Again, I realize none of this is about me or my family but it's all I have to compare it to. and I'm telling you, it fits like a glove.
I stole from my mother, lied to (even once caught red handed) and then stole from her again.. so did her husband and she did nothing. not a THING.. oh she'd call us selfish, or she'd kick her husband out for a day or so (while paying for the hotel room he stayed at during his "punishment" time). Some women need this in their lives. they need to be the martyr, the victim, the one who makes everyone else happy even at their own expense.. it's the only way they know how to have (and hold on to) relationships! It's the only thing that makes them feel worthwhile. Now, of course they realize they are being used and abused and they resent it at times but for the most part they know no other way to live or love, they cannot allow the people they "love" to fail or go without.. they will not recognize their own hurt feelings, putting the feelings of those they "love" before their own. If they save the person from themselves and give and give and give then those they "love" will be forever grateful and love them forever and thus the relationship will last forever. Which is dead wrong. What we see here is what it causes.. it causes resentment on all sides, it causes the children of the parents who "raise" their kids this way to never grow up, to never truly learn right from wrong because it's never put into action (they know it as a concept but it's not real). it cause it to repeat itself through generations... like an addiction. There is no love or respect in this sick mix at all.. it about taking advantage and getting away with everything you possibly can. it's just too bad the parents don't realize it until it's too late and even then they usually don't stop the behavior.