women and she's verbally abused). He also knows not to trust his older brother and won't even let him stay alone at his house. Very smart since possessions STILL somehow get broken or gone when he's around.

It's awful to know that before the oldest one comes to visit, we must do a sweep of the entire home and lock up certain things in the safe while he's here. He refuses meds because he "has it under control". We worry so about our granddaughter. My only comfort is that his bio-mom visits him once a month (he lives about 5-6 hours from her). Because of his lies, bio-mom and I don't communicate anymore. The last thing she said to me, and I will never forget this, was "Whatever you do, don't send him any money." Apparently, I had unknowingly busted him in a huge lie and to this day, he doesn't even know that we don't email or speak. He is clueless. It's always about the money (that he never has and we don't give him, ever).

Like you, I don't have the medical degree but I have (what seems like) a lifetime of knowledge about personalities, body language, etc. It's just so surprising what you learn just by quietly observing, even the therapists and doctors he fooled. He's not fooling his daughter, though; she's also observing his behavior. She knows and she notices. That really made him mad. She wasn't "allowed" to come this summer (her words). But she did get to stay a month with her other nana, who let her call us (very nice, BTW).

My granddaughter. I'm sure that's why I'm pulled to these cases. Then I have to take a few days away or my imagination runs wild. But reading about what others think and/or have gone through does tend to make one take a step back and look at this whole family, all four of them, in different ways. JMO.

 

[pittsburghgirl]

Not to interrupt the motor vehicle violation discussion, but I just got caught back up after the weekend, and I wanted to look at interesting, but frustrating exchange on Nancy Grace last week, in which Psycholanalyst Bethany Marshall long-distance diagnoses TMH as a borderline personality. (Admittedly a pet peeve with me, but I intend to dip a toe or two in that water myself, momentarily.) Here's the conversation as it unfolded on NG:

JEAN CASAREZ, LEGAL CORRESPONDENT, "IN SESSION": That`s right. And when you talk about motive, you know, some e-mails have come out. She had a son, an older son that went to live with her parents a few months before. &#8232;&#8232;E-mails have come out saying that he was doing so much better when he wasn`t in the presence of Kyron. &#8232;&#8232;GRACE: Now I don`t understand that. What does that mean, Dr. Bethany?
&#8232;&#8232;BETHANY MARSHALL, PSYCHOANALYST, AUTHOR OF "DEALBREAKERS": I don`t quite understand that one, to be quite honest with you. But to go to the caller`s question I think that Terri may have had, like, a borderline personality disorder which causes extreme -- &#8232;&#8232;
GRACE: There you go again. &#8232;&#8232;(CROSSTALK)&#8232;&#8232;
GRACE: You say that every -- you know, do you think everybody out there has a personality disorder?
&#8232;&#8232;MARSHALL: Well, most -- &#8232;&#8232;
GRACE: Do you think you have a personality disorder? I mean because every time I ask you something you say they`ve got a borderline personality disorder. &#8232;&#8232;
MARSHALL: Well, Nancy, something is really wrong with someone who puts a hit -- tries to get a hit-man to kill her husband and then does away with her child but -- because with borderline there is such extreme ragefulness and there`s lack of a conscience and at the slightest insult they really want to do away with people. &#8232;&#8232;There is a callousness and a coldness. And that`s why I think about

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1008/20/ng.01.html

Aside from the usual NG interruptions, during which a potentially interesting point gets lost, Marshall's comments caught my attention because the article under discussion here had already got me to thinking about someone I knew who was a borderline personality. Now, I am not sure what Marshall is talking about, because most descriptions of borderlines that I have seen don't highlight "ragefulness" or "lack of conscience" or "callousness."

So I looked up borderline personality and found this on the NIMH website; I thought it was more useful for lay people than, say, than the DSM description. I snipped a bit for space:

While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values….They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans…

People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml

This description talks about "intense bouts of anger" [or other emotions] that "may only last hours, or at most a day," and which are "associated with episodes of impulsive aggression..or drug and alcohol abuse." So for a borderline, if I have this correctly, rage or anger is intense but passes quickly and may occur with "episodes" of aggression or alcohol abuse (the word "episode" implying contained and having a beginning and end.) The unfortunate NG discussion really cut short this important point, which indicates that anger/rage in such people is not a pervasive, contunual condition but rather intense and "episodic."

If we think about that in relation to the discussion further down, we see that people with this personality disorder have "stormy" relationships, in which their valuation of a loved one might switch "suddenly" from love and admiration to "intense anger and dislike."

We also note the extreme fear of abandonment and rejection--which in the case of the woman I knew, led to abandoning people, including her children as they became adolescents and therefore began (naturally) pulling away from their parents.

Then:

• "frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity and values..."
• they may "have little idea who they are"
• "frantic efforts to avoid being alone" if they feel isolated and "lacking in social support"
• "risky behaviors," e.g. "excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex."
• "often occurs with other problems." e.g., depression and substance abuse.

Now, I am not going to be a giant hypocrite and diagnose TH, but Bethany Marshall kindly opened the door. It seems to me that TH might well be the same page as "borderline." At least, as we consider how a woman could seemingly stop loving a little guy like Kyron, or turn on a dime from helping him with his science project to kidnapping or worse, we can see that "psychopath" is not the only possibility. This personality disorder would explain much of what we see in the article, in particular, her seeming disenchantment with Kyron (the notion that her bio son was better off away from Kyron); the sexting and moving DS in after Kaine left (to avoid being alone); the reported "spending money like water"; the DUi and traffic issues,etc. I'd love to hear a real, uninterrupted discussion of the role mental health problems like borderline personality disorder and narcissism play in criminal behavior.

 

[mmmagique]

revampz, my husbands' ex-wife is exactly like this also--but she has green eyes, 2 daughters and a son--but the red hair rules. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and is also bipolar. Has been in trouble with court, etc. more times than TH, but she is older. Always has several on on a string, must have perfect house, clothes, etc., very pretty,--"spends money like water." Went thru $100,000 of my husband's money in the year they were together. She has had five husbands--just married husband #5 after knowing him for 2 weeks--poor guy.

This number of charges together with the focus on image suggests a personality disorder to me--another piece of the puzzle who is Terri. In fact, I expected an arrest record like this given what we already know.

Hey now!

Enough with dissing the redheads and/or those of us who had "bad boys" when young, but went with the more interesting/established men when older...

(not directed at you specifically revampv...just kinda sick of reading about the redhead angle. *lol*) Plus, I would think many women would learn as they "grow up" (however long it may take some of us) that the "bad boys" are not the ones who are going to be there for us, in any way. AND that it's nice to not have to worry about money, eventually.

It's not necessarily indicative of a personality disorder to want the best for you and your children. Although if you step on others to get those things, it should probably be investigated.

 

[SmoothOperator]

Not to interrupt the motor vehicle violation discussion, but I just got caught back up after the weekend, and I wanted to look at interesting, but frustrating exchange on Nancy Grace last week, in which Psycholanalyst Bethany Marshall long-distance diagnoses TMH as a borderline personality. (Admittedly a pet peeve with me, but I intend to dip a toe or two in that water myself, momentarily.) Here's the conversation as it unfolded on NG:


http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1008/20/ng.01.html

Aside from the usual NG interruptions, during which a potentially interesting point gets lost, Marshall's comments caught my attention because the article under discussion here had already got me to thinking about someone I knew who was a borderline personality. Now, I am not sure what Marshall is talking about, because most descriptions of borderlines that I have seen don't highlight "ragefulness" or "lack of conscience" or "callousness."

So I looked up borderline personality and found this on the NIMH website; I thought it was more useful for lay people than, say, than the DSM description. I snipped a bit for space:


This description talks about "intense bouts of anger" [or other emotions] that "may only last hours, or at most a day," and which are "associated with episodes of impulsive aggression..or drug and alcohol abuse." So for a borderline, if I have this correctly, rage or anger is intense but passes quickly and may occur with "episodes" of aggression or alcohol abuse (the word "episode" implying contained and having a beginning and end.) The unfortunate NG discussion really cut short this important point, which indicates that anger/rage in such people is not a pervasive, contunual condition but rather intense and "episodic."

If we think about that in relation to the discussion further down, we see that people with this personality disorder have "stormy" relationships, in which their valuation of a loved one might switch "suddenly" from love and admiration to "intense anger and dislike."

We also note the extreme fear of abandonment and rejection--which in the case of the woman I knew, led to abandoning people, including her children as they became adolescents and therefore began (naturally) pulling away from their parents.

Then:

• "frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity and values..."
• they may "have little idea who they are"
• "frantic efforts to avoid being alone" if they feel isolated and "lacking in social support"
• "risky behaviors," e.g. "excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex."
• "often occurs with other problems." e.g., depression and substance abuse.

Now, I am not going to be a giant hypocrite and diagnose TH, but Bethany Marshall kindly opened the door. It seems to me that TH might well be the same page as "borderline." At least, as we consider how a woman could seemingly stop loving a little guy like Kyron, or turn on a dime from helping him with his science project to kidnapping or worse, we can see that "psychopath" is not the only possibility. This personality disorder would explain much of what we see in the article, in particular, her seeming disenchantment with Kyron (the notion that her bio son was better off away from Kyron); the sexting and moving DS in after Kaine left (to avoid being alone); the reported "spending money like water"; the DUi and traffic issues,etc. I'd love to hear a real, uninterrupted discussion of the role mental health problems like borderline personality disorder and narcissism play in criminal behavior.

!! pittsburghgirl, the above post is outstandingly informative and EXTREMELY relevant ..

I, too agree with you that though undiagnosed by a professional[<- AFAIK]this very well could be what we're dealing with..

Again great and informative post, pittsburghgirl. Thanks so much for researching and sharing..

 

[angelainwi]

People who have BPD tend to see things and people as black or white. And they can change from one to the other very quickly...

 

[rnmif]

Then:

• "frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity and values..."
• they may "have little idea who they are"
• "frantic efforts to avoid being alone" if they feel isolated and "lacking in social support"
• "risky behaviors," e.g. "excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex."
• "often occurs with other problems." e.g., depression and substance abuse.

Now, I am not going to be a giant hypocrite and diagnose TH, but Bethany Marshall kindly opened the door. It seems to me that TH might well be the same page as "borderline." At least, as we consider how a woman could seemingly stop loving a little guy like Kyron, or turn on a dime from helping him with his science project to kidnapping or worse, we can see that "psychopath" is not the only possibility. This personality disorder would explain much of what we see in the article, in particular, her seeming disenchantment with Kyron (the notion that her bio son was better off away from Kyron); the sexting and moving DS in after Kaine left (to avoid being alone); the reported "spending money like water"; the DUi and traffic issues,etc. I'd love to hear a real, uninterrupted discussion of the role mental health problems like borderline personality disorder and narcissism play in criminal behavior.

Borderline would virtually eliminate the possibility of premeditation. Female borderlines are likely to express impulsivity through spending, sex, food, men through more aggressive acts, which tends to be responsible for the correlation between jail time and borderlines.

Personally, I'd find it extremely hard to imagine a borderline being able to insinuate themselves into the school the way TH did. One of the reasons borderlines tend towards superficial attachments is the impulsivity means they can't keep up the facade for long, and once the mask slips, they're gone.

TH has had some incredibly stable and long term relationships for a borderline as well. They tend to be the ones that their friends and family will turn on, not the "I never saw it coming" sort. Friends and family of a borderline will all be all too familiar with the push-pull dynamic of a borderline to believe in their innocence.

 

[eyes4crime]

Borderline would virtually eliminate the possibility of premeditation. Female borderlines are likely to express impulsivity through spending, sex, food, men through more aggressive acts, which tends to be responsible for the correlation between jail time and borderlines.

Personally, I'd find it extremely hard to imagine a borderline being able to insinuate themselves into the school the way TH did. One of the reasons borderlines tend towards superficial attachments is the impulsivity means they can't keep up the facade for long, and once the mask slips, they're gone.

TH has had some incredibly stable and long term relationships for a borderline as well. They tend to be the ones that their friends and family will turn on, not the "I never saw it coming" sort. Friends and family of a borderline will all be all too familiar with the push-pull dynamic of a borderline to believe in their innocence.

Excellent assessment! :yes: What do you think of the possibility of 'dependent personality'? TIA

 

[ThoughtFox]

I think it's NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or something along that continuum. As I've posted ad nauseum, my mother clearly has it. Note that she is not diagnosed. It's tough to diagnose, and an NPD person doesn't think there is anything wrong with them in the first place! Why treat it? I didn't reach this realization about her NPD until last year, when her NPD (among other three-initial acronyms) caused a serious family crisis. I read the book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers". Bingo.

I have to run, so I can add more later, but I'll give one example of the similarity between TH's behavior and my mother's: TH is asked about the family situation: "Everything's Good!" (paraphrased by me--don't have exact quote handy). Clearly it wasn't. KH and baby were already gone.

I was talking to my mother about my ex-sister-in-law. My mother tends to side with my sibling's and my exes instead of with us. She said, "I feel so sorry for ____. Her mother was so hard on her." (which she was) I said, "You know, you were hard on me too." Quick denial on her part. She snapped, "No I wasn't!" End of discussion. I dropped it because that's all I needed to know. What I can't tell about Mom is does she believe the stories she makes up about things or not? She often has her own reality about events. She is also very very intelligent and very good at blaming others. JMO, YMMV.

I too have a Narcissist in the family - and he could never be diagnosed because Narcissists will avoid psychologists like the plague or slam the entire profession. They are not introspective and don't want input into their problems - they don't think they have any problems no matter how dysfunctional their family life is or how many friends they lose.

I think you're totally right that TH displays these tendencies.

Narcissists want everyone to love them above all. The only thing that matters is for them to get attention, and when they don't get what they think they deserve, expect pouting, anger, and outrageous behavior. Terri's sexting and body-building seem like classic exhibitionism so that everyone will notice her. But in other people it might be a tendency to speak too loudly, draw attention to themselves, joining all kinds of clubs or committees and expecting to be in charge, or just a domineering personality.

But these Narcissists have no concept of real unconditional love. Instead, they can easily be flattered by acquaintances while becoming indifferent or even hostile to their own family members.

Narcissists can have long term relationships - it's just they eventually make everyone around them miserable with their self-centeredness.

I've been dealing with a person like that now for 27 years - most of my adult life. He will talk about how close he feels ("like a brother") to his banker, his doctor, or the guy at the convenience store, and meanwhile ignore his own grandchildren to the point of alienating them.

He will send money to any charity that appeals to his vanity, but he doesn't care if his family members are struggling with money - in fact he will call up people in financial distress and tell them not to worry about him, that he is okay. I think that might explain Kaine's recent statement about Terri wasting money - maybe she was trying to buy some friends, literally, and hiding money so she could do that. She may have cared more about appearing wealthy in front of people who barely knew her instead of caring what her husband thought about their family finances.

And lastly, the person in my own family will talk about what a happy, healthy family he has and sound totally sentimental, but ruin every holiday by making people uncomfortable, or lecturing them on their faults. This last one reminds me of Terri, expecting people to believe she loved Kyron and was the perfect stepmother, but on the other hand being too strict with discipline and insisting that he had so many problems she needed to take him to a doctor for seizures just because he was daydreaming.

Classic Narcissist - there cannot be anything wrong with them so there must be something wrong with everyone else.

Just my armchair opinion. :twocents:

 

[Haeve]

I too have a Narcissist in the family - and he could never be diagnosed because Narcissists will avoid psychologists like the plague or slam the entire profession. They are not introspective and don't want input into their problems - they don't think they have any problems no matter how dysfunctional their family life is or how many friends they lose.

I think you're totally right that TH displays these tendencies.

Narcissists want everyone to love them above all. The only thing that matters is for them to get attention, and when they don't get what they think they deserve, expect pouting, anger, and outrageous behavior. Terri's sexting and body-building seem like classic exhibitionism so that everyone will notice her. But in other people it might be a tendency to speak too loudly, draw attention to themselves, joining all kinds of clubs or committees and expecting to be in charge, or just a domineering personality.

But these Narcissists have no concept of real unconditional love. Instead, they can easily be flattered by acquaintances while becoming indifferent or even hostile to their own family members.

Narcissists can have long term relationships - it's just they eventually make everyone around them miserable with their self-centeredness.

I've been dealing with a person like that now for 27 years - most of my adult life. He will talk about how close he feels ("like a brother") to his banker, his doctor, or the guy at the convenience store, and meanwhile ignore his own grandchildren to the point of alienating them.

He will send money to any charity that appeals to his vanity, but he doesn't care if his family members are struggling with money - in fact he will call up people in financial distress and tell them not to worry about him, that he is okay. I think that might explain Kaine's recent statement about Terri wasting money - maybe she was trying to buy some friends, literally, and hiding money so she could do that. She may have cared more about appearing wealthy in front of people who barely knew her instead of caring what her husband thought about their family finances.

And lastly, the person in my own family will talk about what a happy, healthy family he has and sound totally sentimental, but ruin every holiday by making people uncomfortable, or lecturing them on their faults. This last one reminds me of Terri, expecting people to believe she loved Kyron and was the perfect stepmother, but on the other hand being too strict with discipline and insisting that he had so many problems she needed to take him to a doctor for seizures just because he was daydreaming.

Classic Narcissist - there cannot be anything wrong with them so there must be something wrong with everyone else.

Just my armchair opinion. :twocents:

Thanks for your post. Bolding a few statements.

My mother literally gives candy to strangers. She hands out candy. She'll also find out about one of your interests and give you things relating to your interest. (Note that she doesn't know what color my hair is or what I majored in in college.) People love her.

Re: flattered by strangers and hostile to family members. I call this the "wonderful stranger" phenomenon. Strangers are wonderful until they cross some boundary of my mothers. During the family crisis last summer, a government official who was helping us could have walked on water according to her. Until he finally put his foot down about the situation, which involved a timeline. Suddenly he was a...lower body part. From 0 to 60. Very black and white. You can guess how she feels about me. :angel:

Re: happy family. My mom is more twisted, if that's possible--she talks sentimentally about how she "yelled at you kids all the time" like it's a warm fuzzy family story.

Oh, and uncharacteristically, she loves psychology. Long story. But I did turn her love for male authority figures to our family's advantage--last summer I tattled on her to her doctor about one of her other three-letter acronyms and she went to counseling on his referral. I doubt her counselor will be able to tackle her NPD, but as ambivalent as I am about my mother, I knew she would need help dealing with the crisis (that she created).

Back on topic: The little bits of info we keep getting about TH continue to reinforce my impression that she's NPD. I can totally see how folks lucky enough to not deal with a person like this would read her actions innocently, and I'm happy for that. My perceptions are permanently skewed. For example the ex-inlaws being suspect of TH giving them flowers. It sounds like something my mother would do.

It took me over 40 years to see what a child my mother really is (despite being very intelligent and very good at her professional career). She has many people charmed and fooled. So without knowing the full story, I don't fault KH or anyone else for not noticing sooner if TH is NPD. Which doesn't make her a murderer, but it does make her look very suspicious. JMHO, YMMV. :cow:

 

[watchful_eye]

Originally posted by wondering1, BBM:

sociopaths can and do emulate perfectly normal behavior (accent on the perfectly, as they often seem to be model citizens, parents, etc. to outsiders), they just don't FEEL it. So a sociopath would recognize that that's the perfect answer to the lottery question, and give that answer because they want to appear perfect in their values (family first, fiscally responsible, altruistic). However, they wouldn't really feel that way, like you would, and can't even really understand why anyone would feel that way since it's not self-centered. They are completely lacking in empathy or sympathy.

You don't really get to know a sociopath until they pick you as a target and/or you become an obstacle to something they desire. Just for an apropos example, a spouse is a great prop for a perfect family, but can be an obstacle to an affair or other inappropriate behavior, like drug or alcohol abuse. Usually, it's only very close family members who present enough consistent obstacles to see the true nature of the individual. And of those family members, like parents, they often don't want to believe what they see. Often out of shame, guilt, etc. And actually, many people don't know the first thing about the disorder and aren't aware of exactly what they're dealing with until after something really awful happens. jmoo

HELL to the YES. Thank you for posting and it is the truth!

 

[rnmif]

Excellent assessment! :yes: What do you think of the possibility of 'dependent personality'? TIA

I know nothing of that one.... only have the misfortune to know about BPD because the daughter I placed for adoption at birth (who was subsequently kicked out by her adoptive parents and moved in with us) has that diagnosis.

We've been a therapeutic foster home for kids. We figured we couldn't do any worse than what had already been done, but it's been a bumpy road. She's been with us 4 years now. Up and down the roller coaster goes. Mostly down right now. We plan to be leaving next week to move cross country, and of course that is naturally, understandably, her greatest fear.

I have to keep her at a safe distance. It's painful to feel that way about your own child, but I've worked hard to protect my kids from the crazy I grew up with.... she's made a lot of strides, but when the roller coaster heads down, we need to back off and protect the boys from it.

Actually, we had one teen we couldn't reach as foster parents, and as I get to know my daughter better, I think this girl might have been BPD too. My husband and I do not like conflict, yelling, etc. The more outrageous this little girl's behavior became, the more we would get calm, and quiet, and try to reason with her, try and reassure her that we loved her, and we were here for her, and she had a permanent place in our family if she wanted that and was willing to work for it.

She was used to being able to manipulate people, recreated abuse in two long-term foster homes (that had never had any prior allegations or incidents). She could really twist your gut. She had NO idea how to get us to engage with anger... she finally gave up and got really depressed and withdrawn. When her psychologist called saying she was worried but couldn't say why, we had her placed in a group home. We as foster parents had no legal authority to take her razor, belts, shoe laces, she needed to be someplace where she could not take her own life. I hated doing that. We mostly took kids destined for group homes and got them to where they could be successfully placed. I hated not being able to find a way to reach her. I've learned a lot with my daughter that I wish I knew then. With borderlines, you have to learn new ways, you have to be more logical, you have to develop this outer Mr. Spock..... Otherwise they take you down the rabbit hole with them.

BPD has been enough of a learning curve. I hope it's my last experience with complicated mental health diagnoses.

Ahhhhh... then again, it probably won't. When our younger kids are older, we'll probably go back to therapeutic foster care. We had a 7 year gap between our first and our second and third after fertility issues. I just can't bring older kids with issues into the family. Our kids need to be stable, on the right track, close to heading off to college, and then maybe we can start looking at taking in tweens or very early teens. Then the alphabet soup begins again I'm sure.