Fascinating insight into what you learned during your foster parent training, lampformypath. Thank you for this and other posts you have made on your fostering experience.
I don't have experience with childen, but have seen firsthand what abuse can do in terms of how the impact manifests in an adult in quite extreme ways. I had a partner who was severely physically and verbally abused by both parents, not just in a reactionary way but in a manner that suggested they "got off" on it. I think they both had psychopathic and narcissistic tendencies. They used to whip him and hang him from hooks for fun and play crazy mind games with him. I was a bit apprehensive about believing what he told me because it was so extreme and he had a tendency to exaggerate, but then they would actually share that they did this over dinner as though they were amusing family anecdotes! Even before that happened I didn't like being around them - I always felt as though I was being played in some way. And when the stories over dinner started happening I would barely tolerate being in the same postcode as them. (Amazing what sort of pull parents can have over children because he was still attached to them.) He was completely messed up. What you are saying helps explain how it starts and initially displays from a firsthand knowledge point of view which is a different perspective from all the academic information I've read.
There are lots of theories on whether psychopaths are born the way they are or become that way (nature va nurture). The most common theory seems to be that psychopaths do have a significant predisposition to psychopathy, which is then triggered by environmental factors (contrasted to a sociopath whose development of sociopathy, while likely having some genetic predisposition, may be markedly more environmental). I wonder in situations like this just how much environmental influence is necessary - as in, whether it's possible to avoid someone developing the psychopathic tendencies or if the predisposition is so strong it is almost impossible to avoid.
I think it was you who posted earlier about a child you fostered who was showing some of the precursors of psychopathy as young as five (you didn't say that, but the behaviours you identified are ones I have read in conjunction with it). That and what you have said here interests me, because it indicates that any environmental triggers are incredibly early on, and may even be things people are unaware they are doing if the disposition to psycopathy is so strong it is practically unavoidable, or may be indicative of the fact that psychopathy development is unavoidable.
The corollary to this is whether a person absent or with limited genetic predisposition can become a psychopath. Not sure. If anyone would have been likely to become a full blown sadistic psychopath based on environmental factors I imagine my former partner would have been, and though he had some APD tendencies, he wasn't that. And plenty of people who are severely abused as children don't go on to become psychopaths or even abusers themselves. So I tend to feel genetics play a huge part in psychopathy.
It's obviously a very complex interplay. My personal opinion is that the CSK probably had a very strong predisposition to psychopathy to the point that it was practically unavoidable. I don't think there needs to be anything major in his childhood. Though what's interesting about what you have been sharing is that it might be quite minor things that impacted it.
Also found what was said about seven years old being the point where the psyche is largely defined interesting (paraphrasing there, obviously). I have read that our sexual desires are developed by about nine.
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Oh Akai that is absolutely horrific stuff you've been through with your previous partner! AND what he had been through with his very twisted parents! So glad you're out of that situation. Did you have some counselling for it?
I just want to put this out there again, as I have on previous threads. Medicare completely covers, 6 (could be 10 now, not sure) FREE counselling sessions a year, totally confidential. I had to take myself off to our family doctor (wasn't offered this in my workplace, incredibly enough) and tell her what I was going through and she gave me a referral. I then found a counsellor of my choice and she was amazing, so understanding. I can tell you NOBODY in my birth family would have approved of this if they had known. Needless to say the first session I just cried for 1 hour and she listened, between my sobs, and was so gentle and kind, no judgement (as there was a lot of anger in there too). Fostering brings out stuff from your own past, no matter how wonderful you might think your own childhood was.
You've touched on so much in this post and me with my Pooh Bear brain can't possibly give you definitive answers. I think we are now treading into territory we are not equipped to venture into, and, let's face it, we don't have enough background in the CSK case to know whether things did or didn't happen, but I can say that the two brothers we looked after had come from exactly the same background, lived in the same house growing up and there was only 12 months between them. One is still, from the last we heard, very disturbed and exhibiting behaviour that is so bizarre and extreme (particularly sexually). The other boy is growing into an incredible young man. He has his moments still we've been told, but he has a lovely girlfriend, a career and as mentioned, is volunteering.
I will say too, the older boy we had, his mother took an almost immediate dislike to him, so we have been told. Hated his appearance (a pale, redheaded boy. Yes a "ranga" as they say, I know ALL about this as I am a ranga. Oh damn, I've outed myself!) Perhaps he reminded her of someone she hated in the past, don't know. Also drug/alcohol use whilst pregnant (another whole can of worms, Foetal Alcohol Syndrome etc.) mother was using then not using, whilst she produced her 4 children (yes there are 2 others, again one of those is severely damaged, the other, a girl has gone on to be a fabulous student at school and graduated with high marks in several subjects). So there's that as well, if a mother is drinking (Perhaps a "closet" drinker. Remember too, a lot of mothers even in BRE's birth era didn't even know much about the damage alcohol does to an unborn) or into substance abuse whilst pregnant, and on and on...
As I said, this subject of psychology is way out of my depth. I only raised it to try and help explain the unexplainable (and inexcusable) really, being why
some people might go on to become violent rapists and progress to serial killing.
You're an incredibly strong woman Akai to have gone through all that you have with that ex partner! I found it mindboggling the dinner conversations!!! And the loyalty to the very cruel parents, amazing hey? We just never know what goes on behind closed doors (I think there's a country and western song along those lines, scarily enough!)
Bless ya for sharing, thank you for your courage. :tyou:
eace: