Hello, hope I'm in right place (I am new, and also driven to understand the "why," or at least dynamics of this troubled family as it's awfully "close to home." After this I promise to refrain from long posts, just needed to get this off my chest!) My own daughter became pregnant in her sr year of hs. She'd been living away from home for some mos as I asked her to leave when she'd grown increasingly defiant til eventually I had to consider her younger siblings. She'd been staying w/ series of friends whose families graciously opened their homes as she employed their sympathies as a "victim." In time each would invariably ask her to leave for the same kind of problems. The pattern of blaming, refusal to take responsibility, lack of empathy for others, and sense of entitlement inevitably took its toll. But fortunately (or unfortunately), she's also charismatic with a seemingly neverending list of friends to whom she can turn and was determined to meet her needs in her own unhealthy, often dishonest, ways.
Our family was continually reeling from the revolving door and there seemed no limit to the selfish choices she made. She'd have nothing to do with her baby sis and when I was finally dx w CNS lupus, she never broke her stride but continued wreaking havoc, leaving a wake of exploited friendships and confusion behind her. In time some of her irresponsible choices caught up w her--after admitting she was pregnant, my 18 year-old daughter squeaked through hs w a bump under her graduation gown--surrounded by yet more friends all eager to share in the excitement of her pregnancy. And when our own angel was born no child was ever showered w more love or lavished w more gifts. (From there they spent the first months of her life in a spacious home where a church ministry offered housing to single moms and babies. I was grateful for the stability in both their lives but she resisted their rules too, refused accountability, resented counseling, job training or any efforts to help so eventually was asked to leave there. The dad was never involved but his sister showed interest--as by this time my daughter had exhausted other options, they both evenually moved in with the "aunt.")
While I could not do for my daughter (nor sadly my granddaughter) all Cindy did for hers, I adore my grandbaby no less. I know how incomprehensible her loss must be but there is a "hope that disappoints." Denial isnt faith ["Faith calls those things that arent (yet) as though they arenot those things that are (already) as though they arent.] And a mother's heart is always to protect her child but we can never help our children to grow by excusing their behavior, perpetuating their deceit, or turning a blind eye to signs of their guilt or suffering. The hardest lesson I learned as mom or grandma is to realize there are some consequences we can't spare our kids--or grandkids. Cindy has not only alternately described her daughter as both "employee" and "mother of the year" but as "very caring; the kind of person who looks out for other people." This AFTER discovering her daughter had stuck her for $40k in credit card charges, robbed her friend who was kind enough to loan Casey her car (because the car she stole from mom was abandoned due to overpowering decomp smell), and robbed an aging grandparent.
The excusing and enabling that persists to this day is doing her daughter a grievous disservice--if we don't allow children to experience consequences when the cost is small, the ante keeps going up and up until consequences are unbearable--as in this instance--and until you've helped create a "monster." My actions may seem tough, but it was the best hope of ever stopping the blame cycle and helping her face responsibility for her choices including motherhood. I've continued to support my daughter in the ways I can and assist her to take responsible steps. While struggling to raise my younger children, I watch as my daughter seems intent on keeping up the lifestyle of friends her age, lamenting I can't do more and cringing when it means I didn't always know the friends w whom she left my grandchild. She too has been unrealistic re options, worked only a few hours a week if at all, recklessly mismanaged finances, and failed at times to see providing a stable environment for her child as the top priority.
My point is this. We can call Casey an evil monster and search no farther for understanding; or we can hold her harmless because she's "sick" and say it's not her fault, "she just can't help it." But the truth lies somewhere between. If young people are being raised in an increasingly selfish narcissistic culture today; if my own daughter even exhibits disturbing narcissistic traits, I truly believe Casey has full blown NPDand desperately needs help if she's ever going to confront the truth. For her's, and everyones, sake that needs to begin with her parents who need the grace and courage to first face their own loss and grief.
I lost a brother but mercifully have not known the terror or grief of losing a child, or a grandchild. It shocks and saddens me to see the way they are treated by the public. Those who have gathered to taunt or besiege them w hate or make threats are beyond my ability to comprehend. Nor is it easy to absorb or accept what media and law enforcement report. After being finally kicked out (following argument re stealing) yet told to leave Caylee, it was this she saw as an act of "ultimate betrayal" (despite telling LE otherwise). W/in 24 hours of taking "charge" of her child for first time it isn't hard then to imagine her neglecting this "object of envy." Presumably another tragic silent toddler drowning--a hideous discovery, beyond hope of revival--and no one answers (due to recent heated argument). Casey panics and takes matters into her own hands: unable to face responsibility for what she has done, Casey conceals the truth, and avoids Cindy by going into "hiding."
I don't believe there were two different Casey's ("before" and "after"), I think she's long charmed and manipulated the periphery of people she's using into admiring her. But her sphere of crime began to extend farther beyond family and became more reckless--as she begins to victimize "friends," for crimes for which she surely knows she will be caught.
Technology and investigative tools are for getting answers where people conceal the truth and answers are needed. The law exists for those who are unwilling to abide by rules or hold themselves accountable. FBI, University of Tennessee , Orange County Sheriffs, and CSI labs have all independently reached the same heartwrenching conclusion: It is time to bring all their resources to bear so they can at least bring this little angel home to rest. RIP Caylee you little cutie pie...
