Having worked in a juvenile court in deprivation proceedings, I also know that neglectful parents can come from all different backgrounds.
But, I don't think the McCann's exercise of bad judgment means they didn't love and cherish their children. I think parents who smoke around their children, parents who drive around with their children not strapped into a booster, parents who don't keep an eye on their children while they're swimming at a public pool are all neglectful, but I don't confuse that with not loving them. There are lots of things some parents do that I don't agree with and think is not wise parenting. But, I don't think that means they don't love their children.
I agree, Emery, I understand what you mean. Those were the parents I meant when I said that some are just doing the best they can do. Not every one gets this.
It is like a colleague of mine said when we had the dentist volunteer in school for "screenings" (Note: My own child, who gets her teeth regularly cleaned and has had zero cavities, was identified as failing the screening because her teeth are crooked and she will most definitely need braces at some point, and she came home crying because Dentist had "failed" her in the screening, thank you very much.) She pointed out: "People know they should take their kids to the dentist. If they don't, it's because they haven't the money or the means. Making this big humiliating deal isn't going to change a thing."
So I do get what you mean.
But there is another class of parent, that is more of the wealthy and educated class. They have worked for their situation/status, but they do consider themselves somewhat privileged and beyond criticism/reproach.
I can't risk my job to talk about them in detail, but there is--fortunately, not the minority, but a considerable amount--of people who feel that by their wealth and success and profession, they are entitled to disregard anything that is not convenient for them as parents.
Do they love their children? Well, sure. But if that "love" requires them to give up a social event, to sacrifice a vacation to Hawaii during the school year, to cut short a tennis or golf event for the child--Well, no, they don't do that. They would tell you that they must maintain their own personal "space" or "sense of self" or any other word that would justify not putting the child first.
The child comes first for them only so long as they are not inconvenienced not only in their professional career but their downtime/personal pursuits as well.
The McCanns wanted it both ways. They did not want to take a nanny along on their vacation or deal with the night time creche issues, but they wanted to have their dinner and socializing time with their friends and so they chose repeatedly to leave three small children alone in a resort room.
Unlike other parents who make poor judgments or decisions, the McCanns had the knowledge and ability to make better choices. They simply chose not to.
So while we can agree perhaps that they think they loved their children, we have to agree also that in action, which is where emotion proves itself, they fell far short.
