Found Alive CA - Sherri Papini, 34, Redding, 2 November 2016 - #23

[Cannonball3804]

I have to say, not that it matters, but I have consciously CHOSEN to not be on SM. I am close in age to Sherri and I have 2 children, though older than hers. I used to be active on SM until I realized how much it was hurting me... I saw that I was depressed comparing myself to others and decided it wasn’t worth it. So I am not active at all on social media. I don’t post photos of my kids because I feel like that’s not MY choice to make. I don’t like feeling like I have to measure myself against others...especially when they get to choose what they share, which is ALWAYS their best. Now, let me make it clear that I do not believe one bit of this story... but wanted to say that not having a SM presence isn’t necessarily nefarious.

Absolutely. What I intended to relay in my post is that whatever the reason is, good or bad, knowing what that reason is would give LE, and us, a key to understanding who Sherri and Keith really are and build a complete profile of them. Just as you explaining your reasons for not being on SM gives us insight into a piece of who you are, what matters to you, etc. If you were the subject of this case and LE were investigating you, they would then take a comment like "I don’t like feeling like I have to measure myself against others" and delve deeper into why you feel that way. That's just an example.

I'm sure SCSO and the FBI have put a lot of hours into developing a profile of what kind of person would kidnap a woman, keep her for 3 weeks, brand her and beat her, and then let her go without ever stating a reason. Hopefully they've also put just as many hours into building a profile of SP herself.

 

[gitana1]

What we do know is that KP passed his lie detector test, so I do think KP was in the dark as to what was going on at the time. So, KP taking SP's car could have been something as simple as they were the first keys he grabbed, something with little to no thought.

I think he's totally innocent but I think he had a strong suspicion about what might have happened.

We've heard from the beginning that KP and SP are a very private family, one that doesn't use social media.
There has to be a reason why. It isn't normal for a young couple to not have a presence on social media. Especially with SP having a side business selling stuff online. Why wouldn't she use FB and/or IG to help promote her business? Why wouldn’t they use social media to post photos of their growing family and to allow distant family and friends to keep up with them? Obviously it’s a choice whether or not to use social media and I’m not looking down on anyone who doesn’t. I’m just saying that if you are in your thirties and you don’t use social media, there is a REASON why you don’t.


I once saw a plaque that is intended for home décor, to hang on the wall. It said, “Remember – as far as anyone else knows, we’re a nice, normal family.” It’s supposed to make you chuckle. But there is a truth there. We all have our secrets, but the Papinis made a conscious effort to insulate themselves. If not for some media digging, no one would have any idea of Sherri’s troubled past. I’m pretty sure KP’s sister didn’t know about it. When a reporter talked to her about it, she asked for the police reports. After she got them, she stopped returning the reporter’s calls and emails.


The Papinis made their life private even before the disappearance, and they did so for a reason. And that reason, whatever it is, is the key to understanding what happened on Nov. 2, 2016, and why.

That was a lie. They had a shared Facebook which has been deleted and SP had a very busy Pinterest board with all that super controversial stuff about cultural differences.

It also apparently had a lot of stuff that I didn't look at at the time that caused some posters on here to think something sad was going on with her emotionally. I didn't look at it deeply but it was related as stuff about perfection and ultra thin bodies. I remember reacting at the time as, "Come on. Her Pinterest doesn't tell us a darn thing about why she is missing." One poster in particular was very sweet and delicate in their comments but found the Pinterest board to be sad and maybe indicative of something. They were probably right. She hadn't been found yet.

There was also a photobucket account and finally, there was a very public and very dramatic and detailed blog post SP had created about their "perfect" courtship and marriage. It can still be found within other people's blogs. It's pretty interesting. Especially when you match up the dates she lists for moving in and marrying KP with the dates of her prior marriage.

I don't know what happened here. I know she showed up with some intense I juries and apparent weight loss which supports her story. I alsonknow that:

1. KP and SP are very dramatic people.
2. The story and circumstances seems fantastical, doesn't fit any kidnapping scenarios and LE has been making statements or releasing info that either appears to not indicate a crime took place (FBI poster), or appears designed to insinuate things about SP such as inconsistencies in her recollection or a secret life she may have.
3. KP and SP are dishonest. They absolutely were into social media prior to the disappearance. And the marriage blog written by SP had clear lies in it about things in her life that we can determine were untrue simply by looking at public marriage records.

Of course none of this means she wasn't a victim. But it may have something to do with how she got there, why she got there and what she really went through.

 

[sarabean]

But at one time they did have a Facebook. A joint facebook - it was like "KeithandSherri Papini" or "SherriandKeith Papini", I don't remember which. To me, that is a bigger red flag than not having Facebook at all. A joint Facebook SCREAMS insecurity to me, especially for a couple in their 30s.

Omg, I completely agree. It bothers me a lot to see “joint” Facebook accounts more than I can explain.

 

[DakotaMayi]

But at one time they did have a Facebook. A joint facebook - it was like "KeithandSherri Papini" or "SherriandKeith Papini", I don't remember which. To me, that is a bigger red flag than not having Facebook at all. A joint Facebook SCREAMS insecurity to me, especially for a couple in their 30s.

Yeah.. I'm not being judgy (well, I am) but a couple of mine and my OH's friends had been together some time, had their own SM accounts and all that normal stuff, until they split up because he slept with someone else, she left their family home, lived with us for a month or just over, then they got back together. Now they share SM accounts it's ****and*****Smith for every damn thing.

I'm not saying this is the case for everyone who does this but in my experience of these people, it's definitely because there is a lack of trust there. Actually, it's not a lack of trust, it's no trust at all.

 

[sarabean]

Yeah.. I'm not being judgy (well, I am) but a couple of mine and my OH's friends had been together some time, had their own SM accounts and all that normal stuff, until they split up because he slept with someone else, she left their family home, lived with us for a month or just over, then they got back together. Now they share SM accounts it's ****and*****Smith for every damn thing.

I'm not saying this is the case for everyone who does this but in my experience of these people, it's definitely because there is a lack of trust there. Actually, it's not a lack of trust, it's no trust at all.

Does it make me a horrible person that I LIKE when you are judgdy?! ��

 

[DakotaMayi]

Does it make me a horrible person that I LIKE when you are judgdy?! ��

LOL. Nope. :lol:

I love my friend dearly but when she says she trust him and they are back to normal, I know she is lying to me.

 

[gitana1]

I have to say, not that it matters, but I have consciously CHOSEN to not be on SM. I am close in age to Sherri and I have 2 children, though older than hers. I used to be active on SM until I realized how much it was hurting me... I saw that I was depressed comparing myself to others and decided it wasn’t worth it. So I am not active at all on social media. I don’t post photos of my kids because I feel like that’s not MY choice to make. I don’t like feeling like I have to measure myself against others...especially when they get to choose what they share, which is ALWAYS their best. Now, let me make it clear that I do not believe one bit of this story... but wanted to say that not having a SM presence isn’t necessarily nefarious.

I wish I could stay off my iPhone altogether. It interferes with a lot. I'm not big with social media but it rules me in other ways. Work is always there interrupting family and me time. And then I spend too much time on stuff like this!!

 

[gitana1]

Yeah.. I'm not being judgy (well, I am) but a couple of mine and my OH's friends had been together some time, had their own SM accounts and all that normal stuff, until they split up because he slept with someone else, she left their family home, lived with us for a month or just over, then they got back together. Now they share SM accounts it's ****and*****Smith for every damn thing.

I'm not saying this is the case for everyone who does this but in my experience of these people, it's definitely because there is a lack of trust there. Actually, it's not a lack of trust, it's no trust at all.

Ive found two types who do this. It's a trend among some fundamentalist Christians. Actually preached about. You're supposed to be one person and separate accounts is seen as temptation.

Then there's people who like your friend, have cheated or one spouse is auper possessive and jealous.

 

[Wyle_E_Coyote]

Ive found two types who do this. It's a trend among some fundamentalist Christians. Actually preached about. You're supposed to be one person and separate accounts is seen as temptation.

Then there's people who like your friend, have cheated or one spouse is auper possessive and jealous.

And IIRC the Papinis are Catholic, not fundies, so...

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[Cannonball3804]

To those being judgy about married couples choosing to have shared social media accounts:

According to a survey by the UK’s DivorceOnline, Facebook was implicated in a third of all divorce filings in a recent year. Moreover, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys have witnessed a rise in the number of divorces linked to social networking. A study published in July 2014 in the journal, Computers in Human Behavior, revealed that the use of social networking sites “is negatively correlated with marriage quality and happiness, and positively correlated with experiencing a troubled relationship and thinking about divorce.”

Author Jason Krafsky, who wrote Facebook and Your Marriage, states that when couples deal with social media sites: “It is not enough to have good intentions. Most affairs do not start because someone says to themselves ‘I think I’ll have an affair.'” He states that Facebook “puts temptation in the path of people who would never in a million years risk having an affair.”

Many research studies are referring to “internet infidelity” and “virtual adultery” as a national epidemic.

https://www.divorceify.com/divorcei...-social-media-related-to-higher-divorce-rates

 

[bluesneakers]

Ive found two types who do this. It's a trend among some fundamentalist Christians. Actually preached about. You're supposed to be one person and separate accounts is seen as temptation.

Then there's people who like your friend, have cheated or one spouse is auper possessive and jealous.

I remember reading about the Christian fundamentalist thing too, but it seems to me when I see posts from those accounts it's the wife who is doing everything. And other times, like you said - someone in the relationship is controlling and suspicious.

And who can say whether or not one of them has a secret Facebook account? (MANY people do.)

 

[DakotaMayi]

To those being judgy about married couples choosing to have shared social media accounts:

According to a survey by the UK’s DivorceOnline, Facebook was implicated in a third of all divorce filings in a recent year. Moreover, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys have witnessed a rise in the number of divorces linked to social networking. A study published in July 2014 in the journal, Computers in Human Behavior, revealed that the use of social networking sites “is negatively correlated with marriage quality and happiness, and positively correlated with experiencing a troubled relationship and thinking about divorce.”

Author Jason Krafsky, who wrote Facebook and Your Marriage, states that when couples deal with social media sites: “It is not enough to have good intentions. Most affairs do not start because someone says to themselves ‘I think I’ll have an affair.'” He states that Facebook “puts temptation in the path of people who would never in a million years risk having an affair.”

Many research studies are referring to “internet infidelity” and “virtual adultery” as a national epidemic.

https://www.divorceify.com/divorcei...-social-media-related-to-higher-divorce-rates

Hm, how awful. I just would never stay in a relationship where I felt compelled to have a joint account because of lack of trust. It's not worth it and there is always someone better out there.

 

[gitana1]

To those being judgy about married couples choosing to have shared social media accounts:

According to a survey by the UK’s DivorceOnline, Facebook was implicated in a third of all divorce filings in a recent year. Moreover, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys have witnessed a rise in the number of divorces linked to social networking. A study published in July 2014 in the journal, Computers in Human Behavior, revealed that the use of social networking sites “is negatively correlated with marriage quality and happiness, and positively correlated with experiencing a troubled relationship and thinking about divorce.”

Author Jason Krafsky, who wrote Facebook and Your Marriage, states that when couples deal with social media sites: “It is not enough to have good intentions. Most affairs do not start because someone says to themselves ‘I think I’ll have an affair.'” He states that Facebook “puts temptation in the path of people who would never in a million years risk having an affair.”

Many research studies are referring to “internet infidelity” and “virtual adultery” as a national epidemic.

https://www.divorceify.com/divorcei...-social-media-related-to-higher-divorce-rates

I am a divorce attorney. I haven't seen one divorce that was caused by social media. That's rubbish. If people want to cheat they will find was to do so. The internet, smart phones, social media and networking sites have certainly made that easier and widened the pool of potential people to hook up with.

But it all comes down to charatcer.

To me, the "Facebook made me do it" argument is the same as the "violent cartoons made Billy kill someone" argument. Nah. Something has to be there to begin with.

I don't believe those hyperbolic stats.

 

[bears10]

I am a divorce attorney. I haven't seen one divorce that was caused by social media. That's rubbish. If people want to cheat they will find was to do so. The internet, smart phones, social media and networking sites have certainly made that easier and widened the pool of potential people to hook up with.

But it all comes down to charatcer.

To me, the "Facebook made me do it" argument is the same as the "violent cartoons made Billy kill someone" argument. Nah. Something has to be there to begin with.

I don't believe those hyperbolic stats.

People cheated long before social media. I grew up in the 80s-90s and I can't begin to tell you how many of my friends parents divorced due to infidelity, including my mom who's first husband cheated on her with her best friend. Where there's a will, there's a way.

 

[kkdj]

People cheated long before social media. I grew up in the 80s-90s and I can't begin to tell you how many of my friends parents divorced due to infidelity, including my mom who's first husband cheated on her with her best friend. Where there's a will, there's a way.

I just think it's easier to catch them now.

 

[bluesneakers]

I just think it's easier to catch them now.

Right - more people caught leads to more divorces.

It's also easier to meet potential partners now. Before the internet spouses might notice their partners going out with friends, visiting sick relatives or staying late at work, but now people don't even need to leave their homes to start having affairs.

 

[JaneEyre]

I have to say, not that it matters, but I have consciously CHOSEN to not be on SM. I am close in age to Sherri and I have 2 children, though older than hers. I used to be active on SM until I realized how much it was hurting me... I saw that I was depressed comparing myself to others and decided it wasn’t worth it. So I am not active at all on social media. I don’t post photos of my kids because I feel like that’s not MY choice to make. I don’t like feeling like I have to measure myself against others...especially when they get to choose what they share, which is ALWAYS their best. Now, let me make it clear that I do not believe one bit of this story... but wanted to say that not having a SM presence isn’t necessarily nefarious.

I'm in my early 40s, so not her age, and while most of my classmates do have a Facebook page, very few are active on it. Many people do still value their privacy, or have anxiety over making posts they know might be judged. I don't find it abnormal, and I would love to leave it but can't because of an obligation to a charity I have to keep on top of. Someday, though, I will get to live my hermit's dream and get rid of it.

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[Sillybilly]

From Tricia's opening post of this thread:

*You cannot use rumor and innuendo to explain your theory as to why Papini made up the kidnapping story. Must be fact-based. Meaning mainstream media and police sources.

If everyone uses common sense and does not reduce this discussion to name calling and all kinds of other immature acts, we shouldn’t have a problem.

Basing your opinion/posts on the facts in this case and doing so in a mature manner will mean the Papini thread will stay open. We shouldn't have any problems.

Posts about possible drug use, BDSM, etc are not based on any known fact and are nothing but rumor or innuendo. Members who continue to post based on nothing other than a remote or unknown possibility are subject to Time Outs.

 

[JaneEyre]

Omg, I completely agree. It bothers me a lot to see “joint” Facebook accounts more than I can explain.

It bothers a lot of people! But honestly, those I know who do it are not insecure. I have no idea why they do it, though. It seems to me like having matching husband and wife outfits!

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[LadyL]

[bbm]

why would they release a partial recording without informing the public that it's a partial recording/transcript?

And I am in the camp that believes that the 911 call we listened to is probably missing the part where he first told someone that his wife might be missing. He may have appeared calm because he was repeating the story again.