Thank you so much for posting this. You are really a very special person. This is really touching, and also interesting. Please answer this, if you can: does something happen to these kids to make them this way, or are the born this way, with this flaw?
Because I have seen kids (VERY few), who have such great parents, who love them to death, but are just mean and violent kids. I don't understand.
Thanks in advance if you can answer.
As someone else points out, there is likely more than one cause (or combination of causes) that can create this situation. For the families I work with, it comes from what we call "complex trauma" - a mix of attachment disorder, often mental illness, possible fetal alcohol, environment, etc. So few kids have just one event going on. I personally refer to it as the trauma tornado. And, I agree with you, there are some children who seem to be more aggressive even though we can't point to anything that happened. Sometimes they have problems with impulse control, empathy, emotional regulation, etc. There is no doubt that two kids can experience the same events and it impacts one different than another. So, there are alot of factors.
One of the things that is hard for the families I work with is that the significant damage was often done early on, before they were involved. These early trauma experiences can literally alter or stunt brain development. So, we are not just trying to change emotions, but turn around brain chemistry. It is like learning to walk. We don't remember doing it but it would be very difficult for us to "forget." With my kids and families, we are trying to get the child to unwalk, or unlearn these early survival traits they learned that are now counterproductive.
I think a big issue that is often unseen on the outside is fetal alcohol. Bruce Perry spoke at a conference I attended and talked about a 4th grade boy who murdered his teacher. When they did a brain scan, they found that, due to fetal alcohol, the area of his brain which controlled impulsive thoughts was significantly damaged, if not, nonexistent. So, we all occasionally have thoughts like, "I am so mad, I could kill so and so." Of course, our impulse control center stops us from acting on these random thoughts. In this kid, fetal alcohol had wiped out his center for impulse control. With that knowledge, it is a wonder he made it to 4th grade.
Not at all saying that's what JA has. Just saying you are right to note that there can be many, many factors which contribute to the trauma tornado that leaves a person without conscience and without empathy and these people, if left untreated, can be very, very dangerous.
ullhair: 
