100 questions from the jury: Arias answering on her 17th day on the stand #78

[Gypsy Road]

I wonder if sticky substance got in the hard drive and corrupted it

Like maybe something was spilled on it during a Sunday afternoon jazz brunch?:what:

 

[Rosemary Pierce]

KCL is posting in the court observer thread :rocker:

 

[gcharlie]

For all the kids I work with, there is a high need for control, no empathy, no conscience. It is a sliding scale - some have serious issues, some are more mild. The nonsense lying is constant. It is a sign that they feel the need to control - like their life literally depends on it. For days, I have seen her have the flat affect and the blank eyes. Sometimes, when she says "I don't remember," I almost see her as dissociating. It is odd. You think about how many times she has said "I don't know" about her own reasons and her own feelings. Often, with my kids, that is the way it is. They literally cannot connect to their feelings enough to know why they did what they did. So much of it is truly reactive. That does not mean there is not planning. They are highly susceptible to tremendous rage and anger at the feeling of abandonment or loss of control - even perceived abandonment or loss of control. They have a very fake exterior. I call it the "china doll." It is the smiley, happy, totally in control face you see when she does all the interviews. It is so skilled it is uncanny. It is totally a survival mechanism that they have learned very early on. Out of all kids, these kids are the most socially adept and good at being believed. Even when flat out lying.

But, today has been different. I have to say it has hit me very hard personally. I got into this field because I adopted a child who has had extreme attachment issues. Due to years of helping my child, I have come to see first hand how hard it is to raise a child with these traits of no empathy and no conscience. Like someone posted the other day, you go round and round with the lies - the endless nonsense lies - even the control on little things like the mayonnaise and mustard. The blank eyes and china doll face. You always hope you can make a difference but daily you face issues like JM has on the stand. But, then there is a point. If you can hang in there and be lovingly therapeutic and outlast the chaos, there is a point that you can get to with these children that the total look of all their bottled up shame comes up. They let down their guard for a few moments and you can see the darkness, anger, rage, and pain they carry. Almost a look of defeat.

I saw that look in Jodi today and, for me as a mom, it was the weirdest feeling. I honestly felt love. I recognized that look as the point on the children I work with when they give up the baloney and know they cannot continue - that the act and fake stuff isn't working. At that point, I know as a mom I can help. Of course, in our home and many others, it is little things like mayonnaise or mustard or lying about who hurt the family dog, not murder. But, at the end of the day, all of my families are working to help our kids get conscience and empathy so that things like this don't happen.

With my child, I wait for that look of defeat, of resignation, to know that my child is willing to trust me to help. So many times, I have had to wait patiently, through lots of stuff, to get to that point. But, the moment my child gives up the act, I know I can help. Often, those are some of our most tender moments. It takes so much for a child who has been significantly hurt (such that he or she forms no attachments) to trust with true emotion. When they will trust you, you have a chance to teach them another way. It is incredibly hard because that has been their sole survival.

Today, when I saw the deflated look, I knew JA knew the jury wasn't buying it. She can tell her way hasn't worked. The shame - not of killing TA - but of how defective and different she is from everyone else has hit her. She knows she is different, fundamentally flawed, but, if she can keep up the act and others will believe the act, she feels on top of the world. When that starts to crack, it is a tremendous fall. For a younger child, it is a point of help. For JA, it is a point of realizing it has not worked.

Sharing alot here. But, I work with families all over the world who have adopted kids with the same issues. I go to court with them to get help. I hold their hands when their child beats them up. I help them deal with the no conscience or empathy. I help protect them when their children physically harm them. I love those families because they do the hardest job in the world. JA has highlighted why we do what we do.

When I saw her deflated look, I knew she knew it was over. Today, instead of dark eyes and the smile, I could see the dark eyes and fallen countenance. I saw the "child" that was stunted many many years ago. While she tries to come across as intelligent and is very sophisticated at the act, she seems to me to be emotionally stunted at a 12 year old level. Today, in her countenance, I could see "behind the curtain" of the wizard of Oz. The grand act came crashing down.

I am not saying she will not try to regain the image. And, I am definitely not saying she will not lie. She has to lie to feel any control at all. She almost can't help it, even on stupid things.

But, today, I could see and so recognized the look. I have seen it many times before. The moment she realized it was done. That the act hadn't worked and that people could see through the fake exterior. For her, that was crushing.


Please don't bash here. It took a lot to share this. Please know that, if you have read the posts, I am huge on accountability for JA. I feel very strongly that she must be held accountable for what she did. When I describe the love and empathy I felt, it surprised even me. It is not a reflection of what I think needs to happen, but a reflection of all the young children I love that show so many traits of JA - lacking conscience, no empathy, rage, violence, non sense lying, no close attachments. Daily, I work with families that fight the good fight, with such small progress, never knowing if their patience and therapeutic parenting will make any dent in the symptoms or not. JA represents the worst outcome for us. Each day, we hope that we can help turn that around for the kids we love so much. When you talk about the mom laughing in the court room, I bet I could speak volumes as to what she has lived with. I don't know her and won't speculate, but if she is anything like the parents I work with, her emotions seem odd because parenting JA was nothing like parenting a typical child. While totally inappropriate in some of her actions, her mother heart forces her to be there until the end, even as her child testifies she is an abuser and they are not close. I bet that mom would have loved the experience of knowing her child really loved her, even once. Just a guess, but sometimes people laugh so they don't cry.

Thanks for letting me share. I hope this is understood the way it was intended. If not, let me clear it up before you jump on me - grin!

Thank you for taking the time and caring to write this.

It takes someone special like you to work with these children. We can only hope that they are reached and touched by love and caring so that they can grow to be whole and enjoy all that life offers, most importantly the love of human connection.

 

[Kacey4]

PLEASE NOTE: The Priceline.com Airline is a - (minus) .... meaning a debit/reverse charge. -246.99.
NOT a charge.

WTH! I would have missed that. Must be totally blind, but the minus looks like a blue pen, and not black like the rest of the statement. Like JM's Blue pen! Something big has got to be coming.

 

[BeachGirlFromPA]

I'm not convinced that she had ditched everything at this point. Apparently, the rental car was returned with a smoke smell that was never noticed by Leslie Udy and there is a lot of elapsed time in her trip from Sparks NV to Redding CA ( 26 hours when the drive takes far less). IMO, Arias had a little bonfire somewhere between Sparks and Redding.

I thought the smoke smell complaint was made by JA when she first went to Budget. She used it as a reason to not want a car, in addition to it being red. Anyone know?

 

[Syd]

You can't legally put gas in a kerosene can. Gas can is red, kero can is blue....tell me where I'm going with this....a gas can and kero can are two different things. Did she buy clear kero to burn evidence?

And she would NEVER break the law.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. I think your point about the kero is valid.

 

[Hopeful One]

I had to work in the afternoon and missed Nurmi, as well as the discussion here.

Lucky!!

 

[Pensfan]

I had to laugh .. comparing victims side to defendants side today in court...

I want to take Travis' sister home and feed her a lot of fattening perogies. Anyone can visibly see her wasting away during the trial. She's losing more weight. Poor child.

 

[minor4th]

Around here if a cashier sees you with a blue can near the gas pump, they will stop you fast. #1 white kero is a separate pump, not far from the others usually. The nozzles are the same but you pump it same as gas. I noticed the receipt mentioned Kero but maybe that is the name of the brand? Stupid idea if it is.

I looked it up on the Walmart website -it's a kerosene can.

 

[paperwing]

What's up with the tire service charge? Did she own a car at this time? Did something happen to the rental car's tire that she had to get repaired?

:waitasec:

I think these items are ordered by the date they 'cleared' or were approved... not by the date of purchase.

The chronology doesn't make sense if one assumes it's by date of purchase, because it goes from CA to NV to UT to CA... etc.

We need the full document!

 

[ScubaTwinn]

I just finished thread #77 and when Juan got up, there were at least 30 posts about him - I was having a fit knowing he was up! It was great to read and then the gas charges on her bank statement - too sweet.

Thank you to everyone who posted what was going on. I really appreciate it.

 

[Ricki]

That airline receipt showed CT. Which tells me Connecticut. :waitasec: Unless that is just where they bill out of.

Gee. I am glad she is in jail. I would not want her in my state. :what:

 

[Pensfan]

I thought the smoke smell complaint was made by JA when she first went to Budget. She used it as a reason to not want a car, in addition to it being red. Anyone know?

I remember the rental car guy commenting about the smoke smell inside the car when she returned it.

 

[paperwing]

I think the jury would understand why he did it. They probably wish they had something to throw.

I agree. But what's your point? (kidding)

The DT is using any/everything... including things that are not credible. Why would they stop now?

 

[Mrs G Norris]

I want to take Travis' sister home and feed her a lot of fattening perogies. Anyone can visibly see her wasting away during the trial. She's losing more weight. Poor child.

At least they are finally getting some justice .. albeit just a little. Jodi finally looks defeated today, and I think she knows her goose is cooked. Juan has her on premeditation AND on lying to the jury. He's darn close to having her impeached on all her testimony and in particular the pedophilia lies which he is not going to let go. I hope they are starting to feel a little bit better.

 

[TotallyObsessed]

I once read somewhere..."A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child"...God bless you for your struggles and your work. I still think Jodi is guilty and her crime is unspeakably horrible, but I can also see your unique insight here, and this is a sad story all the way around. It is also scary to know that there are many other "Jodi's" out there...and more born every day.

For Mormon Attorney...sorry. tried to link, I'm still a newbie at this:blushing:

I love that quote. I can personally say that is very, very true.

 

[Tricia]

PLEASE REMEMBER DO NOT CALL ANYONE NAMES. NO MATTER IF YOU FEEL JUSTIFIED IN CHANGING IT TO SOMETHING RUDE, CUTISE, OR OTHERWISE

Thank You,
Tricia Griffith
Co-owner Websleuths.com

 

[BeachGirlFromPA]

I looked it up on the Walmart website -it's a kerosene can.

Wow. I guess we know where the bloody clothes went. I wonder if JM is aware of this? I can't imagine he isn't.

 

[minor4th]

I remember the rental car guy commenting about the smoke smell inside the car when she returned it.

It sounded that way, but the smoke smell was noted on the rental contract at the time she rented it.

 

[Sustained]

I thought the smoke smell complaint was made by JA when she first went to Budget. She used it as a reason to not want a car, in addition to it being red. Anyone know?

The smoke smell was listed on the return receipt with the number of miles driven.