Their father, meanwhile, wrote a letter to Oscar in which he defended his exacting and sometimes even cruel behaviour toward him. He said he was only trying to make Oscar more self-sufficient and capable of standing up to bullies. But by the time of the letter in 2008, the gulf between them was obvious. They seldom saw each other, and Oscar later told a journalist that his father was not much of a parent.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/the-unmaking-of-oscar-pistorius/article10585576/?page=all
[Admittedly, a few words from one letter dont give the entire picture, but one can deduce a treasure trove from those few words. Why, yes, I am playing armchair psychologist and statement analyst! :lol:]
I believe
Henke Pistorius had a far greater influence on Oscars life than anyone knows - and not for the good.
Even though mom Sheila was the center of his world, as a male, OP necessarily identified with his macho, patriarchal SA culture. Too bad she died too soon, her wise, counter-balancing influence gone - OP may have turned out quite differently.
Henke made Oscar self-sufficient alright - ironically, he helped create a world-class bully ... and ultimately, a killer. If one sees only a world full of (real and potential) bullies -
i.e. anyone not on my side - one can too easily justify preemptive temper, aggression, violence as a de facto defensive lifestyle, whether genuine threat exists or not.
OP's story is 100% bullsh#t - he was never vulnerable, terrified or defensive (daddy made sure of that, see above quote) ... he was the attacker. (I ALWAYS WIN.)
Exacting*, in my mind, means perfection.
Dad demanded perfection; any failure on OPs part no doubt came with a barrage of corrective cruelty ... no doubt to toughen him up, make him a man.
(I look at photos of the young Oscar, before fame, power, money and manhood hit him - I see an innocent, shy, sensitive, happy kid. Perhaps this is what dad wanted to correct and eliminate, as it would attract dreaded bullies?)
Surprise - OP became a driven, self-admitted perfectionist, on and off the track, the epitome of swaggering, South African manhood. His WhatsApp messages and other evidence show him to be extremely controlling and self-centered. He feels entitled to dominate; any loss is an unacceptable, humiliating affront to his ego (see 2012 Paralympics 200m loss to cheater Alan Oliveira ... yes, the irony is too rich).
What parent could ever justify being
cruel?**
Whatever the rationale, cruelty, by definition, is pathological. Just as abuse (of all kinds) is handed down from generation to generation, so too are exacting perfection and cruelty.
Perfection enforced with cruelty.
What kind of child does this produce?
The abused becomes the abuser.
Is it any wonder OP is a narcissistic control freak with rage issues who sees phantom bullies around every corner?
I found Dermans phrase neutralize the threat fascinating, if coldly clinical, a very telling red flag. What threat did Reeva pose that required
permanent silence? Why not just break up and throw her out of the house? OP had fiery breakups before - what made this one
LETHAL? Did it have anything to do with OPs AWOL phone data? That BOTH Reeva and his phone data are DEAD is no dumb coincidence. IMHO, she knew/discovered something explosive that would ruin him - but in a righteous twist of karma, he ruined himself.
Apparently, good old dad also taught his son to
blame others for ones f##kups, as well as fantastical leaps of logic (he very publicly blamed the ANC (read: blacks) for Reevas death, accusing it of not protecting white South Africans). Is it any wonder OP never takes responsibility for anything? Too easy to blame bullies, cheaters, ANC, black crime, incompetent, corrupt police, lying ex-friends and neighbors, defense counsel, GAD, disability, terror, automatism, magic guns. The rotten apple never falls far from the rotten tree.
Does any of this excuse the murder of Reeva Steenkamp? No. But in my view, it explains a helluva lot.
Nel, my dear man, I hope youre furiously scribbling away on your appeal.
* exacting -
rigid or severe in demands or requirements;
admitting of no deviation, as laws or discipline;
strict or rigorous; rigid, severe, unbending. methodical, careful, punctilious, demanding, scrupulous
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/exacting?s=t
** cruel -
willfully or knowingly causing pain or distress to others;
enjoying the pain or distress of others;
causing or marked by great pain or distress;
rigid; stern; strict; unrelentingly severe
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cruel?s=t