Terri very upset in the weeks before Kyron's disappearance

[Calliope]

I saw that interview too. Do you think Kaine misunderstood that question?

No.

For some reason he side-stepped and didn't answer what was asked.

Perhaps he feels Terri's motive was related to her son leaving and just didn't want to get caught up in a discussion about all that.

 

[tehcloser]

I still think a BIG piece of the puzzle is missing. I think there were major problems in that household that had a direct effect on this case and no one is touching that. IF the truth ever comes out...we may all be shocked.

 

[Calliope]

I still think a BIG piece of the puzzle is missing. I think there were major problems in that household that had a direct effect on this case and no one is touching that. IF the truth ever comes out...we may all be shocked.

I think you hit the nail square on the head.

 

[Bodhi]

I feel sorry for J as well.

As for removing him from the school he was going to, I think it depends on the reasons the grades were slipping. For example, before I met my husband, he chose to remove his son from one high school just before mid-year because he discovered that his kid was hanging out with a group of teens who were very actively into drugs.
. . . .

The school itself had a pretty good reputation overall but it had close to 4000 students (my mind reels; my high school graduating was less than 200). There were just too many kids present for the staff to closely supervise each and every kid.

GrannieDu, this resonates with me. My oldest had a freshman orientation yesterday at a 4000-student high school. It has about 30 buildings, it's basically a small college campus. Please tell how your stepson is doing now!

 

[GrainneDhu]

GrannieDu, this resonates with me. My oldest had a freshman orientation yesterday at a 4000-student high school. It has about 30 buildings, it's basically a small college campus. Please tell how your stepson is doing now!

I'm sorry for the late reply, I had lost track of which threads I'd posted to.

I didn't meet my husband and stepson until my stepson was 17 years old. I wanted to make a difference in his life but I wasn't able to. I still feel guilty about it and wonder if there is something I could have done or something I should not have done that might have helped him more.

My stepson had a rough time in his late teens and early twenties, including a couple convictions for theft and assault of a police officer. He had a couple relatively short stints in jail and on parole. He also abused various substances, depending on what he could get hold of.

To be completely honest, my stepson's problems started long before he was in high school. My husband and his ex had a long, bitter custody fight over him, culminating in his (my stepson's) mother abducting him that lasted for over six months. While he was with his mother, her new boyfriend physically abused him. The state contacted my husband after my stepson had been taken to the hospital with a serious skull fracture.

My stepson was placed in foster care for six months and my husband had to prove his fitness as a parent, which he did. His ex had supervised visitation only, which ended when my stepson was four years old because she tried to abduct him again. She disappeared after she was released from jail on bail and no one knows what happened to her.

My husband says that my stepson completely changed after the abduction. He said my stepson was a sunny, happy, joyous toddler before his mother abducted him. After my husband found him again, my stepson was an angry, violent toddler that threw things, hit, bit, screamed in rage, etc.

He started in therapy while he was still in foster care and continued in therapy (with various therapists) until he was 16 years old and flatly refused to attend any more. Although we tried to encourage him to continue, he refused and really, it didn't seem to do any good.

In his middle twenties, my stepson became a born again Christian. It is not the path I would choose but I have to say that for my stepson, it has literally turned his life around. He is part of a church that really seems to practise things like unconditional love and acceptance, etc. He is still struggling with his substance abuse problems, with a lot of support from his church. He has started counselling with the pastor and it seems to bring him some peace of mind.

He's now 31 years old and is doing well with his life, I think. He occasionally falls off the wagon but he keeps trying and his church sticks by him through those failures. He hasn't been arrested in six years and has fulfilled his parole requirements successfully.

I know a lot of people would look down on my stepson because of his convictions and substance abuse. All I can say is that they have no idea of how he struggled and the torments he suffered that drove the behaviour.

 

[human]

grainne dhu. Thanks goodness things are going well for your step son. These are the children that my heart breaks for that I have as students and I pray that they turn out.

The love from you and your husband was in his heart and he found it. Most children want their parent's love, even if the parents beat them with baseball bats. Some figure it out and see that they are not at fault; it's the parents that are at fault, but it takes time.

Now we see that the truth of this matter may be that Terri sent him away. I believe that.

 

[PDXMom]

I feel sorry for J as well.

As for removing him from the school he was going to, I think it depends on the reasons the grades were slipping. For example, before I met my husband, he chose to remove his son from one high school just before mid-year because he discovered that his kid was hanging out with a group of teens who were very actively into drugs.

This was nothing that help with homework, extra tutoring, etc, would help. And I'm not talking about a little pot being passed around, I'm talking about kids who were into crack cocaine, heroin, meth, etc.

The school itself had a pretty good reputation overall but it had close to 4000 students (my mind reels; my high school graduating class was less than 200). There were just too many kids present for the staff to closely supervise each and every kid.

When my husband discovered that his son's friends were all doing hard drugs, he couldn't see any viable way of breaking up the pattern than transferring him to a different school. As a single parent, my husband tried to closely supervise his son but it isn't possible to supervise a teenager closely enough if all his friends are doing drugs.

That could very well have been the case here. I went to the high school J was pulled from (Lincoln High School) and I can tell you first hand that it's a big urban school with a lot of kids who have a lot of disposable income. When I went there, kids were smoking pot and even dropping acid on campus. Cocaine was a given. It would be easy for a kid to get lost there and no one would be the wiser.

 

[Melanie]

With the latest updates, we now know Kaine was out of town when Terri asked her son to move out. I believe the link is in another thread about TH.

Mel

ETA: Info -

Terri sent J to Roseburg to live with his maternal grandparents.

"I was on a business trip when she made that decision," Kaine said. "She called me on my first day (in California) and said they had gotten into a fight. She couldn't handle it anymore. She was going to call his dad to talk about other options."

Kaine said he didn't want J to move out, but it wasn't his decision.

Link: http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/08/terri_horman.html

 

[T-Rex]

There hasn't been much discussion about how having J gone changed things for Kyron.
J might have babysat Kyron sometimes, or even just watched television, or played video games with him. With J gone, Terri would have more to do to keep him entertained.
Also, Terri might have had more time to focus on him--leading to nitpicking.

 

[wondering1]

Just as it relates to J's relationship with TH and the move -- I see that his dad's current wife has recently listed J as her child on her FB (which is public). I wonder what led to that under the circumstances and how TH and J feel about it. jmoo

 

[mydailyopinions]

With the latest updates, we now know Kaine was out of town when Terri asked her son to move out. I believe the link is in another thread about TH.

Mel

ETA: Info -

Terri sent J to Roseburg to live with his maternal grandparents.

"I was on a business trip when she made that decision," Kaine said. "She called me on my first day (in California) and said they had gotten into a fight. She couldn't handle it anymore. She was going to call his dad to talk about other options."

Kaine said he didn't want J to move out, but it wasn't his decision.

Link: http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/08/terri_horman.html

I can't help but wonder if there was a perfect reason for Terri to send J away while Kaine was in California. Could it be that Kaine may have tried to convince Terri that the fight was not bad enough to send her son away? Maybe he was the one, who would blow off the small stuff and tell her to remember how things were when she was his age. Knowing this, and knowing that she had the MFH plot going, possibly she just didn't want her son there to be around what was to potentially happen to Kaine, and what was to come for Kyron.

 

[Curious Me]

Did TMH send her son to live elsewhere as part of a bigger plan then? Seems like sending her son elsewhere was more her choice, if Kaine was not even there but on a business trip.

 

[txsvicki]

The different statements made about sending the teen away could all be correct and not necessarily lies. Kaine claims that Terri butted heads with J. and he referreed quite a bit. Terri claimed that Kaine was forcing her to send J. away. Terri claimed his grades and happiness picked up after getting away from Kaine. Terri is said to have grounded Kyron to his room if he didn't get a daily "good" on behavior yet Desiree claims that Kaine is a ridgid disciplinarianism and Kaine claimed that Kyron was actively being worked with on minor listening problems with adults. The whole thing seems to have been over grades and behavior at school. Maybe Kaine expected being actively worked with, such as tutoring and extra studying along with heavy grounding BUT Terri only wanted to ground and punish with a time out.

 

[GrainneDhu]

grainne dhu. Thanks goodness things are going well for your step son. These are the children that my heart breaks for that I have as students and I pray that they turn out.

The love from you and your husband was in his heart and he found it. Most children want their parent's love, even if the parents beat them with baseball bats. Some figure it out and see that they are not at fault; it's the parents that are at fault, but it takes time.

Now we see that the truth of this matter may be that Terri sent him away. I believe that.

Thank you, human.

You're absolutely right, it's the kids like my stepson who really need prayers, especially when their behaviour is not particularly loveable.

The last therapist my stepson saw as a teenager told us that children who suffer abuse when they are pre-verbal have issues that other abused children don't. He said that a baby's or toddler's mind is capable of processing way more than they are capable of expressing and that sometimes it seems like something of that inarticulate hurt/terror/rage keeps happening inside that child after they are out of the situation.

I wish his biological mother had not disappeared. Not only has her disappearance caused her own family a great deal of grief through the years, it left my stepson with the idea that she rejected him personally. Which is not the truth. She loved him so much, she abducted him once and tried to do so again. She wasn't an evil person, she was just a messed up woman who couldn't accept the trap she found herself in.

 

[purple turtle]

Thanks for that and it's good you see that as an adult.

ITA that there is no way that Kaine is a control freak.

A control freak does not buy his wife a flashy red car and let her do what she wants to all day with no accounting for her time.

People have talked about how he didn't know what was going on with Terri.

It can't be both ways. He can't be a control freak and unaware of what Terri is up to all day.

too trusting. naive about his wife. head in the sand. yes.
controlling - no.
jmho

 

[purple turtle]

Did TMH send her son to live elsewhere as part of a bigger plan then? Seems like sending her son elsewhere was more her choice, if Kaine was not even there but on a business trip.

well that did not pan out ... I found that the MFH landscaper said six or seven months prior to Kaine's moving out ... and apparently J left in March ... so I don't think that it was involved with the MFH.

my opinion is that if she IS guilty of disappearing Kyron then it is because she was on a mission to get rid of the inconveniences in her life ... Kaine, J, and Kyron ... just a thought ... seems like it adds up that way if you look at it one way.
----
Kaine says that he and J butted heads ... but that just happens in a family no matter what. It sounded like they both love each other and have a relationship.

imho TH saying that Kaine wanted J gone and then she sends him away while Kaine is on a business trip ... sounds like she was lying to cover her tracks and make herself look tragic. If she is a narcissist or manipulator ... these are the kinds of games that some people play to get sympathy if it is true or not or if the person just perceives it that way. I had a friend who would literally make things up when she was feeling bad about herself to get sympathy ... stuff like this ... or when she was called on her games by someone else she would call me up on the phone to say "such and such happened" - a lie or something blown out of proportion - so that I would give her the sympathy she needed about what was REALLY going on.

I have never bought into Kaine sending or wanting to send J away. One would think others would have said something other than just her complaining at the gym. I don't think it holds water.

Does this mean I think she disappeared Kyron? No. but it leads me to believe that she is capable of lying to people to manipulate situations and make herself look better.