Wow. I read the entire thread....lots of insights here, thanks WSers!
It is kind of a mixed bag of emotions for me. If you have never had to be married to or co-parent with a batterer (which I'm saying based on MR's own assertions of 'yea, I shoved her around, BUT...', ) I'm not sure how you process all of this information.
I saw it stated that these two are mutually angry at each other or can't let go of the past. There are relationships where that dynamic plays out, to be sure. However, in batterer/victim relationships just because the parties are angry post divorce doesn't mean they "can't let go" or are immature, etc. Often the batterer is angry because he feels entitled to dictate the terms of the relationship and communication with the victim and feels hostile that she is not complying with his desires. Meanwhile, the victim is angry because being abused and oppressed makes people feel hurt and angry toward their abusers and oppressors.
Also, battering is only one symptom of a larger relationship problem of chronic pervasive control. Being in this type of relationship for any length of time can be very traumatic. PTSD is not uncommon in battered women and protective parents even years after separation - and that is true of parents whose children are not missing, as ER's son is. This can lead victims to seem anxious, unstable, overly emotional, etc. in comparison with the batterer who is calm, cool, and collected because a) he has not been the victim of the trauma, and b) he may actually take pleasure in seeing the victim in an agitated state.
Is this what is going on here? I can't say. I have my suspicions, but I don't have letters behind my name. Dr. Phil does though, and I'm betting he is picking this up loud and clear.
One more point. I have had to take breaks from this case at times because it is like looking at my past life, and my son is 14 and still visits my/our abuser. My ex also, on several occassions kept my son when he was not supposed to. After confirming that my son had not made it to school and not being able to get ahold of my ex, yes, my very first call was to my attorney. Why? I wanted to make sure that she hadn't gotten a voicemail or fax from his attorney saying something has come up and we need to make a change to the schedule.
Lundy Bancroft is very highly respected amongst advocates for battered mothers and protective parents because of his extensive work with families in these types of crises. His paper "Understanding the Batterer in Custody and Visitation Disputes" is a very informative read:
http://www.lundybancroft.com/?page_id=279
I can see why ER would do this show. It certainly drew attention to Dylan's case. And if she has nothing to hide, it can only help to have MR making statements to Dr. Phil on the record. He is boxed in to this story now, and any inconsistencies between what he said today and what he may have said in interviews with the police will, I'm sure, be noted by the investigators. If I was a betting woman, I would say that MR's attorney probably strongly discouraged him going on this show. I would think MR probably did this appearance over his attorney's strong objections because he couldn't let her have the last word with Dr. Phil on national TV about all this.
So if she thought he was capable of that, it means something, imo. 