Will the real TH please stand up?

[krowdkat]

there are a million men and women out there who have gotten hoodwinked for *LOVE* by predators. How many people have had their credit cards maxed and have to give 1/2 of everything they've worked hard for to some loser who has no conscience. Where I live (a community property state) people, mostly women, do this by design. It's not a crime to be naive and smitten. It IS criminal, or should be, to manipulate someone with sex/love/promise of a future just so you can move on with their forced legal support. It's disgusting, and I would bet the farm that's what happened in this case.

Interestingly enough, TH doesn't have custody of any of her bio children, now.

J sent away (with or without Kaine's awareness), Baby K - no contesting of the RO listing MFH as the primary reason, and poor Kyron who isn't anywhere to be found thus far.

For someone who loves children (reportedly) so much, the three most important children in her life have gone by the wayside through her own doings. Also interestingly enough, she hasn't really worked much as a teacher even though she has a Masters Degree but rather worked as a waitress.

It almost seems like she wanted to impress her two adoptive teacher parents but didn't really like kids at all. A false front if you will.

Just speculating and all based on the thread title.

 

[OneLove]

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt to these people whom I do not know, particularly for the child's sake, who wouldn't want himself described as "leveraged."

I wouldn't be so quick to assume so much, especially if you do not know any of these people.

I am close to a young woman who deeply resents being used as "leverage" by her mother. She is still working in therapy to overcome the issues this created in her relationship with her father. And, of course, in social work, we see kids ALL THE TIME being used as leverage. It's a shame it has become so commonplace.

I am sorry for Terri's son, yes, but I did not create the situation he is in, his mother did. And as to the "love" of the adoptive stepfather for Terri's son, did I not read somewhere here that he had not seen or been in communication with him for some years? Yeah, that's some kinda love.... :angel:

 

[sorrell skye]

Adults are responsible for the decisions they make - whether that decision is to relinquish their parental rights permanently (for whatever reason), or to make the decision to adopt a child. These are life-changing decisions, and I doubt that any of the parties involved entered into them lightly.

I'm inclined to believe that the decisions that were made regarding JM were made out of love & concern for his well-being and a desire to do what was best for him.

Furthermore, what if JM happens to read some of the comments made here - veiled suggestions that his adoptive father may have been *hoodwinked* and/or *manipulated* into adopting him? I wonder how that might make JM feel?

I think care needs to be taken & the feelings of others (especially a vulnerable young man's feelings) need to be considered before public attacks are made (at his expense) that attempt to cast doubt on the circumstances of his adoption.

ETA: All children deserve to feel loved & wanted. I think that needs to be honored & respected, and IMO opinions about why his step-dad adopted him need to be made with care & compassion.

I choose to believe that his step-dad adopted him because he loves him.

MOO

 

[krowdkat]

If J is reading at WS or any other crime message board inre to his missing stepbrother, I hope the adults in his life are monitoring and/or getting him the counseling he needs to deal with the media reports and allegations against his mother. WS has done more than they have to do to protect the innocents in this and other cases. If only we posters could protect all underage children. His name hasn't been outwardly posted. He'd have to google/search engine any of the players names to land here. Hopefully his custodians are paying close attention.

 

[OneLove]

Adults are responsible for the decisions they make - whether that decision is to relinquish their parental rights permanently (for whatever reason), or to make the decision to adopt a child. These are life-changing decisions, and I doubt that any of the parties involved entered into them lightly.

I'm inclined to believe that the decisions that were made regarding JM were made out of love & concern for his well-being and a desire to do what was best for him.

We would certainly HOPE that is true. I would never ASSUME that is true. I would listen to the involved parties speak to their own experience. Anyone who has worked in social services, children's advocacy, or family law has learned this. We see all kinds of things.

Furthermore, what if JM happens to read some of the comments made here - veiled suggestions that his adoptive father may have been *hoodwinked* and/or *manipulated* into adopting him? I wonder how that might make JM feel?

If JM is reading here, I hope he feels the love many thousands of people 'out here' have for him and the well wishes for him. I hope he feels encouraged by the caring of so many people for him, for his little sister, and for his stepbrother Kyron.

Whatever his family situation is concerning his father, adoptive stepfather, and mother, and his 'feelings' about that situation, pre-existed before Kyron's disappearance. He has actually been living his own life, in fact, he is the leading character in it. His stepfather/adoptive father's long-term absence in his life is not a secret to him that he might accidentally discover by reading at Websleuths. Maybe his adoptive stepfather has, unknown to us, recently contacted him to express his love and concern and seek to rebuild their relationship IF he had not maintained a relationship before. I hope so. If they had not maintained a relationship, I do not know the reasons for that. But whatever that relationship is/was, this son certainly was well aware of it long before he ever might have discovered Websleuths.

I think care needs to be taken & the feelings of others (especially a vulnerable young man's feelings) need to be considered before public attacks are made (at his expense) against his mother & adoptive father.

I feel very deeply for this young man I have never met, just as I have cared for all the children for whom I have advocated over the years that are in less than ideal family situations. Since he is a minor in the care of his original biological father, from what I have read and understand here, and since that is the arrangement sanctioned by his custodial mother, out of respect I refer to this man as his 'father' and to the absentee one as his "step/adoptive' father. Otherwise, the words 'adoptive' and 'step' would never have even entered the conversation. Again, we/I did not create this situation, it is not traumatic breaking news to the son as he has been living this, and speaking the truth about the situation can hardly be termed an "attack against his mother and adoptive father". I think it likely he is suffering much more trauma from reading people's comments about what his mother may have done to his stepbrother and the implications that might have if it is true.

 

[wondering1]

Adults are responsible for the decisions they make - whether that decision is to relinquish their parental rights permanently (for whatever reason), or to make the decision to adopt a child. These are life-changing decisions, and I doubt that any of the parties involved entered into them lightly.

I'm inclined to believe that the decisions that were made regarding JM were made out of love & concern for his well-being and a desire to do what was best for him.

Furthermore, what if JM happens to read some of the comments made here - veiled suggestions that his adoptive father may have been *hoodwinked* and/or *manipulated* into adopting him? I wonder how that might make JM feel?

I think care needs to be taken & the feelings of others (especially a vulnerable young man's feelings) need to be considered before public attacks are made (at his expense) that attempt to cast doubt on the circumstances of his adoption.

ETA: All children deserve to feel loved & wanted. I think that needs to be honored & respected, and IMO opinions about why his step-dad adopted him need to be made with care & compassion.

I choose to believe that his step-dad adopted him because he loves him.

MOO

I think the circumstances of his adoption are clear. He is with his bio father now, and he has lived for many years with KH. He is obviously very well aware that his adoptive dad plays no role in his life. When he is an adult he will evaluate that relationship for what it is, or is not, and evaluate his mother's role in that, regardless of what she did or did not do wrt Kyron. Do you think J doesn't know he doesn't see his adoptive father? I wonder what he's been told and led to believe about that situation.

 

[debs]

Interestingly enough, TH doesn't have custody of any of her bio children, now.

J sent away (with or without Kaine's awareness), Baby K - no contesting of the RO listing MFH as the primary reason, and poor Kyron who isn't anywhere to be found thus far.

For someone who loves children (reportedly) so much, the three most important children in her life have gone by the wayside through her own doings. Also interestingly enough, she hasn't really worked much as a teacher even though she has a Masters Degree but rather worked as a waitress.

It almost seems like she wanted to impress her two adoptive teacher parents but didn't really like kids at all. A false front if you will.

Just speculating and all based on the thread title.

Devil's advocate and all.......but Desiree is in virtually the same position. She doesn't have custody of Kyron (outside of the fact that he is missing) or her other child. As a matter of fact, it could be said that Kaine took the opportunity while Desiree was out of the country to get custody of Kyron, which would seem to have been repeated with baby K. Life threatening circumstances arise again.

We don't know the reasons that J is living in Roseburg, outside of what we've been told. J says he wanted to be there. His father says that J was butting heads with Kaine. Kaine is once again unaware of any of that and he states that J was butting heads with Terri.

I can't quite understand in this economy anyone denigrating a job that anyone has, given the circumstances of how many have been forced to work well outside of their training area. She was employed, and rather a lot, up until she took over responsibility for raising Kyron and attending to his needs along with her son's, and then eventually her daughter's. Perhaps financially it just made more sense for her to be at home.

 

[krowdkat]

Kaine and Desiree are standing in solidarity (outside of the he said/she said about TH's entry into the pregnant with Kyron's mother's life) inre to TH's involvement in Kyron's disappearance. Not many exes come together in support of each other's thoughts and their missing child as have DY and KH. I haven't seen anything to indicate that Desiree and Kaine aren't working together to bring their son home. I've seen/read lots that Kaine's current wife isn't. JMHO.

Unusual to say the least.

 

[sorrell skye]

I think the circumstances of his adoption are clear. He is with his bio father now, and he has lived for many years with KH. He is obviously very well aware that his adoptive dad plays no role in his life. When he is an adult he will evaluate that relationship for what it is, or is not, and evaluate his mother's role in that, regardless of what she did or did not do wrt Kyron. Do you think J doesn't know he doesn't see his adoptive father? I wonder what he's been told and led to believe about that situation.

bbm

He has lived for many years with his mother, TH, before as well as during her marriage to KH.

The circumstances of his adoption are none of my business. Nor is the current relationship (including any visitation) he may or may not have with his adoptive father. IMO, that is between him, his mother, & his adoptive father.

And since he is not currently an adult, but an innocent minor in this tragic situation, I will not presume to disparage the circumstances of his adoption in order to attempt to support an opinion about his mother (at his expense).

Whatever he may have been told or may have been *led to believe* is none of my business - as far as I'm concerned, that's between his parents and him.

MOO

 

[sorrell skye]

Kaine and Desiree are standing in solidarity (outside of the he said/she said about TH's entry into the pregnant with Kyron's mother's life) inre to TH's involvement in Kyron's disappearance. Not many exes come together in support of each other's thoughts and their missing child as have DY and KH. I haven't seen anything to indicate that Desiree and Kaine aren't working together to bring their son home. I've seen/read lots that Kaine's current wife isn't. JMHO.

Unusual to say the least.

Yes - despite their past differences, they have come together for the sake of their little boy.

I applaud them for that. IMO, it shows how much they love their son.

I continue to hope that their prayers will be answered and that little Kyron will be returned to them.

 

[SmoothOperator]

Adults are responsible for the decisions they make - whether that decision is to relinquish their parental rights permanently (for whatever reason), or to make the decision to adopt a child. These are life-changing decisions, and I doubt that any of the parties involved entered into them lightly.

I'm inclined to believe that the decisions that were made regarding JM were made out of love & concern for his well-being and a desire to do what was best for him.

Furthermore, what if JM happens to read some of the comments made here - veiled suggestions that his adoptive father may have been *hoodwinked* and/or *manipulated* into adopting him? I wonder how that might make JM feel?

I think care needs to be taken & the feelings of others (especially a vulnerable young man's feelings) need to be considered before public attacks are made (at his expense) that attempt to cast doubt on the circumstances of his adoption.

ETA: All children deserve to feel loved & wanted. I think that needs to be honored & respected, and IMO opinions about why his step-dad adopted him need to be made with care & compassion.

I choose to believe that his step-dad adopted him because he loves him.

MOO

There is no one bashing Terri in this thread and as someone stated upthread discussing the little known facts of this case and discussing Terri's "unusual" behaviours are far from bashing and being without compassion.

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHERE TERRI'S COMPASSION WAS FOR AN INNOCENT LITTLE BOY THAT CALLED HER MOM?
AND WHERE WAS TERRI'S COMPASSION WHEN DISCUSSING HAVING HER DAUGHTER'S FATHER MURDERED?

I truly hope and pray that J**** is currently receiving the help and strong support system that he so desperately needs.

It is not us fellow posters here at WS that are causing this child's anquish and pain of having his brother taken from the family among the many other travesties that have occurred in this young mans few years of life. I am extremely compassionate for what all of these family members are going thru. But be not mistaken it is Terri's horrendous and selfish actions that are at the cause for what is presently taking such a toll on so very many many innocent ppls lives... And sadly this will only continue to get worse because IMO Terri will not be giving Kaine and Desiree that one key bit of info that they are so desperately trying daily to figure out and find their precious son..

Nope, sadly Terri will continue this as long as she possibly can only further causing damage to DY and KH as well as J**** and baby K.. IMO it is Terri who will one day have to face J**** and then baby Ks questions of why she has done all of this that in turn destroyed their young lives as well..

 

[krowdkat]

Devil's advocate and all.......but Desiree is in virtually the same position. She doesn't have custody of Kyron (outside of the fact that he is missing) or her other child. As a matter of fact, it could be said that Kaine took the opportunity while Desiree was out of the country to get custody of Kyron, which would seem to have been repeated with baby K. Life threatening circumstances arise again.

We don't know the reasons that J is living in Roseburg, outside of what we've been told. J says he wanted to be there. His father says that J was butting heads with Kaine. Kaine is once again unaware of any of that and he states that J was butting heads with Terri.

I can't quite understand in this economy anyone denigrating a job that anyone has, given the circumstances of how many have been forced to work well outside of their training area. She was employed, and rather a lot, up until she took over responsibility for raising Kyron and attending to his needs along with her son's, and then eventually her daughter's. Perhaps financially it just made more sense for her to be at home.

For the record, I was not insulting waitresses. I have been a waitress and found it to be one of the more difficult jobs I've ever been employed at (Aching feet/back, rude customers, bad tippers, etc...) My point was, paying for and accomplishing a Masters Degree in Education is no small task. It's quite impressive, IMO.

I was just speculating as to whether or not TH even liked kids and teaching or if she simply chose this career to please her adoptive teacher parents. The article in the oreganian mentioned her former inlaws and how TH went over the top in trying to please them. For all I know, TH liked interacting with Adults in a customer service environment more than instructing a classroom of kids.

All just my speculation.

 

[Aedrys]

Devil's advocate and all.......but Desiree is in virtually the same position. She doesn't have custody of Kyron (outside of the fact that he is missing) or her other child. As a matter of fact, it could be said that Kaine took the opportunity while Desiree was out of the country to get custody of Kyron, which would seem to have been repeated with baby K. Life threatening circumstances arise again.

We don't know the reasons that J is living in Roseburg, outside of what we've been told. J says he wanted to be there. His father says that J was butting heads with Kaine. Kaine is once again unaware of any of that and he states that J was butting heads with Terri.

I can't quite understand in this economy anyone denigrating a job that anyone has, given the circumstances of how many have been forced to work well outside of their training area. She was employed, and rather a lot, up until she took over responsibility for raising Kyron and attending to his needs along with her son's, and then eventually her daughter's. Perhaps financially it just made more sense for her to be at home.

But you can't compare Desiree to Terri.

Desiree isn't wasting a Master's Degree.
Desiree isn't a stay at home mom sponging off of her husband.
We don't know what kind of custody arrangement/child support is set up in Desiree's case. You can't just assume that to be exactly the same as Terri's.
Desiree hasn't been sexting people.
Desiree hasn't been asking anyone to lie to an attorney for her.
Desiree hasn't had a group of friends buy batphones and try to skirt the law just to chat.
Desiree has a solid alibi, Terri does not (LE is certainly not looking at Desiree as a suspect).
Desiree has been honest and forthright this entire time. Yes, she has opinions, but she hasn't altered them or gone back on them.
We know nothing about Desiree's exes, or the situation back when she was sick. I would NOT say it's the same as Kaine being threatened with death and then his son goes missing. Good Lord, there is NO WAY you can compare this situation to the one when Kyron was a baby.
Desiree FOUGHT for Kyron and had custody rights to him. I don't see Terri fighting for her two biological children at all. And I can't see Desiree NOT fighting for Kyron, ever.
Desiree has never wanted, to anyone's knowledge, Kaine dead. We know of one time, joke or not, that apparently Terri wanted Kaine dead.
Finally, Desiree has been a strong, honest, VICTIM of her son going missing. Terri has been a dishonest coward hiding behind a lawyer, most likely GUILTY of what happened to Kyron.
I have a lot more respect for Desiree than Terri. I would NEVER compare the two or treat them as if they are exactly the same because they most defintely are NOT. To do so is HUGE insult to Desiree.

So no, Desiree is NOT in the same position as Terri and never will be. I'm not guessing on who the real Desiree is because she has worn that on her sleeve this entire time. There's been so much info and disinfo out there about Terri, I'm not sure who the real Terri is.

J knows who the real Terri is, and I'm sure he loves her in spite of it because she's his mom. I feel so bad for him that he has to go through this, but that's nobody's fault but Terri's.

 

[wondering1]

bbm

He has lived for many years with his mother, TH, before as well as during her marriage to KH.

The post I was responding to was about his adoptive father and why he should be paying child support. The bio/adoptive/step fathers and their relationships with the boy is relevant to that question. The amount of time TH spent living with him was not -- except maybe to the extent that it relates to her ability to collect child support.

The circumstances of his adoption are none of my business. Nor is the current relationship (including any visitation) he may or may not have with his adoptive father. IMO, that is between him, his mother, & his adoptive father.

And since he is not currently an adult, but an innocent minor in this tragic situation, I will not presume to disparage the circumstances of his adoption in order to attempt to support an opinion about his mother (at his expense)..

bbm~

I was not attempting to support an opinion...what I stated *is* my opinion wrt to the child support issue. My post had nothing to do with whether I think TH is responsible for whatever happened to Kyron. I've said several times that I JUST DON'T LIKE HER. The child support issue is one of the many, many reasons for that. Believe me, I am well aware that not liking her doesn't mean she committed a horrible crime against a child.

Also, I don't see my post as disparaging. IMO, the disparagement of that relationship occurred a long time ago and was done by TH herself. I have nothing but compassion for the boy. Others have stated far more eloquently that I can attempt, exactly why I don't think stating my opinion about the circumstances of his adoption is the cause of any harm he has or will suffer in the future.

Whatever he may have been told or may have been *led to believe* is none of my business - as far as I'm concerned, that's between his parents and him.

MOO

And you are certainly entitled to feel that way about yourself. Personally, I don't have a problem forming an opinion about it in this case and posting about it here -- regardless of whether it's considered my business. However, to the extent that ANY of the details of this case, or the lives of the family members, friends, etc. are any of our business, the custody situation is a factor that also reflects on TH's character and is, therefore, relevant IMO. Maybe a minor piece of the puzzle, but a piece nonetheless, again IMO.

jmtc

 

[eyes4crime]

Do I have this right? Terri taking her baby away from a father who is a meth user and has no interest in being a father, is conniving and manipulative? All for her benefit? Why are people turning her into a master manipulator and a con artist? moo

IMO Continuing to live with a meth user and subjecting your baby to the criminal and psychological sickness of meth is nothing short of child abuse. I say - good for Terri for putting her baby first and getting out of there. And good for bio dad for being honest about not wanting to be a father at the time. moo

Finding another spouse is what most people normally do. A spouse that isn't a drug user and one who will take in your child as his own. Happens all the time! Can't figure out why this is being turned into some master psychological move by Terri - when one marriage ends in disaster, people usually do move on.

I'm thrilled bio dad is in a different place now, and that he and son are together once again under healthier circumstances. moo mhho

 

[Donjeta]

Is there some confirmation that he was a meth user?

 

[OneLove]

I wonder why the adoptive father doesn't simply relinquish HIS parental rights and let the custody revert back to the biological father that is now raising him.

But wait, which "dad" has more money to send to Terri? At this point, if the bio dad were declared the "real" dad and adopto-dad's rights were severed, I bet real-dad would be eligible for support FROM Terri at this point?

ETA: How would that legal process flow? Would bio-dad have to adopt his own son back? I asked this question in the legal thread also.

 

[wondering1]

I wonder why the adoptive father doesn't simply relinquish HIS parental rights and let the custody revert back to the biological father that is now raising him. IF the unsubstantiated rumor that adopto-dad used meth and THAT is why Terri left him, I would think that Terri would be happy to see that happen.

But wait, which "dad" has more money to send to Terri? At this point, if the bio dad were declared the "real" dad and adopto-dad's rights were severed, I bet real-dad would be eligible for support FROM Terri at this point?

Just to clarify, it's bio dad that TH alleged was a meth user, among other things.

Regarding TPR, it's almost impossible to do that unless there's another adoptive father in the wings. The courts don't allow it just to avoid child support. Otherwise, unfortunately, more people who SHOULD be paying would voluntarily give up their parental rights rather than pay

 

[SmoothOperator]

Do I have this right? Terri taking her baby away from a father who is a meth user and has no interest in being a father, is conniving and manipulative? All for her benefit? Why are people turning her into a master manipulator and a con artist? moo

IMO Continuing to live with a meth user and subjecting your baby to the criminal and psychological sickness of meth is nothing short of child abuse. I say - good for Terri for putting her baby first and getting out of there.

And good for bio dad for being honest about not wanting to be a father at the time. moo

Finding another spouse is what most people normally do. A spouse that isn't a drug user and one who will take in your child as his own. Happens all the time! Can't figure out why this is being turned into some master psychological move by Terri - when one marriage ends in disaster, people usually do move on.

I'm thrilled bio dad is in a different place now, and that he and son are together once again under healthier circumstances. moo mhho

We actually have no idea of bio-dads current circumstances. All we know is what has been put out there by Terri[who has been proven to be a "fabricator" to say the least, or "twisting" the truth to serve her purpose].
So for all we know as you stated above about use of meth, for all we know he still could be a meth user or possibly he never was one at all... none of us know.

But for him to be such a horrendous person as Terri has painted him[meth user, having AIDS, etc]she sure is awfully trusting of this "horrible" ex-daddy by letting her impressionable teenaged son now be in this man's custody...

Again, just another of Terri's tales that just DO NOT ADD UP..

 

[Morag]

I wouldn't be so quick to assume so much, especially if you do not know any of these people....(snip)

I could not agree more. I try to assume little about people I do not know.

And if I err on what I assume, I am happy to err on the side of kindness and fairness, rather than assuming the worst and broadcasting my assumptions.
That has always served me well.