I just can't get over the numbers of women who want to marry, AND BREED WITH, men like this, especially if they are highly intelligent. Yes, he WILL be that way with you, eventually.
Of people I have known of who do this, it's kind of 2 linked pieces, they are driven to live in heads and outwardly achieve and also repeat patterns of chaos and dysfunction all because of own childhood.
I personally do not think any of that is an excuse at all, kids deserve to be in safe environments. That you were once a victim but now may be an enabler or vicitmizer in my mind makes you culpable for the harm of an innocent child.
Many people DO NOT repeat generational trauma. Most parents, even poor parents, even teen parents, even parents who were victims of abuse in childhood themselves, manage to keep own kids safe. NO EXCUSES for failure to protect, kids deserve to grow up.
Taking up while he is treating his first family so badly has a "pick me" vibe. Neither parent nor their dynamic seems healthy or grounded in basic safeguarding IMOO. I really hope the other girls will be ok. He can't be happy about their interviews with LE.
I just can't get over the numbers of women who want to marry, AND BREED WITH, men like this, especially if they are highly intelligent. Yes, he WILL be that way with you, eventually.
A person IRL introduced me to the concept of repeating generational trauma and betrayal bonds. No idea what drives the decisions of ES, this is JMOOO on what seems to shed insight on the behavior of some people. Bit of info on the idea here.
https://www.leslievernick.com/members/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Unhealthy-Bonds-Pt.2.pdf
Key Point # 1: Three signs of trauma/betrayal bonding
1. Chronic helpless and victim mindset
2. Focus on fixing/helping/rescuing your abuser instead of your own needs or growth. [or needs of kids}
3. You are acutely vulnerable to the “reality” of the abuser and may collude with his excuse making, minimization, rationalization and/or denial. You are doing things that are against your core values and your empathy leads to high enabling behaviors.
Key Point # 2: Obstacles to your own healing. What keeps you stuck?
1. You get trapped in your own anger and shame at yourself or at him. [and stay stuck rather than acting]
2. You spend way too much time trying to understand “why” he does what he does and not enough time learning about you [ or focused on needs of kids].
Key Point # 3: Ten things you can do to start the healing process.
1. Commit to face the truth: Give up the wish, the hope, the fantasy that he’s going to get it, be truly sorry, or change. If you have seen no active change, no seeking of truth on his part, then let go of wishful thinking.
JMOO. My bottom line, kids deserve to be safe and both parents have primary responsibility to do an adequate job or get help for what hinders them.