GrannieDu, this resonates with me. My oldest had a freshman orientation yesterday at a 4000-student high school. It has about 30 buildings, it's basically a small college campus. Please tell how your stepson is doing now!
I'm sorry for the late reply, I had lost track of which threads I'd posted to.
I didn't meet my husband and stepson until my stepson was 17 years old. I wanted to make a difference in his life but I wasn't able to. I still feel guilty about it and wonder if there is something I could have done or something I should not have done that might have helped him more.
My stepson had a rough time in his late teens and early twenties, including a couple convictions for theft and assault of a police officer. He had a couple relatively short stints in jail and on parole. He also abused various substances, depending on what he could get hold of.
To be completely honest, my stepson's problems started long before he was in high school. My husband and his ex had a long, bitter custody fight over him, culminating in his (my stepson's) mother abducting him that lasted for over six months. While he was with his mother, her new boyfriend physically abused him. The state contacted my husband after my stepson had been taken to the hospital with a serious skull fracture.
My stepson was placed in foster care for six months and my husband had to prove his fitness as a parent, which he did. His ex had supervised visitation only, which ended when my stepson was four years old because she tried to abduct him again. She disappeared after she was released from jail on bail and no one knows what happened to her.
My husband says that my stepson completely changed after the abduction. He said my stepson was a sunny, happy, joyous toddler before his mother abducted him. After my husband found him again, my stepson was an angry, violent toddler that threw things, hit, bit, screamed in rage, etc.
He started in therapy while he was still in foster care and continued in therapy (with various therapists) until he was 16 years old and flatly refused to attend any more. Although we tried to encourage him to continue, he refused and really, it didn't seem to do any good.
In his middle twenties, my stepson became a born again Christian. It is not the path I would choose but I have to say that for my stepson, it has literally turned his life around. He is part of a church that really seems to practise things like unconditional love and acceptance, etc. He is still struggling with his substance abuse problems, with a lot of support from his church. He has started counselling with the pastor and it seems to bring him some peace of mind.
He's now 31 years old and is doing well with his life, I think. He occasionally falls off the wagon but he keeps trying and his church sticks by him through those failures. He hasn't been arrested in six years and has fulfilled his parole requirements successfully.
I know a lot of people would look down on my stepson because of his convictions and substance abuse. All I can say is that they have no idea of how he struggled and the torments he suffered that drove the behaviour.