I'd like to elaborate a little more on the "emasculation" potential discussed last night. Shut down the pc and just read through posts and noticed the topic continued.
@Gitana 1 wrote: "Do you believe that saying on a public video "you're not being very helpful Chris", in an even tone like we heard in the video, not a nasty tone, not yelling, is "very emasculating"?"
Not all examples are as extreme as the "Boogie Nights" example you cited! And I certainly wasn't referring to just one comment in one video.
I encourage you to look up emasculation.
Emasculation is *not* just about sex or sexuality. It includes a variety of things, including the man feeling in control, having some power, feeling that his intelligence is respected, physical and emotional strength, having his opinions be respected, etc.
Various psychology sites state that emasculation can include: Pointing out his flaws, badmouthing him to friends, checking out in the bedroom, undermining him ("You did it wrong - never mind, I'll do it myself"), shaming him in public, scoffing at his salary, calling him a wimp ("he doesn't have game"), taking over arguments, pointing out his flaws ("he doesn't listen to me"). Some men feel emasculated the instant the wife starts earning more money than them.
IMO, and of course it's only based on her videos which is all we have to go by, she will praise CW when she's in a mood to do so and when he's not in the video.
When he participates in a video, it's all about the kids and what they're doing, and he's an accessory or puppet and had better do things right. I don't know if she did all of the above things that I quoted as examples, but she certainly did some of them in her very public videos. Yes, some of the videos and comments were harmless,
but when factored into the whole picture and combined together, along with some VI comments that we have, I stand by my opinion that this could *possibly* be part of the issue.
Perhaps those types of comments were few and far between, and perhaps not. None of us know.
A VI mentioned a few days back that she would put him down in public. That can really have a severe cumulative effect in someone's mind esp if the person is extremely sensitive. Some see ribbing and some internalize the hurt. See Trinket78's post #483: "He was verbally abused from the beginning."
Yes, that is VIs opinion, just as we are entitled to form our own opinions here, and just as other friends and family members have opinions, and the poor jury is going to have to weed through them.
And we have another VI opinion that SW didn't really put CW down, and in fact, only tended to boost people up.
BOTH of those opinions are valid and even accurate, because it is based on those people's interactions and experience with the parties involved.
Maybe the reason she puffed him up with her compliments in certain videos is because she DID berate him and he talked to her about it, so that was her way of apologizing, letting him know that she really didn't mean it and did love him, couldn't live without him, etc. Who knows.
It could have been a potential "snapping" trigger on that night. SW could have been so upset about the potential separation that she raged at him - "After all I've done for you! You were nothing when we met. Nothing. You dressed like an idiot. I encouraged you to take that job. You'd be nowhere without me." and so on... That could have been his last straw.
