I agree about most people on WS being themselves. I've been a member for about 9 yrs. now and have never had trouble expressing myself.
I have a high tolerance also. To go to sleep I take 1mg. Xanax (alprazolam), 150 mg. Elavil (amitriptyline) & 60 mg. Restoril (temazepam) and it still takes about 2 hrs. to kick in. The pharmacist told me that would make him sleep for 3 days. LOL I only started taking the 2nd benzo after my sister passed almost 3 yrs. ago. It may seem like alot to some but you have to have sleep that's why alot of these "stars" take them cuz they can't sleep. I understand. Not being able to sleep, fall asleep or stay asleep SUX! Thankfully I have not built up a tolerance and have kept the same "sleep cocktail" for years in addition to my Prozac and 3 more mg. of Xanax that I take throughout the day.
I have to admit I am wreckless though and do play the "fire game" with booze & Xanax.
Here I am awake at 2:10 a.m. My mom died a year ago and my dad died not long before that. Ever since my mom died my sleep patterns have been all messed up. At first I would go to bed but my mind wouldn't turn off. I'd finally get to sleep, I'd dream about her and my dad. And when I did finally get to sleep it was almost time to get up. I'd get up and work all day and then the next night, same thing, even though I hadn't had any sleep, and it was almost as if I were "wired" or something because I'd be running with no sleep (with no drugs, no alcohol) and was able to function and I don't know how. I had to be running on adrenaline.
It's better now. I do get more sleep, but at odd times, and sometimes only a couple of hours a night. Now I avoid going to bed. I don't know why. I don't lie awake and think and think and think anymore like I did right after her death, but I still avoid going to bed. I just don't want to. So I stay up when I know I should be sleeping. I fall asleep on the couch in the evenings sometimes and then I'm wide awake about 11.
I have put off talking to my doctor about it because I'm afraid they will want to prescribe me an antidepressant, or a sleeping pill, or an anxiolytic medication, and I really don't want to be under the influence of any drug and start down a path I don't want to be on. Not so much antidepressants, although I know there can be problems with those too. I figured I'd just handle it naturally, but it HAS been over a year now. I've tried tea and melatonin. I just don't want to take a chance on getting addicted to anything. I have never been addicted to anything and I don't want to start now. I know I could get addicted just as easily as the next person.