Unadopting a Child...

[michelle]

I couldn't agree more with you. What child from a perfect family ends up in foster care anyway? To even be in the system means there are problems in this child's background.

I know it is sad. I always wanted to adopt a child or foster one until I had my own then I just could not bring myself to look into it much for fear of what kind of issues the poor child could have, that sounds terrible but I am not cut out for that. If I had no children I probably would try to adopt one. I feel for the woman if she really was not told the truth, its a sad situation all the way around. The child will be an adult soon and I can only imagine what will happen when he is 18. Do they stay in foster care at that age? I would assume not since they are an adult, how do they take care of themselves with no family? It is so sad.

 

[michelle]

I have no symathy for her.
There is just NOWAY IN HELL she assumed this child would have no problems.
He wasn't adopted till age 9 and she had already been a foster parent.
So although the state was 110% wrong.
SHe can't say she thought she was going to get a 9 YO from foster care to adopt who she expected to have no issues.

If she was simply a foster parent for him and did not adopt him I would think a bit differently.
She adopted him that is an entirely new ball game.

The article says she was only told that he was "hyperactive". I am not saying it is right, I just think it is sad all the way around.

 

[Jacobi]

Keep the kid (pros/cons)
+ single adoption subsidy
-- lose all future foster care privileges and foster care fees
-- extra costs for the kid (therapy, etc.)

Dump the kid
++ regain foster parenting rights and future foster care income
- lose the adoption subsidies for that kid

Her abandoning this troubled teen tells me that the decision is financially motivated and from a business stand point, she had but one option. Too bad she didn't read the fine print to realise that she was a year late.

Oh and expect a million dollar lawsuit to follow -- why else wait three years to dump this kid? She obviously needed to invest some time to strengthen her lawsuit and make the 'mental stress' all the more believable. The timing guarantees a larger payout -- oh and don't forget how she was unable to see her grandchildren as long as he was around -- that should be worth a few extra dollars in the settlement.

Just my opinion. I'm probably wrong.

 

[lynie]

A member of my family has just become a foster child to a 7y/o who has older siblings, and they do not have physical/emotional problems. They have a very sad story to tell, but are smart, active and well behaved children. I do not see that every 9 year old in the foster system is damaged....

I also have another family member that has adopted 2 children, in addition to their 4 biological. The one son they adopted was from overseas, and they were told that he probably was mentally handicapped. Well, he did have to repeat kindergarten but only because he hadn't really learned English yet but other than that...not a single issue.

They then adopted another little sweetie...she was 3 y/o at the time and given up by the adoptive parents that had gone to Asia to get her in the 1st place! At her 1st American home she sat in her room all day long...did not play and the adoptive mom just did not bond to her at all. After 8 months the adoption service took her away....enter my family. When little sweetie saw them she lit up like a firecracker and hasn't stopped talking yet!

Bottom line is that a child may act one way in one environment, then differently in another. My own kids do that. I think this situation is very sad, and am tempted to say she is horrid. But I am not in her shoes, or even her house...

Lynie

 

[LinasK]

I am on the fence on this one. The mother is protecting her gandkids from a possible molester nad she wasnt to still be able to see them but then where does it leave this badly abused child.

I'm in agreement with you...

 

[concernedperson]

Keep the kid (pros/cons)
+ single adoption subsidy
-- lose all future foster care privileges and foster care fees
-- extra costs for the kid (therapy, etc.)

Dump the kid
++ regain foster parenting rights and future foster care income
- lose the adoption subsidies for that kid

Her abandoning this troubled teen tells me that the decision is financially motivated and from a business stand point, she had but one option. Too bad she didn't read the fine print to realise that she was a year late.

Oh and expect a million dollar lawsuit to follow -- why else wait three years to dump this kid? She obviously needed to invest some time to strengthen her lawsuit and make the 'mental stress' all the more believable. The timing guarantees a larger payout -- oh and don't forget how she was unable to see her grandchildren as long as he was around -- that should be worth a few extra dollars in the settlement.

Just my opinion. I'm probably wrong.

All of this is so horrible. Horrible for the child first and foremost and horrible that anyone would use this to their advantage.

If this child was a serial molester than I believe children should be protected first. Always, children first. The fact that an adult would capitulate is especially disgusting.I hope it is investigated fully. The dysfunction is apparent and it doesn't disolve any issues.It only opens what needs to be discussed and resolved.JMO.

 

[southcitymom]

This is a tough one, to be sure, but no one knows what they're getting when they become parents. However, once you become a parent, you have a moral obligation to follow that commitment through.

My goddaughter was adopted from China when she was 9 months old. All that was known about her was that she was abandoned in a vegetable stand at 1 week old. She's had some small medical issues. No on'e ever thought of sending her back!

Another friend of mine adopted a little girl from Russia. She has a number of behavorial, mental and emotional issues. No one's returning her either.

If you adopt a child from the "system" you've got to assume that child probably came from less-than-fantastic beginnings. But if you choose to become that child's parent, that should be a lifelong promise.

To be certain, this woman also has an obligation to the other children in her care, but I believe she needs to find a creative way to do this while remaining this boy's mom. To unadopt him now is cruel. He needs his mom more than ever.

 

[concernedperson]

This is a tough one, to be sure, but no one knows what they're getting when they become parents. However, once you become a parent, you have a moral obligation to follow that commitment through.

My goddaughter was adopted from China when she was 9 months old. All that was known about her was that she was abandoned in a vegetable stand at 1 week old. She's had some small medical issues. No on'e ever thought of sending her back!

Another friend of mine adopted a little girl from Russia. She has a number of behavorial, mental and emotional issues. No one's returning her either.

If you adopt a child from the "system" you've got to assume that child probably came from less-than-fantastic beginnings. But if you choose to become that child's parent, that should be a lifelong promise.

To be certain, this woman also has an obligation to the other children in her care, but I believe she needs to find a creative way to do this while remaining this boy's mom. To unadopt him now is cruel. He needs his mom more than ever.

When all else fails...kids need their mom.To do the best that they can even if it is imperfect. I know, I am seeing my adult daughter go through bad stuff right now. But, I see her eyes looking at me for hope and solace and I will be there. I could never in my lifetime think of abandoning her in her time of need.

 

[JBean]

I have some close friends with huge hearts. they adopted an older child from unknown background. I don't want to go into their specific details, but they had to turn the child back in everyone's best interest.

Sometimes it is absoultely the right thing to do. Their lives were being ruined by this child on many levels and I do not see that they were obliged to keep this child. They are the kindest most giving people I know and I 100% agreed with their decision to relinquish this child. They hated having to do it and it was not an easy decision to make. but it was the right one. They exhasuted every alternative and this was the only one left.

Sometimes your best isn't enough.

 

[michelle]

I have some close friends with huge hearts. they adopted a child from unknown background. I don't want to go into their specific details, but they had to turn the child back in everyone's best interest.

Sometimes it is absoultely the right thing to do. Their lives were being ruined by this child on many levels and I do not see that they were obliged to keep this child. They are the kindest most giving people I know and I 100% agreed with their decision to relinquish this child. They hated having to do it and it was not an easy decision to make. but it was the right one. They exhasuted every alternative and this was the only one left.

Sometimes your best isn't enough.

Sometimes it is the best thing to do for everyone I guess. It has to be hard for everyone involved.

 

[JBean]

Sometimes it is the best thing to do for everyone I guess. It has to be hard for everyone involved.

It was and it still is.
They loved this child, with their huge Christian hearts but the problems were insurmountable.

 

[OneLostGrl]

The article says she was only told that he was "hyperactive". I am not saying it is right, I just think it is sad all the way around.

"Only" hyperactive?? This woman is no dummy regarding foster care! Almost all foster children are abused at least 1 time and I'd be willing to put money on the fact that she knew it was a possiblity.

Aside from all that- if I were to find out when my son turns 15 that he was abused and in turn abused others, there is no way in HELL I'd throw him away! My mother always taught me that when kids do crazy things, it is then that we must love them and show that love even more then we did before!

To me, it does not matter what this woman was or was not told about her son 6 years ago what does matter to me is that if she throws this child away he will do worse things down the road because he's yet another throw away child!

I'm sorry if I sound worked up but I foster a child and see his pain daily because noone loved him and threw him away! Most of the time in situations like this, the kid will do worse things just because it's the only time they get attention! Bad attention or good attention does not matter to them- they don't care how they get it as long as they get it!

Todays society is a throw away one- we seem to throw away our children and our elderly and think nothing of it and frankly, it sickens me!

 

[LinasK]

I have some close friends with huge hearts. they adopted an older child from unknown background. I don't want to go into their specific details, but they had to turn the child back in everyone's best interest.

Sometimes it is absoultely the right thing to do. Their lives were being ruined by this child on many levels and I do not see that they were obliged to keep this child. They are the kindest most giving people I know and I 100% agreed with their decision to relinquish this child. They hated having to do it and it was not an easy decision to make. but it was the right one. They exhasuted every alternative and this was the only one left.

Sometimes your best isn't enough.

I agree, the kid in question is already a criminal child molester twice! He can't be rehabilitated, the adopted mother was deceived as to what she was getting/willing to take on, and he isn't her biological child, she has no obligation to him. I say Tough Love for him!:razz: The nerve of him to still want her to pay for him!!!

 

[LinasK]

Aside from all that- if I were to find out when my son turns 15 that he was abused and in turn abused others, there is no way in HELL I'd throw him away! My mother always taught me that when kids do crazy things, it is then that we must love them and show that love even more then we did before!

To me, it does not matter what this woman was or was not told about her son 6 years ago what does matter to me is that if she throws this child away he will do worse things down the road because he's yet another throw away child!

I'm sorry if I sound worked up but I foster a child and see his pain daily because noone loved him and threw him away! Most of the time in situations like this, the kid will do worse things just because it's the only time they get attention! Bad attention or good attention does not matter to them- they don't care how they get it as long as they get it!

Todays society is a throw away one- we seem to throw away our children and our elderly and think nothing of it and frankly, it sickens me!

Well, I'm a molestation victim, so I see it the other way. This kid is a hopeless pedophile criminal child molester. I say good for the mother, keep your other children and protect them from him!!!

 

[JBean]

I agree, the kid in question is already a criminal child molester twice! He can't be rehabilitated, the adopted mother was deceived as to what she was getting/willing to take on, and he isn't her biological child, she has no obligation to him. I say Tough Love for him!:razz: The nerve of him to still want her to pay for him!!!

I know I couldn't have criminal child molester in my home, whether he was my biological child or not.I would have my own child removed from my home if any of my other children were in danger. I do not know where or how, but I do know I have an obligation to protect all my children. Perhaps keeping a child with molesting tendencies in a home with other children is probably not the best care you can give the molesting child either.
Many parents, adoptive and otherwise,are not qualified to handle problems of this severity. Just because this woman adopted the child, doesn;t mean this was the best placement for him either.

 

[michelle]

I agree that the other children need to be safe from him, he already molested 2! He needs major treatment and counseling.

 

[michelle]

I know I couldn't have criminal child molester in my home, whether he was my biological child or not.I would have my own child removed from my home if any of my other children were in danger. I do not know where or how, but I do know I have an obligation to protect all my children. Perhaps keeping a child with molesting tendencies in a home with other children is probably not the best care you can give the molesting child either.
Many parents, adoptive and otherwise,are not qualified to handle problems of this severity. Just because this woman adopted the child, doesn;t mean this was the best placement for him either.

I agree, your obligation is to your other kids as well. I could not keep someone in my home like that either.

 

[JMO8778]

NO what is sad is that this child after having already abused by the system is now being betrayed by the people that promised to be his parents.

No one is suing GOD for betrayal when their child is born not so perfect.
IMO the non disclosure of this childs previous abuse (which NO DOUBT directly relates to these issues) should be compensated in the form of an enourmous sum of money to be used to help this child and hire people to watch him elsewhere when the grandchildren visit.

These people adopted this child they swore they would be his parents.
In my mind this is no different then a biological child turing their child over.
SO what if she can't foster other children anymore?
Her loyalty needs to be towards this child she promised to love and if its not then she is NOT a parent and has no right to have any children in her home.

Now if this was some biological child my guess is she would make one hell of an effort to seek help for him not cast him off.

Furthermore when you adopt a 9 year old who has been tossed around through the system your an idiot if you don't think your going to have some problems and should have him put in therapy immediatly.

But hey! He was a throw away kid all his life why should now be different?

I agree,but if he's too much for her to handle,then maybe he's better off with someone else.I think the least she could do is find a family that is able to deal with him.

 

[LinasK]

I know I couldn't have criminal child molester in my home, whether he was my biological child or not.I would have my own child removed from my home if any of my other children were in danger. I do not know where or how, but I do know I have an obligation to protect all my children. Perhaps keeping a child with molesting tendencies in a home with other children is probably not the best care you can give the molesting child either.
Many parents, adoptive and otherwise,are not qualified to handle problems of this severity. Just because this woman adopted the child, doesn;t mean this was the best placement for him either.

Totally agree with you on this one Jelly. If it was my child who was the molester, he'd be kicked out of the house so fast his head would swim!!!

 

[michelle]

Well, I'm a molestation victim, so I see it the other way. !!

Sorry to hear that, its a crying shame! I had some family member "try some stuff" once with me on different occasions. I will never forget that! It is a horrible thing. Luckily for me nothing really happened. But just knowing it would have just scares the crap out of me!