Armchair Psych discussion of Jodi Arias

[SMK]

I know someone who has a kid like JA (except for the murder part. As of today anyway.)

The mother knows her kid has problems, yet she does nothing. She enables the kid. She tells me it's "easier" to give in than suffer the rage and abuse that the kid heaps on her if she were to put her foot down.

The kid has ran the mother since she was a young child. No structure at all. The mother gave up parenting years ago. To the kid's detriment.

I can't help but feel that as difficult as it must be for JA's mother and father, they're the ones who raised her and nowhere has it been said they actually sought help for her when she was young.

Yes, help should have been sought. To give into a child's rage is just setting that kid up for a nightmare in adulthood.

Also, factors which may have caused the rage should have been explored.

 

[kiminnm]

If the parents had known better then they would have done better...Jodi is sneaky and knew how to put on the charm..I doubt that Jodi would have benefited from early intervention..in some cases I am afraid there really are bad seeds..I especially think so after hearing her parents interview ...Jodi is finally locked up...where she needs to be for everyone's safety! I have worked years working w abused and neglected kids and a few times I have seen kids very much like Jodi and the parents were at their wits end trying to get help for them....there is a point where there is a core personality that is independent of outside influence...Jodi is only for Jodi...there is something missing in her brain that hinders her from experiencing empathy..no pill or therapy can change that...so I believe it is an organic brain dysfunction and she should be locked up for life at the least! Just my opinion!

 

[lil_buddy]

I saw clips of the mother and then the father being interviewed. I didn't get the sense that the mother's crying was fake but I want to know WHY the parents did not get HELP for Jodi if these people that called them were saying she needed help? And the father was saying that Jodi would rage at them quite a bit in the year prior to this murder.

Can't help someone who won't acknowledge there's a problem and is unwilling to put forth the effort.

 

[lil_buddy]

Did anyone watch the clip of JA Mom being interviewed by police?

She sounds just like Jodi, complete with fakey sounding cry-voice!

This was not my impression FWIW.

 

[IBsleuthin]

You write such interesting and thoughtful posts..I would never have imagined you felt that way. A big, big hug.

But I do know that kind of emotional block you are talking about. Three things that have helped me "rework" my brain pattern ...I imagine myself small and sitting on the floor blurting out all my hurts..while imagining the big me soothing that child and saying all the things that a loving, nuturing mother would say.

I also get a basket full of rocks of all sizes. I walk through our woods releasing a rock at a time for each blocked item. Somehow the lessing of the physcially weight, relieves the emotional weight. And the third thing... I do each year at the beach as the sun is coming and I am completely alone, I draw a huge circle in the sand and mark symbols for all the things I want to let go of. I say an affirming statement and conscioulsy release it to the tides; and as I watch the ocean sweep away all that I released, I ask God to bring me back peace in it's place. It's not that it completely frees me, but when I find myself started to play an "old tape" I remind myself that I already let that go. Over time it worked.

Thank you for sharing this very healthy and very constructive method of dealing with these issues. I was told once that our thought processes are like walking on a grassy lawn. If you walk on the grass once you just bend the grass and leave a faint trail. If you keep walking on the grass, pretty soon the trail becomes distinct and in some cases even set in stone.

I can't help but wonder what thought processes JA had as she convinced herself that killing TA was the only option she had available to her. She also obviously hadn't thought through the aftermath or consequences of her actions.

I read that recently JA refused to go into her cell, had been hoarding items and is causing some friction in the jail. I'm guessing that she may just now be realizing the box she's put herself in.

Interesting as well is there are some truly tough women in there, tough exteriors and interiors and JA scares me more than any of them.

 

[Woe.be.gone]

I was physically and mentally abused growing up. For me, the pain of the emotional abuse has lasted longer than the physical pain. I feel like I'm a a shell of the person I was supposed to be. I sometimes wonder about the things I could have accomplished in my life if it wasn't for the years and years of being taught that I was stupid, annoying, of being made fun of, of getting yelled at and berated for accidents (like dropping a glass. Once my mom told me all I ever do is f*ck everything up and to never do the dishes again. She was always saying things like that to us). But there is a blockage in my brain that keeps me from getting over that stuff and cannot get over it. I find it hard to make friends because my mind won't let me talk. I have things to say but I ruminate and become so deathly worried that what I'm going to say is going to sound stupid that I don't say anything. I am painfully shy. Being this way has ruined my life and who I think I could have been. I have no self esteem left, no confidence.

I am married and I have a daughter who I love. It's good to have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally and makes me feel loved and appreciated and smart. He's amazing. But I cannot get it in my head that I am worth something and that I'm smart and worthy. So I am happy overall. Just sad about my lost potential.

"Today is the first day to the rest of your life." After a quick search I couldn't pin down who coined this saying first. It's the second thought that came to mind after reading your post. The first thought was, what the heck was going on within your mother to make her continually lash out towards her child like that. Behavior is often repeated by someone who was accustomed to be treated the same way.

My third thought is, you're valuable. :blowkiss:

 

[Nancy_Drew]

Yes yes, you saved me from the embarrassing position of outing my computer illiteracy!! I don't mind so much about the highly personal stuff :floorlaugh:
Daughters of N Mothers that's the one!
I absolutely agree with you, people who go through this stuff are generally full of amazing insights, because after all the oppressed always knows more than the oppressor, because they see both sides of the coin.
I also agree that using the bad for good gives us privileged gift because we 'get' it, and when talking to other people who aren't quite there yet, they know we speak from genuine experience and authentic congruent selves. That is a very special gift arising from hard work against the odds. Well done you!!
That site was very helpful to me in identifying and explaining specific behaviours of N mums, and so enlightening that I could see that the 'mental crack' that I had was the light getting in
My mother has been gone for over 30 years, but her memory lives on in my siblings, with whom I have no contact. She was exactly the same as yours, nobody would have guessed. My extended family in Scotland still think of her fondly...and it's the feeling of never ever knowing that you are believed and that things did happen that can make it so unreal.
So, three cheers for the black sheep, hip hip...
:seeya:

This describes my mom perfectly: http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

(It is an article that I found on a blogger site, I refer to it often. It is one of the best list of N characteristics that I have seen other than of the daughters of N moms website (which is the best)... But that site is so indepth it's hard to refer to quickly)

 

[Emmi]

This was not my impression FWIW.

That wasn't my impression, either. Arias' mother sounded distraught and shocked. However, she did not sound at all protective of Jodi.

 

[Woe.be.gone]

Woe be gone: I am glad to hear your life is really good. So many good lessons can be found in simplicity. When I have the chance to spend time with elder people. I recognize knowledge they that has taken many decades of wisdom + education through life experience. If I met your elderly father I am sure he would teach me too!

Especially about football and golf!
I've been thinking that I wish I could change my name to 'slow and steady' or something. Life isn't linear; it tends to play out in cycles. You have to roll with punches and do the best you can while you wait for the day the sun seems to shine brightly again. Life isn't "really good" everyday but it's not bleak either. Come to think of it, life itself can be rather bipolar, as it has its ups and downs. Sometimes, like when a crime or serious illness touches you personally, the downside of life can be almost unbearable.

 

[slanda]

I feel bad for her family and parents. Could you imagine, being that she has ASPD, how incredibly difficult it would be to deal with her? They seemed reasonable enough and honest.

Unless there is evidence to do so, I personally think it's not fair to judge and attack the families of the deranged. They probably are victims also. It's silly, crude and very easy to attack these people. It seems for some, harder not to.

Yes, they sure do have responsibility for their daughter, but I'm sure no one could have foreseen this. I agree with lil Buddy.

 

[SMK]

This describes my mom perfectly: http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

(It is an article that I found on a blogger site, I refer to it often. It is one of the best list of N characteristics that I have seen other than of the daughters of N moms website (which is the best)... But that site is so indepth it's hard to refer to quickly)

Yes, this list was very liberating for me as well (I came across it a couple of years ago) - Only someone with an N mother can understand just how typical and pernicious these traits are.

 

[lil_buddy]

I feel bad for her family and parents. Could you imagine, being that she has ASPD, how incredibly difficult it would be to deal with her? They seemed reasonable enough and honest.

Unless there is evidence to do so, I personally think it's not fair to judge and attack the families of the deranged. They probably are victims also. It's silly, crude and very easy to attack these people. It seems for some, harder not to.

Yes, they sure do have responsibility for their daughter, but I'm sure no one could have foreseen this. I agree with lil Buddy.

I have to say that I was very moved by seeing the father in court. He looked SSOOO brokenhearted to me FWIW.

 

[LimoDriver]

For those not watching live....JS just cancelled court and dismissed the jury for the after b/c "the witness is :sick: and feels she cannot continue".

I've been trolling this forum for several days and finally have a minute to post. I want to say thanks to MeeBee and Ricochette(sp?) especially for their posts. I got an account simply to do just that. There are others who have shared as well, but those 2 stick out for me.

So "thank you".

 

[lil_buddy]

For those not watching live....JS just cancelled court and dismissed the jury for the after b/c "the witness is :sick: and feels she cannot continue".

I've been trolling this forum for several days and finally have a minute to post. I want to say thanks to MeeBee and Ricochette(sp?) especially for their posts. I got an account simply to do just that. There are others who have shared as well, but those 2 stick out for me.

So "thank you".

Thanks for posting. I hope you will continue to do so.
:wagon: :welcome: :Welcome1: :welcome2:
:welcome3: :welcome4: :welcome5: :welcome6:

 

[slanda]

I have to say that I was very moved by seeing the father in court. He looked SSOOO brokenhearted to me FWIW.

Me too. Poor guy. And even though JAs mom said they really didn't have a relationship and that JA would call and scream at her a lot, it does at least say something that she is there, everyday.

Are there any uncut versions of their interviews that you know of?

 

[jojomonkey]

Just watched the snippets of her parents being interviewed and it struck me that her dad says "she WAS a strange person" - past tense? He is washing his hands of her subconsciously

Also, I'm sorry but Jodi's FRIENDS had to call her mom and tell her she needed help? And I'm curious to know if her mom bothered to try to get her help. No excuses for what Jodi did, ever. But I wonder why no one in her family helped her get treatment? Was it because she had terrorized them so much that they just gave up and wanted her to go away?

 

[lil_buddy]

Me too. Poor guy. And even though JAs mom said they really didn't have a relationship and that JA would call and scream at her a lot, it does at least say something that she is there, everyday.

Are there any uncut versions of their interviews that you know of?

Not yet, but I hoping David Lohr will be posting them soon.

 

[slanda]

If the parents had known better then they would have done better...Jodi is sneaky and knew how to put on the charm..I doubt that Jodi would have benefited from early intervention..in some cases I am afraid there really are bad seeds..I especially think so after hearing her parents interview ...Jodi is finally locked up...where she needs to be for everyone's safety! I have worked years working w abused and neglected kids and a few times I have seen kids very much like Jodi and the parents were at their wits end trying to get help for them....there is a point where there is a core personality that is independent of outside influence...Jodi is only for Jodi...there is something missing in her brain that hinders her from experiencing empathy..no pill or therapy can change that...so I believe it is an organic brain dysfunction and she should be locked up for life at the least! Just my opinion!

:goodpost:

 

[Dmacky]

Can't help someone who won't acknowledge there's a problem and is unwilling to put forth the effort.

Besides, Jodi was in her middle 20's. Her mom even said Jodi was living in Az at the time. They could not force her to do anything, she is an adult. I feel very sad and sorry for her parents. They too are victims.

 

[lil_buddy]

Just watched the snippets of her parents being interviewed and it struck me that her dad says "she WAS a strange person" - past tense? He is washing his hands of her subconsciously

Also, I'm sorry but Jodi's FRIENDS had to call her mom and tell her she needed help? And I'm curious to know if her mom bothered to try to get her help. No excuses for what Jodi did, ever. But I wonder why no one in her family helped her get treatment? Was it because she had terrorized them so much that they just gave up and wanted her to go away?

Jodi (like others with psych issues) probably told her friends things that she never told her mother/family so it does not surprise me that the friends had more insight into JA's craziness.

We don't know yet what her family tried to do to help her, but it sounds like she had a lot of hostility for them, esp. for her mom - so I doubt she would have accepted her help.

Keep in mind JA was a 27 yr old woman when she committed this murder.