Thank you for speaking this important truth! If you’re not or never have been married, you just don’t get it. Heck, even some married people don’t seem to get it, or they won’t let themselves at least, as listening to society seems to trump listening to their own hearts and minds. But it’s so true!! Just the other day a friend who I’ve known since kindergarten (so for 28 years!) posted something on Facebook that is the perfect example of this. Keep in mind she’s 33 and currently single but has been married before - a divorcee who was married for 2 years and got divorced several years ago. It was a photo of her parents on their wedding day, some 40 years ago, and her wishing them a happy anniversary and going on about how it’s so great they’re still together and have a great marriage and blah blah. At the end of the post, she said “they make marriage look easy - the way marriage is supposed to be!”
Wait, what? Marriage is supposed to be easy?! Says who? Well, for one, God doesn't, I know that. He explicitly says that it will often be hard and how to handle it. Do I always listen and do what He says to make it easier? Nope. No way. Wish I did! But I’m not perfect and struggle with the difficult, yet rewarding, things, such as marriage, just like everyone else. And yes, it’s true, EVERYONE else does too, regardless of what Facebook says. What you see is not what you get, so quit looking at that greener grass over there on the other side and start watering your own.
But watering can be hard. And doesn’t always make the grass green, not right away, at least.
If step one is recognizing and acknowledging that it is hard, which we all do whether out loud or just that nagging feeling that we keep inside and to ourselves, then step two needs to be ACCEPTING it. Believe it, baby. You don’t have to be religious to know that relationships of any kind are hard sometimes. Marriage, being the relationship of all relationships - the one that really takes the sheer definition of the word to the max, cannot possibly be the exception. Friendships are sometimes hard. Work relationships are sometimes hard. My relationships with each of my 3 children are sometimes hard, each of which are different and unique and separate from the others yet all hard sometimes! And then there’s marriage - throw love, sex, money, kids into the mix and expect it to be EASY?! Foolish.
We are humans. Humans are not designed to handle complex emotions easily.
Quick test: are you a human? Yes. Are you married to another human? Yes.
Results: life will be hard sometimes. The grass won’t always be green. It will be unfair sometimes.
Suggestions: keep watering - put in the work, educate yourself, manage your expectations and morals, change yourself not your spouse. Divorce, maybe. Murder, no, never.
Easy is not always good. Good is not always easy. Rough edges can become smooth after pressure/effort is applied.
Okay, done. #sorrynotsorry about the soapbox. It’s a hot topic in my life right now